Ladies who don't mind their DP going to lap dancing clubs ....

[nappyaddict]

Do you mind them having a dance in a private room where even though touching is not allowed it is common for the girl to sit and dance cms away from their crotch/face?

'So you were a sex worker then Sf? Explains a lot and your inability to see humans as people with emotions. '

Emmylou its all subjective posters such as feministparent say that the women is being objectified by the man, you say vice versa etc. All I am saying is it is a very big industry and the sex industry will alays be massive as it is about base instincts at the end of the day.

I do not think of humans devoid of emotions. I work with kids, I am a volunteer and a wife and mother. You dont see every customer who comes in to your shop as the same so you dont see the same in this type of industry. There are weirdo, unattactive perverts and I think if they want to act like that, thats there problem. If the girls want to make money off them for that thats fine. The vast majority as I have previously stated where not like that they were nice, normal, everyday people who knew they were paying for a bit of tittalition and were out for a laugh.

There is no need to use emotive language to try and paint me as a person devoid of emotion in order to suit your own view. We all have different. If you dont want to visit strip clubs dont, if you dont want any partners to then tell them not to.

there is a thread on the relationships board right now where the wife is being coerced into sex she doesn't want and he says "you don't have a choice in the matter"

what's the betting this lovely bloke is a pornhound and user of services that sell sex as a commodity thus reinforcing the notion that any woman who isn't permanently sexually-available to him has something wrong with her ?

he is getting that idea from somewhere...

'they were nice, normal, everyday people who knew they were paying for a bit of tittalition and were out for a laugh' IN YOUR OPINION Snowflake - not mine and certainly not others on this thread.

So we will have to agree to disagree.

Snowflake and Larry,

The hairdresser analgy is quite funny but not right.

I am sure "Marco" feels quite comfortable telling his parents, and his partner what he does for a living.

Also, he does not feel degraded and disgusted by (most of) his clients.

If you REALLY think this analogy is true, then you must feel the same about prostitutes. And you would be happy and carefree about telling your family and friends you are one...or would you be?

'Do you read the threads on Relationships boards where the men are pressuring the women into sex because they think that their wife should have be available to them whenever they want it, snowflake?

I wonder what kind of scenario could reinforce that view?'

Well I work as I said in the sex industry my he would never pressurise me for sex, he is the kind of man that would do anything for me or anyone so in a word no. He would never even dare approach a girl never amind about pressuring one in to sex lol.

I dont think there is any correlation personally.

And I am sure 'Marco' has no problem doing his work for charity - wonder how many lap dancers have done the same?

sorry that was meant to say my husband.

Not criticising pointing out the obvious. She is a talking example of the damaging attitudes towards humans as people spawned by the sex industry.

The worrying thing is and ties on nicely with the subject, she can't see it.

If there ever was a perfect example about the warped attitudes of other human beings from the sex industry, Sf and the way she has spoke is it.

'And I am sure 'Marco' has no problem doing his work for charity - wonder how many lap dancers have done the same?'

Also we had loads of charity nights. We even had a raffle. The girls put in a proportion of their income. Lap dancers arent some kind of unemotionally robots. They are just normal people.

Snowflake-when you were performing, did you and your colleagues ever think about how the women at home might be feeling? It's a genuine question. There is always talk of the women in the clubs and whether they want to be doing it (which is a very important debate) and there's also talk of what it may or may not mean for the men who visit. But did you ever think of that man's wife or girlfriend? Or did you assume that they didn't mind him being there?

Will you read the posts by AF and me again, snowflake? I think you have misunderstood the point we are making.

'Also, he does not feel degraded and disgusted by (most of) his clients.'

You are projecting how you would feel on to people. How do you know the people felt degraded or disgusted?

snow, I reckon you think that all of us opposed to the sex industry are narrow-minded

whereas I feel that the fact you see no correlation between it and the inappropriate pressurising of women to have sex they don't want is just about the most short-sighted and insular statement I have seen on this thread (and there are many..)

do you see any wider picture at all ???

