All New Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 9

[WarriorQueen]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

I see my xh in the car all the time too but I am used to it now however a move to Carlisle wouldnt be unwelcome

Seriously Karmann I think I can see why you want daily contact but why does he ? So sorry if you have already explained but is he keeping you dangling in case he does decide he wants to get together with you ?

I think on his part it is guilt. He won't ever come back, I know that. In his way I think he thinks he is supporting me but I now realise he is not the one to do that.

I need a clean break from him but we own businesses and property together and I am financially dependent on him. I think I will try and keep contact to just practical issues.

Hello lovelies, reading and lurking. I think I'm going to relax tonight and watch some tv or a film of some form. I reckon Getting is giving pretty good advice today, as are the usual suspects So I'm going to try and stay away from mumsnet for a change.

Hello everyone thanks warriorq for your encouraging words. I haven't been on for a few days but am finding this thread so helpful.
Startingover your situation really resonates for me. How long have you been single again? The irony for me is that my x tried to paint me as a real square who was totally anti cannibis which wasn't the case. My reasons for hating the stuff was the dependency on it and the carelessness of it around children. I do not judge people that enjoy the odd toke but I have seen what it did to our family so I abhor that 'chill out man it should be legal' attitude.

I had my wee sisters wedding party last night which I was nervous about as I attended with my son and no dh. There were lots of old friends and family there but I told everyone we had a babysitting hitch and noone batted an eyelid. I got a bit pissed and had a blast. Today was v tough as I was with everyone most of the day and I just wanted to run away and cry. Sometimes I just think of all the fun stuff we did as a family which was usually planned by me and wonder if my x ever gave a damn or appreciated me at all. Thats when I start bawling or when I hear the song by The Proclaimers sunset over Leith I think. I mean this is the second home we've built together. There is such a destructive side to him. I cope much better when he sleeps somewhere else but we will have to share a roof for a while til we sort out the practicalities.
I'd love a dumpling weekend too.
LC I'm glad you're calmer.Things can only get better so stay strong.
Does anyone know the name of the book which was recommended on here somewhere about how not to draw negative people into your life? It was in the post about no support being better than negative support. I'd love to read it.
My bed is now v cold without xdh in it so I must invest in an electric blanket and bigger duvet. actually some big fat fluffy towels would be good too but I will have to watch the money.
Goodnight everyone
x

I think it's this one Maybee if you click on the underlined part. Patience has found it very helpful and has discussed it on the new book thread here

Wow, just caught up after my Boston trip, taken me a while 8 pages!! I had a very successful christmas shopping trip and now only have two presents left to get.

Tea - have a great evening, you deserve a rest from Mumsnet, you have given so much fantastic advice.

LC - so good to hear that things are becoming clearer in your mind. I know you are still finding your situation difficult and I would be too, but in your previous posts you come across as such a strong and wonderful lady, tomorrow is a new day, see what it brings, hopefully strength, peace and happiness.

Pink - thanks for the wisdom of IT DOES AND WILL GET BETTER!! I really hope I get there.

Patience - its so good that you are finding your move a positive rather than a negative. You sound in a good place.

Starting - so pleased your family approve of Norm and things are going from strength to strength for you.

Citydoll - save me one of your cakes, its so good to hear your having a good day, and I hope tomorrow is yet another good day, just remember one day hopefully the good days will outweigh the bad days, I am hoping that I get there soon.

Welcome Midnight, I hope your DP comes to his senses as I agree with Getting that he wont be treated well if he returns. It sounds like he would be throwing away the start of a blossoming relationship.

Getting - I agree with you when you hear about other couples relationships, but it then gets me thinking why my DH would want to leave a good loving and wonderful friendship for the unknown, but I suppose he is still an Alien but I hope one day he will come back to the real world.

I really missed my support network from the dumplings, thank you all for being so supportive.

Just read our thread but too much to comment on. Karman, Patience,Queencat, LC, Tea, WQ, Starting, Mumfun, Meemar, Happy, Getting, Chair, Citydoll, Midnight, Maybe, and Romney,

thinking of you all and all the other dumplings all over the world, it's a damned shame isn't it. I hope our sons don't grow up like their dads.

Getting, haven't made shortbread for a while cos I can't keep away from it when it's around. 2 stone going spare here.

Mumfun, not sure about the 27th.

Love the idea of Patience weekend though.

Patience...I'm so glad you're ok in your new place, it is weird thinking you're not in your cottage now. Will you give us the serenity prayer, we haven't had it for a while. I found/find it so helpful and I like it when it comes from you

Happy, I think under the circs it's very wrong of BE to move so far away. I actually think it's abandonment. How dare he, what an utterly selfish twat. I keep thinking about it. In your shoes I would be beside myself with fury.

Welcome back Rom Lucky devil, glad you had a good trip.

Early start here as my DCs woke at 6.30am

H is back today from his holiday with the OW and will be coming by to see the DCs. Be nice to have a break.

Thanks Tandcake I'll order it later. Patience I do like your slant on this its v strong and positive.
Bye everyone.

