Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 11

[Teaandchristmascakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

[shocked]

I think you can block people. Just go on his profile and I think you can block him. You are good deleting him from friends list - I've yet to do that with exbf, much to Tea's consternation!
Hey, we could meet for a cuppa at some point if you like? Halfway between yours and mine?

Sure tea would be nice. Your a teacher too I see? I teach 6thformers so the week is pretty full, weekends would be better?

I had to delete him, right now I am still madly in love with him and I need to supress this by limiting the hurt he can do, out of sight out of mind (or so they say) xx

Im dreading going back to work and seeing students, as i took my wedding ring off at the end of term and am worried they will notice me not wearing it and say something.

Weekends fine by me! Would be lovely to meet another dumpling! You are so strong, you really are. You can block him - go to his profile then at bottom left there is a thing saying report/block this person. Don't know what it does (calls the police maybe?!!!) but you might as well try it.
I feel like I can't delete mine cos it would make me look like a bitch to the four thousand or so friends that we have in common - as he will have been telling them how we are going to be friends blah blah...and yet, as my dear mother says "You are always so worried about what people think of you...why?"
What do you teach Crazee? Sixth form is scary to me!

littlecritter - wise words - whatever comes our way we will never get that particular shock again

goo - yes definitely aspergers - a counsellor suggested it to him (I insisted he go about his anger meltdowns) but he resisted the diagnosis until he did a test recently. He still won't have it though - but it was a revelation to me - I shouldn't be that shocked by his reactions

clouded - I like your resolutions - really positive - may have to think of some myself though I don't usually

fairy - thanks for the cinema suggestion - I hadn't even thought of that. So sorry you're having a bad day - it's just so bloody hard - but getting back to normality will, I think, eventually make it easier. I find that having to do stuff is the only thing that keeps me going at times.

Can I ask everyone for tips on how the hell I keep my bile in check around him. While I think I'm allowed to be angry - I know if I say anything to him either about her or about the situation he just turns on me (he can't be the 'adult' for one moment). I can't help myself - and it's only hurting me in the end. Today he just wound me up because he thought I was having a go so he came out with the 'no man will want you' comment which then set me off with snidy comments, but often it's me that starts. This isn't me and we'll have enough to deal with divorce without me making it worse. How do I keep my anger to myself - or is it healthier out? It's making me feel really horrible.

x posted. When my exh left, I was off for a month with stress, went back with no wedding ring. The kids all knew I think but not one of them said anything, which was really good of them. I will however always be Mrs N to them - that's my school persona!

Makedo - I think you just have to hold it in when you're around him. I find that when exh flares up it makes him really mad that I don't respond and it also shows the kids that I am the adult. He is wanting a reaction from you - my exh used to goad me - so don't give him the pleasure of getting one. Then when he's gone punch the cushions or headbut the cat...(only joking about the cat, but the cushions can get it).

Holding it in is hard, especially when your hurt. How old are you children Makedo? Can you not be involved in the handover? I would make sure that he is not invited into your home and kept on the doorstep when he comes?

I miss my two cats. They are also at "my house" havnt seen them since 5th November. He says I cant have them xx

Oh Crazee - that's crap. You can't have them? Who does he think he is? :(

Well that's something u can change right away if u want to ggm,trust UR judgement ,trust ur instinct and don't second guess urself .Just don't give a fuck what anyone thinks ; as bob marley says "none but ourselves can free our minds"
Redemption Song

goo - cushions will definitely get it

crazee - dd has just turned 2. It's difficult because he can't take her to the house he lives in (it's multi - occupancy and full of 20 year olds so I'm not keen). MIL is a nightmare so I'd rather he didn't take her there. DD has hypermobility so she doesn't walk yet so trying to find clean, dry crawling venues is tricky! The house is best unless he can take her to the park (we've been avoiding it this week as she's had a hideous cough).

He picks her up three mornings a week for the childminder (my resolution number 1 is learning to drive)and I keep my cool then but it's just the longer bits.

Talking of the car - he said to me today - 'god when you learn to drive it's going to be the car that causes the most conflict isn't it as we'll be sharing it'. I thought number 1 - we won't be sharing if I get my way - and number 2 - out of all the problems association with trying to co-parent while divorced- he thinks the car's going to be the biggest problem?!!

He thinks hes the cat with the cream.

We bought my youngest dd a kitten in June this year as her other cat went awol and he wont let her have him because he wants to keep him!!

We also have an old fat cat that I have always called my baby, I miss him

So all in all, I have lost:
My older dd
My dh
My home & possessions
My two cats
Oh yeah, and he is the registered owner of my car as it was a present- hes probs going to want that back too

What else can he take from me??

Ggm that was for 22.45 worrying bout wot others think can u post redemption song btw x

crazee why can't you have the cats?

Sorry cross-posted. How horrible for you re the cats and for your dd. What an arse

Hi Patience - good quote and you're right. Just need to do it. Actually, I'm feeling really positive today. I stood outside this afternoon and felt good about the New Year and learning to love myself. Got dressed up to go to my mum's, she said I looked nice and they were so pleased to see me. I'm going to remember to concentrate on the people who love me not on the people who don't. That's a good way to live in 2011 :)

Patience - redemption song with pleasure love x

Makedo- I see your problem now, you need somewhere safe that your dh (or dick head) can take your dd. IS there not a soft play or similar nearby that you could meet him with your dd?

He wont hand my cats over... I could take them but then i would be taking them from older DD too, I cant win with whatever I do, take them, leave them I will always have one upset daughter. It wouldnt be fair to split the cats up either.

Crazee - he's horrible. I know what he CAN'T take away from you:

your self respect
your self worth
your ability in your job
your love for both your children
your sanity
your sense of humour
your soul
your mind
and eventually...you can reclaim your heart

And you can get another cat. I know it isn't the same but you can get a new pet for your new life

I always knew he was an arrogant self centered pig, i think this was one of the reasons I feel for him, he was confident and respected. I kind of thought he was too good for me and I was lucky to be wih him.

I never for one minute thought that he would turn nasty on me- Im half expecting him to have my things in bags outside the door when he finally tells me i can collect them. Well you know what, if thats the case he can keep every last bit. I wouldnt stoop so low as to pick bags from the floor ...

Clouded.....I forgot to say Incredible Hulk is best acted out on the inside (in your mind) whilst keeping calm, firm, congruent, rational and dignified on the outside. They find it most disarming, baffeling, and it makes them look and feel extra twuntish and extra pathetic. I never let my H see how much he'd hurt me. It would have made him feel a lot more special and important and powerful than he really was.

QUIET DIGNETTY IS POWER

Clouded....I really love that saying you wrote and I think it's SO true. We can't change our circumstances but we can change our disposition, and if we do that then I believe we become happy.

What a good bunch we are. Women are bloody amazing.

You ok Starting ? and WQ ?

Funny that, Crazee. Every man I've been with I thought I was lucky to be with and he was too good for me. Which I now realise is complete bullshit. We are worth more. Arrogant men (narcs again) ultimately only love themselves. They do a good job of "loving" us when they're interested but when this wears off they are just nasty or insensitive (see my exbf) or both. Google narcissistic personality disorder. It's a revelation!

crazee - oh I really feel for you - it's just crap. But I think, when you feel a bit more settled, I'd get a kitten - not only for your dd - but also as a symbol of new beginnings and new life. I know it's not the same though.

There's only one soft play round here and it's sort of netted so you can't get to the kids - dd is quite susceptible to dislocation as her joints are so mobile so she's a bit delicate. MIL has already dislocated dds elbow through her downright stupidity