Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 10

[googoomama]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity
:) :(

pinksmarties- your post made me laugh; I thought I was the luckiest woman in the world when I said 'I do'. I was so determined to make it work (second marriage) and just had this dream of another chance at the life I wanted with the man of my dreams. Some people (moi) never know when to give up; he gave up years and years ago - what a stupid fool I feel. Totally one-sided relationship.....Guess,for the first time I will be single . Just wouldn't let go of 'the dream'. And, there is, like you brave, strong ladies, no OW (as far as I know). But there has been a load of sh.. for a long,long time, and it looks like it will get nasty (I don't see how you can have a civil divorce when you didn't have a civil marriage). Finding it very daunting, and with the person hating me around. Please tell me it gets better.

It gets better!!!
There was no OW in mine either and he was also completely awful to me. But we did manage to have a civil divorce. And I thought it was forever too and I believed in fairytales (as I did with exbf too - stupid fool that I was) and I too just wouldn't let go of the "dream" - either in my marriage or in the relationship I've just been in, to the point of being taken for a fool and having the piss taken out of me in both situations.
I think that being single is actually a very good thing. I'm going to use my single time to start learning to love myself, so that when I do meet someone in the future I'm not taken for a ride again and that I can see a good, kind man as someone worthy of me, rather than the men I have been attrcted to all my life - conceited, self centred men who I think I'm lucky to have! :)

BIG HUGS PINK AND GOOD VIBES FOR UR FRIEND

He's been on the phone for hours - and round at the house...even though my 9 year old is poorly now.

After him going AWOL at the weekend - turns out he was at a family wedding with OW and stayed overnight at at hotel. FFS

Seperate rooms as 'they are just good friends' and she brings him home and they have a nice meal, wine, the lot...and he's put clean sheets on the bed, for the first time ever.

I am fuming that I am looking after the sick children while he fucks off...

Have told him I will be emailing the OW or popping into their work tomorrow to sort out this whole friends thing once and for all.

OMG - I need to detach but I am hopping mad.

Dongle getting rubbish signal so doin this on new phone touch screen thing and I like it ,Dog knocked sky off It's channel and I had to phone sky man this morning cos I thought I'd broke it LOL text me happy lost UR number in the big changeover,just feel the emotions ggm I think u have done a lot of discovering in these last few days just rest up and contemplate like a budha .Have u read books by Susan jeffers I enjoyed end the struggle and dance with life,I need to read feel the fear and do it anyway

Dumplings - Been reading this laughing at some of the great views/stories and wanting to cry for some of the other lovely dumplings on here. Thanks for all of it! Posting on here is giving me a real lifeline. I don't get time enough to read and reply to all of you what I'd like but am here and going through it with you - if that makes sense!?!

Sending out good vibes to ur friend pink - how awful to be going through so much. It's so unfair how life just throws even more crap at those who don't deserve it. I remember when H walked out on me first time, I fell down some stairs and was badly hurt. Being injured with a tiny baby at the time was daunting - H's response was 'nothing I can do-I can't stay with you, besides I'm working'. They even kick you when ur down.

Saw DSD today and it was so lovely. She wants to see me and misses me, so H has agreed we can still have time together when he sees her. Also lets DSD and DD develop their lovely sister relationship. At least he's being sensible there. Know it won't last long term, as he acts normal for a while then goes back to type, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

Saw sol today - she says I am right to stop overnight stays and that no court in the land would let H have her - especially at his new shack up's with BB. Given me the option to issue divorce proceedings - am annoyed I held back. Know he's only been gone 2 weeks but really, what else can cuntface H do to prove he is not worthy of any feelings from me. I even gave in and hugged him when he asked today!! MENTAL

Well, the tree came from lovely 'knock off' man

and DC are back from wanker. 2 hours they were there and now they've all gone out to their friends now which is where they really wanted to be. They brought him no presents, why would they ? They prob won't see him now for at least 2 weeks cos he's going back to GF and baby (yuk).

