He's admitted it .....I'm heartbroken

[Yogabuff]

Well DH finally admitted he cheated although he reckons it was a once off. Don't beleive that for a second. He didn't say sorry he just got pissed because I started asking questions. Why, Who etc. Then came the I love you and I want to be with my family bla bla bla.

I told him to leave and he left. I'm so angry and so hurt. Thing haven't been good for a few months it's been hard with the PND and the doc thought I had MS (got the all clear a few weeks ago) but I was worried about it for months. He should of stood by me through this, I feel so let down.

I have work tomorrow and no childcare. Looks Like I need to tell some people what's happening....

Oh Desiderata, you iconoclast you yawn

Oh dear, dittany. This is why you and I have never got along.

I don't man please at all.

I just like to see both sides of the fence before I pass judgement. Generally on MN, you just get a lot of left-handed emotional commentary from 51% of the population.

Women can be tricky too, and I like to weigh up the evidence.

I still maintain that a one night stand is not a show stopper. It shouldn't be, for the sake of the kids.

However, if you feel differently, please feel free to continue.

Op are you ok?

YogaBuff, am sorry for your pain, illness
too

It could be good to stand back, and look at your dh's behaviour in context of everything that has been happening really sounds a very rough time,
I wonder if that is a bit of what Desi was saying too earlier

sex can just be sex

gain his perspective and talk to him about it
then see what you think
you have to talk to him properly and find out and then you know what you are dealing with

Desiderate. One of the few people who actually thinks when topics like this come up.
You go, girl.

It doesn't matter Desiderate whether you think a one night stand (they never stop at the one, anyway) is a show stopper for you it is about what the Yogabluff thinks.

She will be feeling hurt and betrayed and ultimately she is the only one who knows whether she wants to forgive him. Children rarely (OK, never) thank their parents for being unhappily married.

Crack, in case it slipped your mind, this is a public forum. When people lay out scenarios, the usual practice is for others to post, offering different opinions and pespectives as Desi has done.

Were you not aware of this?

On the other hand, when someone is very vulnerable and posting for help, having someone else with their own obvious agenda, trying to make a point and making it all about them isn't very constructive, or for that matter very nice, is it?
And what's with this "only sex" shit anyway?

She posted for support not a debate on infidelity ..

Kitty, if you just want nicey nicey, total acceptance and unonditional support, regardless of circumstance, MN isn't the place to be posting.

A debate isn't very constructive though. People post on Relationships for support. If they wanted a debate and everyone to pile in and argue they'd put it on AIBU.

.. and I would like to add, that me and Moony have often disagreed in the past.

As we both say, if you chose to post on a public forum, you cannot expect fireworks and fairy lights.

God knows, me and Moony and have been there

Perfumed- I think sexual intercourse is the actual term.

I know that it hurt me to read those words when I had just found out out my partner had cheated.

It's just not helpful to post that he fucked her.

I've seen people being told hard, unpalatable truths here. And it's been necessary and I've applauded.
That has not been the case on this thread. Just someone showing off and trying to be controversial.

Oh, please, Desi! Yep, tell a mentally ill person to just try harder when her husband screws someone else, because 'most men can't handle illness', that's really fucking helpful.

What Baroque said.

100%.

Does anyone actually think this thread is helping the OP now?

OP if I were you I'd ask for this thread to go so you can start again and hopefully get support rather than bickering.

Hope you're OK

"having someone else with their own obvious agenda, trying to make a point and making it all about them isn't very constructive, or for that matter very nice"

it reeks of self-obsession. Utterly ridiculous that Desiderata thinks she can justify her responses by putting other posters down, being condescending and highlighting her advanced age and experience.

hope you are OK OP.

Yes, I was aware of this Moondog, however, she has posted in relationships and not AIBU and could, perhaps, expect some support. Not someone being a grade A tosser.

"She posted for support not a debate on infidelity "

Exactly!

Yes it's a public forum - but mumsnet has a policy / philosophy of being supportive. It's what parents need - especially when they have dependents and find out their husband has just cheated.

Oh, you silly girl!

I'm not trying to be controversial. I've been posting here for six years, on and off.

Some people hate me, some people love me. I'm far to old to care what anyone thinks of me, beyond telling my truth as far as I see it.

I don't try to be controversial. I just am.

'One of the few people who actually thinks when topics like this come up.'

Well, I think people (male or female) who do this to their spouse, especially when that spouse is very ill, are immature, self-centred, stupid cunts with no self-control who aren't worth a second of any decent person's time.

You can post whatever you like, whenever you like - but that doesn't necessarily mean it's a decent way to behave.

Bloody hell Desiderata

You may as well come out with "I've had it tough, so I don't see why everyone else shouldn't too"

By the way I'm in my forties if that helps your theory on age and perspective

OP, please make sure you get RL support from people who aren't at pains to tell you "what's what" over actually being supportive

expat,I'm not aware that the OP is mentally challenged?

What the feck was you point there, gal?