The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Players and Supporters Bus

[venusandmars]

Hi I am venus and I am an alcoholic.

Thanks to the first thread by Jesuswhatnow I have not had a drink for a long time.

There are lots of us on here, please lurk, post, whatever does it for you. If you are worried about how much you drink and your inability to stop when you want to, then someone on here can probably understand.

Hi JWN lovely to see you x

Morning venus - wise words as always!

JWN am feeling pretty chipper yes!

venus sorry just saw your post to me. Thank you for your lovely words as always. I really need to stop projecting! (You'd think I would know that by now. I am always quick enough to suggest it to others!)

one of our traditions is to have a chinese takeaway and then watch a jointly chosen film on chrsitmas eve - its really funny now cos we have all gone off chinese a bit and i always fall asleep before the end of the film still, its part of what makes our little family 'us' and i wouldnt change it for the world - the last couple of years i have counted as a bonus in that dd choose to spend the evening here, dont know if that will happen this year but we dont put pressure on her to do a certain thing at christmas, as she gets older and has her own family i dont want her to feel that as an only child it is down to her to spend every year with us - i think thats an unfair kind of burden! - see what i mean thurso? ponderings and ramblings!!

hello venus!! you goddess you!!

Hello CJ nice to see you this morning! How's things with you?

JWN How lovely to hear your tradition, ours is candlelit table, lasagne!, then a film.
We (I) still put out a scotch and mince pie for Father Christmas, and a carrot and glass of milk for the reindeer! DC find it most amusing, but it makes me happy!.

venus I had to laugh at your tea cosy link and suggestion of knitting. I am busy busy busy knitting and crocheting every day! It's what I do. :o

As for having cans in the fridge, I kind of find it easier to have one in there just for emergencies (Oh god, I'm crap aren't I?) - it stops me getting that stressed feeling just before 11pm when the shop shuts knowing that if I need a drink there's one in. If there wasn't one in I'd be more tempted to go out and buy wine or a 4 pack, or a case of lager....

The thing I find very difficult is that my dh likes a drink, especially wine, and I find it very hard not to join him in having a glass (or several). Luckily for me, he's on some strong antibiotics atm for a cyst and cannot drink on them. I'm dreading him finishing hios course cos I just know he'll be straight out to buy wine, and then temptation is right there in my face. I also have a very hectic few weeks coming up, starting from tomorrow where I will be socialising. My sister, my brother and myself all have our birthdays, and I just know that wine will be involved when I go to see them. I am going to need bucketfuls of willpower.

Monring Brave Babes.

Welcome captain.

Germs are buggering off nicely here. DH left me in bed this morning. Our guests didn't leave until gone midnight! There was me, drinking milk and chewing Rennies pining for my PJs!

Have skim read. Good to see lots of positive posts this morning!

captain OK here comes one of the Brave Babes' mantras... Do NOT project. Do NOT worry about forthcoming birthday, Christmas, weddings etc. The only way to cope with this bloody thing is to take it one day at a time. Today you can make the decision not to drink for just that one day. Anything more just feels way too hard and way too scary! Are you starting your socialising tomorrow night?

Morning lovely mouse! Yes, good vibe on here today which is nice. (Not that I mean if you are feeling shit/ wobbly that you shouldn't post of course.)

captain you will need willpower, but you need bucketfuls of strategies and a bit of determination to actually work those strategies. I have always found that willpower on it's own goes something like this...

day of party: 'I will not drink'
afternoon before party 'I will not drink'
late afternoon before party: 'I will just have one - just to be sociable'
getting ready for party: 'I'll have one drink now, then I can have soft drinks all evening'
on way to party: ' I won't have much to drink'
at party: 'oh wine - thanks'
at party: 'another? oh go on then'
at party: 'oh fuck it, why the hell not'

So for me now, a plan of action works better - with a back up plan b and plan c and emergency plan d.

I'm sure all this is too late but here goes ...

Kids in AA meetings. Of COURSE it is not ideal, but ... The main issue is the principle of anonymity. No one really wants to share at 100% in front of sentient non-alcoholics. I would guess that, for most people, this is at around age 7. Younger than that and most people are willing to assume that it will all just wash over the child. It's a bit like sex on TV ...

That said, if it really is your only way of attending, then people may be willing to compromise further. You may find a meeting with a creche; you may find that others in the meeting are willing to take your child outside while you share; you may find that there is a small ante room at the venue where your child could sit and do some drawing (and perhaps you could sit by the door so you could look in on her unobtrusively from time to time).

Phoning AA; there sohuld be a freephone number if you have no credit. Feel free to use it, that's what it's there for and that's why we fund it, out of our own pockets, via tradition 7.

Detoxing - unlikely to be an issue unless you are drinking a bottle of spirits most days. Of course you will feel shit going cold turkey. Big. Fucking. DEAL. You feel shit already or else you wouldn't be so concerned about your drinking. A lot of doctors know very little about alcoholism and so play ridiculously safe. Open AA meetings are actually aimed at just such people so that they can learn more about the illness. They almost NEVER come. Of course, you must do what's right for you, and never be afraid to seek and act on medical advice; but be aware that lots of people go cold turkey, often from the position of extremely serious problems and not always by choice (for example, when they get incarcerated) and come out the other side.

Hope this helps someone, even if the original posters have solved their problems by now.

"I've thought of investing in a massive teapot!"