Hope UR ok Kate that would have sent me into off the scale rage at one point ,now it pushes me away and towards my divorce,if you need to rage rage even if its insomniac couch punching at four in the morning

Hi everyone,
Cheers Goog not long to got til the hols now. I'm hanging in at school on a fraying thread! Xmil left tonight. What a relief she is well meaning and has helped a lot but boy am I drained!
Deluded I found out that my x had cheated via a txt on hols in Oct. Such a fecking cliche! Never dreamed it would happen me trusting soul that I am! I was in total shock as I thought things were good. Often counted my blessings that our family life was so much fun and had worked out in the end. (We split 7yrs ago over his dope smoking and lack of support when ds1 arrived but got back together 2 yrs later and had 2 more babes) Never once among his faults did i suspect him of infidelity. So we lived under one roof until last week in Nov when we had an awful argument I still get the shivers when I think of it, and it was a relief to be shot of him. I told him to leave, he still comes here to see the boys so I grin and bear it but he gets on my nerves now big time. Most men don't leave to be alone unlike women so there may well be someone in the wings. It is nothing to do with you anyway you are worth much more and you will realise that too some day.Anyway take care everybody.
x

Botg the hugs will wear off LOL. You need to google oxytocin bonding aswell ggm just explains our addiction to bastards sort of ,well just another treason to add to out list x

Kate - bet u r hopping mad!! Do you think something positive will come out of contact with OW? Just worry for you that it's engaging in something which may have a negative effect on you. Stay strong

Deluded, we were together for 25 years before we got married. Fuck sake !

And by the way IT DOES GET BETTER

after the divorce when all that horrid legal stuff is over.

You ok Starting ? Give Norm a Christmas shag from me . I think I've probably 'healed up' after all this time.

Sorry, it's after 9pm and I've hit the'vulger hour'

Thanks for the good vibes. xxx

We are all wonderfull aren't we. Don't ya just bloody love us......I do and our kids do too.

I actually feel sorry for exh that he won't be here with the DC on xmas day L0OSER.

Urban - I didn't want the hug - trust me. He wanted a happy xmas hug and whn I stood there, he said 'it's not a bad thing' {to want a hug}, so I gave him one (oo-er, you know what I mean) Just gets me how I know he's not really into BB, it's just easier too run away. He commented on my hair, clothes. I could have him in bed any time. That hurts more in a way. He can walk away from all he had like it's nothing but still expect a hug. CUNT!

Good luck with the tree pink
!

Thanks Patience. If I had my way it would still be tied up lying on the floor in it's plastic netting in 2 weeks time !

He did the whole 'mental anguish' thing (if anyone is following Solost thread - they'll know what I mean)

So I let him blub for a bit and tell me how he's falling apart - when I told him his tears were for himself, and how pathetic he is.

Also pointed out that if he was actually in mental torture then he would he actually be able to be in a really bad car crash, then STILL go to the wedding with his OW, then stay over at a hotel - socialising with her family, then come back to OUR home and cook her a meal and potentially shag her in my bed.

While I look after our ill children.

Seriously WTF, I told him a few home truths. He says he didn't tell me about his feelings for OW because he didn't want to hurt me. I told him in no uncertain terms that he didn't tell me about the OW because he knows I would have kicked his sorry arse to the curb - if he hadn't given up all contact and tried to work on our relationship.

He let me leave, uproot the dc, move into a tiny house while he gives me now money for them and he was still denying her...I told him that any other man with some bollocks would have left the house and given me and the dc some stability.

He has offered to give me her phone number so I can speak to her - told him no. Got to be a face to face chat - so I can see her and move on.

I don't really want to and probably wont but I am so sick and tired that I left to give him (them!) space - uprooted the kids and they are having a cosy meal in MY bloody kitchen.

I just found it all so confusing how mine still lies to me yet thinks we should be able to stay amicable BTW I believed all his lies couldn't believe the thrill of being single could fuel his cruelty but it has,still blows my head off what he has done but no presents from dcs this year ,he hasn't mentioned Xmas and its Dec 21st welldone surviving mil maybee that's serenity 4 ya.Kate although I would be tempted re ow confrontation,this will make you look bovvered,ultimatelywe are all aiming for indifference,my X is meant to be just friends aswell ,thing is now I hardly see him and I just don't give a fuck where he is putting it,as long as its nowhere near me .wow how times have changed,touchscreen phones welcome to 2011

I'm not really going to go into their work - I am just lashing out and it is literally the only way to make him suffer.

Which sounds really horrible and bitter but I think because I am generally a very zen type person, who is nice to everyone he really did think that I would lie down, let him carry on with his OW in my house, while I manage with the dc every night and not bat an eye.

