All New Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 9

[WarriorQueen]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Sov thats awful , does it make you think he might now want to come back and is that something you would consider ? Its hard because on one hand you want them to be miserable without you but on the other it then makes the whole mess seem pointless.

My cousins dc were 4mo and 3yr when her h left and she constantly comes up against the pain that she is responsible for their whole lives ahead. I take my hat off to all of you with such young dc doing a great job on your own.

Tea yes thanks I will keep going with the course, I knew I would struggle ! I do think your H is on course for trouble when things collapse with his ow when she leaves uni and he comes to realise hes not only lost his family but his job and everything. Meanwhile the woman he gave it up for will be graduating and starting out on a new life. I think if it goes that way I would have to fight hard not to feel bitter.

Patience great post earlier and I can relate to it too. We do have to accept they didnt want to treat us well and get to a place where thats in the past and not something we are carrying around every day.

Happy hows things ? Cant believe BE had a leaving party with everything going on, not very thoughtful

Well I am feeling a bit quiet , had a lovely night last night but my friends were asking me for an update on things. I am telling them in an upbeat way how the house is on the market , I am house hunting etc etc. I just feel a bit exhausted with always being positive and looking at the parts of how lucky I am when at moments like this morning I want to sob because I dont want to leave my home and dont have the energy to face the whole process.

Thankfully I rarely feel like this but this morning I would swap with one of the miserable married just to have a reprieve from the drip drip drip of dealing with separation and divorce. Hopefully someone will be up soon to slap me

I chickened out of being here when xh came yesterday to do jobs. If it had just been him I would have stuck around for half an hour but he was bringing dc and I decided I didnt want to be dealing with him for the first time in months under their scrutiny. Ds rang a couple of times relaying messages from him and I could hear him in the background barking and abrasive and was glad I steered clear.

googoo how was your night ? Did you manage to get hold of your friend ?

Hope everyone is ok , where are Starting an WQ just because you've got men doesnt mean you arent dumplings

oh btw whats the bear emoticon for ?

Pom Bear anyone comes from a thread I linked somewhere below.

I'm not going to slap you Getting though, as your house is gorgeous and it's always hard moving on and leaving things behind that are special to us and full of memories, every dumpling whose moved house found it hard. I would to if I had to. We can't always be positive and it must be emotionally exhausting being upbeat for your friends all the time. So instead I'm sending you a massive ((hug)). We should meet up shouldn't we? We live so close, we've talked about but never get round to it. Let's do it

Sov Getting said it all, but I'm so sorry as this must be so hard for you and confusing for you too. Sending you a big ((hug)) too. Hope today goes ok.

Happy - Shocked at BE having a leaving do.

I'm off to my mums after church for a family get together as it was her birthday the other day. So I'll be back tonight but not before.

Getting i find i just enjoy the new bits that i like [dish washer mainly]and dont dwell on the bits i miss ,accepting the things i cannot change ,i keep having dreams when me and X are back together and everything is great,but i know its just my mind playing tricks ,i just my new flat is a step in my new life until i get an opportunity to move again but the main thing for me is emotional and financial stability for my dcs atm.Just cyr if you need to cry ,just as important as all the other emotions in my book and never feel guilty/negative for crying ,why wouldnt we cry ffs ,this is a very painful time in our lives,then we dry our eyes and keep going ,waves to everyone x

Thanks Tea and Patience. I think I had an attack of morning anxiety which I havent had for ages now.

Went for a run and came back and finished off house/garage preening went to the tip and went to the garden nursery and bought a big REAL tree

The sun has come out and I am fine off into town to get a few pressies then meeting 2 friends for coffee get my lovely dc back tonight.

