Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 10

[googoomama]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity
:) :(

Morning Nobody'sfool

Morning ladies, enjoying my g and t. I have ice and a slice if you need one.

Sometimes you've just got to get into the xmas spirit .

Time for a tinkle on the piano.

Already got one in mine Happy! Can't tinkle on my piano - pedal's broken! MUST get ready - taxi coming in an hour and a half - off to snowy wilds! :)

Hi googoo. Just been reading Where's thread - sounds like my H. I have been a SAHM (not chosen after the initial early years with dc - but crap going on was a big handicap, and I am not looking for an excuse, but, he also always said, I can't put childcare before my job/leave work early/be available easily because of my job (co.dtr.)If I wanted/needed anything from him I was clingy, and I am well aware that I probably became more clingy - which IRRITATED him (lost self-esteem, became more and more isolated.....). But, basically, It was not tolerated I had any needs/weaknesses, and he did not wish to devote any time to them, eg. being my husband (still don't know if I expected too much - he says I did??).

Truth is, years ago (prize FOOL I am) he sat me down and said - listen X (me), I don't love you but if you want, I will stay with you. OK, there was crap happening before this - but it was always ALL my fault; everything was and always has been. And - as he likes to tell me - Well, X, I did tell you how it was. That's one of the many reasons I feel I am a fool. The years after this, have from time to time, been coloured with he does want to try sometimes - but on HIS terms alone. The brutal truth is - he just didn't care about me at all - but I don't see why you have to be cruel to someone. But, as he says, well - you are right (not about being cruel), I should never have stayed with you - but now I am not, I am divorcing you, and I now want to move on with my life and start living and want to be alone and happy.
Rant over for now (well, could be minutes/hours!)

Morning !

Goo you have become such a wise old owl ! Yes that was something that took me age to absorb that if they dont love us then no amount of wishful thinking will change that and we are better off away from them.

I realised I could have gone on for years more with no companionship,affection,love etc and all while I would have been doing that I would have had no chance at anything better iyswim because I was busy doing that . I know what I mean

Kate well they are a pair of *@^%(. I still feel angry that hes given you £4 a week for the girls what does he ffs have a paper round ? Keep posting especially when the adrenaline goes down a bit and that sort of quiet low kicks in.

Where I posted on your thread. I know you dont want to be a dumpling ,none of us did, but after that read you are going to be a head held high dumpling but you are sooooo early in and yet keeping your head above water - be proud of yourself.

Well I know I told you xh has now moved into ows. What I now know is dd will have one of ows sons rooms but when hes back from uni she will presumably be kicked out. Ds will be sleeping on the sofa no room for him. Hes so lovely I said are you ok with that and he said dont worry Mum its a lovely big sofa with cushions this big. I think xh is an utter CUNT he has recently spent who knows what on his latest dick enhancing vehicle (on top of his Aston Martin,Saab and motorbike)but is staying there with ow to save on rent while he waits for our house to sell and he looks for somewhere to buy.

As I type hes just posted in Happy Christmas special dc type cards what a WANKER with his cheap words yet happy to have his dc camp out for what will almost certainly be months ahead.

Rant over.

Well nearly. Actually the whole thing has a certain symetry to it as today is one year exactly since I found their little " I love you Princess" texts after he came home paralytic from the office xmas do.

I shall be back when serenity has rejoined me

I think we lose our confidence in an abusive relationship and feauur life without the abuser its all part of it .many women take several I'm sure average is 7 attempts to leave.I used to get cross that I hadnt left sooner but unless he had dumped me I prob would still be with him and never gone on this journey of freedom,my thoughts are see UR awareness as a positive and celebrate UR independence it is a tough hike in the early months but keep posting for support ,once you have UR own space you will become colourful ,when we are with them we live in black and white x

Waves to getting ,
Ggm hope u get to gps safe
x just phoned wants to see dcs on Xmas day has got them presents apparantely. Told him it was Dec 23rd and he could have phoned previously,he said he had lost my number ,prick !

Waves to getting ,
Ggm hope u get to gps safe
x just phoned wants to see dcs on Xmas day has got them presents apparantely. Told him it was Dec 23rd and he could have phoned previously,he said he had lost my number ,prick !

Deludedfool - what's wrong with these men? How can they be so cruel? I'm sure women can be cruel too but I just haven't seen it/read about it.

Ok need advice X wants to see kids on Xmas day he would have to see them in my flat.hasnt seen kids for 3 weeks they will be v xcited but I am taking them to church at 11 then gps for dinner.I just think he should do full day boxing day instead,I feel half hour xmas will all end in tears,everyone s thoughts welcome ps he says he has nowhere to take them on the 26th

Could a visit in the early evening work or would it be too much before bedtime for dc?

Surely he has somewhere he could take them? What about his home?

I agree with Where. And I would stay firm and say he can't come during day. You have plans. What if you change those plans and then he doesn't turn up? You are not beholden to him anymore.

Ok goin to suggest Xmas eve visit ,he has had a year to organise this BTW

Thanks no answer from text, where ,no home,he has had a year to organise that aswell.told him to go to gps but they are busy.

My H has no where suitable to take the DCs for Christmas day or Boxing day so he's coming here for a while on Christmas day for lunch and present opening. But he's always come here for visits since we separated and he respects my boundaries. I wanted him to see them Christmas day as it's a special day. I don't know Patience can he promise to be sober and not high? As I think from memory he's been guilty of weed too hasn't he at times? Would you feel comfortable with him in your new home?

