This morning I have found........

[Thejurysout]

a Vodafone credit card thing with the SIM snapped out. It was on our fireplace. It is not mine.

DH has a fully expensed phone from work (i.e. can make personal calls with it no problem)

It has the number on it as a sticker and I have called it but it is turned off.

All of this makes me very very very suspicious. Even the fact it is turned off is suspicious because that means it is not just someone's phone - no one switches their phone off anymore, especially without a voicemail message.

My stomach is turning over.

Sorry you got a hard time OP, you're not being paranoid. It's fair enough to be suspicious. Don't mention it to him, unless you can bring it up very casually. You'll just have to watch and wait and see what happens. If it was me I would keep trying the number. Let us know what happens (hope it's an iPad)

From what op as said though, I would say she does come across as a bit nutty tbh. The inbuilt disdain for all things male and the screechy responses to anyone who says she is OTT here.

You only have to read the posts back, from a POV being in a trusting relationship on how bizzare it is.

Jumped from having a sim packet, to a phone is a big jump, lots of reasons that could be. Replacement sim, for many reasons, I have had to replace mine 3 times this year...to gift, anything.

Especially when op has had a suppsoedly good 15 year marriage, it's a bizarre conclusion to jump too. But when you read on further and deeper, the justification for this seems to be a huge disdain for men.

They are all alpha male type walking cocks who wouldn't say no to a shag. This kind of outlook on life is not healthy and will just cause her constant turmoil. It's just odd and far from normal.

But MN is full of paranoid women I guess.......I should be having an affair....I changed my sim 3 times, never really told DH, left the packaging about.

Oh and I take it into the bathroom and sometimes have it on silent.

I'm not though, but this thread does highlight the paranoia from some people on MN very well. It's just not normal in RL.

there are many innocent reasons for having a second SIM - perhaps he is a cyber-bully, or engaged in a fraud, or together with some mates is planning an armed robbery.

"But MN is full of paranoid women I guess"

please! you think paranoia is exclusive to MN?

the world is full of paranoid women, and guess what, it's full of paranoid men too. oh and here's more, it's full of cheating men and women too.

the OP senses something very abnormal in her own relationship. she has every right to be concerned.

just because you don't tell your DH when you change SIM doesn't mean all people are the same.

My dad has little understanding of teccie stuff. if he was to chaneg his SIM it would be a huge thing for him, everyone within a 5 mile radius would know about it and hear of how clever he was that he managed to open teh phone himself to do it.

@ SH.

Could be a data card?

If it was for a rat phone then I'm sure he would have been a bit cleverer getting rid of the evidence.

agree alouiseg.

if it was he wouldn't have opened it at home. he would have kept it secret then taken it to work to transfer it to teh phone. and would have left the car in teh bin at work. but then maybe he has been getting away with things for a while and decided to chance it while OP was out intending to throw card in bin later.

That's the thing BOO it's total paranoia.

Gone from happy 15 year marriage, to found sim, it's a classic, must post on MN as all family men in aplha environments are walking drunken cocks from my experience.

The posts are outrageous and other women are backing this crazy thinking up.

Changing a sim is such a mundane task, unless you really had nothing better to talk about, I can't see it popping into daily convo.

Also the old sim will have it's "allocated" number which will appear switched off, whilst it's switched to the existing if transferring.

So it's a perfectly rational explanation. He could have also got a good deal on a new phone for her, come the 12 month mark companies start offering you buy outs to get another new contract.

2 very plausible explanations, it's bizzare that so many women would jump to the conclusion he is having an affair from leaving a broken sim around in what has been a good long healthy relationship.

It's really crazy, sorry but it is, paranoia terribly so. Especially when you read the posts back with a level head and op's opinions on men as a whole. You can see where it comes from.

I think you are asking people to answer a question logically (is DH cheating?) and that is what they are doing (from the evidence presented a possibility not a probability). But the reality of these situations is that your gut is likely to be a better judge than the rest of us. I've told this story here before but I once found some condoms in DH's flat when we he was working in another country. I 100% knew in my gut he wasn't cheating and his response when I confronted him confirmed this (surprised and puzzled but not in any way defensive). So something that sounds very dodgy written down didn't feel that way to me and I trusted my instincts (it later turned out his awful guest had been shagging someone in the bathroom - nice). My point is that if it feels instinctively wrong then there is probably more to this. I say this despite not at all buying into the 'all-men-are-cheating-bastards' point of view.

it's not total paranoia.

OP has reason to believe somethings not right.

and wrt it being such a mundane thing it wouldn't be mentioned. i most certainly would have said to EXp if i was changing my SIM, and liek i said. my dad would tell the worl. just because you wouldn't mention it, doesn't mean others are the same. OP kknows her husband, she will know whether this is something he would mention or not.

