Chin Up and Tits Out for the Recently Ditched No. 10

[googoomama]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity
:) :(

Patience, please send me some of your detachment for 2011. My stocks need replenishing. Whereas xp is detaching from us very well it would seem. Ho hum.

If I could order detatchment from Amazon I'd bulk buy it...
Friend been and gone. Here I am on my own. Night is looming. Glad this thread exists!

Hello ladies,

Will try to catch up on this thread at least but I just wanted to pop on to say I'm doing great despite STBXH's new girlfriend (who lives in Spain and will only be here for Xmas) and various other challenges. Feel very happy to be single and in charge of my own life! Oh and I've lost more than a stone on weightwatchers :)

Hello to all those I recognise, and to the new people!

Googoo, liked your post. I feel same every night re going to bed alone. I know I did it before XP but you just get used to that close, cosy feeling don't you? And it is nice to have another body's warmth next to you. I normally end up crying myself to sleep as this is the time I forget all his faults and miss him most. And my mind is not occupied so naturally goes into overdrive about the whole sorry mess over and over.

Littlecritter, how you doing? Have been worried bout you.

Kate thats priceless oh for a dd whose dad isnt the xh

Sorry Kate just realised how that sounds, feeling off tonight

Getting - don't worry, I knew what you meant - someone old enough and distanced enough to give an objective perspective! Wish I'd had your daughter's insight when I was her age Kate - it would have saved me a lot of bother!
Getting - don't be so hard on yourself tonight love - you are with friends on here and we all know how fab, kind and wise you are. You are allowed to feel "off" and being on here will help.
Hi Still and LC - hope you are both ok. Still - thanks for the post - somehow it's comforting to know that somebody else feels like me. And Getting - I wish I loved sleeping alone - bit jealous! I also wish that I was ready to just be with myself and not rush into another relationship - it's going to take a lot of strength on my part not to go on a dating website but I'm going to be strong. Now that I know what lies are in exbf's profile I just don't think I can trust those sites anymore.

No getting I understand. I would hate for ds to turn out like his father and I wish he had a father with integrity. Is that what you mean?

hey getting Didn't take it any way - made me ! His relationship with my eldest has always been an issue..he always resented her :( but, it was hard to work at mending their relationship when I had the 2 younger girls...she is really pleased we have split - so it's quite refreshing to have someone in the house who isn't upset by the split. She is very dry and funny :)

Patience remeber what time of year it is -he's just feeling the family pull of Christmas. Hell soon revert to type in the New Year.

And Patience - trust your instincts. No way. I also think it's a bit of Christmas sentimentality. You are right to protect your dc above all else. Too right.

Evening morning all :o

Had a really really shit birthday but have been out tonight, have tried reading but really cant so will be back tomorrow, hope everyones ok xx

Waves to everyone ,snowing here so bought lots of videos from cancer research shop and sitting in with toy story 2 ,barbie scooby doo and the incredible journey today .Waves to chairmum was thinking of you and baby anya s 1st xmas ,so glad ur feeling good ,glad you got out Sov ,i think i get the prize for never getting a nite out ever ,i used to get out to counselling and alanon but cant even do that now lol,rock and roll .All changing in the new year btw!
I think X has been homeless for a year and perhaps accomodation is now happening esp if OW is on the scene .He could be having someone cook & clean for him and stay over.
Anyway will fight him re overnight stays atm ,not putting my kids at risk.I dont see that he can just jump in and be "daddy" when he chooses ,then piss off again and get drunk ,he has caused so much harm to my dcs already.
Ok 101 dalmations is on [the remake]take care x

