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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What a mess

139 replies

glitterfairy · 22/09/2005 05:26

THis will be long so many apologies.

To start at the beginning of my story I have been married for 16 years and have known my dh for 28. He was my first proper boyfriend at 15 and when we split up we remained friends throughout our teenage years.

We have had a very up and down marriage. He has had many violent and difficult tantrums including putting a brick through a window on top of me and my 1 year old when I locked him out when we were rowing and throwing things at me. At one point he was also hitting our son too much round the head but stopped that one year ago when I said I would leave if he did it again. He has kicked my puppy down the stairs and hurt its leg etc etc. He has also always supported me in my choice of career even when that has meant a drop in income and has never been jealous or obstructive of friends or going out. We have three fantastic children of 9,10 and 6.

Yet something has been missing for some time and three years ago I started an affair with my business partner who is kind, gentle, loves me dearly and is married with one ds aged 9. He does however have a past as a womaniser and finds that aspect of his character difficult to control.

During the affair I blossomed and became more confident again and as my dh said started to look after myself again and re gain my identity. I suffered incredible guilt and stopped the affair on many occassions.

My dh found out at christmas and chucked me out of the house. We then got back together again and I stopped the affair. My mother was living with us and things were very hard. He spent a lot of time abroad and I missed him desperately. When he first came back from one of his trps though he had changed back to the unpleasant man who was uncaring. My Aunt had died in his absence and he asked me to get rid of my mother as I was not speaking to her at the time. It was all very stressful and at my Aunts funeral my brother remarked that he could have punched dh because of his total lack of support for me and his offish manner.

Since then I re started my affair. It is hard to resist a wonderful person whom I also work with. Then Dh found out again and this time things were worse. I stopped the affair and we went to Venice to try to resolve the issue we also started marriage guidance. We decided to give the marriage 6 months and to try our best to make a go of it.

I have worked very hard to reform and our counsellor has said to both of us that I have done so in the face of hosility and anger (this has included a return to some violence in my dh).

It got so bad that I suggested a trial separation and this started two weeks ago. I have since found out that he started a relationship with our dentist and the results of that have been on the glitterfairy support thread.

THe gist of this is that at on Monday after I found out I called the police because he assualted me in front of our kids and they made him leave. He has moved in with his new girlfriend and is now behaving very badly.

I tried to have the locks changed and he came back and stopped the man from doing it. He works from home sometimes and has insisted on being here every day. He has told the kids about new woman and has said they ahve prepared rooms for them at her house and are looking forward to seeing them there. He has said she is fascinating to them and that he is happier than he has ever been. He has also told them that she makes him laugh and I dont etc etc.

Whilst I think the marriage hs been over for some time or at least getting there I am extremely shocked and hurt at the way he has behaved.

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glitterfairy · 23/09/2005 17:52

LOL gg I have a lovely admirer to have lunch with already so no problems there!

I really like this list and have also promised myself that next week I will go back to the gym and re commence the GI diet.

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Shades1 · 23/09/2005 17:58

I bought delicious thing to eat today, a big chocolate fudge cake from Asda £4.99, had visions of heated with ice cream - 3 year old DS decided to pick up in kitchen whilst I was preoccupied with DH tea, cover came off cake ended upside down on kitchen floor !!

Have to confess have picked it up, floor was clean (well relatively) and fully intend to still have with ice cream - good excuse for DS's not to have any though

glitterfairy · 23/09/2005 18:03

I think Nigella has a section on stuff like that and recommends putting it all together in a bowl so it looks like that was the intention in the first place and then calling it something spectacular.

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ggglimpopo · 23/09/2005 18:08

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Jackstini · 23/09/2005 18:13

oooh yes - and a manicure too & face mask - complete pamper session

glitterfairy · 23/09/2005 18:16

Strangely yesterday I had my nails sorted and today I had a eyebrow shape and wax and a lip wax and tint of eyebrows and eyelashes.

It is a habit I cannot break however down I am. LOL new woman does not wear make up (my youngest told me off for wearing too much and being "false")I told my beautician and she died laughing.

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Jackstini · 23/09/2005 18:23

Good for you - it is a good habit to keep up!

beetroot · 23/09/2005 19:06

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glitterfairy · 24/09/2005 01:33

LOL Beets it is very very scarey! I have had a proper meal tonight and thought that might help me sleep but the thought of seeing DH today and knowing how painful that is going to be has driven sleep away for now.

THe kids were really pleased I was eating which my dad said was something to think about. He has agreed to us moving over there for a week. I think I will be calmer out of this house for a bit but am worrying now that a judge may think I was disrupting kids lives.

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anorak · 24/09/2005 01:43

Hello!

Don't you worry, why should a judge think that? You're being there for your children. Love ggg's list. Use it.

You sound so together. I'm sure there are many times when you don't feel it but I have lots of confidence in you that you are strong and have belief in yourself...you will get through this.

WITH BELLS ON!!!

glitterfairy · 24/09/2005 02:07

THanks anorak. It is only in the depths of the night that the voices really start. I am sure this is normal.

One of the reasons for moving to dads is because of this. I feel as though I have been bereaved this week and need to grieve properly. If DH had died people would have come to stay. I am not good at being alone in any case and here at the moment it is a little bit of torture.