Have your 15 years of monogamous marriage only been achieved by you policing his every move, having him followed and warning every woman you see that you will stab her if she so much as takes a second look at your H?
If not, then why are you so convinced that he's a walking erection, desperate to fuck other women the minute he gets a chance to do so?

I'm perplexed as to why some posters have been hostile to the OP.

Even though I personally would never in a million years think 'sim card..oh affair!' because I trust my husband entirely, the OP, for whatever reason (and she's given a few) is deeply suspicious. It's called instinct.

OP, I would 100% do some serious snooping - checks emails/pockets etc etc. I agree he might lie if you confront him, but there's no way I could 'wait til after Christmas' like some have said.

Good luck.

THe OP just sounds so paranoid and hostile. She says her H has never breached monogamy, yet he's bound to do so at some point Just Because He's A Man, and then insists that, despite offering no evidence of any other changes in his behaviour, this sim card means it's fiinally happened.

I don't think the OP is being paraniod in the least.

Even in a trusting relationship, I was be very suspicious of a 'secret' sim card.

I have seen so much recently and read so much that this is a classic sign all is not well. Men who are off having internet sex/seeing escorts/possibly affairs, always do this, from what I understand.

Hopefully, there is a plausible explanation,but the OP knows her husband and it doesn't seem likely that he has bought her a lovely gift.

sometimes SGB, you just know.

I've just read the whole thread and am sorry you're being attacked here, OP. It sounds as though your instincts told you there's something wrong about your discovery.

I hope, all the same, that he's simply bought a phone for a young relative or friend as a Christmas gift, or his work contract was switched to Vodafone.

If the sim truns out to be innocent, will you still feel about him? Or is your concern entirely over the sim?

I hope all is OK, and that your fears are unfounded.

Instinct is powerful sometimes, I hope it proves wrong.

I don't think it's very fair that OP is having her feelings minimised by some quite hostile posters on this thread.

I also don't think we're getting the whole story here.

A sim card thingy on its own isn't a sign of foul play on the OP's DH's part by itself. But the fact that OP is suspicious says to me that this is just the latest tinkling alarm bell amongst many other little things that, taken in isolation, don't seem like definitive signs of cheating, but when put together, give cause for concern.

Is that right OP? Have there been other things that have made you suspicious in the past?

Because if there have I can understand why you be over the sim.

His colleague's 'ladies man' comment would also bother me, especially since he's only ever known him as part of a couple with you.

Don't let other people tell you you're crazy if you know in your gut you have good reason to suspect.

I suspect what some posters are reacting to here, are the sweeping generalisations about men, the "alpha male" comment, the erroneous belief that no-one switches their phone off and the poster's understandable arsiness when she got accused of paranoia.

Had she posted in a different tone, commented that everyone regardless of gender, is vulnerable to temptation and therefore acknowledged that her H is no different to anyone else, I think the reaction would have been entirely different.

But like I said upthread, she has had a shock. I trust her when she tells us that she is not given to paranoia or unfounded suspicions. I'd guess that there is other behaviour (probably associated with a recent Christmas "do") that she isn't posting about here.

She wasn't asking respondents to comment about whether if they found something similar, they'd also be suspicious. She wasn't asking people to tell her she's abnormal or paranoid. It doesn't matter a fig to her whether other people trust their partners, because they aren't in her relationship. It's like comparing apples with pears.

I'm going to give this poster the benefit of the doubt here. OP if you're still reading this, it sounds like whatever happens, you and your H need to discuss the fidelity in your relationship. You obviously believe your H is vulnerable to it and I expect you've got more reason to think this than just a lack of naivety on your part and an acceptance that infidelity can happen in any relationship. Good luck.

All the "because he is a man" comments are very odd though.

I don't think you are being paranoid OP, but just stop and think a second. If he was doing something he shouldn't be with a secret phone number the he isn't likely to just leave it lying around is he. If he is trying to cover something up from you he will be watching what he does regarding it so he surely would have taken extra care to conceal it IYSWIM.

I bet it's just a christmas present.

However I do think you have jumped to a conclusion a bit too quickly and need to discuss trust and fidelity with your DH. Don't tar all men with the same brush.

i had terrible trust issues when I first met my DH. I even accused him of an affair with a lesbian. But I have worked on my issues and now I know I could put him in a room of 100 women and he'd still come back to me.

You need to be in that position. A relationship is nothing without trust.

I also worked in male-dominated, sales-orientated environments throughout my career and I'm afraid my experience supports OP's cynicism! I wouldn't say "all men are like that" but certain sets of conditions favour infidelity. I don't perceive any innocent explanation for the 'ladies man' comment, either; it's more a question of just how not-innocent it is.

Just leave the evidence someone obvious so he knows you have seen it... like in the middle of the dining table. See what his reaction is.

Do you have DC who are old enough to be given a phone for xmas perhaps?

There are so many other explanations OP.

I hope you are ok.