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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What a mess

139 replies

glitterfairy · 22/09/2005 05:26

THis will be long so many apologies.

To start at the beginning of my story I have been married for 16 years and have known my dh for 28. He was my first proper boyfriend at 15 and when we split up we remained friends throughout our teenage years.

We have had a very up and down marriage. He has had many violent and difficult tantrums including putting a brick through a window on top of me and my 1 year old when I locked him out when we were rowing and throwing things at me. At one point he was also hitting our son too much round the head but stopped that one year ago when I said I would leave if he did it again. He has kicked my puppy down the stairs and hurt its leg etc etc. He has also always supported me in my choice of career even when that has meant a drop in income and has never been jealous or obstructive of friends or going out. We have three fantastic children of 9,10 and 6.

Yet something has been missing for some time and three years ago I started an affair with my business partner who is kind, gentle, loves me dearly and is married with one ds aged 9. He does however have a past as a womaniser and finds that aspect of his character difficult to control.

During the affair I blossomed and became more confident again and as my dh said started to look after myself again and re gain my identity. I suffered incredible guilt and stopped the affair on many occassions.

My dh found out at christmas and chucked me out of the house. We then got back together again and I stopped the affair. My mother was living with us and things were very hard. He spent a lot of time abroad and I missed him desperately. When he first came back from one of his trps though he had changed back to the unpleasant man who was uncaring. My Aunt had died in his absence and he asked me to get rid of my mother as I was not speaking to her at the time. It was all very stressful and at my Aunts funeral my brother remarked that he could have punched dh because of his total lack of support for me and his offish manner.

Since then I re started my affair. It is hard to resist a wonderful person whom I also work with. Then Dh found out again and this time things were worse. I stopped the affair and we went to Venice to try to resolve the issue we also started marriage guidance. We decided to give the marriage 6 months and to try our best to make a go of it.

I have worked very hard to reform and our counsellor has said to both of us that I have done so in the face of hosility and anger (this has included a return to some violence in my dh).

It got so bad that I suggested a trial separation and this started two weeks ago. I have since found out that he started a relationship with our dentist and the results of that have been on the glitterfairy support thread.

THe gist of this is that at on Monday after I found out I called the police because he assualted me in front of our kids and they made him leave. He has moved in with his new girlfriend and is now behaving very badly.

I tried to have the locks changed and he came back and stopped the man from doing it. He works from home sometimes and has insisted on being here every day. He has told the kids about new woman and has said they ahve prepared rooms for them at her house and are looking forward to seeing them there. He has said she is fascinating to them and that he is happier than he has ever been. He has also told them that she makes him laugh and I dont etc etc.

Whilst I think the marriage hs been over for some time or at least getting there I am extremely shocked and hurt at the way he has behaved.

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Papillon · 04/10/2005 21:26

mmmm Glitterfairy darling are you opening a harem or deepening the minefield of emotional activity?

Have a good time-out break with Beetroot this weekend and think and feel about the reality of what you are considering. With such emotional reactions on both sides of the fence to infidelity can you really change tack and see this as a successful proposition and way of being?

You have talked of being quite open with your kids, and you are an open person - so hiding this will not work, your dd1 for starters will not stay in the dark for long.

All the best with solicitor, relate and womans aid. xxx

glitterfairy · 05/10/2005 07:32

ah Paps sage advice. As for the two daddies story Henley yuk. I am not sure this will work at all either which is why I made the appointments. DH is very very screwed up as well.

We need counselling and also some time apart this will happen over the next few weeks as I am away twice.

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Papillon · 05/10/2005 15:16

Glitterfairy I am thinking of you sweetheart and send you much love and power (The ability or capacity to perform or act effectively, not the controlling type of power).

You have so much love in your heart, remember to give alot to yourself as this will help protect you and help make you stronger and more centred.

I am at the coast if you ever need to sing over the stones.

ninah · 06/10/2005 12:53

hi gf, being away for a while sounds good news xx
hope thing start to make a bit more sense soon, you must feel like your head is in a permanent fog

anorak · 06/10/2005 12:58

glitterfairy - if he can't give up this other woman and commit to being your husband then don't even consider anything less. Do you not think you deserve a whole person all for yourself? One that will put you, the mother of his children, first?