It feels to me that everyone pushes the responsibility onto someone else. Men think it's ok because girls are choosing to work in them. Women think it's ok because men (and other women) are telling them that it is. And the performers think it's ok because men are paying them and it's not illegal.

Men could stop walking through the doors of lapdancing clubs tomorrow.

in Iceland they have been forced to

perhaps now the rape stats will go up

I know! I can't wait for us to catch up!

'Snowflake-when you were performing, did you and your colleagues ever think about how the women at home might be feeling?'

I didnt perform I worked on the bar and the door reception. If they had women at home then that isnt anything to do with the girls. I have never understood how women blame the 'other woman' in these situations. If a man goes behind a womans back and goes to a strip club or has sex with any person he meets in a night club then it is that man that did the act.

If a person goes behind another persons back and does something they dont agree on that is 100% that persons fault for breaking the other persons trust. Also as I said my husband hasnt ever been except once with me. However personally I find things like that a turn on in a sort of cuckold type fantasy. Everyone thinks differently, and as I said before it is something that is to be decided by the couple.

I would love my husband to get a dance he didnt dare do it when we went but when he got more drunk he was like come on then lets try it. It had a seperate bar downstairs so we went down there for a while then he goes come on lets do it but he took so long getting the courage cause he was nervous the upstairs was closed!

the UK is a rather backwards and unenlightened society I am afraid to say...

although I love my country, there are some aspects to it's culture that make me puke

Obviously my post was in response to the clubs bring banned not the rape stats!!

I struggle to express myself as eloquently as I'd like to but here goes...

Prostitutes are overwhelmingly providing a service to men. I bet we could all direct a strange man in our town to a place where they could buy sex from a woman, eg a massage parlour, and we could have a fair guess at where they would find male prostitutes willing to service them, but how many of us would know where a woman could buy sex from either gender?

My OH could walk into town now (large city in the north of England) and have a choice of at least five "gentlemen's clubs" where he could pay for an "erotic" dance. Where could I go?

Punters are often excused because "he's ugly", "his wife's disabled", etc, and it's seen as normal and ok for single men to use porn.

It's okay for single men to seek one night stands, but women who do so are often judged and found wanting (see Linford Christie on I'm a Celeb for an illustration of this).

Women do not seem to be entitled to get their rocks off in the same way. We are not "allowed" or encouraged to access men for sexual gratification, and there is very little porn made specifically FOR women. A single woman is supposed to go to Ann Summers and buy a Rabbit, then go home and watch a Colin Firth film, and that's the extent of her sexual entitlement until such time as she is lucky enough to ensnare a partner, and if that's 50 years, tough!
Men, on the other hand, can't be expectedto go more than a couple of weeks on wank fantasies or they might RAPE someone or something and you know, they're men and MEN DESERVE SEX whereas women should just direct their sexual energy into aerobics and cleaning.

I don't think I made it clear but I agree with WWIFN and others about the objectification of men or women for the pleasure of women - I am absolutely opposed to it on humanitarian grounds.

Snowflake, sorry, you did say you worked behind the bar, I forgot. But you do illustrate what I mean about people responsibility onto someone else. I am not blaming the girls. My personal view is that I think the girls are exploited (I know you don't agree) and I contribute money each month to Object which provides a counselling service to those who wish to exit the sex industry.

I'm pointing out that everyone believes that the woman at home is ok with it when she might not be. Perhaps the performers, if they have a completely free choice to work there, don't care?

jess, I don't think anyone would misunderstand that !

gloves, I also believe that their bollocks explode if they don't get "relief" when they feel they need it

it's pathetic isn't it ?

a true example of mixing up those two small, very significantly-different words... want and need

And my point was, not sure really but just bringing in another dimension re. male entitlement and sex. My brain hurts now.