He is in pieces, didn't expect that reaction

[domeafavour]

Just one of the threads here
solicitor cancelled today and friends cancelled on sat night, so was actually going to try to get through Christmas, but just had huge row and I told him I had had enough.
He knows I mean it and is now begging, saying he will do anything.
I think he is only saying it because he has realised he will lose his son, but he is broken.
I know there is no good time for these things, but he has seriously had a shit week.
Talking about staying at home alone for Xmas and skyping ds when we are at my parents.

help me be strong and stick to my guns. My resolve is weakening.
I know this is manipulation but it's working.
I'm so tired.

yes, please dont back down on this. I've just read your other thread and he sounds like a nasty, unreasonable man who would be hell to live with.

yes he is upset now, but its self pity, crocodile tears. I've been there, had all the waterworks (so upset he couldnt go to work for 3 days, which was unheard of), said he had nothing to live for without the kids, I kept having to speak to him on the phone to check he hadn't done anything stupid etc; however the minute it was clear I wouldn't back down, he stopped all the crying immediately and went back to being the same nasty bastard he was for the previous 8 years.

Don't change your mind. you've come this far.

i'm not changing my mind, I am pretty resolute, and I'm quite proud of myself for getting this far, so I am not going to take a step back.
I just feel like I don't have the words to persuade him. And I know it's not my job to persuade him, he just has to accept it.
I don't know why he is putting up such resistance, why he doesn't just give up.
I am giving him his freedom back, he can go and sleep with whoever he wants. Why he is pretending to play happy families I don't know. But then it's all about appearances with him.
I don't want to be with him anymore, end of story. I don't make him happy either so why stick with it?

don't even try to persuade him

remember you tried for years to "persuade" him to be a decent husband and father

it didn't wok then, and it won't work now

he doesn't want to let his ouward appearance of the stable family man, all bonhomie hail fellow well met crap, get tarnished

he also doesn't want to relinquish control, and will continue to try and get you back into line by any means possible, I think

and yes, you should be proud of yourself for getting this far

don't let his crocodile tears, emotional threats and histrionics muddy the waters for you

ok, here's another thread, I had actually forgotten about this

what a mug

you cant live like this dome.

You're not a mug, it's not about you at all.

Enough is enough now though. You can't fix this, and it's time to stop trying to. Just look after you and your ds.

Sorry, I'll shut up now. Just don't have anyone else to discuss it with!

he wont get it now and he maybe wont get it ever. such is my exP.

but it is his problem not yours.

just keep telling yourself that - his feelings are his problem. you've laid the cards on the table - he has to decide to deal with it or can decide not to. his choice. you dont have to deal with him any more in that respect.

fwiw - this is third xmas since i left exP - with exP apparently stil not getting it and doing his crocodile tears etc. (trying to -text msgs - but i dont respond ) sure, he's hit his winter depression again - but you'd think by now he would anticipate it and deal with it. but it is his problem.

you never need to shut up on here, dome

that is the beauty of MN

Completely thrown now. He seems really calm and resigned to the idea. Not coming with me for Xmas, but staying at home alone.
He just came in and said he didn't want to row so has gone to bed.
Far too good to be true.
Today, I have missed my tube stop twice and I left about £7 of change in the ticket machine. Not really with it.
Going to bed, had less than three hours sleep last night.

look after yourself

dome, I don't know what I can add to the posts made here.

Your H is my H, except mine WOULD actually feed DS, because he was a trained chef...

otherwise know that you are not alone and there are others that are just as justifiably mad at your H for being such a dick to you, and also know well what shite you are going through.

Not read the previous threads but his behaviour sounds a lotnlike my best friend's ex, when she talked about leaving after years ofnbeing treated badly he deployed all the same tactics, including saying thatnit wasn't fair on their son. but she left and a year on is much, much happier and their son is doing well too. Be brave.

Thank you littlemiss.
Change of plan, ds is burning up, temp of 39.2. Shit.
There was nothing else wrong with him. He is doing that shivering thing. Bless him.

That's hopeful, thanks dozers

OK DS, have you given him anything, calpol? Give him the right dose according to his age and give it half an hour or so and the fever should break.

Is he lucid? Is he 'himself', if he's listless or floppy then get some serious help, otherwise don't cover him, see if you can get him to take fluids.

It's OK, all the kids I know have run fevers this week, DS included, I don't know a child that is well!

You are doing the right thing and you should be proud. You and DS will be so much better off without him.

Look after yourself and your shivering DS :)

New year new start! Xx

As for DH, where do you want to be this time next year?

taking this same old shit day in day out?

Bet that's not on your list of NY resolutions..

it'll be OK, you are well able to do this on your own and you'll feel so much better.

Hi. My exh called me a c*t for five years. When he'd gone, I realised after about 3 months that noone had sworn at me since he left. Leave this man. It will be tough and if you have kids it will be hard. But noone should be called a c*t. It's just that when you're in it you don't see how awful it is, or how much it is destroying you. Believe me. I've been there. Everything was my fault.

He took some calpol, and he laughed when I said he was on fire"I'm not on fire mummy". Think he was a bit delirious. Temp Gone down slightly, he's sleeping.
Thanks for all your support. I'll be fine, I can do this.

course you can love, he'll be fine, if it's tailing off already, he'll be fine, check him in an hour

Thank fuck for that!!! So under our aim of 30 days!! Well done you!!

He is a manipulative bastard - you know that and you are strong enough to stick to your guns.

Don't write the list for him - just tell him there is nothing he can do that will change your mind. End of.

Write a list yourself - read your older threads, so whatever you need to do to stay strong and get PR of DS. Write it all down.

If DS has a passport, keep it at a friends who wouldn't let him have it under any circumstances.

When the local paper is delivered, fold it back to the 'Flat to let' and hand it to him.

Do not give him an inch.

I am SO SO SO proud of you! x

Oh this falling apart act is just that, an act, he's sticking to the script.

This behaviour is designed to make you stop in your tracks and do what he wants you to do.

I do have a bit of a problem now. He is telling me to go home for Xmas. Good. But he is saying he will have ds next year for Xmas, not good.
Bearing in mind, he hates Christmas, I have told him to get over it and start to like it for the sake of our son, all about the kids etc.
I think it's unfair of him to force the Christmas custody battle already. Ihave told him we will talk about it. I will stay here for Xmas day if needs be, but that's unfair because I missed Christmas with my family last year because of his falling out with my brother.

Also bear in mind that he could just be trying to manipulate me into giving in and taking him back. He knows how much this means to me.
Xmas here, me, him and ds.
Xmas with my family, kids, cousins, family, friends, champagne, nibbles, fun, laughter. We have really built it up for ds and he us so looking forward to seeing his cousins and grandma and grandpa. And my dad had an knee operation last week and us really struggling and fed up.
I would be happy to alternate Christmas, even if h wanted ds to go to aus I would take him. But I always saw us sharing Xmas day ie, someone has him Xmas eve, and then swap over Christmas day.

I just feel like we should get through this Xmas, and then sort next Xmas out later, but if I take ds home with me this Xmas, I have set the precedent.

This is the calm before the storm. I reckon he's being a bit clever.