Ladies who don't mind their DP going to lap dancing clubs ....

[nappyaddict]

Do you mind them having a dance in a private room where even though touching is not allowed it is common for the girl to sit and dance cms away from their crotch/face?

When we worked there used to say always head for the weirdo blokes on their own as they will give the most cash as they have obviously had the least sex. See one of them and its like an instant cash machine.

The stag groups were usually the ones that were just decent blokes. Just came had a look, had a laugh and then usually left to go over to a real nightclub. I spoke to loads of those men and they just saw it as a fun thing, saw it as a bit of titallation etc. Same goes for when this happened on nights were men stripped. The women just saw it as a laugh with the girls.

snowflake, the picture you paint sounds really fucking awful, not "enjoyable" at all

instant cash machine

what a terible way to view another person...it is just as bad as viewing someone as a "sex object"

I can think of nothing worse than pretending to fancy a "weirdo bloke" so he will put a tenner down my keks...I don't think you can underestimate the damage that will do to a young girl's view of the world

and to a young boy's, as he is constantly being bombarded with messages that women's bodies are commodoties to buy and sell

Hmm. In Thailand, I was stunned by the vast army of 'ordinary, decent blokes' who hired themselves a girlfriend for the fortnight. The guys were overwhelmingly 30-ish, attractive, sane, cheery chaps with a happy love life at home. To say it's just jolly fun for men to hire women for sexual services (intercourse or fanjo-dancing) is to buy into the whole male entitlement deal.

I know exactly what it's like to feel, deep down, that women exist purely to provide service to men. I wish I'd extricated myself from that mindset sooner than I did, but hey. One thing I would say is: the more you protest the harmlessness of sex industries, the more you start to question yourself! So, please, keep telling us why it's really fine for people to pay women to flash their fanjos at strangers.

SF that whole post sums up the seeing people as objects issue and why many despise it and see others as humans.

People become desensitised to people, others feelings and emotions, it's not good.

The way I see it the normal, decent looking people just see it for what it is a bit of a turn on and a laugh. This goes for both sexes. The weirdo old blokes are just there to be exploited for being so dumb to think it is a 'real' thing and not seeing it for what it is. Its the same as when women/men do it in clubs and no different to me.

I enjoy watching hot men strip and dont look down on those men. Fair play to them imo if they have the guts to do it enjoy it. I dont view them as less than me, there to serve me. I am a normal married mum with a degree and other interests. I just like naked men and appreciate the male form. I like having a laugh with my friends and yes it does give me something dirty to fantasise about when I am with my husband. That he knows about and the thought turns us both on. Different strokes for different folks.

As I said when I talked to most lads in there they were decent just coming to watch a sexy show. They are usually young and the good looking ones who you would actually go out with in RL. They come in watch the main show and then left for a nightclub. They used to stay for an hour or so have a drink and a chat with each other then leave.
Same when the women came in to watch the blokes. These types never really spend much money in there other than the entry fee and the drinks.

The freaky weirdos were the ones that came in on their own and saw it more as a girlfriend experienece. They were the ones that made all the money for the girls by being gullible. They are usually ones 40+ and very ugly.

I think we are all forgetting how much fun it used to be to be able to wiggle ourselves about and have men give us money! If paying someone to do something they wouldn't do unless they are paid is the distinction, most jobs fall into that category. I have to admit that most of the instant reaction I have to lapdancing clubs centres on the idea that male sexuality is by definition sleazy..and I just don't think that's true - the women in lap dancing clubs are no more likely to be all horrible as checkout girls are so why be so nasty to them?

I am committing the cardinal sin of skipping a couple of pages but...

To women who are ok with their partners having lap dances, I genuinely want to know something - would you be ok if his young, hot, female work colleague or friend removed all of her clothes, danced for him, stucj her boobs and her fanjo in his face etc.? Say she's gunning for a promotion, she's not interested in him sexually, but wants to get something financial out of him so does this...for the sake of comparison.

Genuine question, because I just do not understand how paying someone to do it makes it ok or different?

that thing about exploiting the "weirdo" men - how sad and dehumanising is that?

IMO that kind of thing undermines the argument that women should have the right to work there because it is their choice: why would that kind of exploitation (of men) be any more acceptable than exploitation of women? Just because I am a feminist doesn't mean I think anything horrible women do to men is ok merely because they are men.

Snowflake all your posts higlight your attitude quite well really and you prove a thousand words just by talking.......The whole problem with the industry and people who use it.

"Cash machines"

"Normal, decent looking people".

"Freaky weidors"

"Ugly".

No it's you who is the ugly person.

