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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What a mess

139 replies

glitterfairy · 22/09/2005 05:26

THis will be long so many apologies.

To start at the beginning of my story I have been married for 16 years and have known my dh for 28. He was my first proper boyfriend at 15 and when we split up we remained friends throughout our teenage years.

We have had a very up and down marriage. He has had many violent and difficult tantrums including putting a brick through a window on top of me and my 1 year old when I locked him out when we were rowing and throwing things at me. At one point he was also hitting our son too much round the head but stopped that one year ago when I said I would leave if he did it again. He has kicked my puppy down the stairs and hurt its leg etc etc. He has also always supported me in my choice of career even when that has meant a drop in income and has never been jealous or obstructive of friends or going out. We have three fantastic children of 9,10 and 6.

Yet something has been missing for some time and three years ago I started an affair with my business partner who is kind, gentle, loves me dearly and is married with one ds aged 9. He does however have a past as a womaniser and finds that aspect of his character difficult to control.

During the affair I blossomed and became more confident again and as my dh said started to look after myself again and re gain my identity. I suffered incredible guilt and stopped the affair on many occassions.

My dh found out at christmas and chucked me out of the house. We then got back together again and I stopped the affair. My mother was living with us and things were very hard. He spent a lot of time abroad and I missed him desperately. When he first came back from one of his trps though he had changed back to the unpleasant man who was uncaring. My Aunt had died in his absence and he asked me to get rid of my mother as I was not speaking to her at the time. It was all very stressful and at my Aunts funeral my brother remarked that he could have punched dh because of his total lack of support for me and his offish manner.

Since then I re started my affair. It is hard to resist a wonderful person whom I also work with. Then Dh found out again and this time things were worse. I stopped the affair and we went to Venice to try to resolve the issue we also started marriage guidance. We decided to give the marriage 6 months and to try our best to make a go of it.

I have worked very hard to reform and our counsellor has said to both of us that I have done so in the face of hosility and anger (this has included a return to some violence in my dh).

It got so bad that I suggested a trial separation and this started two weeks ago. I have since found out that he started a relationship with our dentist and the results of that have been on the glitterfairy support thread.

THe gist of this is that at on Monday after I found out I called the police because he assualted me in front of our kids and they made him leave. He has moved in with his new girlfriend and is now behaving very badly.

I tried to have the locks changed and he came back and stopped the man from doing it. He works from home sometimes and has insisted on being here every day. He has told the kids about new woman and has said they ahve prepared rooms for them at her house and are looking forward to seeing them there. He has said she is fascinating to them and that he is happier than he has ever been. He has also told them that she makes him laugh and I dont etc etc.

Whilst I think the marriage hs been over for some time or at least getting there I am extremely shocked and hurt at the way he has behaved.

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glitterfairy · 22/09/2005 13:29

PS no he didnt and frankly has never paid me but goes on about how my company has made no money and how he has had to bail me out. Have to say sorting the finance will be a huge relief as I dont need to feel beholden any more.

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Jackstini · 22/09/2005 13:40

Manipulative is exactly right! Well done for saying no to the coffee. (It does get easier each time you say it!) Might be worth going through all the financial paperwork when you get home so you know where things stand at the moment. He may have been lying about the company - can you get hold of any records?

glitterfairy · 22/09/2005 14:13

Yes when I did the work for him was developing a busines plan so have the accounts although he saw his accountant yesterday and said he had made a lot more money last year and now has a big tax bill.

Glad you said well done for the coffee thing was so upset the other night wrote him a lovely letter about how much he had hurt me but how much I still loved him. He now wants to talk about it and i am resisting

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beetroot · 22/09/2005 15:54

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Jackstini · 22/09/2005 16:02

Resist away! It will make him realise what an idiot he is and how strong you are.
Re his accounts, even if he does have a big tax bill, that does not mean he doesn't owe you money. Staff wages are taken out before taxes anyway so his profit & therefore his tax bill will be smaller!

glitterfairy · 22/09/2005 20:40

LOl that has made me feel better.

He has just gone away again thank goodness I am having to stop myself running after him and shouting stay. I know it is irrational but cannot help myself.

