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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Crap wife - good mother

157 replies

worthless · 20/11/2010 09:58

OMG can't believe I am doing this - bearing my soul to the world but I seriously need help PLEASE...In short I am so very very unhappy in my marriage. Brief background - I am in my mid 40's. Been with husband since I was 17. 3 children 14,11,7. Been through the worst year of my life. Still care for my husband but at the moment I truely despise him and just cannot connect with him at all. He tells me that I am a useless wife and that I do not know how to look after a man! It is fair to say that I have probably neglected his "needs" over the last few years but I have been so wrapped up in "being a mum" that I have not always put his "needs" first. I am a working mum who I suppose has always had old fashioned views. I have always done everything for my family. By that I mean home cooked dinners, getting up in the night for the children, all the housework, washing, ironing, childcare, all the usual really but without any support or appreciation from my husband. Needless to say our physical relationship has at times suffered. My husband has always had a very high sex drive (and is very needy in that department) and sometimes I just want a cuddle not sex. He cannot cuddle me without it leading somewhere and as a result I have withdrawn from him and get my cuddles from the children. My husband has basically over the last year completely destroyed me. He constantly tells me how useless I am, he tells me that I am an emotional cripple, he undermines everything that I do and without going into too much detail has basically spent the last 12 months verbally assassinating me. I now cannot even bear him to touch me but he keeps telling me to forget all the crap, stop the war and just give myself to him. Why can't I do this? why can't I just accept that his anger is because of me? He says that he loves me and that his anger is because he feels alone. I feel alone and so sad. Please can someone help me.

OP posts:
Scorpette · 22/11/2010 12:28

Worthlots, I felt like crying reading how you usually give in to his sexual demands so that his ranting and raving doesn't wake your children Sad You realise that that's totally abnormal, disgusting and unacceptable behaviour from him, don't you? I worry for your children being woken in the past hearing their father angrily demanding sex from their mother and then the shouting stopping and... other noises starting. That's emotional abuse of them and sexual abuse of you. It's teaching them terrible things about what's 'normal' in relationships.

Does he know that there isn't actually such a thing as 'conjugal rights'?! Have you ever tried to point out to you when he's ranting about you not giving him sex that you are under no obligation to sleep with him if you don't want and that maybe if he was loving, thoughtful or even reasonable in his approach, then you might feel more up for it? Who could want sex with a man who wakes you up demanding it who then goes mad if you're not keen?!

Not that I think you should be having sex with you. The more you reveal, the clearer it becomes that he is a nasty piece of work - and that you need to get away from him (and your DC too).

Is good to see you realising more and more how bad and unacceptable his behaviour is and that you are not the cause or the trigger. Be prepared to hurt - when someone abuses you, you numb your feelings to be able to cope and to rationalise and normalise things and when you start to say 'no more!' then you start to thaw and you feel the ache of the thousand emotional hurts that have been done to you. Be strong - you are making really powerful and important realisations at the moment and should be really proud of yourself, however scary and upsetting those realisations are.

gardenglory · 22/11/2010 12:30

scorpette - there are men who believe it is 'their right' to have sex.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 22/11/2010 12:31

Hi worthy, just wanted to say good for you gaining the courage to speak out about your experiences, and building up your own confidence. He sounds like a very troubled man - crying like a baby? Because...you didn't give in to sex you don't want? Am I right in thinking that sex is not something you "have" together, but something he does to you? If he doesn't make any effort to make sex enjoyable for you, but then sulks at you not "giving yourself to him", this is not about "love" at all but about selfishness and control. As if your body was not that of a living person, but some kind of inanimate doll or present you can "give" to him - I have had several shivers down my spine reading his reported words on here.

Have you spoken to Women's Aid? I really really really think that you should. He is sscary and unbalanced and neither you nor the children need this. How would you feel to see your DD in a relationship like yours in the future? Also - is he older than you by any chance?

gardenglory · 22/11/2010 12:33

When he 'sobbed' - what did he say about how he had upset you?

Scorpette · 22/11/2010 12:33

Oh, I know that, but they are wrong and need to be made to understand that they are and why. You don't just accept such crap (not suggesting you're saying that).

Re: him sobbing this morning - do NOT feel guilty! What have you got to feel guilty for?

He's crying for himself, the big self-obsessed baby. Perhaps he's finally realising that you're not going to put up with being treated like shit any and he's scared or maybe he even feels bad about how awful he is towards you. Whatever the reason, he's brought everything upon himself.

Scorpette · 22/11/2010 12:34

First line above refers to gardenglory's post.

Anniegetyourgun · 22/11/2010 12:35

Yeah... I went through that, "Worthless". I'm not sure about yours, but mine could be very sweet sometimes and I'm fairly convinced could have been a nice person if he hadn't been warped by a total arse of a father. Well, sometimes I am, other times I'm just angry. In the end, though, I had to say to myself that however sorry I was for the person he might have been, I just could not live with the person he had become.

He cannot confront his issues now, far too late and he doesn't have the emotional strength; he hides behind them instead. His choice, I guess, but he does not have the right to drag five other people down with him. The thing is, those issues will be with him wherever he is and whoever he's with. He needs ongoing, heavy-duty therapy (which he will never agree to), not a wife. I couldn't make him better, and believe me, I spent well over 20 years trying. In the end I had to give up because I was slowly going mad, which is not a nice feeling.

