Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 10

[googoomama]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity
:) :(

What we need to remember is they havn't treated us like friends. Friends are truthful, kind, put our feelings first and treat us with respect.

They want to be friends to appease their guilt at treating us like crap..how bad can they have been if we still want to remain friends with them?

I have told my ex - one day in the distant future I may be able to 'act' friendly towards him - but I will NEVER be his friend.

The other women he has been texting and emailing and going for coffee with to discuss our relationship with...he treated them like friends. He couldn't even be arsed to try to talk to me about it - so we could try to mend it together.

goo remember - this is NOT about you. Bad things happen to good people. All the crap we get - it's about THEM, their feelings, their self interest, their cocks usually - their failings as partners and husbands.

While we support them - bringing up young children..knowing that the tough times will get better as the dc get older...they are weak and can't stay in it for the long haul - it's easier to up sticks and move on to the next woman. But we need to also remember - the man who is cruel, heartless, unthinking and a general Tossbag...is the REAL them. They may be able to put over an image of family man or sensitive Ex who remains friends with us but the truth is that - they are Tossbags.

I laugh in his face now when he says "I had hoped we could be friends and have chats on the phone"

You are right. I guess I'm just finding it difficult because I realy liked all of his friends and his friends' wives and partners and now I know I can't really stay friends with them. I don't want to go to his (tiny) village to see them because I will see him, and I know that he will be making every effort to show me in a bad light to disguise his shortcomings, as he told me he hasn't been very popular lately because of splitting with me. And I know that they have all been his friends for years and are going to continue to do so, which of course is normal. I guess I just have to accept it. And I feel so sad. Also, I know that they mattered more to me (because I am lonely and on my own so much of the time) than I did to them. It's not their fault. I just feel so lonely a lot of the time and I know I fell in love with the situation there as much as I did him. I'm mourning the little fairytale I had in my head about moving there and joining the community. And it makes me feel a bit pathetic really.

Thing that probably keeps me going is although he may think of his kids everyday ,he certainly isnt bothered about me ,the guy is a prick.
Kids summed it up in the early days "Daddy still loves us but he just doesnt love you anymore "Quite logical if ur 3 and 4yo i suppose no point mentioning the 16yr relationship ,x2 pregnancies etc.

Getting all you can do is celebrate Getting ...buy a huge feck off present for ur xmas ,dont worry about not affording it you've fucking earned it .Its all business now so get what ur owed !!!

OK so i didnt fancy sky man[u were right ggm]
so difficult to assess the whole assignment realistically ,but i think [and this has happened b4 with someone else i didnt fancy]
if men have kids and a wife they talk about kids and a wife because usually by the time ur 40 that is a huge chunk of ur life .[my 3yo bloke has never mentioned wife,ro or dcs btw]Anyway they were mega quick ,tidy job done and v polite .So now i have sky +hd ,awaiting landline connection for broadband rock n roll ,merry xmas to me .Thought of u getting when they moved my xmas tree ,it was leaning but had a book stuck under the base ,now its stood in the middle of the room lol!
Had a good chat with my dad today re xmas day , i said if it was just me i wouldnt be crossing the front step ,he said he understood and i just said i cant be bothered with anyone elses bullshit at the moment ,if its not death ,divorce or serious illness its not really registering on my radar.
Bought this mega clutch bag for dd today she saw it out shopping and big fat tears when she didnt get it .Pink with sparkles and a bow .
OOOh its beginning to look a lot like xmas.
Aim for independent thinking ladies that is my motto for 2011,
ggm who gives a flying fuck about his self serving,
i would be more bothered about my own self service ...did you order ur RR yet lol!
What a laff re sky bloke ,they go in all ur cupboards etc looking where to lay cable and he was moving boxes when i thought ,i know RR used to live there but im sure i moved it .

43yo bloke

Getting yes what it is with these dummies and flash cars? XP said to me "at least OW is interested in what I am interested in, you didn't even bother looking at the car never mind take an interest". That's because it's just a F*@king CAR!!!!! He only bought it in the first place to pull little miss materialistic!
Sov you sound like you are getting stronger. I think that I am slightly too although I am in angry phase. The more time that goes by the more I can actually see the problem is with him not with me. He wants to throw away a partner who would stick with him through thick and thin, waited on him hand and foot, and let him do whatever he wanted, and replace her with a little flirty airhead who will get sick of him once she has had her fun and his money has run out. Deluded fool.
Goo you are not a F*@cker, I can tell just from MN forum that you are a decent, genuine person. My friend said to me this afternoon, when I was doubting myself again as to if I could have done something different to stop XP running off with a tart, "we all have faults, no-one is perfect and if you are mature enough to know this then you shouldn't worry about it". Too right, I have faults but I don't lie, don't cheat, don't fritter money, and don't intentionally hurt anyone so I should be proud and hold my head up high. As should all us dumplings! It's not us, it's them!!!

