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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

This morning I have found........

133 replies

Thejurysout · 20/12/2010 10:52

a Vodafone credit card thing with the SIM snapped out. It was on our fireplace. It is not mine.

DH has a fully expensed phone from work (i.e. can make personal calls with it no problem)

It has the number on it as a sticker and I have called it but it is turned off.

All of this makes me very very very suspicious. Even the fact it is turned off is suspicious because that means it is not just someone's phone - no one switches their phone off anymore, especially without a voicemail message.

My stomach is turning over.

OP posts:
watfordmummy · 20/12/2010 10:53

Has he bought you a phone for Christmas? Just a thought.

coldtits · 20/12/2010 10:55

I'd assume he'd bought you a phone, tbh, especially as it goes straight to voicemail

ShatnersBassoon · 20/12/2010 10:57

I wouldn't think it suspicious, unless there are other reasons to assume the worst.

I bet your husband is kicking himself for leaving a major giveaway to your Christmas present in plain view!

SantasMadMissy · 20/12/2010 11:01

Why not just ask?

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 20/12/2010 11:06

Agree with the others - sounds like a Christmas present, unless there are other grounds for concern. Btw - I switch my phone off if I'm in meetings, for example, or if the battery is very low and I know I need it later.

Just ask him woman!

mumblechum · 20/12/2010 11:08

Just ask him.

I have my phone switched off when I'm at work/in meetings/in bed. It's not that unusual, otherwise you'd be disturbed all the time!

Thejurysout · 20/12/2010 11:08

He bought me a phone last christmas on an 18 month contract. He wouldn't change my number either IYKWIM

OP posts:
Thejurysout · 20/12/2010 11:10

He already has a phone. That is switched on.

If I ask him, it gives him the opportunity to wriggle out of it.

The grounds for concern are that he is male.

OP posts:
batman47555 · 20/12/2010 11:11

give the guy a break!!!!

GypsyMoth · 20/12/2010 11:12

Laptop?

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 20/12/2010 11:13

The grounds for concern are that he's male??

Wtf?? I take it you're joking there, right?

Thejurysout · 20/12/2010 11:14

There is no reason I can think of as to why he would need a second SIM card. Is that really being paranoid?

OP posts:
Thejurysout · 20/12/2010 11:15

Yes, tongue in cheek about the male bit. But a grain of truth in it if you spend time on this section or have ever worked in an all male environment.

OP posts:
PaxoIsEvil · 20/12/2010 11:17

You don't sound like you trust him at all. I would not immediately jump from sim card to torrid affair with my DH. Does he have form? Because just owning a penis doesn't make him a faithless arse.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 20/12/2010 11:17

Do/have done both. It depends very much on the individual man - sweeping generalisations like this really aren't helpful. Are there other signs that he might be unfaithful?

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 20/12/2010 11:19

Look, before doing anything, are you seeing any other suspicious behaviour? I assume you fear he has a secret sim that he is putting in his existing phone, so is he glued to it at all times? Does he switch it off regularly or have it on silent? What is is overall demeanour in recent times?

I switch my phone off whenever I am at work, incidentally, or in a meeting. My H and DCs always know where I am going so that they can call a landline in an emergency. Of course, I am also bound to tell you that women cheat too, so his maleness has got nothing to do with it, but I'm cutting you some slack here and reason that you are in a state of shock and that this isn't the first suspicion you've had.

HollyTwat · 20/12/2010 11:22

It might be for an iPad?

GypsyMoth · 20/12/2010 11:23

Sim cards go in pay as you go dongle things in laptops. Any chance he has one for Xmas, for you or someone else?

Thejurysout · 20/12/2010 11:28

Are there any other signs?
He is a charmer
He is flirty
His mate called him a 'Lady's man' recently(we have been together longer than they have known each other)
He is away a lot and so has the opportunity

I know he loves me. Actually is quite obsessed with me. But he is high octane Alpha male in a testosterone fueled job.

I think the SIM is a PAYG for a crappy handset he will have somewhere.

I am not paranoid - I am reasonable, intelligent and all of those other good things but I am also not immune from my husband having a bit of slap and tickle behind my back. Please don't make me feel like I am paranoid. I genuinely cannot think of an explanation as to why anyone in my house would need another SIM card.

OP posts:
Muira · 20/12/2010 11:28

If your DH gives you cause to be suspicious, then do something about it. Do not blame your paranoia on a ridiculous and offensive statement such as 'the grounds for concern are that he is male.' Angry

orangepoo · 20/12/2010 11:30

I wouldn't confront him - wait until Christmas has been & gone so you can see if a reasonable explanation turns up - such as the teccy things people have stated above (that I don't really understand Grin).

If you think you have reason to be suspicious, then keep quiet about it and just monitor the situation. If he is having an affair, you don't want to tip him off that you are suspicious.

If you don't think there is any reason to be suspicious of him having an affair etc, then you can just ask him about the SIM.

Disclaimer before I get flamed: I am entitled to be paranoid - my H has had an affair this year!

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 20/12/2010 11:34

You obviously know him better than anyone on here, and if you think that he's capable of having a bit of "slap and tickle" then you need to sit down and have a Talk - and decide if this is really how you want your marriage to function. The fact that there are so many other explanations for him having another SIM card, yet you've chosen to assume he's having an affair would have the alarm bells ringing for me Sad

Malificence · 20/12/2010 11:35

I think you are being a teensy bit paranoid tbh.

Go onto a mobile tracking website and it will tell you where the phone is to within a few yards if you are that desperate to know.

Thejurysout · 20/12/2010 11:40

Paranoid is a word thrown around by men. Usually when they are having affairs. Shame that women use it too about other women Angry

I haven't ignored any of the other explanations - it couldn't be a present for me because I already have a phone and a very good one which couldn't really be updated in any great fashion. I have no need for a dongle and he is basically IT illiterate and wouldn't even know what one of those was.

I am bloody well suspicious with good reason.

OP posts:
Roisinniamh · 20/12/2010 11:40

Just ask him.