I feel like a fool for leaving the home, and I know that he doesn't want me to speak to her because he has probably been untruthful to her as to why I left.

I am angry, but not teary - just really narked off. I hope he has a sleepless night now like I have had a million of.

I'll detach tomorrow, promise.

Push for house sale Kate ,I agree re ow in UR home id kill him ,(sad but true my serenity is a work in progress)how the feck are you meant to move on when he is such a SUJ she needs a good slap too
DISCLAIMER Patience is not suggesting Kate kills H or slaps Ow (just showing empathy to fellow dumpling)

Pink

have you seen a muppet Xmas Carol I think you'd like it out on Dvd

Kate - I love your attitude to your ex - I'm such a coward with men. My exbf phoned for a chat a couple of weeks ago and I calmly listened while he told me that despite what his friends said about me he ws really glad we'd split up and he could talk to me for hours cos he was really upset at being nearly 45 and being on his own again and that he did still have "the odd little twinge" about me you know? And all the while I knew he was back on the dating website and I said nothing! Fool that I am! Mind you, after his friendly little text last week that I didn't reply to I think he's got the message. Although tbh he's SUCH a narc I don't think I'll have crossed his mind once since!
Kate - have you been to a sol to find out whether he is allowed to be in your house when you and DCs aren't? I think you should because I think you have more rights to that house than him. My sol told me that mums usaully stay in marital home (I know you weren't married but you know what I mean) and can stay there until DCs are old enought to move out. It's a very awful form of torture for you to go to your house and see signs of his new life. A Bit like looking on fb at your ex but much much worse! And hell, if it makes you feel better to go to his work just do it. It will be completely humiliating for him. I couldn't do it, although I had some deranged fantasies last night about going to exbf's village pub and pouring a drink over him in front of everyone. THEN I thought I could phone crimestoppers and tell them that he deals dope - haha! I wish I had the courage but it's just negative emotions you know and they're just soul destroying really.
BOTG - you are really going through the thick patch at the moment my love. Promise it will get easier.
Pink - I'm with you on the eating front. Usually I can't eat when I'm upset but I think these ADs are making me eat! Never eaten so much in my life!
Patience - not read the Susan Jeffers book - looking forward to my other 3 arriving. Look on that website I posted - the prints are bloody great! CD man emailed to say looking forward to our cup of tea in the New Year. Hee hee. Field studies with the new me here I come! Going to look at that new term you mentioned now. Thanks guru

I think that I need him to feel the consequences of his actions. He really does think that we should be friends, I should 'move on' and should not have a problem with him entertaining the OW in my house.

He has hinted that he will stop seeing the girls a) as a threat if I speak to OW and b)because he is finding it 'difficult' to cope with them at the moment. FFS he has them for a couple of hours and one night a week.

How can they do this to their kids?

I asked him what was more important and he said at this precise moment in his life she was :(

WHAT????? HE SAID WHAT??????
Even my horribly selfish and aggressive exh has always said our dcs come first. What a total bastard. I can't believe this Kate. He doesn't deserve to see them then. And they should never be made to feel less important than this woman. My God. I thought I'd heard it all. He has no soul and no heart. You and your girls are really best off away from him. I'm so sorry. Especially for them. Thank goodness they have you.

OH MY GOD kate - poor you! If H said that about DD I don't think I could NOT punch him in the face

He may act like it sometimes but to have the bare face cheek to say it!! Arse!!

Trouble is, he is never going to see the consequences of his actions. My exbf and a lot of the men mentioned on here, are NEVER going to see the consequences of their actions. It's futile trying to try. My exbf also wants to be instant friends, to the point where he talks about his relief at us breaking up TO ME, as if I wasn't involved at all. They don't want to be friends. It's a narc thing (see website), they just want other people to think "Oh she's friends with him, so she must be ok with the situation. He's not a shit afterall". Poor deluded bastards that they are.

Push for house sale Kate ,I agree re ow in UR home id kill him ,(sad but true my serenity is a work in progress)how the feck are you meant to move on when he is such a SUJ she needs a good slap too
DISCLAIMER Patience is not suggesting Kate kills H or slaps Ow (just showing empathy to fellow dumpling )

Pink

have you seen a muppet Xmas Carol I think you'd like it out on dvd