Who defines what that is you? Who decides who is decent, who decides who is decent looking, who cares. You are turning people into objects.

Before you mention it, I would fall into the category of "decent looking people", I am attractive physically, I know that and I am not being conceited.

I wouldn't judge others on their looks though, I would on their personality.

The girls I knew were all lovely. They had boyfriends/husbands and normal lives. None were on drugs and all had a lot more to them than just stripping. It was just a job to them and as it involved strict no touching why not?

The men who they exploited are the type of idiots that go out in clubs and act like nobheads and try to pull you. The ones that came in and talked to the girls like normal and just saw it for what it was the girls liked. The kind of men that when they approach you in a club and try and pull you that you think are weirdos and tell them to get lost. I dont see anything wrong with thinking of those type of men like that as they are losers. Better to have them in a strip club than out pissing off people who are just out having a drink and dance with their mates.

This wasnt what the majority of our customers though most were decent people who I enjoyed talking to and that never did anything but look at the ladies/men, drink and chat etc. Really dont see the big deal in that.

What about salespeople, people in banks, people who sell high interest store cards as part of their check out job, people who work for companies where they exploit children and people abroad for cheap labour? They are all worse jobs to me than someone who gets their top off/cock out and thats it for some blokes/girls. As long as everyone is doing it cause they want to whats the harm?

Silly - a work colleague or a friend is entirely different!, but seeing as some of the dancing that goes on at work dos can be sexier than a lap dance I think it would be silly to freak out about either - if men get all horny over cute women in tight dresses, then .. er they get turned on by cute women in tight dresses! - there is not much we can do about it, sexual attraction is an odd illogical thing.. if we get insanely jealous, and try to ban ever semblance of 'other women' from our man all we are doing is clipping his wings and trying to make him less sexual - what good can come of that?

A man that pays a girl to strip is not exploited, he's a paying customer. Unless he pays for a strip and the girl keeps her clothes on, she is the one exploited. The customer pays for her soul and the owner of the club makes money out of it, end of.

'
I wouldn't judge others on their looks though, I would on their personality.'

They are all weirdos because of their personality. The ones I am calling loser weirdos are the minority in there. The ones that come in and act all macho, come in on their own and act like sleazes. These are always the most physically unattractive and the idiots. Again not what the 90% of the people I met in there were like. They are the idiots that give places the bad name. Same as the idiots you get on a night out.

It also isnt my industry. I work as a carer but I used to work in a bar in one.

Snowflake - I agree with you that there are many jobs that are much morally worse than the kind of exploitation you describe (and I should be clear that I'm talking about the treating a "weirdo" like a cash machine element, not the job itself) but then I wouldn't defend the right of those jobs to exist either!
I mean if someone said 'I choose to be a loan shark/run a sweatshop so you should respect my choice!' we wouldn't be convinced, would we?!

Good post heroine. I see nothing wrong in looking at men, watching them masturbate on cam, strip, looking at their pics etc. Dont see anything wrong with it and neither does my husband. Everyone has different things that they dont mind and most people get turned on by other naked, attractive people. If some people want to make a job out of it then let them. It might not be for everyone but a lot worse things happen in 'normal' nightclubs then do in my old strip club.

SF Keep digging........your posts are vile actually.

You are just trying and failing to put your point across. All you are doing is validating the views people on this thread hold of other people who are or were involved in the industry or use it.

Carry on........

I am not really bothered either way what others think. Some people love it, some people hate it.

Its like marmite really and both sides will never change each others opinions. Everyone is always going to have a different opinion on most issues really and whatever people do or think someone will agree/disgaree thats what makes everyone different really. If we all thought the same on all issues the world would be a boring place

Why do threads like this always attract people who are oh so keen to overshare about their sex lives?

Nobody asked, nobody cares.

Err cause its a thread about lap dancing and they are all under the same bracket. You get people objecting to porn, strip clubs, still pics, sex toys etc. You get some that object to some and not others.

Realistically in regards to the OP if you decide it as a couple then thats up to you that could mean no to any of these things or no to none of them. Whatever no one is right or wrong. Whatever your own boundaries, interests are then get with someone similar. Simple.

Whether the guys who frequent them in the main are losers or not, the very fact that they have sprung up on in such numbers in the last few years have made them more acceptable. For me, this is a big problem. This normalises an industry to men and women that didn't used to be mainstream. Thus, men who normally would think twice about going accept it as something that men do and women put up with it.

