Solost now that the prospect of your H coming back has re-entered the thread, can I suggest you read the thread in its entirety today? You might recall from my early posts that I said that once you had detached and were showing signs of independence, this might happen.
As you know, I think your H is a romantic idiot who couldn't tell the difference between a perfectly normal crush and True Love. This is because he is a pompous prig who takes himself Far Too Seriously and imagined that if he was tempted by another woman, it must mean that she was his soul-mate and that this was Some Grand Love Affair That Was Bigger than Both of Them. The cliches are astonishing and worthy of utter contempt.
Since you will also have seen me say that affairs happen when the unfaithful party starts under-investing in the relationship and stops giving to it, once a man like this leaves, giving more to him won't ever cause him to come back. This is because it was never about whay you gave, it was all about what he was giving to you. The only thing that works in this situation is giving him nothing, therefore.
He will only want to return when he starts under-investing and giving to his relationship with the OW. At that point, and with you behaving as though you are magnificently detached, he will want you back.
However, what often happens is that the person whom he so casually threw away for a romantic fantasy has changed. I think you've got some way to go, Solost because I sense you still think that he was a great man who was captured by aliens over the past year and that the person you're seeing now isn't him.
Which is why downthread many of us urged you to recall the aspects of his character and behaviour that no doubt you were bargaining away for years. He has always been the man you're seeing now. What you are seeing is just an extreme manifestation of what's always been there.
In the past, you might have tolerated his priggishness, his pomposity, his selfishness, his inability to laugh at himself. His intolerance for human frailty. I bet this is a very judgemental man who could be regularly heard blaming people for their misfortunes and perhaps wouldn't have been out of place as a columnist in the Daily Mail?
I bet that a year or so ago, if he heard about a friend of yours who had buggered off with a younger affair-partner, he would have been excoriating in his blame?
I agree with everyone last night, be prepared for him to want to return, but here is the rub. Do you really want a man like that now? You well know that I believe you can mend a marriage after an affair and my H and I have done so ourselves, but not until we both realised that unless my H changed the behaviours that were always there we didn't stand a chance. I also have a theory which is the worse the behaviour in an affair, the worse the character faults. If someone actually leaves and behaves badly to their children, the more character flaws there are, to overcome.
Hence, go back to what I said downthread. If you do get a plea to return, say no. Insist that he moves somewhere on his own and doesn't get to move back to the family home. If this happens before Christmas, let him spend a miserable one in a bedsit, or with his disapproving parents. Do not let him walk back in. Then take your time and watch his behaviour and his actions.