The kids have been telling me all about their new bedrooms which they are going to decorate at her house and how wonderful it is going to be. My littlest asked me why I wore make up yesterday when she doesnt and daddy likes it better. Can pain get any worse than this?

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Jackstini · 22/09/2005 21:33

GF - you will feel different types of pain through this nightmare but yes it does eventually get better. Don't take to heart some of the thinbgs the kids are saying - they are young & impressionable and probably just repeating things that have been said to them.
He is being very devious manipulating your children with the things he is saying and and using them to hurt you. His behaviour is completely innappropriate considering no decision has been considered, let alone made, about his contact with them now he has left. This is also something you should mention to your solicitor. (sorry if I am making your list longer!)
Do strengthen yourself for some nastiness though. He is definately in the wrong with his recent behaviour but neither of you have been angels and he will probably use every trick in the book to get back at you for the affair. Best thing you can do is be prepared for this. You are both admitting adultery but he has a much longer list of 'crimes' on top. Glad he has gone for tonight - hope you can get some sleep

glitterfairy · 23/09/2005 03:06

THanks Jackstini. Is this something that you have been through? What happened? As you can see cant sleep even though I am tired. A litle like having a newborn!

Scenarios are just playing around my head and cannot let go of them. Have also got the image of him and the kids in this barn conversion all playing happy families and need to let it go.

I have told the kids I dont mind them talking about her as I think they had clammed up trying not to hurt me. That is all except my youngest. I asked them when they would like to go over and i think they want to go soon. I was thinking of saying they could go for tea next weekend when he has them although I would prefer them to be brought back here to sleep and let them ease in gently. What do you think?

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glitterfairy · 23/09/2005 06:10

Have had a terible night and sent him a loving text oh shit I know I will try to get him back at some point I cannot stop myself.

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glitterfairy · 23/09/2005 06:41

OK done it now texted him to ask him to go away saturday and have a chance to reflect and talk. I cannot bear this or my kids pain. I need to try to restore something at least. Beets I know what you are thinking but I have to try one last time.

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fairyfly · 23/09/2005 07:31

The pain of the children will vanish. It is a process of getting to a better place for all. I never thought my children would get through it but now they are better and more rounded than they could ever have been if we were still together. Life got pretty hard with watching my sons weep. One of them started to destroy his bedroom. School suffered he went into himself. The pain of watching him grieve and suffer at such a young age was almost unbearable, but we got to the otherside.
Now they are calm, we have a consistent life where nothing is based on what mood my x is in. I can teach them peace and stability and that relationships don't have to be based around suffering.
Looking back i know my eldest was never himself with his father from the first time he saw him violent. We all swept it under the carpet but he had instilled a fear in his son which put him on edge. That wasn't the right way to make him bloom and grow which is exactly what he is now doing.
Good luck with all your decisions.

glitterfairy · 23/09/2005 08:27

Thanks fairyfly. I will consider this very carefully. I am going to see him in a neutral space tomorrow and have arranged childcare and will see how things go.

I need to talk it though though with him and reach some kind of peace myself maybe not now but to know I gave everything time and a peaceful chance to work itself through to whatever shared and agreed outcome we both come to. I have known him for so many years he is part of more than half of my life.

I feel I need to be calmer and take a longer view. He will be around for my kids for many years to come and these decisions will affect us all forever.

My business partner says that I am like a recovering alcoholic and must learn not to reach for the bottle!

I am seeing a counsellor for abused women on Monday and can talk it through with her and they have offered me help.
Down with all moody men though!

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beetroot · 23/09/2005 08:41

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anorak · 23/09/2005 08:46

Hello glitter.

Fairfly is right, children can overcome most anything if you are there with attention and support for them. You say he would never harm them but you said yourself you had to threaten to leave him to make him stop hitting your son round the head.

Your business partner is right, you are like a recovering alcoholic, but you are strong and will get over this, look back and wonder why you stood it for so long.

I hope you are not going to hate me one day for saying this but I am going to be honest with you and stick my neck out. When I met you and your dh I didn't like him, thought he was very false and self-preoccupied whereas you were lovely, fun and natural. I couldn't see what you saw in him. I truly believe you deserve and can do better. Now I am going to click the post button before I chicken out from being controversial. xx

glitterfairy · 23/09/2005 10:20

LOL anorak. I take no offence and it is strange how many others are saying similar things.

