The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Players and Supporters Bus

[venusandmars]

Hi I am venus and I am an alcoholic.

Thanks to the first thread by Jesuswhatnow I have not had a drink for a long time.

There are lots of us on here, please lurk, post, whatever does it for you. If you are worried about how much you drink and your inability to stop when you want to, then someone on here can probably understand.

Morning Red

I am feelong like shite today as yesterday I drank half a litre of vodka and two and a half bottls of wine so it's back on the bus for me today.

Wise words Miflaw x

You ok Silver?

MIFLAW - your tough love has helped me in the past but that really wasn't helpful.
If you read through my posts, I went to the meeting and they absolutely wouldn't let me in with my DD (3.11). I did get back in touch with AA. I am trying to get ready to go out right now to a lunch time meeting.
I do have an experienced GP and I don't appreciate you undermining the help I have finally got, totally on my own. I was drinking getting on for enough to detox. I have got low doses and it has turned me into someone functional - not sedated but at least I can catch my breath, I have cleaned and tidied most of my house despite very weepy moments at facing up to what I have chosen to do. My relationship has been damaged and I am bloody isolated which again I accept I have contributed to and I am doing my best to deal with that. Why you need to get at me when I have stopped, admittedly with help, sought help, and been honest, is beyond me.

Sorry, as you were. And am now going out to AA (in tears). Hope everyone else is ok.

not really but thanks for asking Desire x

Silver

Well done on being so honest and posting 'out loud' on here.

xx

certainly hit home with me Miflaw - thank you x

Thanks Mouse - it hits home a bit more I think, if you put it in writing - what a f**cking ridiculous amout to drink

noteven - Please don't take MIFLAW's post as a personal attack on you, it wasn't meant to read like that.

I'm sure he will be here to explain that to you himself.

Silver - yes. Ridiculous and bloody dangerour. But you know that. You know how stupid you were drinking like that and you have decided to do something about it.

Draw a line under and move on!

Dipso its with POF guy, I kind of went on the first date as an esteem booster as I know that if I am in another relationship too soon its not good from baggage from last one (but getting rid of it bag by bag, he he). Saying that this is the 3rd time I'm meeting him and there is too much alcohol involved each time but he seems like a really nice genuine guy but I'm not OMG I really like him.
I am just friends with the neighbour but OMG I really like him. lol
My DD is 7 and DS is 10 and they stay with my XH 2 nights a week so I am lucky in that I don't need to sort out babysitters.

About Xmas - I think alot of us on here are people pleasers but we really do need to be selfish and put our needs first, I only learnt this after years of crap XMas's that I was dreading.

Noteven keep reminding yourself that you are doing really well because you are! You have admitted you need help and have done alot by seeing your GP, contacting AA, MNet and telling your DP. It sounds as though he cares for you and will help you so possibly all is not lost there. And you still have a DD who has a brilliant Mum.

Silver don't beat yourself up, you have still had alot of days without drinking, last night was a glip then you can move on from. Stop feeling guilty.

Zany - my gut tells me that your neighbour is going to be the one you 'end up with' if any. The way you post about him makes me smile.

[sucker for a good romance emoticon]

captain plan it like a campaign. These are some of my strategies when going out...

Before I Go
Have no drink in the house
Have 'alternative' drink of choice in house to Sip while getting ready (don't arrive thirsty)
Have something to eat (soup?) - (don't arrive hungry)
Arrange to meet up with friend who will support my not drinking
Put mint sweeties / throat lozenges etc in handbag
Take something non-alcoholic with me (cranberry juice, fruit tea bags etc, so there is no excuse)
Prepare for emergency by printing out posts from here, or writing out the reasons why you want to stay sober
have an emergency phone number (AA or a supportive friend)

On Arrival
FIRST drink MUST be non-alcoholic - say 'I'm really thirsty, I'll just grab an orange juice'
Preferrably KNOW what my first drink will be (no humming and hawing at the bar, or being tempted into 'just a wine')
Do not put the glass down until I have the next non-alcoholic drink ready to pick up
Have a list (on paper) of all the non-alcoholic drinks I like
Look at the non-alcoholic cocktails list and choose something lovely
Know (and practice) what you are going to say to people: I'm not feeling that great, I'll stick to water/juice/tea at the moment; I've got a bit of a headache, I'll have a couple of paracetemol and maybe join you later; I'm expecting a phone call from x who might need picked up later so I'll have a ginger beer at the moment; I'm on antibiotics; I still have 4 pounds to lose before christmas and I am DETERMINED not to break my diet especially when there are so many parties on this week; I have such a hangover that I can't even stand to be near alcohol.... whatever phrases you feel comfortable with and won't have you being interrogated about your mystery illness.

In Emergency (when struggling to say no)
Eat a mint sweetie, or a fishermans friend or clean your teeth - something that will make alcohol taste horrid.
Read print outs of threads from here
Get online through your phone and post about what is going on.
Look at your list of reasons, re-write them on another piece of paper
Call AA
Carry an egg-timer in your bag and put off having the first drink for 4 minutes, then another, then another until the intense craving passes.
Plead illness and go home

After Party
Offer to drive people home
Put the kettle on
Have treat ready for when you get home - a hot water bottle, a mug of hot chocolate, favourite pyjamas. Plan how nice it will feel.

ah silver!, i wondered where you were yesterday, now i know! twit!!, never mind, you know what to do now!

pick yourself up, dust yourself down and get on the bus!!

btw, what people have have to remember with miflaw and his posts are that he is never malicious - he has benn there and done that!, i know at times he sounds bloody harsh but if you read him properly you will see the sense he makes! (there are times he pisses me off! , but only because i have to admit to the fact that he is right and my 'stinking thinking' is wrong!)

