Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 10

[googoomama]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity
:) :(

Oh Kate your hurt sounds just like mine. OW is 17 years his junior and he gave her a job during her uni holidays. I look back now and can see that it was almost like him grooming her right from the start. It makes me feel so used to know that he was keeping me hanging on just in case this girl rebuffed him. He always made out they were just friends and she would never go for him. But what kind of 37 year old man has a 20 year old friend that is a girl? I don't have any male friends who are in their fifties, just wouldn't have anything in common. I've been a mug, I can see that now. The missing him feeling is fading to be replaced by the useless feeling and the anger.

Kate - top girl. I'm on my own this weekend too. Woke with panic attack, done nothing all day but finally found some serenity tonight.
My exh owns a fish factory and his young gf works in the crab factory round the corner. Haha! Least they both stink of fish...:)
I knew she liked him the summer before we split up cos as I said the other night she brought him a pink novelty pencil back from Ibitha. Not exactly Virginia Woolf is it? Sweet though, I guess, when you're 19. And you want to impress a 35 year old!

Goo thanks. I know one day I might want to be in MIL life again but by then so much time will have passed I am sure it will be difficult. I'm not ruling out even being XP's friend one day but not whilst he is with scutter and not whilst he is still a unlikeable, arrogant, pathetic, lying, cheat (you can tell that I am in that angry phase now - but yes still hurtin).

Patience - good advice. Yea, I thought I could finely tune the wanker radar as you call it. How can you find out if your connection bloke is single? You need to get him into conversation...
Cross posting going on all over the place here...

Just test out ur zero tolerance standards on him and see what happens,nothing wrong with having a friend ,just remember you are a work in progress ,but this could be another field study module

Hurtin - glad you're entering the angry phase. I've been there this past week (and I was only seeing my exbf for a year) gone backwards a little bit today but the angry phase is good I like it. Keeps you going. Do you have DCs hurtin? That could be a way of keeping in touch with your MIL...

No DCs with him thank goodness. That is why it has been easy to cut off from his family, easy I mean in a way I have no reason to contact them ever again not easy in the way it has affected my feelings. I miss them all, they were really lovely to me and after all those years I really felt part of the family. They have sent me Xmas cards but I am just ignoring them, cruel to be kind, or just cruel I don't know.

Patience - I don't want to give him my address though. Would you give a bloke you'd never met your address? Feel I have to protect myself and the kids.
Lol - yes, funnily enough I was thinking along the using the situation as a field study thing too. Just meeting him and being totally myself and seeing how many danger signs I could spot...that wouldn't do me any harm actually and I'm sure we will remain friends anyway cos he's got good taste in music and a good sense of humour if nothing esle. Feeling quite pleased with myself because in the past I've wanted to jump straight into another relationship but after 2 long years of dating and making the same mistakes I really don't feel like I need a man to make me happy. I've finally reached th point of realising that only I can make myself happy. Hooray!

Goo you are so strong. Don't know how I will ever find another man ever again. I know it's early days but this one has ruined my trust and self belief.

Hurtin - funnily enough I'm in the same situation with exbf's friends (men and especially women) who i got on so well with. I'm really missing them but ignoring them at the moment and part of me is feeling quite hurt that they like him, which is stupid because they're going to be his friends no matter how many girlfriends he has. AND he's told me that he's not very popular at the moment because he's dumped me and one of his women friends (who I realy like) has "ranted" at him. So I shouldn't feel betrayed that they are his friends. But it's a funny feeling. Because they are connected with him I feel that this has somehow spoilt our friendships. That's just life I guess. I feel for you though. You feel that you have lost a family. I do too - the whole of his village that I was part of.
You will be ok you know. Go out and concentrate on all of your friends and work on building new friendships this year. That's what I'm going to do :)

Hurtin - I'm not really strong. In the past, I've been a fool over men. I have very little self belief or self worth (which I hide well behind lots of crap humour) but I'm going to work on it this year. I'm far too trusting and naive (borders on stupidity) and I could do with being less trustful of men really. 2011 will be the year for more scepticism! I think I'm probably still suffering the emotional fallout from exh leaving 3 years ago really. Been learning about myself ever since.

Goo thanks, you sound so kind and wise. XP and I have a joint friend who actually introduced us and he has gone cool with her because she thought he was being a prize twunt (which he is) and isn't telling him that he's doing the right thing with this youngster. So he doesn't get in touch with her much now. Typical arrogant arse. I have never been in touch with her that much but I know I will find out if things go tits up for him from her so I don't need to keep in touch with his family - they will always think sun shines out of his rear anyway.
And yes, I am gradually realising how many great friends I do actually have. It's times like these that they rally round and I am so grateful. And I intend to make 2011 a different year, it can't be any worse than turning 40 and being dumped can it?

You got xmas cards from ils ,WOW i have 2 dcs and NOTHING ,
ggm lol at Boots story ,did i tell u pic in magazine the other day with Posh and Barry Manilow and ds look at Barry and said that looks like MIL ,out of the mouths of babes and all that .