See you later

Hello everyone, I had a night out last night and although I enjoyed myself noone in the company knows yet and as often happens the conversation turned to goodnatured complaints about husbands and partners and I really struggled not to burst into tears. Some of them have met my x and think he is a lovely bloke as many people do so they all ask me about him and stuff and I can manage to cover it up so well that I almost worry myself. I used to be so bad at untruths. Anyway in a way it will be a relief in some ways when it is all out. I want to stop wearing my ring too but it is too soon.
It is hard keeping it from my mum when I phone her so I will tell when I go home after Christmas.
Sov I hope you're feeling a bit better. I put our decorations up on the 1 Dec and felt a bit emotional but then remembered that I always did so and even if x was physically present he didn't get excited like me and the kids anyway. I wont put the tree up until nearly Christmas as my 15mth yr old will sabotage it ! My 2 yr old has pilfered nearly all the chocs from the advent calendar already. Also on the morning of our ds1's first Christmas he did not even get out of bed with us to see him opening his pressies and we were staying at my folks so everyonesaw this. It was so humiliating actually. He stayed in bed and was really off with me so I need to remember that this year.
My x stayed on the sofa last night as he babysat for me and this morning I noticed how thin and worn down he looks so I am steeling myself not to feel sorry for him but it is hard. Conflicting feelings are what make you human and being human is v painful sometimes. I think compassion for others is the most important quality but I suppose I need to keep it balanced and not let it override the instinct for self preservation. I think the fact that my x told our son in such a selfish tactless way and upset him so much has meant he has crossed the line of no return for me ever. I will not put him in a position know where he can cause further pain.
Anyway take care everyone I keep getting interrupted here
x

Hi everyone. Went on night out last night. Found friend who's found out her bf is still on dating site. It was quite a depressing night really. Got to laugh. My other very loved up friend came with her new bf and other friend and I just went round and round and round and round ad infinitum about our respective bf/xbf. And really weirdly there was someone there from exbf's village and I had to tell him we had split up. Another bloody panic attack woke me this morning and heart aching today, especially after exbf phoned yesterday and cried cos he feels sorry for himself even tho he doesn't love me and knows he's made the right decision and all his mates have given him a hard time. Sov I totally sympathise with you. It kills me too, as I found myself telling exbf it would be alright and it was ok not to be in love with me but that it would take longer for me cos I still was in love with him. I'm so exhausted thinking about that waster and angry with myself for being so heartbroken over him. And yet again I can't sustain a relationship because they all just get bored with me. Oh I'm annoying myself now at my self pity! Sorry dumplings! :(

And Maybee - love to you - you're doing an amazing job. You did so well not to cry last night. I once spent a whole child's birthday party secretly crying after exh left and everyone else was there with "perfect" families.

Maybee I know how you feel as I was keeping the same secret this time last year,no matter how much you try its hard not to get caught up in the schmulz of Christams which exaggerates what you are going through too. I did think it had come out though - didnt you tell ds school taecher ? Or are you just telling some people ?

googoo you should work on being yourself and proud of yourself. Whos to say the reasons your relationships dont work out is your fault that you are the problem. I wouldnt worry about it but just focus on getting over your bf and starting a new year focused on you your dc and what you want from the future.

You are right getting. Just having the occasional wobble but I'm fine. Been to buy eldest's birthday bike today and looking forward to his 7th bday on Thursday. Now I'm looking forward to a family thing, which is so much better than looking forward to a child free weekend. DCs are wonderful and this year is just for them :)
Maybee - it's so awful to have to tell people. When I did I kept bursting into tears, which was highly embarrassign but now I look back completely normal, cos I held it all in at work and in front of the kids. I think it will be a relief to tell people tbh. There's no shame or failure in it. Mind you, I've never sent a Christmas card since my divorce. I stopped the first year cos I didn't want to have to write "Unforunately...etcetc" in all the cards!
I'll be on here later with some clips.
Last night my friend and I mnaged to attract the only two geordie wideboys in a pub full of arty farty people. It was quite hilarious. They asked us if we wanted to go to a club "on them ye na", which was very gentlemanly but we poted for a cup of tea instead at home!!

hello

i have not been around lately because i have very busy with work.

just wanted to pop in and say hi and that i will read thread when i go to bed.

have not forgotten my dumpling ladies, you are always in my thoughts xxx

Hi girls

My children today overheard the ex telling his new girlfriend on the phone 'I love you'?

So what did I do?

I did not cut myself, I went outside and smoked a cigarette without barely taking breath, it was one long inhale for five minutes.

Unhealthier in the long run, but not as immediately self destructive.

Cried and cried in Tesco's at the christmas cards. Can't bear the thought of sending out a christmas card from me and the children. Having it in black and white makes it so real.

Its horrible, I'm depressed and I'm bringing my self down.

WELL DONE QC! Don't send Christmas cards if it's too painful. I don't. This is the third year of me not sending them and I don't think anyone's noticed. In fact, I think they're relieved - it's one less to get and reply to!!! Your true friends won't care, especially if you tell them why.
My eldest (7) told me the other day that he loves my exh's girlfriend because "she's like my second mum". Now that was a cold knife to the heart. But I just thought - she's very kind to them and loves them and I should be grateful. It WILL get easier. I go outside and smoke in one long drag too. No, it's not good but it's better than the cutting for now. Don't be so hard on yourself. We dumplings are here . And well done again :)

And does anyone know what a "BE" is? I'm a bit thick with these abbreviations...

