Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 10

[googoomama]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity
:) :(

Going to miss my Christingle as we are going to my parents' by taxi tomorrow :( snow too bad for me to risk driving.
Glad you're feeling a bit better Tea. Would love to come for a cuppa :)

You could make some of your own just for fun with the DCs anyway? Then just light them well balanced at the Christmas table. They are very cool and my DCs eat the tooti fruiti bits off the cocktail sticks at high speed. LOL

Hi Goo and everyone else. So sorry everything is so hard.
I am lucky to be accepted into the Dumpling club, but not sure it is somewhere I/we really want to be - even if it is for the best.

Feeling lonely and resentful for his insistance I need to get a job cos he can't keep paying for the family home AND his bachelor flat. Feeling like a spoilt teenager who doesn't want to do what she is told.

Hopefully when Christmas and New Year are out of the way, things won't seem quite a gloomy (?)

Where - they won't. Once normal life resumes (oh please) things will seem better. This is a very intense time of year. And you don't have to do anything your ex tells you, you know. Why should you get a job so that the awful situation he has created can be eased. As I remember, he's given OW huge amounts of money...
And I know - noone wants to be in the dumpling club IYKWIM. Butbeing a dumpling isn't all that bad in many ways. Terrible and crap in some ways, overwhelming at times, but also quite freeing I guess. It just takes time to think this. Much love Where. You have already come such a long way and I think your story is one of the hardest I've read. Much love to you :)

And good idea Tea. Going to do that tomorrow. Getting a taxi to mum's - the roads are terrible.

I'm a Northerner, Living in the South :o

Getting a dongle lets you connect to the internet wirelessly and works in a similar way to a mobile phone......really shit reception most of the time lol
Thank you for the compliment, i do feel really detatched from him although somehow tonight sending a text to him about DS1's new guitar ended up with a few flirty texts, i didnt mean to and tbh it is probably the sort of thing i would say to anyone i know but i just hope he doesnt think i'm still wanting him

Maybee, GooGoo. BOTG (((((HUGS)))))

WherecanI - I've missed a lot of your story as I've been off thread a lot with this horrid bug but I'd seek legal advice and use that as your guide to future decisions where possible on living arrangements, jobs etc. Also once you know how much you maybe entitled to in a divorce in terms of maintenance for you due to loss of earnings or some such as well as provision for any children, then you can decide if, when and what work you'd like etc. Also have you looked into what you maybe entitled to with regards to tax credits etc?

Where, i havent read your story, sorry but (((((((((((BIG HUGS JUST FOR YOU)))))))))))))

Hey Sov - you're from the boro aren't you? Respect to a fellow northern lass! Been SO down tonight missing the northern territory in west northumberland. Only discovered it when I met exbf and it's got part of my heart and soul now. But I'm so sentimental - it's a place now forever associated with him, the two are so linked and I know I can never go back :( Oh and I fully understand text thing btw. Don't be hard on yourself. This time is hard for all of us. I MISS my exbf. And yet I didn't know him. He's probably on the dating site as we speak, sending prosaic messages to other women. Feel heartbroken tonight. Stupid woman that I am.
Where - can you bear to send a link to your original thread? Or let people know your story? Hope you are ok. Keep posting. Hugs from me too and hugs to Sov and Tea. Thank goodness for this thread girls.

Everyone's right this is so the wrong time of year. I want to be out there sorting things out for me and DD (gonna have to find a nursery now childcare is MY problem ). Everything's gonna be shut, no baby groups on, stuck at home with DF and now we've had a row!! Aargh - crappo.

Hugs to you too BOTG

Ok had never heard of Christingle b 4 then I went to my church with a friend and she got all xcited ,I thought she had seen someone from emmerdale she kept whispering It's Chris Dingle

Ggm cry UR tears 2nite ,then let it go ,he is history just oxytocin bonding,plenty of rural cock out there you just need to go looking,and wear UR sexy pants LOL x u

Ok I really think everyone needs to watch a muppet Xmas Carol

It is a crap time of year to be a dumpling. But when I take off my rose tinted specs. I realise that I would do everything at Xmas (including buying my own pressie off dp!)

I would do all the shopping for the girls, didn't mind that as he moaned about the cost all the time. Do the tree decorating, do the cooking. Make lovely baskets full off little gifts for the parents - just so everyone could enjoy a wonderful family xmas.

Basically, he did sweet FA - and even at our family home this year, he's done the bare minimum - put the tree up but nothing else.

It's one day out of 365. We are strong women - we can do it. I think this month has been quite bad for a lot of us on here. Understandably, a lot of wobbles

We deserve more - one day on the future. We'll have the Xmas we deserve - with a lovely fella, who worships the ground we walk on - or float above :) and who worships our dc, simply because they are part of us.

Our ex's are not thinking for one minute about us. They're not. They've moved on.

Lets make 2011 - the year when we throw away the negativity that we carry around like shackles.

I'm not making light of the tears we have all shed - God, I've had my share this month. Tears and feeling down are part of the healing process, but heal we will.

Chin up, tits out - these men are merely a blot on the landscape of our lives.

And everyone has to buy a present for under the tree Xmas morning,has anyone tried the body butter from soap and glory in a pink tub u get it in boots

Tea, getting your absolute is such a wierd anti climax I found. months of horrid legal wrangling and then suddenly it's all over in a puff of smoke.It takes a few days to get used it. xxx

Thankyou goo, Tea and soverign21. Love the way you help me see sense.

