Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 10

[googoomama]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity
:) :(

Thing about women like us is we come out of this stronger ,these people will never be truly happy they are insecure eejits that cause misery and destruction,

Hello Ladies

X came round last night and we talked about DC and our relationship and he sat there telling me how we can't be friends and must keep everything about the DC, erm pretty sure i've been saying that for weeks

He also confessed that he hasnt been happy and "couldnt be bothered" with our relationship for 7 years, 7 BLOODY YEARS FFS why have another 3 DC and not open your mouth and say something grr

I told him in no uncertain terms he is on his last legs and that he musn't shout at me in front of DC and to treat me with respect as DC are starting to copy him, he has promised things will be different but we'll see only time will tell, told him as long as he steps up and does his job as a dad then i'll be happy with that

Was very detatched during the whole thing and didnt seem to feel anything for him, no hate, no love, nothing, usually when i look at him i want to kiss him and hold him and tell him i love him but this time there was none of that, i couldnt even muster up a he looks good thought

I definately think that what happened last week tipped me over the edge regarding my detatchment from him, i even told him that his problems were now his own and not mine to deal with although i do admit i told him if he felt suicidal again to text me and i will chat to him that way as i dont want my DC to lose their dad in that way, it is something i hope never touches their lives

He came for a visit with DC this morning and i was fine both times when he left, it didnt bother me at all but i do know christmas day will be different as i have a lot of other emotional stuff going on then too and am sure this will feature in a woe me sort of way, but what the hell it's one day i can handle it

Deluded, how about changing your name to NobodysDeludedFoolAnymore ????

Kate, i cant believe OW bare faced cheek to call you like that, at least you know the extent to which he has been lying to you and i'm sure he will tell you it was because he didnt want to hurt you and i agree, you cannot be friends with him, keep it business and leave it at that, his lies are her problem now not yours and i think you should raise a glass to that

Tea, how are you doing hun? has your XH contacted you about the fact it's all finalised now? i think you deserve a extra big pressie under the tree at xmas, i hope you have treated yourself

Hoping to be back later, take care everyone

Glad UR chats were peaceful sov u deserve some peace ,how did everyone's nativity s go by the way ?
We are officially on holiday now x

Tea, hope you are ok. Makes you think that your status as a woman has changed being officially divorced but in reality you are still exactly the same as you were yesterday - a wonderful mum.

Kate, don't get me started on the OW thing. Sounds like yours has got off very lightly to me. I'm ashamed to say I thoroughly enjoyed torturing XP's OW but nothing I did would ever match what she did to me.

Sov, glad your xp sounds less aggressive and agitated. Hope he manages to keep it up over xmas. Sounds like you've got enough on your plate without him starring in his own pantomime.

Hi to deluded, getting and everyone else. Hope you're haveing a peaceful day, Happy. Patience, your schools are late to break up - take it that's a Scottish thing.

I've had a pretty good day. Took the train into Brum and managed to get presents for ds and dd in exactly 26 minutes . Spent longer in Costa Coffee than I did in the shops. Result. Mind you, I did have what I can only describe as panic attack which wasn't very pleasant but luckily I am still rational enough to realise that it is just related to current anxiety levels. I simply refuse to succumb to long-term panic attacks. Not for me, thanks.

I did copy a couple of other people in the office on the email. That was my one act of mischief. Hope they get it.

But that's it - OVER.

I didn't even cry when OW rang me, also told my lovely (ex) FIL when he came to take me to work all about it.

He was disgusted, and he had wanted to talk to me about it for a bit. Said him and MIL could not understand what he was doing - they are so disapointed in him and his actions. He said he was glad to hear it from me because all they were hearing was from 'Planet XXX' and it made no sense.

Then he gave me a hug, squeezed my hand and said "You are not going through this on your own" and offered to come and ferry me and girls around at Xmas if we need to go anywhere.