Well, there's your honest answer, isn't it? If it was really about what was "easy" then that's exactly what you would do. Forget about easy, keep your eyes on the prize, and focus on not drinking alcohol, which is the real issue. Get a large bottle, jug or six pack of anything you like (sparkling mineral water, ribena, Coke, tea, coffee); invest in a Thermos or cool bag if necessary; and get on with it.

you can do this, but you're going to need to stay honest with yourself.

Sorry, I keep popping off to do housework and stuff...

notevenamousie, good luck to you and well done on getting to day 3. I shall crochet myself a tea cosy...great idea thanks.

Redmoomin thanks, I shall try not to project. I really will.

venus what are these plans of action you speak of? I don't have any back up plans, I was just relying on willpower and those words "No thanks, I'm not drinking today". I am so not ready to admit to my family that I have a drink problem. I'm a coward.

"I kind of find it easier to have one in there just for emergencies" - if you have an emergency, dial 999. There is no "emergency" that a drink will have any positive impact on. Be sensible and don't keep drinks "just in case" or you will drink them.

Miflaw, I don't understand what you're getting at, sorry. I thought that getting a large teapot would be a step in the right direction, away from drinking wine/beer. I'm not suggesting it's going to be easy, I'm just trying very hard to feel positive.

Morning Campers

has any one heard from Daibolik??

Miflaw, aside from me feeling "safer" with a drink in the house (and I do know it's stupid to feel this way, I'm not the only adult in the house and the others keep their beers/wine in the fridge too. Not quite so simple as to get rid of all the booze in the house.

Morning

I only had one glass out of the second one in the end Dipso and the first one already had some missing so not too bad I guess but not brilliant.

Hi Captain

Venus that seems to be my plan every day, all your good intentions go out the window by 5/6 pm.

McGee The thing about Xmas is you feel that you should be in this ideal world where all you family are around you laughing and smiling whereas for most people the reality is very different (apart from being with our DC's) If it will spoil your Xmas to see your sister then is it possible to not see her or limit the time you spend with her. I had too many Xmas's where I was often upset and in tears by family members (well only one) so I choose not to see them now.

silver morning! How are you?

captain I cannot think of useful strategies off the top of my head today. Hopefully someone will be along shortly with some 'sensible' () suggestions for you!

hehehe redmoomin :o

Hi ZanyWany

Right, off to do more "stuff" but will call back later. Thanks everyone for being so lovely. Hope you all have a good day x

MsGee - I did wonder about your mum when you text the other day. I had a feeling that you were being sidelined to please others.

Funny, we were discussing this Christmas last night. We normally go to Scotlad as DH's family are all in Panto at Christmas.

This year, I've said no. We are staying here, in our PJs, eating Roses and drinking hot chocolate! Not only is the journey too much for me physically, but the thought of carting a load of medical and feeding equipment on a five hour (min) journey just fills me with absolute dread.

So, I put my foot down instead of going with the majority to keep the peace. And I feel much better for it.

My (rather long way to get to the) point is this - is it worth telling your mum how you feel so that next year, you avoid this situtation?

Zany I've done that often, opened a second bottle and only taken a wee sip and wondered WTF I bothered. Having a second bottle around is I guess a bit like having a security blanket.

When's your next date then? Is this with neighbour guy or PoF guy? How old are your DCs? I'm sort of dating right now, met a guy off PoF last week who I had fun with/fancied but got a bit of a strange vibe off and I'm meeting my ex at the weekend to see if we might give it another go. I've decided to keep my options open and am meeting PoF man again next week to get to know him a bit better. I drank loads with him last week and this time it will be sober. I'm going to drive so I have no choice. Good plan? And I won't be shagging ANYONE. This is what I always do, get drunk and then shag them. Before I even know who they are

Venus do you write down your strategies or just keep them in your head? MIFLAW I agree about GPs and that's from personal experience (both me and my bro who's an alkie also). Why, when it's so universally acknowledged that alcoholics should be helped, is this the case? I work in a medical practice and half the registration form for new patients is taken up with questions about alcohol consumption. And then of course they don't know what to do about it if you do drink too much.

I didn't say that you should get rid of all the drinks in the house. My own house has loads of drink in it because my partner is not an alcoholic and nor are most of our visitors.

i said that YOU should not keep drinks in the house. In other words, get rid of any drinks "with your name on." When you say that you keep a can in the fridge, presumably that's a can that you feel entitled to drink? My advice would be to get it straight in your head now that there are no drinks in the house that are okay for you to drink.

And, yes, I agree - getting a massive teapot would be a step in the right direction. But in your post you seemed to be laughing it off as a ridiculous idea. It's actually an excellent idea, easily achievable, just as easy, and certainly wiser, than buying lager or wine.

Your main enemy in this whole process is going to be your mind trying to convince you that somehow alcohol is a special case; that you somehow need alcohol in a way that you don't need other things you like (crisps, for example, or Bourbons); that drink is an essential part of life (it isn't - millions of people regularly go without it, with no ill effects); that drink is so necessary to human existence that it justifies extra sacrifices (so getting up to get a can of Coke or pour a cup of tea is a lot of messing about, but getting up to get a can of lager or pour a glass of wine is no trouble at all).

When you ask yourself WHY a drink with alcohol in it is different from a drink without alcohol in it in practical terms (answer - it isn't) you start to uncover the real problem, which is a peculiar and illogical relationship with alcohol wihch most of us have found to spring, not from informed and sensible decisions, but from a real and unhealthy dependency.

Hope this makes more sense.