Hopefully I'll be able to offer more support when I can see beyound my own misery. Feeling very ME Me ME atm and I apologise.

Much love to you all xxx

That's it Kate ,I have had the least resentful pre xmas ever ,zero contact from X this week.I have also told everyone exactly how I feel atm,so not to expect me to act it on Xmas day.just to leave me be .

Kate I used to do 85% of Xmas shopping for XP's family's pressies plus all of my own (but there's only 4 of my side to buy for). So hopefully they will either be going without or getting rubbish gifts or OW choosing unsuitable things (because she doesn't know any of them). And he will be a little bit more in debt. Brilliant. And I did all mine ages ago and spent little because it's what we agreed. More stress for him, I am so pleased! And he won't be having such nice Xmas grub. Hee hee.

I think the me me me is about an awakening of UR self worth,no need to apologise ,feel UR spirit rise .helps to know UR story when u post x

still No Xmas grub for my ex either.

I have a little fridge with no freezer in my rented house - so I had to store all out Xmas meal food in the fridge and freezer at the family home.

He will have to bring it round on Xmas day - when he drops the girls off with me at 12.30

He will either be with his parents - who now think he's lost his mind and a scumbag, or with OW - who has no dc...and xmas is all about the kids isn't it?

When I went to my old house - and found that she'd been there and they'd had a meal. They had bought two ready meals and microwaved them. That was their romantic meal. It's so pitiful. And she thinks I'm bitter and jealous?

I am looking forward to getting all my girls helping out with the Xmas meal - it will be great. Although I am veggie and always do a nice veggie roast - and my youngest (who is a real foodie) has asked for turkey! Makes me really because the other 2 have never questioned that we have 'pretend chicken'! Saying that - my middle dd has aspergers and will sit down for xmas dinner to her favourite no frills cheese & ham pizza.

OMG Where i have just finished reading your other thread and had my mouth hanging open in shock for the most of it
I cannot believe what he has done, you can be all Me me me as much as you want to, dont worry about any of us were are here to help and support you

Unless my X decides to go to one of his parents (which i doubt) he will be spending Xmas alone after seeing DC as his sisters are going to his dad's house miles away at 9am and i will be very pissed off if he leaves DC at that time, think i would prefer him to be alone, divine retribution (sp)
I do 100% of Xmas shopping, buying and paying for everybody so this year his family will get nothing as he has no inclination or money, the DC aren't even getting a present off him as he has no money but i have decided to put his name on their presents off me, for this year only mind, everybody thinks i'm mad but i cant see him sitting there looking all sad because he hasnt got anything for them and i cant watch them asking why he hasnt got them anything

People have this impression of me that i am a strong, cold hearted bitch, but i'm not, it's just what i put out there to stop myself from getting hurt by people, my X knows me and knows that i am very soft hearted and would give my last anything to help people out, but even he wasnt sure at times and i dont think i ever trully let him in, i just wish sometimes that people realised what im really like and see past the outside image i give off but thats the way i have been raised and the lessons that my life has taught me, i dont wear my heart on my sleeve but i dont want to be percieved like this anymore as people lean on me but i dont feel i can lean on them

sorry for the ramble but i am trying to find out who i am these days and who i want to be IYKWIM but i have no idea anymore

I know that i am strong and fiercly independent(again upbringing), i have a sarcastic sense of humour(sometimes to the degree people dont know when i'm joking) but other than that i dont know, hmmm think sleep is needed before my mind starts wandering

G'nite ladies, i wish you all a good nights sleep, take care x

I hope you don't mind Where but this is your thread for anyone who doesn't know your story. I can't believe that all of this only started on 9th December. You are unbelievably strong and I admire you greatly. You will get through this x

Patience - rofl re "rural cock" - your advice really stops me being too bloody sentimental and makes me smile!
Kate - you've got a lot of Christmas meals to make lol! Think you're doing so well and well done for the emails too. The OW sounds ideally suited to your ex. Both narcs. And that little romance is definitely not going to last much past new year. What a pair of "professionals" they both are...
Sov - you are lush my love and certainly not a "cold hearted bitch". We are all trying to find out who we are now - me too. It'll do us all good to reflect and then move on. Pity our exes couldn't do the same.
I only buy presents from me. Exh buys boys another set of presents - enough to fill Toys r Us twice over I think. I just let him get on with it. I remember the first Christmas without him, the relief at not having to buy presents for his family. He wasn't too pleased that he had to do it for the first time in 7 years.
Well, going to get a taxi to my mum's today at 12pm. Should be an interesting journey. Can't then take the kids to exh's on Xmas Day afternoon - he'll have to come and get them or see them on Boxing Day. Told him I was definitely not going to spend Christmas on my own just so that he could get them from mine after lunch. He was ok about it actually. Just means he won't be able to get pissed Christmas morning. Never mind eh?
Feeling quite good today. Getting away from people who don't love us is sad, scary but ultimately THE BEST THING. Love all you ladies - you've helped to make my life better and for that I thank you all. Virtual mid morning G+Ts on me! :)

googoomama - well, Kate's ex's thing with OW won't last if they are both narcs.