Projecting and Christmas ...

Last Christmas I had one of the best days ever. I woke up on Christmas Day with no hangover - already a good start - and was totally present for my DCs as they opened presents etc. We had lunch with my ex and I managed to behave and not get wound up by him (), we all had a really nice day and I put my kids to bed happy and contented.

My mum and my brother got absolutely trollied. When we got back from my ex's my brother was reeling on the sofa, repeating the same bollocks over and over again. My mum had passed out 'gone for a lie down' at 7pm. Which is pretty much where I would have been if I'd been drinking too.

Why not try projecting that you're going to have a good time? Because if you're not drinking, that is what will happen. If you drink, anything could happen.

(Sorry if that sounds preachy.)

do love a bit of Loose Womenxx

Zany my DD is 10 and with exH 2 nights a week and alternate weekends. It's great not to have to worry about baby-sitters isn't it? I think not knowing how much you like someone is good. And then letting them grow on you, or not.

Silver well done for posting. Get through today and see what tomorrow brings. Let us know how your meeting went noteven. I really like lunch-time meetings, normally quite a few women and people having to get back to work so really relaxed.

And great list Venus, thanks.

"MIFLAW - your tough love has helped me in the past but that really wasn't helpful.
If you read through my posts, I went to the meeting and they absolutely wouldn't let me in with my DD (3.11). I did get back in touch with AA. I am trying to get ready to go out right now to a lunch time meeting.
I do have an experienced GP and I don't appreciate you undermining the help I have finally got, totally on my own. I was drinking getting on for enough to detox. I have got low doses and it has turned me into someone functional - not sedated but at least I can catch my breath, I have cleaned and tidied most of my house despite very weepy moments at facing up to what I have chosen to do. My relationship has been damaged and I am bloody isolated which again I accept I have contributed to and I am doing my best to deal with that. Why you need to get at me when I have stopped, admittedly with help, sought help, and been honest, is beyond me.

"Sorry, as you were. And am now going out to AA (in tears). Hope everyone else is ok."

Noteven

Very very sorry if you thought I was getting at you. The reverse is the case. I am extremely sorry that I have not had the chance to read all your mails as I have been nursing a sick child for the last two days.

I am extremely sorry to hear that you were turned away from a meeting. FWIW this is not something I have ever witnessed, certainly not with a child of that age. Clearly these people are a shower of shit. Fuck 'em. They are clearly unwilling to observe the spirit of the St Louis pledge. Perhaps you will find another meeting that is more in line with my experience?

I am also extremely sorry that you have misunderstood what I was saying about GPs.

Anyone who finds a GP who gives them the sort of help they need is very lucky indeed. I would NEVER - and again, this is completely in line with AA thinking and writing - challenge the right of an alcoholic to consult their doctor, nor to use any medication at all that a qualified doctor prescribes. What I was actually writing about was when doctors will NOT help. In such cases, I think that many alcoholics worry unduly about how essential that help is. In other words, if you have your doctor's help, superb news. If you do not, then do not be disheartened - you may well be able to go it (and succeed) alone.

To summarise, I have no need or desire to get at you and am sorry if that's how you read it. I think you are doing all the right things and hope you find a way to continue to do so.

dipso and captain if you look at my list of things and think it is enormous and might be hard work, then yes, it can be.

Drinking is not hard work because it's been my comfort blanket for so long that I don't need to think long and hard about planning it. Although most of what I do in my strategy for not-drinking is just the same kind of stuff I did in my previous 'drinking-shed-loads-without-looking-like-I-was-an-alkie' strategy i.e. planning how to drink beforehand, taking something sneaky with me, a whole list of excuse about why I deserved it, a cop-out if it was a really crap party, and a 'treat' to look forward to when i got home.

To go further, if I was one of the people in the meeting that turned you away, I would be seriously considering boycotting that meeting in future. The SHIT-HOUSES.

Silver

And yet in my own mentally fucked up way I have 2 thoughts going on.. one is 'shit, she must be feeling so fucking awful today' and still that mad alcoholic brain thinks 'well maybe next week when dp is away I could have a day like that'

I guess I won't but it is through noticing that I still have thoughts like that that I can see what a problem I have.

Calm down MIF, those people may be the only real-life help available, and they're proabably doing the best they can. And none of us are perfect, not even me

right I am going to drag my sorry arse to the gym and do some swimmimg, then sauna to try and sweat this crap out of my system

noteven I hope that MIFLAW's reply to you has put your mind at rest. He would never personally attack anyone. I hope your meeting goes well.

silver ah well, back on the bus for you! And no beating yourself up!

captain I knew someone would be along to articulate a battle plan, thanks venus!

MIFLAW I hope that littleMIFLAW is OK?

Hello to everyone else!