Yes Patience sorry forgot to say I think the dumpling weekend sounds good, although I think might be hard to organise

Maybee I dont envy you sharing a roof. I had that for a month and was also keeping that we were splitting a secret and its a real strain especially coming up to Christams . I t did give us the chance to do a thorough post mortem on our marriage though which has actually helped in the long run.

Romney glad your trip was a success and I hope you enjoyed a breather away from your troubles

Pink are you feeling better ?

Well am on a high because I have passed the first part of my computer course and I know I can do it now

Been for a run this morning , its one of those crisp freezing days here which I love.

I dont know why but today I just feel on top of the world

I hope all other dumplings are ok especially WQ and Sov who have been awol for a few days - hope you are ok

ladies not read thread yet - i CANNOT concentrate .......

here's why

any advice?

Everything still cool here ,Sunday good but dongle not playing the game very well last nite ,went out out til 5pm yesterday so X had kids all day and all smooth ,did some hours at work and got a few orders.
Printer not configured to computer anymore WIFI thingy since i moved and lost broadband ,need printer for orders etc so will try to fix this tonite ,away to post on geeky stuff,
Hugs to everyone ,i think Dumpling weekend should be around Feb 14th just on an empowerment vibe !!!!

For Pink

God Grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change,
The courage to change the things i can,
And the wisdom to know the difference .

Amen

Back later connection permitting

Hi everybody will be back later with an update on me and comments for you lol

Hi all, hope you are having a strong day, I have felt rather flat today, dont really know why. GP has upped the ADs so hopefully will be able to start sleeping and not lying awake for 1-2 hours in the early morning thinking.

DH rang today as I got his girls some bits while I was in Boston, at the end of the conversation he said "I love you", I suppose its just habit. I really wish we had the power to switch off thoughts!

WQ - I am so pleased you are moving forward with your life and starting to date, I read you new thread and think I would prob meet up, see how the conversation goes. I dont think that you should only be thought of as a mum with 2 children, meet him first, obviously you will talk and then you can tell him about yourself and family.

Hope the newer dumplings are getting on ok, Maybee, Citydoll, Doris and Karmann.

hello

phew just caght up on thread - won't name check us all will be here all bloody night

you are all in my thoughts, glad you are having a great day gettting, long may they continue.

glad you had a great time in boston rom

city - just had a look at that website - i really fancy the holidays - in fact i am looking into booking myself on a cruise in the new year just for some real head space the thought really appeals to me.

WELCOME MIDNIGHT

my date is now arranged for next weekend. i am bricking it !!!!!!!

are you ok queencat?

Tricky WQ tricky.

Why should you tell him , after all why should being a mum define you etc etc.

Trouble is from what I gather he might scarper when he finds out because thats what a lot of men do (actually I dont necessarily condemn it as kids arent for everybody )

yeah i agree but i don't want to make it into a big thing either; i will drop it into conversation and move swiftly on but i will make sure he has bought me a drink first

Hey WQ a date what fun! You could always end up having a light hearted dating thing which is completely separate from your dc in which case you needn't mention dc. However maybe if you think you'd like a relationship I'd tell him after a few dates. If he asks I would tell so I say go with the flow.
Gettingeasier it is a strain I find healing hard when he is around and I feel a lot more tearful when he is here. However i can't just tell him to go as he's got nowhere to stay. It is a v heavy secret almost unbearable. One sis, my boss and a couple of good friends know. I dread telling my mum and don't want to tell the boys before Christmas.
I love that prayer Patience desiderata is also an uplifting reading methinks.
Romney I hope you feel a bit more positive soon.
sovJust reread the thread there seem to be a few of us who have endured excessive dope smokers. It can be an isolating experience as its not perceived as a serious problem like alcoholism or other drugs but it gnaws away at your family life. I hope you're feeling better now.
My 8yr old is being v moody just now, can anyone recommend a book on how to help your kids cope with a split? He takes things v seriously and has been left out a bit by his pals which he is finding tough. I feel rotten for him.
Anyway goodnight everyone
x

CONGRATULATIONS Getting.....well done,

I'm ok thanks, bit nausious, maybe I should buy a clear blue test

Thank you patience

WQ... Don't tell him beforehand !!!!!!!!!

If he's got a tiny willy do you think he'll tell you beforehand to give you a chance to back out ?

I think he's bloody lucky you've agreed to go on a date with him, even if you had 18 DC and a false leg.

I bet he's bricking it too. x

(pink) forgot to change back

Pink am in pieces
"If he had a tiny willy do you think he'll tell you beforehand to give you a chance to back out ?"

Priceless.

Actually dumpling cousin and I chatting last night and wondering why we cant have prior knowledge of the lunchbox situation

Probably a silly question but what does pombear anyone mean? I read that post about the dinner ages ago and laughed out loud too but don't get the pom bear theme. Am a bit slow tonight please enlighten me. :)

don't talk to me about his willy you will make me

and pink i will hold you fully responsible if when i see him next week that is all i can think about

pom bears - i thought they were crisps or is there a deeper allegorical meaning that has gone over my head?????

Well Wq its been a while I dont think you should hold Pink responsible if thats where your thoughts take you

No dont get the pom bears thing at all but did read and enjoy op