Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 11

[Teaandchristmascakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

[shocked]

Bit of pampering done today - nice bath, shaved legs, make up on. Going to buy myself one of those all in one fleece things for New Year!

Happy New Year Patience and Mumfun, Starting, Getting Happy, Tea and everyone. x

How can they be so cold and uncaring? If I didn't work at weekends and need him to look after DC's I would SO love to not have to see him. Just come home from a very busy day, tired from new year games with the DC's and he just behavesd like a twit. I could just do without it all gr rrr

Happy New Year everyone, let 2011 be a good one for all of us, City and Where I am as low as both of you at the moment, but the one positive I can find at the moment is life can only get better, I can sink any lower, we are at our lowest and its going to be hard but the others have made it to peace, so LC, City, Where and myself we are going to make it too! Look what these men have done to us, I feel totally destroyed by my DH, but we shouldnt allow them to leave us like this. I know I will get there in the end, I have to be patient.

I am finding life so hard and swing between not wanting to carry on to struggling through the day. So the new year will bring patience, that I will arrive at a happier place one day.

so have lasted 26 hours without texting H,feel bit better for it.
Would love to leave handover to someone else but when he does ask to start seeing dc it is going to have to be supervised as his behaviour over the last 6 months has been so unpredictable especially towards our ds2 coupled with the fact as he is now on his own he is probably smoking dope everyday,i dont feel right about leaving them with him.I also dont want him in the house so am thinking of saying we should meet in the park for an hour i will sit in the distance leave them to it but still there to make sure they are safe.
These days are just so long on my own i really think without the help of my oldest DC 11 and 13 i really would have cracked,i just feel sorry for them having to go through this.

Have spent two hours with exh as I went out for three hours but ran out of places to go so had to go home (he sees her at the house). Couldn't help myself spitting bile - but I don't need to be told that the OW is 'a lovely person and doesn't deserve you being horrible about her when you don't even know her'. This is the girl that split up my marriage.

I'm a miserable, negative bitch who will never attract another man with my attitude apparently. And if he comes over next time he's not putting up with me being horrible.

Sorry just needed to rant. It just doesn't seem right to be hurt by someone who wants to leave the relationship who then doubles the hurt by expecting me not to be angry and acts indignently when I am.

But it will get better - however low I feel now, it will get better.

fairy well done on not contacting for such a long period. I think the park idea sound good - or at least somewhere public. I'm a great believer in gut instincts when it comes to dc's and what's right for them

romney - I'm sorry you're feeling so bad but it will get better. For now it's hard - like looking down the wrong end of a telescope but this is the first step to better things.

Bermiegirl - they're fucking idiots that's why

goo - good work on the pampering. Am changing hair colour next week - just a small thing to cheer me up.

make - that could be word for word my XH - he couldn't see why I don't wanna hear how lovely she is and why I'm so hurt. If shoe was on the other foot it'd be a different story!!

Crazee sending you huge ((hugs)) I can't blame you for wanting your things. There is only so long anyone can live in limb. Everyone needs closure so they can more on with their life.

Fairy I think your idea of sitting at a distance is good. But you may have had some more as I haven't refreshed this web page for ages. Seek legal advice though asap.

So much chat, agree with great advice from mumfun, pink etc for City and Where. I feel so much better now an Ad's and there are turds

Still at my brothers in Wilts, heading home tomorrow. Been good to chill here. Happy new year again lovelies x

goat - it's odd isn't it? If either of us had left xh's with dcs to go off with another man we'd be villified. I think my xh is so far removed from feeling any kind of love for me that he can't imagine the scenario of caring if I were with someone else. He's even suggested people I could go out with!

We need that fuckwit tea goat. Let's paint Worthing puce... message me if you fancy a cuppa

makedo your ex is living in bonkersland and is outrageous. My word you need some boundaries and he needs to respect them. I'm and

that was supposed to be a shocked face. Stupid phone.

make - you are so right about that. I feel so miffed that I am here doing all the things we should be doing together and he gets to waltz in at will, play daddy and waltz off to BB! Can't believe the neck of your XH to suggest people to date!! How deeply hurtful and cruel. Will message you know - have not done it before

These bloody men!

It seems my phone is correcting my words as I type so certain things do not make sense on reading them back now. Sorry for the typos

I suddenly re read my post before - just to make clear xh sees dd at house not OW!

He's still taking the piss though

I made it clear to my ex h that I never wanted to hear about the other woman and thank God since that discussion in June it's stopped. Honestly they just do not think.

I'm guilty of just spitting bile about her so he feels compelled to defend her - got to stop it. Although the jibe about me never getting another man came from me double checking the bills were being paid this month (he's borrowed loads from his parents this month plus had a rebate from electricity but still seems to have got through it all) so I didn't really deserve that

New Year, new times, new memories for all dumplings. Ok, so 2011 isn't going to be easy but we will not be floundering in the same way by the next New Year. We will start to have some good times soon. I'm sure of it. For those of us who are struggling with recent revelations, at the very least we will be over that gut-wrenchingly awful shock and be some way towards healing. Healing takes time and so does karma. Think of karma, ladies. I swear by it.