Hi all,

I've had a slight skim through. Can't seem to concentrate much on reading atm and loose track.

Hope your evening out is good Getting.

I was supposed to be going to a party but it was cancelled. Quite relieved really. Don't like parties much and nothing to wear anyway.

Been pottering round (makes me sound ancient)

tidying kitchen etc, radio on, eating crap, warm and cosy, DC all out........bliss.

Feel so sorry for all the people stuck in the snow having a terrible time. 3 people have been killed.

Googoo, meet him for a tea.......nothing to loose.

Chairmum.....WELL DONE on losing a stone

Glad WQ is ok.

I feel so un christmassy. Can't be arsed with it all. Can't face getting the tree etc but will have to for the DC. All seems like such hard work on top of everything else. Got hardly any pressies to buy cos my dc are teens and just want £££. Fair enough but not very festive. This will be my second xmas without xh. The more I think about him, the more I realise that he never really met any of my emotional needs. He was always distracted and selfish but I'd have done anything for him, I loved him unconditionally. It's a shame that through our split my family is now totally broken and shot to pieces. He so wasn't worth the damage he's caused. Think I need to go to bed, I'm getting all weepy. Need the distraction of telly in bed .

i know how hard it must be to have babies and toddlers without a nice H being around to share the load. It must be so hard and tiring. I was spared that but the worry of being the sole carer of teens is really hard too. I'm all they've really got and they're the only family I have left and I love them so unbelievebly much, they're such amazing kids. DS2 is at a gig and DS1 has just come home and gone out again with his friends so I'll go to bed now but can't sleep properly till they're saftely back home whenever that may be and when the last one is back then I go to sleep properly with a big smile on my face cos they're home and safe.

Sorry, I'm getting a bit maudling now. All this snow creates such a strange atmosphere, all quiet and weird but also chaotic and destructive.

Night all, sleep well. xxx

Ok this bloke is someone i chat to once a week ,he spoke to me quite a lot last week but i prob wont see him now til mid jan lol!Don't want a big deal relationship ,but would be nice to get asked out for a night out but not ready to be in bed with anyone right now ,ok maybe bend that rule for chris o donnell.

Oh fuck NO re address ,no way ,what if he starts camping outside your door serenading you .You havent got time for that ,just do coffee in a busy busy place .
Will def do nite out in Jan though ,looking forwards to it x

Hi Pink - my evening out was cancelled too and I've been pottering as well - doesn't make you sound old at all!
Sorry you're feeling weepy and yes Christmas is a big pain in the arse, epsecially when you're broken hearted. I don't have much energy for it all either and I have to be so upbeat for the DCs who are only 4 and 7 - I want them to have a great time. Got to buy batteries for the new toys tomorrow and it's like a bloody foreign language.
And you're right - the snow makes a funny atmosphere - sort of surreal like real life has stopped. Much love - have a good cry, it always helps - wish I could do it more often xx
Patience - Barry Manilow - priceless! Going to wathc a film myself tomorrow night - the curious case of...can't remember but Brad's in it. Another connection there obviously!
Hurtin - you're a top lady. Next year will be better you know. I had a near meltdown two weeks ago when I turned 38 on my own, snowed in without the kids, who were at their dad's. Just thought it couldn't get any worse. Dumped (again) 38, on my own. But then I think - it can only get better. And it will! For all of us dumplings! Hang in there, keep on truckin'! :) :)

38 thats just a child LOL
im 39 ,i go over to the darkside next year

DD keeps repeating "Christmas is Carnage !!!"
I was a bit then she said it is what the duck in Babe says .So i guess if ur a duck /goose turkey infact anything with feathers but not a chicken then xmas is indeed a worry.I havent done any shopping ,well a disney princess set and ben 10 toothbrush ,but m&d have gone to argos with a toy list 4me .Just have kids all the time and NOWHERE to hide toys ,bit worried about how Santa is getting here but staying positive re finding a solution b4 next friday night .

Haha! The darkside eh? I'm quite looking forward to turning 40 actually. Think the 40s are going to be good. They have to be better than the bloody thirties! Good idea to get your parents to get the presents. You do a great job Patience on your own with no respite. Maybe you could get them to keep the pressies at their house and wrap em for you before bringing em round on Friday night? Are you having Christmas at your flat? I'm going to take my boys' presents to my mum and dad's house (17 miles away) next week while childminder looks after them for a bit. Then hopefully I'm going up there on Christmas Eve - as long as the snow isn't too bad.
Just booked a theatre trip for me, the kids and grandparents for week leading up to New Year. Going to see Wind in the Willows (they love that story) at the Uni theatre which always does really good non cheesy and very funny shows. We're going to Pizza Express first as a treat. I'm really looking forward to it!
Well, I've emailed bloke and said why don't we meet up for a CD swapping cuppa in the New Year. Funny isn;t it but not hoping for any romance - it would just be nice to be friends with a bloke in RL - he'll be useful for a male perspective in the future I'm sure :)

Oh and definitely speak to the bloke again Patience. If he's talking to you that's a good sign - he obviously feels a connection of some kind too. And there's nowt wrong with going out for a nice meal with an attractive man love. Nowt at all!
Looking forward to a night out. Very exciting. Never been to Glasgow :)
Your DD sounds great. She's right as well. Christmas is carnage!
My 4 yo was singing "I hate Santa Claus!" very merrily the other night, then he tried to press the "snowflake" on the phone to speak to him "I'm a good boy you know Santie. Are you there?!" he was saying.