Glad I sound together in any case. Would like to sleep.

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ggglimpopo · 24/09/2005 08:30

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beetroot · 24/09/2005 10:00

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Jackstini · 24/09/2005 18:41

Hi GF - glad you managed a meal last night. How did things go today? Just wondering what he was like and how you are feeling now. Probably pretty drained but hopefully got some things straight.
PS - tell your Dad I think he's great. He is a good example of what a supportive man should be!

beetroot · 25/09/2005 11:42

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glitterfairy · 25/09/2005 13:57

I am ok cannot stop as he is still here with his father who had the kids. Did not do all the things I said I would but have sorted something out I can live with for now until Christmas. He is moving out from hers and going to live with his dad. He is not stopping the realtionship but is not talking about it to the kids again until we have talked in the New Year.

THis gives me time to sort my head out and for us to stop hruting the kids.

The bad news is I slept wiht him! Sorry Beets! THe good news is that is it now for me. I got up and washed him out of my hair. I just had to do it. I will tell you all he said later.

We have sorted out access and although it will be hard for me I can make it work I am sure. He is having his own room at home and will stay there I have set ground rules around privacy etc. He will see the kids every other weekend and then on Tuesdays and Wednesdays at home until his dads second house is got ready. We are all going to work on decorating it together! I have bitten the bullet and have been dignified. THey hjave been seeing each other sexually for two months and I can digest that later but I did not lose it at all.

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glitterfairy · 25/09/2005 14:41

Back for a bit. He said he wanted vengeance. He says he loves her. He still refuses to see that much of this is his problem. He thinks it was me and my affair and cannot see that I came back.

He says he has no real freinds up here they are in London and so she is his only support. He has been meeting her for lunch and taking her to dinner for months and months it started in about March but he had been incontact wiht her before then since Chrisstmas.

I had laid down ground rules for engagement and we followed them. I am drawing up our agreement and we are signing copies to keep and to refer to. We have agreed to all the ground rules below.

He hopes we can always be friends and I will try for now just for the kids they are so young and need both of us. I can be strong and do this I know and my dad is coming to stay until next week and then my brother is coming up to stay so I am feeling more supported.

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Jackstini · 25/09/2005 20:26

Hi GF - glad to hear that although did not go totally to plan you have got to a place you can move forward from.
Ooooh You are a bugger for sleeping with him !!! but then again - makes you realise you can easily do without him (& do a lot better) and shows him up for the type of person he is, not being faithful to his new g/f either...
I know the next few months will be difficult but well done for getting this far and being calm and determined. Good luck - am sending lots of good vibes to you and your children!

beetroot · 25/09/2005 20:43

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glitterfairy · 25/09/2005 21:55

I have and we are back to being friends but nothing else. My dad is here and I feel I may sleep as I am utterly exhausted.

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glitterfairy · 26/09/2005 05:53

Well slept until 5 so got 7 hours which is a real breakthrough.

This has all brought some of my behaviours into sharp relief and I realise I have been trying to get this to happen without being honest enough to say for some time. I have been incredibly cruel to someone I really and truly do love who has been my husband and lover for more than half my life. I have never really acknowledged my part in all this as I spent most of my time thinking about my wrongs and what he had done to me.

It is easier when you balme the other person and whilst I recognise I have been neglected and very badly treated I too have treated him very badly. I am very wild sometimes and wilful and that is hard and wonderful and when dh says I confuse him he is right I can swing in thought and mood a lot.

I need to take this time to rally think about what it is I want and I think that when we split up initially I had started that process. I need to put some honesty back in my life as well.

THe most important thing for me now are the kids and I will put a ring of steel around them to protect them from some of this. THey can see some of my pain but not all. Last week they experienced the full gamut of my emotions and my crying adn I will resist that this week. Nor should they spend their whole lives trying to suport me that is not their job. THey are very young and need stability and good parenting and both me and my dh have failed to do that especially this week.

I am not going to beat myself up here but look honestly at what part of this is mine to own without recrimination and blame. I refuse to be bitter and to sink into mud slinging and I will show how strong I am.

I have said I will work for his company as I know it will pull us out of some of our financial mess. We are going to agree groundrules aruond that and discuss my fee. He has agreed to pay me properly from now on for any work I should do.

I will make this work and decide what it is I really want and stop giving everyone my friends, family and especially dh mixed messages.

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beetroot · 26/09/2005 09:13

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glitterfairy · 26/09/2005 09:33

I am thinking of taking in a lodger to help with finance beets. I hate being on my own really.

AS for the rest only time can heal this mess. I need to take it slowly and so does he and we both realised that over the weekend.

Dont worry I will call!

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beetroot · 26/09/2005 09:42

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glitterfairy · 27/09/2005 06:02

I may have come a long way but everything is still very painful. Found out that his new woman is seeing paedophile whilst on holiday! He claims he didnt know ?????

Also rang him at his dads last night. His dad picked up the phone and said "hello Sheila". Not my name but that of the other woman. They both seemed to think it very funny.

I am now getting doubts about whether or not the staying overnight thing will work it is still such early days and I am still so angry with him.

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