I need to speak to him though and finish things properly. I am seeing him tomorrow and going away and I will end it all. Promise Beets.

BY the way got my new jeans off last night without undoing any buttons.

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Jackstini · 23/09/2005 13:00

Hi GF. I have gone through a divorce myself yes although I had not children, However, I also went through my parents splitting up, them both having new partners and myself & sister having to get used to it so also understanding some of how your kids are feeling with DH manipulating them and them trying to please both parents whilst knowing one parent is hurting the other. It's a minefield and you have to be so careful. Seems like you are doing this but he is lashing out. So pleased you are going for counselling on Monday - it will do you the world of good just to get everything off your chest and get some good advice. Be calm tomorrow when you see him and if it helps, take a list of things you want to talk about and how you have been feeling so you don't get emotionally distracted from reality. Keep going!!

glitterfairy · 23/09/2005 16:44

You read my mind Jackstini. I have fallen apart big style today and a friend who is also a solicitor came round to help me. She has spent all day jsut listening.

I am giong to ask for a speparation agreement to cover the following:

Child support and income
Residence and contact
Spousal support and income
Division of any marital property and debts whilst separated.

I am going to ask that this is signed by us both and copies are made. Then I am going to draw up rules of behaviour:

Dont-
Get involved ina serious relationship especially with young kids involved
Dont bad mouth each other ever
Dont do anything hurtful to each other
No sexual relations as it is misleading

DO-
Communicate
Plenty of time with the kids for him as he is not with the kids
Meet all obligation without fail

I am also going to focus on us not her and ask for ground rules at the start of the meeting.

I have decided that this is like a serious bereavement and so am going to ask my dad who is coming over tonight if I and the kids can move in with him for at least one week. I am putting the dog in kennels during that time and ensuring I have some support and a person with me to help wiht the load. I cannot be on my own any longer wiht this amount of stress I still havent eaten for five days and need someone to feed and take care of me NOT HIM but someone who really cares.

THe above agreeement will be terminated if there are any rules broken and I am going to say it must be reviewed in one month.

Strong or what?

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ggglimpopo · 23/09/2005 16:49

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ggglimpopo · 23/09/2005 16:50

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anorak · 23/09/2005 16:54

I agree with ggg. He isn't going to agree to that one if he is keen on this new lady.

Better perhaps to agree to keep his new relationship separate from the children for a good long time. It's far too early for him to have told them about her. Ludicrous. I am sure he only did it to hurt you, without regard for the fact that they had to process it.

The rest of what you have said sounds very fair and sensible. He should think himself lucky to be treated so fairly after he's been such an arse to you.

Jackstini · 23/09/2005 17:22

WOW GF - proud of you for getting this so much straighter in your head and being so strong. I do agree with Anorak about the serious relationship clause though. Very much doubt he will agree to finish it but keeping the kids totally out of it now is essential, they will have enough to deal with. I think he was wrong in even mentioning her yet, never mind talking about them meeting her/staying over etc.
Think it is a great idea to move in with your Dad for a bit. Your joint place has too many memories for you to think clearly and it will give you some much needed support.
When are you getting the agreement set up? Do you mean informally when you see him tomorrow? Are you still seeing the solicitor on Monday before your counsellor?
Now, this evening I think you should reward yourself for getting so far. Treat yourself & the kids to something lovely to eat (yes you have got to eat - that's an order!)and watch a video or something together to make you laugh and take your mind of everything for a couple of hours if you can.
You're getting there!!

Shades1 · 23/09/2005 17:30

HI GF

put in a clause he's not allowed to move anyone else into your joint home - just in case he sneaks back whilst your with your Dad and brings her with him.

not sure if this is applicable in your circumstances, but feel the need to join forces and protect you.

take care ((((((((hug)))))))

glitterfairy · 23/09/2005 17:42

THanks guys and will add and subtratc clauses as and when. Have 6 kids here at the moment as decided to let all the kids have a friend home tonight. My dad is coming over tonight and cooking for me.

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ggglimpopo · 23/09/2005 17:48

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Jackstini · 23/09/2005 17:51

GGG - sounds like a fantastic contract. Thinking of taking that one on myself, regardless of situation!

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