I think the whole thing is im stopping fighting it now im nearly forty ,i dont have to compete with the younger ones ,im a mum and proud of it,i look after myself much more than i ever did and my quest for inner peace is what will bring me my inner confidence that will be magnetic to all single males in my age range x

See that what makes me think bloke is single he is upbeat and positive so i dont think he is married with dcs LOL
But he hasnt made an attempt to obviously chat me up ,but talking is good and patienceobtainsallthings x

But i also need to let him know i am single ,will attempt all this by march 2011 x

Wise wise words PAtience. I need to get to that point. I have low self worth really. When I go out with a bloke I always try and make myself look perfect, act perfectly. do the things he wants to do. I'm not going to do that anymore. I have to get to the point where I think - this is me, it's going to take a special bloke to be with me and my kids and nothing else will do. I'll get there :)
You can easily let him know you're single - just drop it into the conversation subtlely. And yes, you're right - upbeat and positive usually equals single in a bloke! And you are a proud and mighty woman Patience - that's why I like your posts! You're giving me a lot of good advice and you've really helped me on here - thank you!

Morning all.

googoo tread warily around cd man.

patience funny you talking of the darkside ie 40 plus. I am 44 and the last 6 months have taken their toll on my appearance what with poor sleep,too much wine ,smoking and a total lack of any grooming. I was considering make up or something before the party and just couldnt face it. Up until recently I havent really noticed myself apart from gaining weight but now I am feeling soo much better I have realised I want to look good again. 2011 operation pamper and improve !!

All the chat about MIL and FIL,s was interesting. Mine are lovely but not local and when he left she said to me xh is my son and we dont stand in judgement on him or you . She also said if there was ever anything they could do just say the word and I do think she meant it. We spoke on the phone very briefly a couple of times but when he announced he wouldnt be back that stopped and its like we have mutually decided to leave it. I think she doesnt want to confront my pain and while she isnt speaking to me she can buy into the shit xh peddles about us mutually splitting,nothing to do with ow etc.For my part until recently all I would have to say to her is nasty stuff about her son and why would I want to do that. The dc go and stay with them and have reasonable contact and I can see a time in the future when I would have them visiting and be able to be "more tea vicar" rather than Jeremy Kyle.

Patience film fest sounded good, love Toy Story ! All these months you have cited spring 2011 as your goal for stuff any reason ?

googoo sorry your night got cancelled but it looked like a good old dumpling chin wag last night with Kate,Still and Patience !

Pink go for the lean on the Christmas Tree its really empowering and how about treating yourself to something you wouldnt normally a la Mumfun ? Hope you feel bit more chipper this morning.

My party was fab great music and the miracle of wine that transformed a sneezing rheumy getting at 6pm into a dancing fiend getting at 4am . This time last year one of the women in the group met a man . 3 weeks later she announced she was leaving her dh and 3dc to be with him. It was all very weird. Anyway she didnt go and they have remained married but she has continued to see om initially secretly but now secretly but blatantly iyswim. I was chatting to her dh last night and he says he has come down on the side of wanting to continue living with his dc and that he loves her and sooner or later she will tire of om and they will continue where they were before om.

Amazing really I just couldnt contemplate that at all but I do see where he is coming from. Seeing him at different socials though over the months I think little by little its destroying him and he doesnt see it

Its very snowy here and you are right Pink its peculiar. The dc got stuck on the roads for 8 hours with xh yesterday trying to visit ils so I hope they have some fun in the snow today.

I dont know if its being bit poorly or the time of year but I am feeling quite odd atm sort of detached from myself . Hard to explain and its starting to irritate me so I hope it stops today.

I am a bit jaded as got home in the wee hours but still woke up around the normal time. Am off seeking something nice for breakfast in town in a minute see you later

Bleurgh full of cold, it's a head cold too so I'm feeling very spaced out and very tired at the moment. Totally exhausted.

So this is why I'm AWOL at the moment, I can't think clearly, feel cold and keep sneaking back into bed. Last night I went to bed mega early.

My DD was invited to a birthday party this afternoon at 2pm. Trying to decide whether to still go or not now as the snow isn't that deep here, maybe 4 inches but the roads are treacherous. Not quite near enough to walk but would only be 5 maybe 10 minutes in a car.

I got caught out yesterday in the sudden snow fall and was stuck for 2 and a half hours not moving, also made an arse of myself following some people down a ramp out of a car park that was supposed to be for the people going up, not down I was getting desperate as my boy was screaming and I hadn't moved for 20 mins, they all got out successfully and I met someone coming the other way, I then tried to move and slid sideways and ended up with a man in another car shouting at me. Serves me right as I should have done it, I was just feeling desperate to get home