Goo you are NOT PATHETIC.
Anyone that doesnt work to support his kids but deals dope in his 40s or wtf age he was ,is PATHETIC.Like LC says you have to go through it to get past it ,but ur not to blame ,it would have been great to move to the little village ,but its not happening because bloke is a twat !
I think you will enjoy melody beatties book a bit glum at the start i thought cos a lot of pennies drop but her point is you can change the behaviour when you recognise it ,the bitches one is fun but lots of serious stuff ,not read the games one what is it called again ggm?
I ordered Virginia Woolf so will let you know how that goes

Patience you make me laff about Sky man. I had visit from Sky man about 3 weeks ago and he was ok looking, youngish but unfortunately XP sh*tehead has made me totally scared of men now so no flirting or anything :(

Also remember that we are taught patterns ,usually by parents ,about how to react ,cope etc in life .Remember exs are taught these patterns aswell ,its not about beating ourselves up that we had faults in our marriage its , about learning and growing and using this time in our lives to our advantage ,nobody will walk over you again if you but a bit of work into this ,everytime you have a wobble ,recognise the feeling and think how can i strengthen myself ,face the fear head on .SH i agree ,i may have enabled his drinking and pub life but i didnt think he was lying to me ,i certainly didnt think he would come back and visit for 4 mths lying to me about his address and how he had stopped drinking ,thats just fecking warped ,he totally lost track of what was lies and what wasnt ,nobody needs that craziness in their life and when i found him out he just got aggressive ,tells me it takes 2 to tango and break up was 50-50 blame and how all he has tried to do is keep things amicable over the last year for the kids [ps this was said 2 weeks ago ROFL ]

Just remember semi detatched is half way to detatched x

Aye good lookin younger sky man was outside cursing ,doing the dish ,so cant report back on that .I played it cool watching Barbie Nutcracker while cable installation took play ,told him we had muppet xmas carol on b4 but he had missed it ,didnt seem bothered ,but i just thought PHILISTINE !

Have spent the last few hours trying to read and catch up, dont think ive took much in tbh

Googoo, you made a comment about your XH affecting you still, i didnt realise that my XXP was still affecting me after 12 years apart but i have finally realised it and when i FINALLY get a councelling appointment that will be something we deal with first, i am making a conciese(sp) effort now though like accepting compliments, my XXP was mentally abusive (as well as physical) and told me i was worse than shit and even with X i couldnt accept a compliment i just brushed them off and didnt believe him but when i went out the other week and had compliments given i just smiled and said thank you (still didnt really believe them but im a work in progress :o)

Broadband was meant to be sorted today but it's all gone wrong so dont know when i'll have it back on will just have to keep trying to plod on with the dongle for now

Waves Sov from fellow plodder !
I agree re work in progress maybe i am on the second rung of my ladder now but still along way to go ,this is my lifes journey now and im glad i got to the fork in the road that let me travel a while solo ,just to sort my head out .

Someone has broken my back fence x2 in x2 weeks ,i cant see why because back door is shut so no short cut ,ds said it def wasnt a bull mummy gap in fence is small enough for dog to go thru so its not good ,will see what happens but i am guessing it is a man's fault lol!

Evening Sov - sorry that your xxp was a shit too. You deserve so much better and you will get better and find a lovely bloke who loves you (if you want to) in the future. Glad you had compliments when you went out - keep those in your head instead of any crap ex is telling you :)
Patience - who the hell goes round breaking fences? Someone broke a bit of mine last year before I got it replaced. Lol about bull - what a relief eh? Last thing you need is a mad bull...in the snow...

I dont know it is a mystery
ok watched end of Miranda lol she makes me laff and away to watch eastenders x

Hi all [wave] - sad to hear about the detachment problems but GLAD to hear so many 'it's not us, it's them'.
We're all going to feel that pull back into their mad worlds from time to time, but it's great to have each other to push us back into reality!
Just spent the eve wrapping pressies as exH is coming with DSD to see DD tomoro. It made me so sad, realised how little I will see of DSD now. I potty trained her, taught her to eat with a knife and fork, showed her how to ride a bike - that's just made me cry. I love her like my own child. DD is always so happy when she's here. All ruined by H - he's like a cancer, creeps in, ruins lives.
I so don't want him in my life but I hate sitting here alone and I'm dreading xmas week
That's turned into a depressing rant - sorry!!