Sov - sorry you had a shit birthday but really glad you went out :) I had a shit birthday too a couple of weeks ago (apart from Tea and her disco which was ace!) so you're not alone. I think you've done bloody well to go out - shows how strong you really are. My motto is "The only way is up" from here - same for you too. If we work on ourselves and stay grounded, strong and bleieve in our own worth, next Christmas/birthday will be so much better. Much love to you xx
Patience - loving the proactive video buying. Last Saturday me and the boys lounged around all day in pjs watching telly and cuddling. It was really nice. I'm missing them today loads - woke up with a panic for the first time in two weeks but I'm up now and going to have a rest today and just try and relax - I find that really hard to do but here goes... And yes 2011 will be a year of social events for you Patience, starting in January - never fear!
Chairmum nice to meet you. I'm one of the newbies and don't know your story but sure we will get to know each other :)
Hope everyone else is ok Citydoll where are you? WQ are you still reading this thread? I read the other one and hope you are ok. Romney get your sparkly skirt on underneath the parka! :)

And Tea I was trying to find the previous thread we had so that I could remind myself how far I've come but I can't find it. Can you put it on here? x

did wq have another thread going ?ru cool WQ?
i just thought she might be seeing someone and chilling out ,hope so ,take care everyone x

Goo Goo have you ever read Virginia Woolf?
Going to get A Room Of One's Own and Mrs Dalloway from Santa .

Hi Patience. Yes, love Virginia Woolf! Read both of those. Room of one's own is a sort of essay by her about the reasons why thee haven't been as many great female novelists in history - if I remember rightly she says "What if Shakespeare had had a sister who wanted to write? How would it have been for her?" Mrs Dalloway one of my favourite novels but it takes some getting inot cos she pioneered this new way of narrating called stream of consciousness, so it's a bit like listening to what's spontaneously coming out of someone's brain, which can be a bit confusing at first. Mint though. Once you've read it you have to watch a brilliant film that's based loosley on the book - it's got Meryl Streep and Nicole Kidman in and it's one of the best films I've ever seen - called "The Hours". Hey, we shoudl start a little film club on here you know!
Trying not to be too down today. Miss miss miss my kids. Detatching from exbf is hard...

And my mirror typing is shit - sorry! Left handed you know. All skew whiff! :)

Oh good stuff GGM ,i think we will get our own little Bloomsbury Set going on here
Any other books you can recommend ?Still snowing here ,did you get more snow ,
Ok missed 101 dalmations but onto homeward bound /remake of incredible journey ,i want toy story 2 next but dd insisting on barbie !

hi all

My broadband has been down for a whole 6 days and have not been able to come on here, do v belated christmas shopping or anything grrr

Have not had a chance to catch up on the whole thread as time is limited but I feel like I really need to come on here for some words of wisdom quickly...

Having a down day - Had work christmas do last night (am off on mat leave so forced myself to go as have been feeling very disconnected from everyone and back early in the year) and am suffering with tiredness and HO today . I am hoping that's why everything seems so much worse than it is normally. I am having one of those days where I cannot believe he left his family - what ever the reason without even telling me he was unhappy - when you have kids together it's too important just to decide to f*ck off one day isn't it ? I hate him and will never understand how he can do it. When me and the DCs are having a lovely moment - like when we're all in the bed in the morning playing around I keep seeming to stop and think 'well yes this is nice but imagine if there was a Daddy/Husband here playing with us now' .

It's not good for anyone is it ? - the kids miss out on having their parents together and life is so much harder doing it all by yourself. My friends are all talking about moving away (with their perfect families) from London to big houses in the country and I am not even sure if I can stay in my small one. I can't help but feel a bit bitter and 'hang on i was meant to be doing that' and now I'm on my own trying to be a good mum (and dad!) , skint going back to a job that I hate but it pays decent money and might just allow me to be able to stay in the house, worrying about the effects on the DCs and just living with this fear of the future - None of this is my choice it's all his yet so many people have to live with the consequences - I HATE HIM SO MUCH and feel so cut up that the future I thought and the DC's would have has been smashed to smithereens by him .