I found myself having to explain boundaries to my ex. In a normal relationship, he wouldn't have wanted me to have gone into a room with one of his mates and have him take his clothes off for me, for money or for free, and vice versa with him and another woman. Most people would understand that that is crossing a line. Yes, we'll all find other people attractive at some point during a relationship but we don't go out of our way to pay that person to take their kit off.

I do wonder how many women convince themselves that they're ok with it to avoid being seen as a prude. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em kind of thing.

I do hope that women become more able to say if they're not happy because most men I know take it for granted that it's absolutely fine for them to visit a lapdancing club or strip club. They're on the high street and everyone does it, so what's the problem? (they think). Not that it should be up to women to police their partner's behaviour though as it would be nice if men did choose not to go in them in the first place.

I have had friends (male) who claim that it's up to the woman to say if she's not happy about it, which I find a complete abdication of responsibility. My ex used this excuse with me. I hadn't told him I'd be upset so he thought it was fine. Did he need telling that I didn't want another (barely legal) woman sticking her shaved crotch in his face? Apparently so! I asked him if it was ok to sleep with someone else if he hadn't told me that he thought it would be a problem to illustrate the point. It was likely talking to a 12 year old, especially after I'd had the tantrum about "you're not telling me what to do". And that goes back to the sense of entitlement that men feel to behave however they want because it's made acceptable for them by the industry, by other men and by women not challenging them more.

But Heroine, how are they so different?

Strippers use men for financial gain (this is their job obviously), men use strippers for sexual gratification (although some seem to think not - then why don't they go to a regular bar?).

What if a male manager pays a female office temp to strip totally naked for him and dance in his lap in his office? Would that be acceptable? If so, why? What's the difference? She may not be sexually attracted to him, she is doing this purely for financial gain, maybe the thrill of it. If he accepts it, it's not because he's just having a laugh, he's getting sexual gratification from it. Would any partners be ok with this situation?

As for sexier dancing at the office party - more seductive perhaps, but I've yet to attend an office party where women get completely nude and dance for the men...perhaps I worked in pretty dull offices :)

No they didn't snowflake, nobody is interested in your sexual preferences. If they were I'm sure they would ask.

Didn't you used to post under another name? You remind me of another oversharer who was always popping up on these kind of threads.

he'd had the tantrum about "you're not telling me what to do".

In response to your last post, Snowflake, I agree that as long as a couple decide what works for them, that's fine.

However, with regard to ld clubs, I do feel that there is a lot of pressure to be ok with them. I absolutely wasn't yet was silenced by everyone around me who was telling me it was fine and not to make a fuss. It would have been easy to have bowed to that pressure and kept quiet.

I also think that something is ok as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. And ld clubs do for so many reasons, many of which have already been discussed on this thread.

If a couple make a completely consensual decision that won't hurt anyone else, fine. But with ld clubs, I'm not sure how consensual that agreement is in many cases plus there is a lot of evidence out there (already mentioned) that shows how harmful they are.

If the situation was reversed, and there were over 300 clubs on the high street in which women could pay men to grind naked on their laps for money in private rooms, and only one show every month for men where women are on stage taking their clothes off, I suspect the industry wouldn't have been so normalised as it is. The industry has been very clever at selling itself and moving into the mainstream.

There is one club in the city where I live which promotes itself to couples. Women are encouraged to go for the erotic experience with their partner. Yet I don't know of one man who would go if the situation was reversed and they had to sit there whilst their partner was aroused by hot guy half his age grinding naked on her lap.

It does amaze me that so many women put up with all this crap from men!

Basically men get to behave however they like and women put up with it. Men get to have their cake and eat it - nice relationship with woman at home and they get to be intimate with other hot women for the price of a few drinks whenever they feel like it!

Is OP still here?

Leaving aside my feelings about the sex industry/raunch culture as a whole, and in response to the OP;

There is, IMO, a BIG difference between going there with friends, having a drink and watching the dancers in the main room and having a private dance in a private room.

The first scenario can be pretty innocent in motive, not everybody is as aware/educated as posters here who can see a bigger picture, and I think as part of a stag party a visit to a "gentleman's club" is not necessarily something only a scumbag would undertake.

A private dance, however, is most definitely buying a sexual service. A female friend had one bought for her on her birthday (yes, lovely ) and she found it pretty disgusting. The dancer told her "if you were a bloke this is where I'd ask you about extras" and this was in a very "reputable" and expensive club. Not ALL girls offer extras but the vast majority do, and tbh the sleaziness of a private dance in a private room is so huge even if you've not had your consciousness raised it surely makes you want to puke down your front?

Think you need to have a serious talk with your OH, OP, about what he's going to do, why he wants to do it and how you feel about it all. You ARE NOT a prude if you don't want him to go.