Ladies who don't mind their DP going to lap dancing clubs ....

[nappyaddict]

Do you mind them having a dance in a private room where even though touching is not allowed it is common for the girl to sit and dance cms away from their crotch/face?

Sorry...done the worst and not read entire thread, but just wanted to add:

girls in lapdancing clubs have comedy boobs;

one time dh went he came home and had enthusiastic sex with me...I loved it...he is so non-sexual;

I look at porn sometimes for a turn-on...doesn't mean I treat all men as sex objects;

things in moderation..someone that was doing this all the time would really p me off...

Agree that excessive porn is now giving some younger men the wrong idea about what sex is all about, but I don't hang out with young men..older ones who appreciate a few brain cells are my cup of tea.

ff...don't forget those "younger men" are the ones who will be dating our daughters and having completely unrealistic ideas about sex and sexual politics

the image of the "ever-ready" bimbo just gagging to please men is a very damaging one and one that is being perpetuated through porn, the sexualisation of our society and the increasingly-acceptable use of LDC's, Hooters etc

it is all our problem, all of us

to dismiss it as something that doesn't touch our ife is naive and short-sighted

to dismiss it as just "something that men do when they are pissed" doesn't address any of those issues and allows men (and other women...) to continue to put pressure on women to not make such a fuss about it, because it is harmless

it is not harmless

it isn't that many years ago that LDC's and such-like were taboo, and any bloke who used one was dismissed as some sad old pervert

now it's almost a status symbol, or rite of passage and it is frightening, really, if people would just think a bit more deeply about how it damages women, and society as a whole

as educated women, an "all right jack" mentality is something I really struggle to understand

I totally agree with you AF.

I must say for the first time ever LeQueen (not that I have been stalking you all round MN or anything!) I totally disagree with you!

LeQ and I always disagree on this

you see, I thnk men who really "just fancy a curry, actually" should just go and have a curry

< shrugs >

Oh well we are all different which makes us so unique

What AF said.

My dh wouldn't dream of going to a lap dancing club and I wouldn't be married to him if he did.

Hmm, during the course of this thread I've perhaps started to move on from my current laissez-faire attitude (see earlier post).

DH doesn't frequent LDCs but does go occasionally with/for work and I know has done on the odd stag do. He usually falls asleep drunk so it hasn't bothered me. He (and I) have seen it as harmless fun once or twice a year. He's not the type to choose to go off his own back, or to go regularly, and if he was he wouldn't be my DH (or anyone else's judging by this thread!). And his general demeanor towards women has always been so respectful it's verging on innocent - he has no idea when he's being flirted with.

But now AF's posts have got me thinking about the wider context. Especially as we have a daughter. Damnit. And thank you.

I used to work in one behind the bar. My husband came down with me once but other than that he has never been in one. I wouldnt mind him going though and when I used to work there the thought used to make me quite turned on tbh.

I know I am way more attractive than any girls I have ever met in any strip club though but I am not very modest lol

I also love looking at naked men, watching men masturbate and watching them strip. So shoot me it turns me on and I like it.

It's interesting, because although as far as I know XP never went to a strip club while we were together (actually wouldn't surprise me if I now found out he had, but anyway) I know he quite liked the idea of them and had been to some in the past. So at that point I was of the mindset "I don't feel threatened by it, don't really care, don't like the idea, but it's his choice, just a man thing isn't it?" and I think I thought that all men would like it and if they didn't, then they were probably very boring, strait-laced kind of guys anyway. (I have no idea why I made this connection now)

Anyway I'm with a new(ish) DP now (still not sure whether to use "DP" on here yet!) and I just know for a fact without having discussed it with him that he wouldn't enjoy going to a strip club (would probably feel similar to how I do about male strippers - why would I want to do that?) and would probably feel extremely uncomfortable if he was being pressured by friends etc to have a private dance. And yet he's not particularly strait-laced, boring or anything like that, he just actually has respect for women. He works nights at a hotel and I remember one morning after work he came round and something was bothering him which had happened the night before, his colleague had ordered a prostitute for a pair of (male) guests who asked for one as room service (for a "laugh") and then sent her back because she was "too ugly" :( He was completely shocked and sad and just couldn't articulate how he felt about it.

So I guess that the part of his nature which makes him think strip clubs are distateful is something which attracted me to him, but I didn't always think that way, if that makes sense. It wasn't a conscious decision but it does make me respect him a lot more, because I know that he respects me.

< cheesey post alert >

CCL, if my posts makes one woman think a bit more, instead of believing she has to "be cool" about something she isn't comfortable with, that would make me very happy

I certainly talk to my teenage dd a lot about such things, and am trying to give her the confidence to understand what behavior ir respectful to women and what isn't

it's very hard though, when peer and societal influences are so much stronger than a nagging parent

I try to remmeber though, that the influences our children are subjected to in the home are the ones that help them make sense of the outside world

turning a blind eye whilst her dad uses family money to ogle and touch up girls only a couple of years older than herself is not a good example in my world

In 2nd para, I meant: "Actually has respect for women, and finds me sexy because of my personality, not just my body (which is of course fabulous ) - how can you get to know a woman's personality in a three-minute dance?"

I like it too snowflake.

Some of the posts here have highlighted the potential for exploitation which has got me thinking though. I need to read some more about it. I do find (some) porn a turn on.

AF, between me leaving XP and starting this relationship it was some of your posts on this issue (and others!) which made me change the way I thought about these things, so you've met that goal already :)

aw shucks bertie

I like to think I take a common sense approach rather than a hardline feminist approach (although I identify with that too)

what works for my family, and my relationship, wouldn't work for others, I guess

I can pretty much guarantee that the women who aren't bothered, haven't got teenage daughters yet.

LeQueen, if your daughters were hot, sexually mature late-teenagers, you would have a different stance, you really would - the thought of your husband looking at girls their age would turn your stomach.
I've seen middle aged losers men ogling my DD and her friends when dropping them off in town, it's ugly.

You know AF I completely agree about the influence of behaviour in the home. My mum never talked to me as a teen about all this stuff and I think I would have found it very helpful. My dad worked in the City though, so perhaps it was a sore subject...

I was quite promiscuous at uni and for a year afterwards. I don't think I had a great deal of respect for myself. That has changed (thankfully) but I do worry for DD. It's the subliminal messages of porn/lapdancing/Rihanna taking her kit off on X Factor that are making me feel a bit uncomfortable for DD as she grows up. She's only 2, but still...

Anyfucker's posts on this thread are brilliant.

Tbh I don't think I would mind that much.

I have been to a lap dancing club while I was in Spain with a few friends. We all had a dance together and had her boobs in my face! It was a bit of a laugh and we chatted to the girl before hand, she was lovely.

my dd is 15, mal

it fucking terrifies me

seth, thanks

"AnyFuckerForAMincePie Mon 13-Dec-10 20:07:28"

Great post, AF.

what about burlesque? Would you mind that?