That's the thing that shakes your sanity: cognitive dissonance. It's the difference between what you believe and the evidence before your eyes. It's a really strange feeling when you suddenly let go of the things you've been trying to make yourself accept for decades, and re-engage with reality as it is actually happening. Thus, when he says you are cold, unloving, the house is a tip, you haven't had sex with him in months etc, first you stop trying to see the state of the house with his eyes (one cardigan on the refrigerator doth not a shit-hole make), keep a diary that reminds you actually you did have sex three times last week and that you tried to put your arms around him yesterday but he shrugged you off (it feels a bit horrid, the diary, like spying, but I have a dreadful memory). Then you start to wonder whether he really is seeing things differently from you, or whether he is simply... hold onto your seat here... lying.

Finally you say it doesn't matter what he believes, basically it's shit and I won't put up with it.

gardenglory · 22/11/2010 12:36

Scorpette - I am sorry but you cannot always make a man understand. You can, of course, take control of your own behaviour and not accept that crap. But you cannot change a man who believes that is his right, as a husband.

worthless · 22/11/2010 12:40

Have to go now as been on here far too long and am supposed to be doing some work (at work as opposed to in the house)!!!

Thanks for all your support - I will be back another day...

OP posts:
gardenglory · 22/11/2010 12:40

Annie-sometimes you can't win. He knows you want warm sex, he withholds it. Only wants it when you don't. If you try to approach him, you are rejected. Then you are told you are a cold heartless bitch.....

Anniegetyourgun · 22/11/2010 12:50

gardenglory, you asked why a man might say "you've got what you wanted". Fuck knows. It could be either of those things you said, or that he genuinely has abandonment issues and/or paranoid personality disorder. My guess is that he knows damn' well you wanted nothing of the sort but the sheer injustice of it leaves you too shocked to argue rationally. However if a bloke (or a woman, let's be fair here!) is trying to engineer a split rather than put you back in the box, it's justifying their leaving on the grounds that they're really doing what you "made it clear you wanted".

I once said to my brother that I wondered what went on in XH's brain sometimes. He replied "Strange zombie hamsters are running around on little wheels, that's what". My bro has an excellent turn of phrase.

Anniegetyourgun · 22/11/2010 12:53

Of course you can't win, and that's what it's all about. You've just got to the stage where you've realised you're even in a game. That's why it's so unfair.

Scorpette · 22/11/2010 12:56

Gardenglory - I'm not being naive, I wasn't saying that he could change, if you actually read what I put. I was trying to ask the OP if she'd ever talked to her DH about the way he approaches her for sex and if she'd expressed her feelings about not liking it. And you might not be able to change the mind of a man like that, but you should not have to put up with it. That's what I was saying.

gardenglory · 22/11/2010 12:57

Annie-obviously I say he because I am talking about my own situation.Maybe he just enjoys seeing the result of the injustice. (my head is starting to spin now).Confused

gardenglory · 22/11/2010 12:58

Hate all this manipulation crap.Angry

Anniegetyourgun · 22/11/2010 13:00

Yes, I know it's "he" in the situations on this thread, I was just trying to be fair so it didn't look like I was blaming only men! Manipulative people come in both sexes, as we know.

Don't try to follow what he's thinking just now. It doesn't matter. You know it's wrong.

gardenglory · 22/11/2010 13:08

Scorpette-I hope, though, that the only time OP's H approaches her is not to do with control (ie she has, in his eyes, won an argument, gained a point over him etc), and not the actions of a slightly inept emotionally clumsy husband who just needs a reciprocable chat between husband and wife.

gardenglory · 22/11/2010 13:09

Sorry I meant that they are the actions of a slightly inept emotionally clumsy husband!!!!Blush

gardenglory · 22/11/2010 13:31

Scorpette - OP is faced with a major tantrum if she says no to sex.

gardenglory · 22/11/2010 13:35

And, OP finds her H unapproachable. And he either refuses/denies/ignores to accept that she is not able to "give herself to him" (to use OP's H's words) because he has not made that possible in the first place.

Scorpette · 22/11/2010 13:46

gardenglory, you seem to be under the impression that I don't grasp what the OP has explained about her H. I merely asked if she has ever tried to talk to him about his sexual approach, so as to get more info about his attitude - I am not ignoring the fact that he is demanding or unapproachable. She might still have tried, even if he is unapproachable and throws tantrums. I am not ignoring these facts about him.

You don't need to explain to me what the OP has said, I understand perfectly well. You seem to be misreading what I am saying and constantly addressing me over things I am not disputing is not helping the OP.

gardenglory · 22/11/2010 14:03

Apologies to you Scorpette.

He is sobbing. Actions after this speak louder than sobbing.

Scorpette · 22/11/2010 14:09

Exactly. We agree on this :)

dignified · 22/11/2010 17:23

Crying and sobbing , my arse . Its amazing how they can compose themselves if theres a knock at the door. The usual next step is threats of suicide when the booing stops working.

He is sexually abusive " Have sex with me or ill shout and wake the children " . I am worried for you , really i am. Only one sort of man will have sex with a woman against her will. Mine used to do this too , and in my case it escalated quite severeley.

Your married to a sexually abusive nasty little prick who will likeley get worse.

worthless · 22/11/2010 17:42

Yes I am worried too. He has been very down in the past and had suicidal thoughts. I am wondering what the future holds for us all. Am already feeling that I should just shut up and put up - as the day has gone on I have lost that little bit of strength that I thought I'd gained over the weekend. What have I started? Already wavering and that thought keeps coming into my head "maybe it is me" .........maybe he is right

OP posts:
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