All New Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 9

[WarriorQueen]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Er... no...BUT I can't be bothered to listen to his songs on there anymore AND I haven't looked at his page. I'm getting there...hehe!

And I've found the buttons. Hooray!

Getting - just happening now.

Citydoll - no OW in my situation. Just not feeling very brave. No friends,no job. But DC.

Believe - I often feel crap and very scared. I suffer from panic attacks. It will get better, it's just it's not a straight road - some days you feel great, then you seem to take two steps back. However, these backward steps are actually all part of the process. So is going round and round in circles in your mind. And feeling sorry for your ex/hating him/pining for the old life (that was crap anyway but at least it was secure in a strange way).
You can post on here whenever you aren't feeling brave. I've ben posting for about two weeks and it makes me feel so much better. Keep going. We all understand :)

CV once they have shown themselves to be wankers i agree why search for proof when it is right there in front of you LOL!I dont need to check if he is calling her she was sat in my fucking car i know he wont give me answers he is such scum but i just dont want to see him anymore ,end of ,dont know how i work this but min mins idea sounds bloody good right now ,i will not sit and watch my kids in the car with her sat in my seat ,just not happening .

googoo - left me before, had to pick myself up, he came back, this time - have to carry on living in same house; easy for him, very hard for me.

Constantly threatened to dump me too. Better go to bed. Really hurting.

Welcome Kate BelieveClouded Shelter here from the many assholes out there who really can't see never mind value what they have! I 've just glanced at thread as I am knackered tonight. Believe I lived with x for a month after we split and it was hellish. You need space to recover without him in it. If there is no alternative just try and keep your distance if possible.
I was stuck in the snow for 4 hrs today which was hellish so I'm v grumpy. I've almost finished putting a calendar together for Christmas for the grandparents. Its not as much of a tearjerker as it was a few days ago when I started, tonight I am thinking'you silly **er look what you have thrown away' I'm sure my x might beg to get back in eventually as he likes his home comforts and the weather is ruff here, he seems to have detached from reality at present and he has the knack of doing that when things don't go his way-it is almost enviable!
He was here tonight so I handed him the spade to shovel snow and get him out from under my feet and off the sofa.
Enough negativity this evening 2 tiny fawns gambolled down our ave it was such a heartwarming sight. My ds ran out in his wee shorty pjs and croc and left oats for them. They are so hungry.
believ I'm sorry you feel a lack of friends in your life, that can happen for various reasons in a relationship that is floundering. We are here for you and sometimes it is surprising that there is support out there that you haven't tapped into. Draw strength from things that make you happy. I got pushed about 4 times in the snow today when I got stuck and some of the people that helped me were v stressed and rushed as well. One wee woman of about 90 came over with a spade and started digging! I'm not sure if I am making sense so I will hit the sack.
Goodnight everyone.

believe - mine did the same thing. We're here. And the hurting comes and goes but it's awful when you're in a bad patch. Keep posting. Love to you lovely girl. You can do it. We are all here for you. Have a good wail - it always helps. Tomorrow is another day.
Urban I'm angry for you. Remember the first time I saw exh with 20 yo and my kids playing happy families in the local supermarket. I wanted to rip her head off and take the kids home immediately. And I couldn't. Don't blame you for feeling that way. I've got a feeling they never will be sitting in the car with her. She's just a bit of fluff for him - he doesn't want a family life with her, it's about freedom and stroking his ego. Let her find out...she will. Meanwhile you are a strong woman providing for your DCs. The rest can go to hell.
Night night all. Try and sleep well. Thinking of you here in the frozen north. Not wasting my time thinking of all the crap shitbags I've let into my life - just staying strong with the dumplings instead :)

I'm still here but will go v soon. Kate It pisses me off too that I am now the one who has to deal with the kid's trauma when he skips off to wherever he is staying and it is v frustrating. He takes them sledging but then forgets to dry their coats, wellies gloves and I have to get up earlier and do all this. He moans about the trains to get to work but only has himself to get there. I have 3 kids to take through blizzards of snow.
Patience your x sounds like an immature insulting a- hole how rotten for you all this must be. Try and be calm there will be a solution out there.
I really must go to bed.
x

googoo - did yours refuse to leave too?

And sorting the house etc will take months?

googoo - I know all about the hurting, been hurting for years with constant rejection/uncertainty. Didn't cope well when he left me before, took a time to pick myself up but didn't have to change any practicalities back then. It would be easier for me if he left emotionally; It was terrible before but I made alot of progress, and then got back to square one again. More pain again to start going through. And, he blames me everything.