If you don't think you deserve that then nor will others

glitterfairy · 06/10/2005 14:00

I am slowly coming to that conclusion anorak. I saw my solicitor this morning who was very helpful. I will have to lose the house and that will also be hard. She says if he keeps coming round and invading my privacy if I decide for a proper separation then she can get a restraining order. She recommends her writing him a reasonable and calm letter in the first place requesting he get legal advice and we go to mediation to sort money and stuff.

I am taking one day at a time at the moment and really going to think about what it is I rally want. I have never found him very supportive or giving me the attention I need and deserve. I dont know if I go back to him whether it will ever be enough for me. I am afraid of the future at the moemnt as well and still very shocked and grieving from his violence and betrayal (and I do know I did it first but not in a malicious way).

In the end I think I need to feel my way slowly. I ahve always preferred acting with resolution and determination and going head first for closure but am trying to restrain that urge here.

Ninah thanks how are you?

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ninah · 06/10/2005 17:23

I'm fighting fit gf, just saw your msge on other thread. Oh, now I see your children's ages, sorry I missed that. I don't think I've seen your support thread either so forgive me if I am just catching up now. Anyway, looks like children still have a way to go before they have a say in the access issues.
I think losing the house is a jolly good thing if you intend to move on from this man - provided you'll have the means to find somewhere else for your family, of course - would you? I know the thought of a new start is terrifying but hanging around in a place full of the past and some very bad memories, where he still has access on his terms - can't be good.
I can quite empathise with wanting to take things slowly, I feel the same - it is a big daunting change and even though logically it is a change for the better it is like letting go of a rope over a precipe ... you want to be sure what's at the bottom. If leaving feels risky, remember, so is staying.
I'd take a good hard look at the practical issues like housing, money and access so that you have a full picture and keep focussed on that.
Good to talk with you and wish you the very very best.

glitterfairy · 09/10/2005 16:53

HIya ninah. Am seeing him this evening and am torn between wanting to tell him what a to*r he is and keeping quiet. I know he is with other woman at this minute and it is making me furious. Will probably be nice as pie whilst I marshall my resources and get sorted for what it is I really really want. As for the house once debts are paid may not have much left and at the moment havent made much money at work as am self employed.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Too many things to think about. HAd a lovely weekend with beets though who was really supportive as ever even though I probably bored her to death!

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ninah · 10/10/2005 08:31

good gf, glad you had a decent weekend, it helps you cope better with all the other stuff. Agree, good tactic to give yourself time to sort things out your way, however angry you feel inside.
Still no talk with my p, he keeps putting it off. Now he says he wants to do it in front of someone which I think it a great idea (long as not his mate from the pub) so I am looking into mediation. All he wants to know is when I'm moving out - being 7 months pregnant and nowhere to go yet it's a bit difficult to give snap answers. He says he wants nothing to do with the children cos it would mean involving me. He really hates me I think. I am very sad for ds though.

glitterfairy · 10/10/2005 09:41

How pathetic ninah.

Went out with DH last night to cinema and had a lovely time only spoilt on our return by him asking why I had called the police! I mean durrrrrrr! I still think he cannot bring himself to think he might be aggressive he is still saying it was all my fault. Anyway overnight he ahd his car broken into and the laptop taken and HER digital camera! Not upset about the camera although he says he will have to pay her back!

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ninah · 10/10/2005 12:03

yeah my p has it in his head I'm a twisted malevolent cow for calling the police on him. Can't see that I was terrified for myself and baby. It is now ALL my fault, and he's seething.

glitterfairy · 10/10/2005 12:36

HOnestly they are so similar it is scarey. Apparently this is mostly in my head when actually he is a decent man with everyone else. I have been to a counsellor this morning who really helped sort it out and made me see I also have a responsibility to myself and my kids to sort this out.

I have put it on your thread. She made me feel so much better about it all and asked how long am I to be punished for having an affair? Some perspective is always good.

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ninah · 10/10/2005 12:44

doesn't it make you feel as if you are going round the twist gf, almost believing you ARE the problem.
thanks, I will check thread. Someone suggested if he doesn't do relate I do it anyway and I think I will as I'm at the end of my tether here.

glitterfairy · 12/10/2005 20:30

Good idea about realte ninah that is what the womens aid people suggested dong it alone if he wont come!

They siad I needed to stop blaming myself for everything and thinking no one will believe my story.

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