Hello everybody,
i'm so tired so this is just a short one. xmil is still here. She leaves tomorrow night so that will be a relief. She does not stay with me she stays in a b and b. She has been helpful but I am more tired than I would be with her here. X thinks he is more entitled to be here without clearing it with me. She is happy to play happy families as if nothing ever happened when he is around despite the fact that she said she was here to see the boys and not him. Anyway I left tonight and wandered the aisles of Asda. I just wish sometimes I could do nothing in my free time but i always end up galloping around doing chores.
Goog Thanks for link it hits home my x could not handle any criticism at all. I wonder why I attracted him and put up with so much. I come from a family where people are v straight and direct about things. Who knows? Will take a leaf out of Patience's book and learn how to steer well clear of charming undesirables again. What is suj anyone?
Goog don't berate yourself for having dreams of a community village life, that sounds like a lovely aspiration. I look forward to our wild womens night oot in Jan.
Deluded You need to get him out so you can survive this. I used to follow my x around quizzing him on all the horrible things he did and just ended up tormenting myself. You need space from him if you can get it.
Getting How crap of your x to do that. You do well to hold your tongue. I feel like telling my 8yr old why we split as he still blames me but I will hold back. keep enjoying the positive wee things in life and you will get there.
My 15 month old is poorly. He was sick in the night and had a fever this am. It will be ok but it is tough going when they get sick. I went to work anyway and the smt women landed me with a really heavy timetable-cover all day. So in exasperation I spilled the beans to another colleague. actually I told the tale without crying and it felt like a bit of a relief. her son is going thru a divorce too. anyway as soon as I got in the car I just wept and then was ok.
Anyway i'm off tomorrow hurray, there's a party at toodlers with santa coming so I intend to enjoy it even if mil tags along!
goodnight everyone.

Screwed Up Jerk!?!

Botg How sad that you won't see your dsd as much now. Could you not find a way around that to so you and your dd could see her without him? Christmas is a tricky time of year just get in goodies that you like and watch all the tv you like. Lie low and just be treat it as a do v little winter fest.

Thanks - that's a great idea about the treats and laying low. Dunno how DD will handle quiet days - 14 months and full of beans. I feel tremendous guilt if I don't take her out every day! Don't think I will be able to see DSD more - she lives quite far away (exH's pattern is to have a child and leg it hundreds of miles apparently!) and he only sees her once a month but can't imagine he'll let me see her every time he sees her. Will have to wait that one out.

Sounds like you're having a rough time with MIL and X. Well done for not engaging with them over entitlement. It is so hard to do that! Make sure you do find some free time to just relax and remember the chores will be there

Waves to all..........

Well last assignments completed & delivered to campus just on time . Have read back most of thread & will start posting again tomorrow.

Morning all. Am lurking and trying to keep up with thread but is a bit of a challenge.

Big day in the Happy household today with DS. BE snowed in so will be solo with DS. Prayers please or positive thoughts ladies.

Will try to update later.

Waves to all.

Thinking of you happy x

Hope it goes well Happy and sorry you are having to deal with it on your own

Hi Maybee - how long did you have to carry on living with yours when you became a dumpling? My memory seems to have gone into overdrive; I am remembering stuff that I had forgotten about.

Have most dumplings become dumplings because there is an OW? Am I unusual?

Getting, bit late but wanted to comment on your xh behaviour and say I can totally understand how you must feel furious. My xp no longer sees the OW but I think it would have helped me to detach so these OW's do have their uses I suppose - use that anger positively. You can't control his behaviour or actions. Your dc's will understand that.

Deluded, i was about to say no there was no OW involved in mine but as i started to type i realised i was wrong, there was, it wasnt a full blown affair but it was a emotional affair
X claims nothing happened till after we split but i dont believe him as he was spending a lot of time with her and her brother before we split and i think thats when he started having feelings for her
I find there always seems to be an OW lurking somewhere even if the men claim they turned up afterwards, you can usually garuntee(sp) that they met before the end of the relationship

Happy, my thoughts and prayers are with you today

LC, how are you doing hun?

Getting, how are you feeling today?

Starting, yay on finishing assignments, time to relax :o

BOTG, thats the horrible thing about step families, hopefully your XH will realise how much she means to you and you to her and try to keep her in each others life

Maybee, i'm like that re chores but i am starting to force myself to do nothing

Patience, lol @ bull, where do they get their ideas from

Googo, hows the snow at your end? are you stocked up enough that it wont matter if you dont make it to your parents for Xmas?

Well i text X last night to see if he wanted to come talk about DC, as i really want him here for DD's 1st Xmas and feel that if the DC dont seem him then it will ruin it for them, he said he'd be round then 2 hours later blew me off, so i have made my effort now it down to him to make his i'm not chasing after him

Why do i keep trying to make their relationship work? ffs