It's such a shame that these tossbags don't realise how many lives..they are (I'm not going to say ruining - because he hasn't ruined mine or the girls lives) so lets say 'affecting'

Chin up. Tits Out and a massive sprinkle of Fuck You to the both of them

I'm fine ladies. Just had a friend over unexpectedly this afternoon for a cuppa and people keep ringing me tonight as I sent a text to a few people to tell them. The solicitor has e-mailed me to tell me, so H doesn't know yet. As the OW is with him at the moment I didn't text him to let him know as it makes me feel queezy to think about him with her and telling her it's finalised etc. He'll know soon enough when the official paperwork arrives anyway.

Kate - did you get to the bottom of the truth about your H and the OW then, I can't quite work out from your posts what you now know. So glad your FIL is being so supportive.

Feeling sad for us all. We are very strong but it's so hard to be strong. :(

Absolutely Kate lets sprinkle it liberally !

Sovereign21 you have made it through the portal of dumpling detachment I mean he says that crap to you and you are ok ??'#$*. If your dongle ( still dont know what that is does it double up as something you might expect ? ) allows go and read your first posts. You are a different woman...

LC good so you are all sorted then ? How are you feeling did you go with a friend to the shops ?

Feeling better had a chat with a lovely friend earlier and I am ok

Ooh Tea are you watching that BBC Nativity thing at 7pm ? I am really enjoying it.

LC, i think the reason X was less aggressive and agitated is because he hasnt smoked any canabis since last wednesday, i told him the best 3 months of our entire relationship was when he wasn't smoking that crap last year and that he was like a different bloke then, it really shocked him and he says he's going to stay off it, i really hope he does for DC's sake

Tea, the impression i got from kate's post was that OW hadn't denied anything so that points to her XH lying, i could be wrong but thats what i took from it, also him running straight off to tell her kate was going to pay her a visit spoke volumes to me too

Kate, glad his parents are helping you out and being sympathetic, my XIL's are even talking about not sending presents for DC cause i have fell out with them, X told me last night that he has warned them not to spite his DC because they arent talking to me, my immediate response was i dont want them anyway, but he pointed out that it wasnt about me but DC and that i was only saying that cause i was hurt by them and therefore defensive which he was right about(like i said different bloke without the canabis :()

Hi
Yes - she didn't deny it when i said she was unprofessional for shagging him. So that spoke volumes.

Ex is very good at saying stuff like "no, I did not sleep with her in our bed" meaning he probably did it on the sofa iykwim

If they are just friends - why did he need to threaten me by saying he would get security to throw me out if I dared to approach her? BTW - I laughed in face when he said that - yeah, like that wouldn't cause a scene. Also reminded him that I couuld pop down anytime I liked with the girls to see daddy's new GF - and that would look nice wouldn't it - me and the girls being escorted off the premises.

Of course, I would never put my children in that situation - but it does no harm for him to see what an arse he is when he says things like that. He's in bits, she's very cross and I'm being nice and calm. And they don't like it a bit.

At no point did she say - we are just friends. I mean they were at work, nipping off to ring me together - saying they would come and see me in my work together...that's not just good friends.

As I have said - they lie, lie and just when you think they have reached the bottom - they lie a bit more. She is welcome to him, and I really feel like that now.

I think if she had sounded nice, or expressed an ounce of sympathy with my situation I would have been feeling like crap tonight. But she sounded a vile individual, so they are well suited.

She has no dc - so maybe she can't understand how outraged I am for uprooting the children to give him space to think when they were planning this all along.

Oh Kate the more you type the more shocked I am, no wonder you're cross. The shear self entitlement of them both

I am amazed at your dignity with them and completely agree with setting the record straight. She sounds vile as you said.

I know my H's OW has absolutely no idea of the impact of her actions on my little ones Luckily she's never rung me as I'd probably go ape sh*t as she knew me for a few years before the affair.

Very expensive for them to maintain same standard of living when they dump us ,single life ain't that great when you don't have any dosh ,just remember wwifn says they really start to change once ow involved in where his money goes .glad you are sorting out the legals,great UR fil has the guts to support you,that's a real GENTLEMAN x

I think this will distance you Kate ,like you have said already,just smashes the hope,frees u from his power and allows you to start healing,I told someone stuff last week ,they contacted me after Xmas card.I just thought he lied to me ,he 'll lie to them ,well fuck it I got in first with my version.