Hiya, New to this thread. Hoping its ok to join.

Feeling very low tonight. Husband left in August for OW, been up all last night with DD who is poorly and had a crap day.

Hi Twinkle. Welcome to the dumplings. I'm a fairly new person and this is a very lovely, wise and welcoming group of strong women who sometimes wobble. Sorry you have had a crap day. You can say whatever you like on here and go round in circles if you like. I've found that this is a very safe place :)

BE = Bald Eagle, happy's ex husband, this is the term we all use for him

Welcome twinkle, do you have an original thread we can all read to familiarise outselves with you?

Glad you're ok getting and you've bought a real tree! Yay very very as not until DS stops attacking the tree will I move to a real one again.

Queencat - hello lovely, keep in touch on here and keep talking, smoking is good if it helps, you can worry about quiting/ cutting down once you're over this hump, for now if it helps, go for it lovely!

Have read everything but seem to have retained little it seems but big love to all you lovely dumplings

thank you for that! I'm afraid I'm getting an artificial tree - I'm just a geordie chava at heart :)
feeling ok tonight - my mum has reminded me to have some self worth and never speak to fb bard again!

lost dds nursery library book please send me vibes to find it ,last seen x2 weeks ago ,
x had kids today ,moaning about money when he dropped them off I said " i have my own money worries now ,sorry if i dont seem interested
You chose this ,we didnt "

No idea how to do a link to original thread, sorry.

Was with husband for 14 years (since we were 16) married for two years. In August he left saying all of the usual cliches, love you not in love with you etc. Found out later that there was OW involved who he is now openly in a relationship with. She works with him and is much younger. I have on DD who is three.

Well done QC !!!
Working towards a tree next weekend and started telly search for xmas today

Twinkle's thread

Surprised whenwillifeelnormal isn't on there but I suppose being in lone parents maybe why she missed it as she's usually in the relationships topic area. She would have warned you there was probably another woman involved. I swear these guys all the follow the same script

I'm age 32 and have a 3 yr old DD and an 23 month old DS. Sounds like we're a similar age, I never banked on being a lone parent at this age I have to say but then again who does? It's so hard isn't it

How often does he see her? How are you finding it all?

Hello everyone,
Glad you're feeling better getting It is really wearing sometimes being positive and counting your blessings. Be sure and have a good old slump from time to time, let sadness come let sadness go and the same for happiness. Your posts have helped me stay afloat in my darker moments.
I have told my son's school about the split and a few v close friends. I know my son has talked about it with his pals and I am glad that he has done that. 2 of his pals are going through the same and we all live on the same ave and moved here the same year to send our kids to the local ps! With others the right time hasn't arisen. My mil knows and is being v supportive to us and is v disappointed in x. 2 of my closest siblings know as well. So i do have enough support among my little circle. On account of the cheery season I don't want to tell my mum yet so i don't phone her as often these days which I miss and she misses. I speak to my sis most days and always have, so mum always asks her if we are all well. The last time she had a bit of a wobble and wanted to say 'no mum things aren't so great for them' but she kept it in. I will be a big fraud this year and write the usual cards from us all as a family bcos I can't bear the alternative yet. My colleagues apart from the boss are in the dark so I might cross that bridge after Christmas. I just dread being pitied. Tonight I would love to glug a big bottle of wine in one but I can't because a) I am working tomorrow and have 3 kids to farm off to school and nursery
b) There is no wine left as x has been at it!
Welcome twinkle you are among some kind and wise women. I put up our wee tiny artificial tree today, it was funny actually bcos baby kept pulling decorations off much to the outrage of my 2 yr old. i want a big green one but will wait til nearer Christmas.
Anyway have a peaceful night out there I need to do some online Christmas shopping just now.
x

See your DD I meant by "her" Thought I better clarify that actually

Thank you for finding my thread for me.

Im 30 so we are similiar age, like you, never expected to be in this situation. Feel like such a fool to not have seen it coming! I really had no idea and yet looking back it was so obvious.

Finding it very hard. He sees DD twice a week. Torn bewteen needing a break and desperatly missing her when she is away.

Thank you for the welcome xx