He's admitted it .....I'm heartbroken

[Yogabuff]

Well DH finally admitted he cheated although he reckons it was a once off. Don't beleive that for a second. He didn't say sorry he just got pissed because I started asking questions. Why, Who etc. Then came the I love you and I want to be with my family bla bla bla.

I told him to leave and he left. I'm so angry and so hurt. Thing haven't been good for a few months it's been hard with the PND and the doc thought I had MS (got the all clear a few weeks ago) but I was worried about it for months. He should of stood by me through this, I feel so let down.

I have work tomorrow and no childcare. Looks Like I need to tell some people what's happening....

so his reaction to her distress was to shag another woman......er-no excuse. If anything I think that there's less of an excuse he should be sticking by her EVEN MORE.

All of this men can't handle ''illness, strife, money troubles, commitment, any kind of emotional stuff'' is just a crap excuse to enable their bad treatment of women imo.

About time they got some coping strategies really isn't it!

.. and for the sake of perspective, as far as I'm aware, no one has ever been unfaithful to me in my life.

That said, I've had my own troubles in relationships, arguably worse, but as long as the kids love their dad, I wouldn't do ought to rock the boat.

So I don't come from the swingers corner

PND doesn't make you lose sight of your moral senses, it may make you lose just about every other ounce of sense - but it doesn't stop you knowing what's right and wrong.

Not including fucking other women.

If a women did this she would be vilified but because it's a man well, he's allowed isn't he because men are not expected to ''do emotions''.

"There are children involved, and people should try harder."

he should have tried harder, no?

What an idiot thing to say.

Desiderata- you mean let the kids know that it's ok for daddy to go off with other ladies every time mummy isn't feeling 100%- COME ON WOMAN!

Yes, I've been called callous and unreasonable lots on here lately.

I just call it how it is, or how I think it is, or how someone else might think it is.

I'm probably a bit older than some of you, so I see things from a different perspective. I'm not remotely nasty, but there is a pitch-fork mentality on MN that precludes any sensible discussion.

But prod away

It doesn't hurt!

It depends how sorry he is IMO I think I've forgiven a one off, no proof but anyway because he was on his knees apologising I wasn't prepared to uproot my children and everything I'd spent the last 15 years working for to go down the drain over one night.
Up to you OP can you move on, do you want to ?

"as long as the kids love their dad"

my exH is a twat of the highest order, and in the not too distant past has put his children in potentially great danger (and the DS's know what happened too) they still love him . Children will still "love" their dad even with appalling behaviour. Doesn't mean that it's right to keep them in a doomed relationship.

Funnily enough I'm not with my exH anymore - and I don't love him - but it doesn't stop my kids loving him.

YEs - well my parents are much older than me and have stayed together throuh a whole pile of shit, and "well done them" they've made it to nearly 40yrs of shit marriage. Where neither of them was really happy, and still isn't. And where they stayed together "for the children".......who both now as adults think the same as we thought back them when they should have split. That staying together for the children was the most stupid thing they could ever have done.

Listen, gals, I've never been unfaithful to anyone in my life, and I don't think that any of my ex-s have, either.

I don't condone it, OK?

But if you stop fuming, you might try to understand that there are other factors at play here, that sex is sex and sometimes isn't any more than that, and that we don't fully understand the relationship between the OP and her husband, or how old they are. If they're in their twenties, they haven't even played out what they should have done before the kids came along.

It's just that women are carnivorous when it comes to men having affairs, but often understanding when women do.

If people want a discussion on the rights and wrongs of infedility this is perhaps not the place for it. Take yourself off to AIBU Desi, instead of walking over Yoga's understandable hurt and confusion.

Yoga, I'm sorry that you are dealing with this having had to cope with PND and the worry of possible MS already.

For what it's worth I think that until you're sure what you want to do it's best not to give friends and family the ins and outs. Just that you are having a rough patch in your marriage is all they need to know. I hope you have a reasonable nights sleep, and that you and your DH get a chance to talk things through calmly in the next few days.

In the meantime, from my own experience, I have found sympathy, good advice and sanity in Mumsnet.

Hope you've managed to make practical arrangements for tomorrow x

Do you know what Desiderata? This thread isn't about you. It's a thread started by someone who actually wants some support and advice.

This isn't about a woman having an affair, it's about a bloke having an affair and his wife seeking support. Your version of support might be to tell her she should try harder but I bet that's not what she's looking for right this moment.

Have you never been ill then? I mean - it's routine for men to sleep around when their DP/DW is ill because they can't cope - right??

And how do you know that if they're in their 20's they haven't played out what they should have done before the kids came along (whatever that is?)

Desi you have made your point, perhaps it's now time to start your own thread if you want to talk about yourself.

OP, I am really sorry, although glad that at least you know the truth, unbelievably painful though that is.

If this guy is out all the time, cheating and said that he will 'think about it' when you suggested counselling, it sadly doesn't sound like he values the relationship very highly.

I am truly sorry for what you are going through.

OK gals!

You go gripe. I'll go on the mince pie thread [wink}

ohdearyme I believe fucked is the actual, technical term for what he did. This wasn't making love, or an affair, it was a one off, by his say so at least. Lets not get squeamish about the proper terminology and start bandying about euphemisms, the op is more than aware of what her new husband did. My repeating it here won't lessen or worsen her pain. Only her dh is capable of that.

Desi - fuck off and when you get there fuck off again. You have your own warped agenda & are permanently looking for a fight - take it elsewhere and while you're about it - quit the 'Gals' shit too.

I think everyone agrees that the bloke has done wrong - no question about it.

BUT.. he probably thought that 'what the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve over'.

It would've been an insignificant event to him - however the rest of us might condemn it.

Then... is wife who is feeling vulnerable and insecure baits him constantly with accusations - this probably would've happened anyway even if he hadn't shagged someone else.

Now the fallout...

She's devastated - obviously and rightly so.

But I think if he loves his kids and his family and can genuinely see what a mistake he's made then this shouldn't be a deal breaker unless the OP feels she can never forgive what he's done.

I don't agree with everything Desiderata has said but I do think the bollock-breaking goes too far on mn very often.

You see, Chipping, if that were anyone else, that message would be deleted.

But as it's me, we'll let it stay

I'm not looking for a fight. I'm just not a girly girl, and I often have a different opinion from the majority.

I didn't offer to shit in your fridge, and I didn't fuck your husband.

I'm not a girly girl either but I empathise with a human who is in pain, knowing how I would feel if it were me It's bad form of you to turn this into a debate about infidelity, Desiderata when the OP has posted for support.

Yogabuff - what a horrible shock for you - I hope you have people close by xx

Yes, , but the OP has posted on an open forum, so should expect different views.

It comes with the territory of exposing your personal life to a potential 6 billion people.