Blames me for all of it, I meant to say.

Pops in - Hi all and a special welcome to the newbies.

The thread is moving so fast Eek! And well done LC.

Tea, did you change your email address?

Thankyou googoo its just i feel i have been there done it,just worn out tbh ,he is a complete failure homeless and he keeps going on about how old i am and how young she is ffs , i go back to not talking anymore not texting, this cruelty is all he has left i have explained its the worst thing he can do for the kids but he just keeps going,i just want my kids safe and unless things are amicable ie i can talk to him reasonably then i dont know if he is stable enough to have them lots i dont post about and although i always try for the kids to keep contact he isnt particularly interested doesnt see them very often and has given us very little money since we moved to the flat.I just know legally i dont need to hand him over if i dont think he is sober and if the kids are at risk .Just a bastard.

God sorry Patience your xh sounds like a nasty piece of work and apart from steering clear of him where possible I dont know what to suggest.

googoo I think in the early days its a battle between knowing a bad marriage should end but still craving the security of the familiar. Thats partly why I never took action as I should have done years ago because I couldnt face losing security for the dc and I. Glad you are sounding a lot better and well done on the FB thing

Maybee glad you have been experiencing the milk of human kindness in the snow !

Kate I think I need some of your pragmatism towards selling your house I am feeling very sulky and angry about mine atm. Your h sounds like he is headed for disaster turning his back on his family for an ow who isnt even an ow. It must be horrible knowing he is in such close contact with her

CV I agree why go looking now. As WWIFN says they will go to any lengths to claim there is no ow or if caught red handed that she isnt important/the reason they are leaving. Mine was exactly the same because he didnt want to admit that he was simply following a time honoured tradition of getting bored with his wife and family and leaving for an ow.

Tea hats off to you for calmness in not getting your money etc - no sign of even a Xmas job for your h then ?

Well I am still a bit off today, I know its a lot to do with hormones , and have been reminding myself that I spent many more days feeling low and tearful when I was married than I do these days.I need to be careful and understand that rather than assume that a couple of crappy days means I am going backwards re detaching from h.

Off to computers shortly and then have a friend coming tonight which is nice

Waves to everyone - far too many to list - but yes I too feel being able to come on here and post and read other peoples stories and advice is a lifesaver. People in RL who havent experienced this really dont have a clue

God sorry Patience your xh sounds like a nasty piece of work and apart from steering clear of him where possible I dont know what to suggest.

googoo I think in the early days its a battle between knowing a bad marriage should end but still craving the security of the familiar. Thats partly why I never took action as I should have done years ago because I couldnt face losing security for the dc and I. Glad you are sounding a lot better and well done on the FB thing

Maybee glad you have been experiencing the milk of human kindness in the snow !

Kate I think I need some of your pragmatism towards selling your house I am feeling very sulky and angry about mine atm. Your h sounds like he is headed for disaster turning his back on his family for an ow who isnt even an ow. It must be horrible knowing he is in such close contact with her

CV I agree why go looking now. As WWIFN says they will go to any lengths to claim there is no ow or if caught red handed that she isnt important/the reason they are leaving. Mine was exactly the same because he didnt want to admit that he was simply following a time honoured tradition of getting bored with his wife and family and leaving for an ow.

Tea hats off to you for calmness in not getting your money etc - no sign of even a Xmas job for your h then ?

Well I am still a bit off today, I know its a lot to do with hormones , and have been reminding myself that I spent many more days feeling low and tearful when I was married than I do these days.I need to be careful and understand that rather than assume that a couple of crappy days means I am going backwards re detaching from h.

Off to computers shortly and then have a friend coming tonight which is nice

Waves to everyone - far too many to list - but yes I too feel being able to come on here and post and read other peoples stories and advice is a lifesaver. People in RL who havent experienced this really dont have a clue

Getting i really admire the computer course doesnt matter how long it takes, its the skills you learn that will be great ,i find its the little bits that you achieve along the way that keeps you strong when you wobble all about finding our "normal"again and house move is a biggie but you will cope i just managed to keep my head in the sand til the bitter end then had a 24hr breakdown but only on having to return to cottage for bits and bobs on the sunday and then X dropped kids off early so had to see him and my wee house all at the same time and pushed me over ,anyway just go for the house with a good vibe ,thats what i did and its good to be sorted.
hope ur ok maybee im west of scot too and yesterday was mental our schools are closed again today ,big hugs x

hey everyone

Just to say im ok, my internet has been cut off and cant pay bill till 20th :( am going to try and get on via my mobile, have missed sooo much but need to catch up am currently at DM so have nicked her comp hahaha