Hello everyone,
Tea it must feel a bit weird that legal things are falling in to place at last. It is hard to see things in black and white I imagine. You will start 2011 on a new note.
I've just skimmed tonight as i'm so weary. I skipped the staff Christmas dinner at school as I couldn't face it and went to Next and got some clothes for the boys instead. this afternoon we had the school service. It is always v moving as the kids I teach are disabled or chronically ill and when they sing every year I cry, so this year I thought I'd just bawl and make a total fool of myself. Anyway it was a really beautiful service and some of their songs were v humorous. At the end there was a beautiful powerpoint of snow scenes around the school with individual photos of every child in the school smiling and Enya music playing. It was so moving that we all shed a wee tear and I just felt it put things in perspective for me and I came out feeling strong and brave.
Anyway tonight I'm weepy again. I've done all the present shopping alone. Apart from the tree I've decorated the house too. The dishwasher is on the blink and I am reluctant to call my mum as she doesn't know yet. The thought of what lies ahead just overwhelms me so much.
Goodnight everyone

Maybee - stay strong love. Your service sounded tremendous and yes, it does put some perspective on it but what you are feeling is real and you are allowed to be upset.
Kate - you are so strong - they are both horrible.
Tea - glad you are feeling ok
Patience - urban warrior as ever - much respect
I'm feeling very sad tonight. I miss him and I miss his village and the lovely countryside there. It's like a distant dream now. Six weeks since I was there last. Feel a bit overwhelmed too. Don't know how I'm going to get through this. New Year will be the worst. Nearly gave in and texted him back but what's the point? He doesn't love me. He's not thinking about me. I'm alone.

Hi all [waves] - am watching series 1 of House - don't usually do medical drama but this is quite good!!

Sorry to hear you're weepy tonight maybee. It is shit doing it all alone for everyone else's sake. If I could I'd have a whole day in bed with TV, DVD's, food and a bottle of wine. But you get up every day, and carry on like all this hurt and humiliation is nothing. Smiling at DD and pretending I don't wanna curl up is hard. You're doing so well - stay strong, stay on here and get that invaluable support and understanding.

Can't believe the time you're having kate. Cheek of her to call you!! I do feel a bit sorry for these women - teeny tiny admittedly. They are being duped and the scales will fall from their eyes soon enough! I can just imagine the lies DH has told BB about me. How awful I was to him, how unhappy he was. He reckons he's been acting for last few months - give the twat an oscar!

Hugs to tea and well done on being so together sov

Am feeling bit - had row with DF. He says the silliest things sometimes. Told him I didn't want to talk and it all got silly. He starts raving at me and I just snapped! DF and H have a similar way of being - they say you pick your Dad!!

You're not alone goo - not really. You are on your own physically maybe, but not alone. We're all here, you have friends. Don't let him win - if you had stayed you'd have been lonely anyway. It's worse to be lonely with somone than alone.

Thanks BOTG. Sorry you are feeling sad too about your row. you certainly don't need raving... are you northern or southern love? If northern and you can make it, come to our meet up in January for a different kind of raving :)

Am a southerner - don't get more southern either so no hope! Shame I would enjoy a meet up

Well I think Patience, Tea etal are also organising a southern get together in February. We might still meet! :)

LC - lol at doing Christmas shop in 26 minutes. Excellent! Followed by Costa. My favourite :)

I am also a southener

The Feb meet up is a weekend and I won't be able to do a whole weekend but anyone can come by my place for a cuppa if they're ever in Hertfordshire

Just catching up on pre-recorded The Nativity, I think it's really good. I forgot to say Patience that Christingle services are a favourite of mine, it sounded lovely.

Still coughing but I think this cold is slowly going. Better get to bed in the hope that rest will help, I do not want to still be feeling ill by Christmas.

Evening Where. How are you today? Hope you are keeping chin up and tits out. Finding that hard myself at the moment. Bloody Christmas eh? Wrong time of year for it! Hope we can all meet when there is meet up. It will be wonderful to be around lots of strong fabulous dumplings! :)