This sounds like a big self pitying moan and I know that everyone on here must be going through or has been through this. How do you pick yourselves up on days like these as I am feeling really sad and really bleak. He did originally leave over a year ago but dithered and dithered and only told me he def. didn't want to work at it at all in september 2010

HELLLP!!!

will catch up on the week's thread later - in the mean time Hi to you all xx

Hi Clouded

when most of us get days like this we try to just be kind to ourselves, duvet day, bubbly bath, LARGE bar of choc whatever makes you feel ok, dont try to do too much, the pots and all other cleaning can wait (unless thats how you like to destress) it will all still be waiting for us when were feeling better
Today for example i have stocked up on goodies, am spending the day in my PJs and cuddling up with my DC to watch films for the day, i have had a horrid week and my house is a health hazard atm (i think it is anyway) but bollocks to it all I need to chill today to gather my strength to face whatever comes my way next
Your still early days and the hopes and dreams we had for the future have not gone they just need to change, it's hard to see it atm but you will start making plans for you and DC for the future my X did the same just left one day and said he didnt love me anymore, it destroyed everything i thought i knew and lately he has been giving me a lot of s* but im getting there
I heard a quote the other day
If you keep looking backwards how can you see what is ahead...or something like that lol
We cannot change what has past but we can decide what lays ahead, you will get through this and you will come out stronger and happier, i like to repeat it to myself like a mantra and it seems to help me know that the feelings i have will pass and i will feel ok again

Dont know if any of this will help you but i really hope it does, sometimes it just helps to know your not alone and what your feeling is perfectly normal, because before i found this thread i thought i was losing my mind but luckily with all the support here i know i'm not and day by day im getting stronger and when i have no drama going on sometimes i actually feel happy and content something i never would have thought possibly just 4 months ago so CHIN UP AND TITS OUT!!

keep posting hun as much as you want whatever you want, were here for you :o

Hi Soverign - thanks - you speak a lot of sense.It really does help to know I am not alone and as I have said before.. I really really wish I had joined this thread at the start .

Some days I am fine - yes dare I say it Happy even (!) I have a lot to be happy about - 2 wonderful DCs, lots of friends, no family nearby but my Mum comes and stays, I love the area I live in etc but when I stop to think about how it was supposed to be - I had all these things AND a husband /father ... I didn't realise how good I had it.

He has got DD for the day today but only has DS for half the day as he is still so small - so I went and met him to get him back earlier-He only moved round the corner and we ended up stupidly walking back down the hill together as we were going to same way - It would have looked like a normal family scene walking through the snow together but I found it so painful - because that's exactly what it should have been. I can't look at him at the moment. I walked off ahead in tears at the sadness of it all and just muttered goodbye to DD. He's making small talk about DVDs and work and all I can think is 'DO YOU NOT GIVE A F*CK ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO YOUR FAMILY'

oh DS (5 months) crying upstairs. He is so lovely and he melts my heart - then I think how sad it is that he'll never even live with his own Dad. He'll do the maths one day and realise what a f*cked up situation I brought him into.

I really appreciate the support on here thankyou . I know I am way past the worst as that was when I was pregnant this time last year but just seem to be going through a horrible patch.

OK onto Barbie Nutcracker ,i am making bacon rolls and drinking camomile tea ,3 inches of snow now !

CV just feel the rage when it comes ,punch the couch kick/hit a ball ,feel ur rage of injustice ,then cry ur heart out !Just get rid of it all let ur rage of injustice out !!!!!!!!!!!!Then enjoy the calmness for a while .Its what i did and the spaces in between the rage/cry calm just gradually got bigger and bigger.

First phonecall re xmas card announcement ,think it went quite well ,told them i was well out of it and he had hooked up with a 21yo .

dd is busy teaching highland dancing for boys in her bedroom

I feel rage - having to put up with someone telling me how much they hate me. What fun being dumped is.That is the joy of him not leaving, I suppose. Any tips, anyone.

No wonder you r feeling down CV ,are you still seeing counsellor ?I just know if X evertries to get kids overnight then i will be straight onto my bloke counsellor on top tips on how to deal with it .We have all dumped everything out on here CV ,sometimes i just write what is pissing me off ,its a release but also someone might have found a way of coping that works for them that works for you too .I just think type if it helps get rid of the negative rage and you dont have it with you then when youve got dcs[well not as much of it anyway ,only when i have contact does it affect me so i hope it keeps snowing ].When it was all out in the open about my Xs tart ,my X said ,why cant you just be happy ?What a prick!