Hope everyones ok and welcome to the newbies sorry you are here

X has been round alot since i posted on saturday and is making a huge effort with DC and me too, he has started saying he's made a mistake and we have been talking but im not sure what i want or what to do so am asking him for time atm as i have found out that although he didnt cheat as such he definately had an emotional affair not his own admission i snooped his phone then confronted him :(
My head is in bits and i need to take a step back will try and get on my mobile and read everything and then i can also update everyone on whats happening too

Sov just make sure this isnt about Christmas turkey iyswim. From what you have said for me there would have to be at least three months of actions rather than words.

Also how do you know it was an EA rather than full blown and what made you look after all this time?

Sorry to be pessimistic Sov but dont give in now after going through all this only to find yourself in the same situation again in the new year.

Patience yes I have known from the word go I would have to sell and move but its only now its seems to have sunk in properly. Whatever crying etc I do over this there is no changing it and I will get through it , that much I have learnt after this last year.

Getting, when I bought a few new cushions and throws to personalize my house it made a huge difference and I 'm now loving the thought of taking them somewhere new. Would that work for you?

Patience, your XH is a prize tw* and that's that. Can you give him a nickname?

Sov, be careful honey, whatever happens avoid drama. You've been there before and so have I and you need some clear boundaries to protect yourself I think.

Both kids in bed and quiet.

Yeah Sov with his cannabis habit in the past and his lazy attitude where he stayed in bed a lot, I think you'd need some real changes. In fact if he didn't become more helpful around the house and with the kids and also become an open book with his where abouts and his texts etc that would be a deal breaker for me. But it's so hard with 4 DCs and it's so nice to have the man you loved and had 4 DCs with living altogether again etc. However I think maybe reading your original thread and everything he has done may help you to re-think

Lots of us got back together one more time before calling it quits and you have plenty of reason to want to do the same, just be careful and what all the other ladies have said. We'll all support you no matter what you decide ultimately, just don't do it for the wrong reasons if I'm making any sense. Big ((hugs)) Hope you manage to get on a PC again soon x

Nicknames eh ....perverted weirdo,dont want a woman but a teen will do ,apparantley she has a face like a rat and her mother had her nipple out in the Spar ROFL Anyway seriously creeping me out ,skin crawling time so trying to detatcn ,i think you can handle better when its own age group stuff but he is 20 years older ,she satays at home with her mum ffs ! I agree it all classic mid life ego boost but i just dont want my kids involved he is very unstable and my instincts just dont want him around ATM,just a classic pervert .Porn addiction,chatlines ,just all since hanging around with impotent middle aged divorced guys really sad but obviously was on a mission to fuck something younger for a while ,doesnt matter if its emotional or not now his denial is irrelevent just all about moving on now ,if it wasnt so bloody icy i would have bought a telly today ,fuck it but got to kill a mocking bird instead on dvd 3 quid ,already ate large dairy milk ,soooo proud of myself for not smoking thru my final drama ,i really feel this is it now ,even if she becomes a permanent feature i will get a new bloke myself in 2011 and they can have the kids at weekends when im out shagging ,and i can spend sunday mornings having quality sex while she is doin weetabix she will love them cos they are great its just their dad that is a pervert im just uneasy now he is a total stranger it all creeps me out,and she did give me silent phonecalls when we first got together thats how i got the phone number i dont think she is all there but dangerous to have 2 unstable folk looking after my kids ,like i said it just creeps me out,but stay in the moment its not happened yet and not likely to happen either but if it does so be it will just move me further along my road!!!!
Like the song says "You need to know when to walk away and know when to RUN!"this is all happening for a reason and the reason is to get me as far away as possible from this tit,next year is going to be FAB and im getting a telly for my xmas LOL!!!

I am probably the only one here who did not give XH a second chance. Should I have? Have I destroyed a family and left myself lonely and sad? Should I have ignored the lies, deceit and hypocrisy and gone through the rest of life with him with a forced smile and a heavy heart? In my current position, probably, because my DS does not need me and my XH has gone and all that is left is a SH*T and empty life.

There was no violence or drugs or drink, only OW so some of you may think "What a silly billy, why did you break the marriage and family up for"? Did my pride and my morals cause my donfall? I do not know the answer anymore.

And can you still go to heaven if you commit suicide?