THis will be long so many apologies.
To start at the beginning of my story I have been married for 16 years and have known my dh for 28. He was my first proper boyfriend at 15 and when we split up we remained friends throughout our teenage years.
We have had a very up and down marriage. He has had many violent and difficult tantrums including putting a brick through a window on top of me and my 1 year old when I locked him out when we were rowing and throwing things at me. At one point he was also hitting our son too much round the head but stopped that one year ago when I said I would leave if he did it again. He has kicked my puppy down the stairs and hurt its leg etc etc. He has also always supported me in my choice of career even when that has meant a drop in income and has never been jealous or obstructive of friends or going out. We have three fantastic children of 9,10 and 6.
Yet something has been missing for some time and three years ago I started an affair with my business partner who is kind, gentle, loves me dearly and is married with one ds aged 9. He does however have a past as a womaniser and finds that aspect of his character difficult to control.
During the affair I blossomed and became more confident again and as my dh said started to look after myself again and re gain my identity. I suffered incredible guilt and stopped the affair on many occassions.
My dh found out at christmas and chucked me out of the house. We then got back together again and I stopped the affair. My mother was living with us and things were very hard. He spent a lot of time abroad and I missed him desperately. When he first came back from one of his trps though he had changed back to the unpleasant man who was uncaring. My Aunt had died in his absence and he asked me to get rid of my mother as I was not speaking to her at the time. It was all very stressful and at my Aunts funeral my brother remarked that he could have punched dh because of his total lack of support for me and his offish manner.
Since then I re started my affair. It is hard to resist a wonderful person whom I also work with. Then Dh found out again and this time things were worse. I stopped the affair and we went to Venice to try to resolve the issue we also started marriage guidance. We decided to give the marriage 6 months and to try our best to make a go of it.
I have worked very hard to reform and our counsellor has said to both of us that I have done so in the face of hosility and anger (this has included a return to some violence in my dh).
It got so bad that I suggested a trial separation and this started two weeks ago. I have since found out that he started a relationship with our dentist and the results of that have been on the glitterfairy support thread.
THe gist of this is that at on Monday after I found out I called the police because he assualted me in front of our kids and they made him leave. He has moved in with his new girlfriend and is now behaving very badly.
I tried to have the locks changed and he came back and stopped the man from doing it. He works from home sometimes and has insisted on being here every day. He has told the kids about new woman and has said they ahve prepared rooms for them at her house and are looking forward to seeing them there. He has said she is fascinating to them and that he is happier than he has ever been. He has also told them that she makes him laugh and I dont etc etc.
Whilst I think the marriage hs been over for some time or at least getting there I am extremely shocked and hurt at the way he has behaved.