Is it your own parents you're going to? As he can't go there really can he? My parents will never allow my ex H into their house at all - naturally. He hasn't seen them for weeks as you said as well. Gosh you must feel a mixed bag of emotions about it all

Could he see them for a short while somehow on the big day but promise to see them again very soon and keep to it?

Ok I am back and fine now I really needed to get that out earlier

I couldnt agree more Patience my self esteem slowly ebbed away although I do accept in hindsight a lot of that was of my own making. Its taken time and energy to rebuild myself and more or less arrive back at a pre living with men self. I dont think xh ever intended for that to happen but nor did he ever do much to make me feel like a valued human being either.

This is why I need to remain single for a good while yet because I do a lot of self destructing in a relationship and have a poor track record of standing up and saying No this is no way to live or be treated. I suspect today were I to meet someone and a year down the line things werent right I would settle for it.

Well no more I dont ever want to be trapped by love/fear/resignation again and now I am away from it I can see its ok its not a problem to be single or a single Mum. In order to stay true to that I have a fair way on the journey to go. Patience like you I am thinking Spring to be in our new home and working no matter how inconsequential the job and fully detached from Mr Gettingeasier.

I feel for you lovely new dumplings and admire how strong and together you sound because I couldnt have posted some of the stuff you guys are so early on , I didnt even find MN until 6 months in. I think although its hard atm especially with Christmas looming and all the emotion that that brings you are doing great.

I spoke to my dumpling cousin last night and she was in tears and is struggling sooo much atm with Christmas and being on her own with 2 dc but she knows it isnt that she wants her xh back but that she just doesnt want to be in this situation. We are all doing brilliantly keeping it together and providing a nice festive time for our dc while some of these xhs just dip in , throw money at it or just want an easy lunch (cousins xh asked if he could come for xmas dinner ffs)

On which note Patience yes offer him xmas eve because like goo says can you imagine if you change oyur plans and he messes you around.. would he dare nowadays ??

I hope everyone who has gone quiet is ok ? Citydoll if you are lurking just drop in a hello . Romney how are you ?

Waves to Starting,Happy,Pink,WQ,LC, Queencat,Firepile,Antalya,deluded and all lovely women who have been mistreated by these tosser men

getting - I am lurking.

Thanks to all of you for caring. The decree absolute, when it actually arrived in the post, hit me very, very hard and it did not seem fair for me to keep posting suicidal thoughts when the other dumplings had much worse problems and were in much worse situations. It was just so hard to accept that 37 years of my life can be wiped out in a couple of sentences on an A4 sheet of paper!

I am trying to get through each day at a time and am not doing too badly (although felt a bit stressed at midnight last night for no reason).

DS and I have decided that we will not put up a Christmas tree or decorations this year. We will try and chill out and do what we want, when we want.

Hugs to all.

Oh Citydoll why do you think your problems are of less consequence

I am sure I speak for most of us in saying its unimaginable to have your marriage end after so long and with such speed too. I have real difficulty in stepping into your shoes and wish I could offer better support to you.

Can I tentatively say that you shouldnt see it in terms of 37 years of your life being over. During those years you have had a prestigious job ( I think ?) and have a ds who you sound close to , you have mentioned strong friendships and all these things are just as important as a marriage. Of course it was ahuge elementof you but not all that defined you then or now.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other and trust that it will get easier.

Glad you and ds are bucking the trend although you dont know what you are missing with a leaning tree you know

hee hee using iPod with wifi at parents' house snow terrible here but glad I am here hope everyone is ok citydoll so glad you are back :)

googoo I did wonder if you were taking a laptop or something , now you are there you can relax.

Just been on another thread and read the perfect post about setting your own happiness, thinking in depth, maybe getting counselling but arriving at a point where you can take or leave a relationship and never settling for something that isnt what you want.

Anyone else sometimes get a bit bored with the message you have to work on a relationship all the time etc etc to me it shouldnt be constant hard work

Hi all

Citydoll so lovely to see you. Do keep talking to us.

Patience, I'd go for xmas eve.

Hi everyone hope you are all well funny being at parents house my mum's brutal honesty quite good but nevertheless a bit much!

My big long wise cheery post has gone boo hoo! Hang in there all you fab and funny dumplings the future is ours.
Getting What thread was that? it sounds good.
Where Welcome I've read your thread and words fail me. You've been cruelly deceived, hell mend him. You are better off here and will get there trust me. Take care of you and your dc stay strong.

,DOk no phonecalls or texts .....wot an arse
So its nearly Xmas eve and X can't confirm plans wot an idiot .tea I never knew him as a daytime drinker so thats not an issue ,I don't want him in my home for half hour Xmas day.if he wanted that option he should have apologized for calling me an old ugly c**t and disrespecting me re 21yo.ie not telling me the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God.I have offered him Xmas eve or boxing day. ppNo reply ,I've done my bit ,my conscienceo is clear. First time he mentions Xmas was this morning ,my folks live a good distance away so will be late home on Xmas night,x knows all this ,the point is if he wants to see them Xmas,he needs to realise he has to make plans like everyone else.He was told he was no longer welcome in my house .So he should have had a family day at Ils ,well his m and d not seeing the kids over Xmas ,too busy. apparently.
hope everyone is coping with the weather ,could murder a g and t ggm ,
Peace on earth and goodwill to all men x

Ps just settling down to A Very Merry Muppet Xmas