Evening all. Jusy been for a lovely roast dinner at my parents' house. Got through today surprisingly well. Makedo - some of our exes seem to have a touch of aspergers - seriously. They have no sensitivity and no idea of appropriateness. Either that or they are complete narcs (narcissists). I read a great website on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and ALL the men I've ever been with fitted the description exactly. Bit of a lightbulb moment actually!
Is everyone ok tonight?
Oh and they do take the piss...mine did big time!
We are all going to have a good year of self exploration though and this time next year these men will not b figuring so largely in our lives. Fact. :)

hi ladies. I love coming on here after an exhausting day as the strength, compassion and positivity from this thread is amazing it truly is. Happy new year to everyone. I had some lovely friends here for dinner last night and they stayed over with their new baby. It was the couple that me and DH were on holiday in Vietnam with when H proposed to me and we all used to get on so well as a foursome and see each other all the time. He tried to stay friends with H for a while after he left me but in the end found he couldn't be ok with how he's treated me and has decided that that's it. He's messed up SOOO many things other than his marriage and kids - I suppose I am just glad that he is the one with barely any friends left as thankfully they mainly sided with me . anyway ramble ramble.

Feeling quite positive today I think. Started trying to think of new years resolutions and got overwhelmed and in the end decided (yet to do) to divide the areas of my life that need work into sections (or lets call it 'to do lists') so main ones being

Me (recovery work - steps needed)
Kids (work on issues, emotional, feeding, discipline etc - listing them)
Twunt (steps to distance myself, empower me, stop being scared of confrontation with etc)
Finances and house (oh f*ck - plenty here - that'll be a scary list)
Nice things (self care - things I want to do - ie build up me own music collection as it's all his etc)

And if possible do one thing a week from each list - err or is that a bit much ? Anyway I feel so overwhelmed by it all that I figured one step at a time one day at a time is the only way I am going to climb this mountain. Now I just need to get that list done! Does anyone else have any ?

New Year is an emotional time for us all in our positions isn't it ? Even just hearing Auld Lang syne last night made me tearful as the turning of a new year somehow feels like a big mountain, a clean slate and an expectation that things are going to change - I read something yesterday that rings so true for me and I must must must try and remember -It may apply to some of you too...

'The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances'

I think the general message that I got from a lot of the posts tonight is the focus on OURSELVES. And I am only just starting to get that. Yes we have all been massively wronged, treated like sh*t, disrespected and shat all over with no regard for our feelings but it's so true that no-one - especially not the person who did all that is going to care about us in the way that we can care about us - And even if we do rage and rage about them, to them, their behaviour or attitude towards us is not going to get better anyway then its wasted energy and we have precious little to spare!

Another 'slogan' from a fellowship that my Mum is in is' 'Let it begin with me' , If you look after yourself, if you can follow your own path without getting embroiled in twunt's f*cked up and low down existence and be free of reacting to his actions then I think that's a petty good start. Now I just have to start doing it!

Anyway great posts the last few days and they have made great reading tonight

Googoo: loved your 10.49 post from last night. If I had the organisational skills and a printer I would print off the most inspirational posts from this thread and post them around the house or make a book or something - I too joined a pop choir thing a couple of months after H left and really loved it but yes babysitting, getting out of house issues etc put an end to it - would love to be doing that again - what a release. Also great advice on what to tell kids - topical for me - i'll revisit this in the week

Pinksmarties: Loving the Hulk analogy -I so have to imagine myself as the hulk in dealings with him - rather than making him the hulk and me a small insect waiting to be squashed. I am the hulk from now on. RAHHHHHH

Fairy: I remember being where you are now. I feel for you. Stay with this thread - I didn't and really regret it now - the ladies on here and the journey's they have been on are amazing

Makedo: Speechless about your Ex - I think you are spot on about him (them in general) being so far removed they are no longer on the same planet.

Everyone else. Happy new Year and in the words of Yazz .

x

makedo-that must of been awful for you to hear,what a sh*t he is.Do these men forget that they once loved us surely as the mother of his child you deserve a bit of respect.Can you not go to the cinema or round a friends next time he comes round,so you dont have to end up back at the house with him? As for the new partner suggestions how bloody shallow are men,thinking we can just fall out of love with them because they have moved on grrrrrrr.
Am feeling crap today the thought of tuesday onwards is making me feel sick,starting the school run,sorting out my job money,wish i hated him but i am just so sad

Fairy - you gotta go through it to get over it. Tuesday will be ok I promise. Make a list, do the shittiest thing first. Go slowly. These things take time. One job a day love. You are going through it now but the good news is: you WILL get over it!
Clouded - so glad you had a good NYE. I shed a little tear too. Nowt wrong with that! Let it all out!

Hi Ladies,
Feeling really shitty today and have had panda eyes on many occasions, but on reflection these are getting less and less, think Ive only had 3 days when ive blubbed over christmas and bit of a coincidence that for 2 of those ive seen the PIL. Dont get me wrong I get on with them fab and they know that their son has treated me with no respect at all, but inside i think im looking for them to sort him out for me and get him to see sense(crazy) I had to tell his mum today that I just couldnt talk about him anymore and that i needed to move on and draw a line- i need to to think about me and i need him to get out of my head(if only there was a pill i could take)Its not fair that this man doesnt want me and yet i spend more time thinking of him now than i did when we were together.
I need him to also block me from seeing him on facebook, any ideas have i go about this??

Hi Crazee - sorry you've had a bad day but good philosophy about them getting less. And I agree - it's got a lot to do with seeing PIL - perhaps don't see them for a while.
If your exh is your "friend" on facebook you can delete him, then he won't see you. If you don't want to delete him you can go into account I think and edit which of your friends sees what - so you can block him from seeing your wall. I've done this with some work people. Have a go anyway and I'll have another look to see what I did.

Hi googoo, no i need to stop myself looking at him, ive already taken him off my friends list..