All New Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 9

[WarriorQueen]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

go for it tea. :)
at least the stupid song had some positive effect!
Getting - my exh said exactly the same kind of things. And he NEVER got up in the night. And he called me the c word every day for about 2 years and told me to eff off every day for about 4. And I just took it.
Now I'm going to regain some self respect, WITHOUT a man!

here's my favourite geordie mouse clip
www.youtube.com/watch?v=pImvSXaNduo

Wow, Tea - police blackmail? I don't recall that exciting detail. That sounds like madness or desperation of the highest order. I don't understand why people bother to tell such lies. Like I don't understand why xp lied to me for nearly 3 years. Was it really worth that effort? I mean was she worth it or even was I worth it? I couldn't lie like that because quite apart from hurting other people it would hurt me and my own self worth. I just do not get it at all. It's like living a double life which must be so draining. Just one life is hard enough and when that life is good it's also good enough. Why get greedy and end up with nothing? Just rhetorical questions, I suppose.

Update on big ds : implant operation went really, really well. The bone graft was such a success that they managed to get extra long implants in and it all looks very stable. Might be able to load the new teeth by March which is 3 months earlier than anticipated. Apparently they will be strong enough to hang a dining room table from but told ds not to get any ideas as he has semantic pragmatic disorder and tends to take things too literally . However, because the implants were longer than expected ds was in a lot of pain and is still quite swollen. Not much fun having your head drilled for 3 hours I suppose.

Ouch! 3 hrs but yay on the success!

Oh gosh I could tell you some stories on the lies he told to cover his tracks, that's not even the half of it and the worst thing is I believed the police one for quite a while He was drained by living this double life, he admitted it a while ago. Crazy. I think half the time on here I can't be bothered to list half the stunts he pulled.

Googoo and Tea - thanks for the backrub and cup of tea.

Have had 2 sessions with the physiotherapist and some more on Friday. High as a kite on Neurofen and paracetamol and codeine etc. and other stuff so am going to bed now.

For the record, ladies, with my XH, there was no violence, no fighting, no quarrels, no shouting, no worries over money or DS, plenty of trust, love and devotion, a warm comfortable welcoming home where he wanted for nothing - in fact, I think he probably found all that far too boring and decided that he would give all that up for a bit on the side! EUREKA! I have at last answered the question "WHY" myself! Maybe I got it wrong for 37 years and should have given him plenty of grief and let him come home to a cold, filthy house with no hot home cooked meals and a whingy, cold violent wife!

I need to go and lie down now to contemplate and reflect on the error of my ways!

How do I do a sarcastic face?

Bless you Citydoll - I had a tonsil infection last month and was on the same cocktail - we had to go and live at my mum's cos I was so drugged. Take care and get some much needed sleep. I feel for you - I think it's almost worse to have had a very loving relationship and for it all to end. It's a shock. But remember, it wouldn't have made any difference how YOU were - it's him who has the problems/issues.
And Tea and LC - it makes me angry for you to think of your exes' lying. I agree with your views on it LC.
Mine wasn't lying - it was verbal and mental abuse. It was a physical and mental relief when he left, even though it broke my heart.
LC - your son sounds amazing. Virtual hugs to your family. I will say it again - you are coping in an amazing way.

Am checking in

Have been reading everything but have been sooo drained the last few days i dont have any energy for anything, think the last few months are catching up with me finally and where theres no drama going on i'm relaxing a bit and its making me sleepy
No word from X re DC's TWAT!!! and had an upsetting conversation with DS1(7) last night, i asked if he was ok as he hadn't said anything about not seeing his dad (none of them have) and he said yeah i'm ok just sad that daddy doesnt love us anymore i was so upset and angry for them and all i could manage was a he does love you before DS1 just shrugged and walked off

I dont know how to protect them from this or make them feel better and loved by him i just dont know much anymore

am falling asleep as i type will be back to post in the morning take care everyone x

Hi Citydoll. Hope you feel better soon. 'Why' is the question that tortures me too. But I know that only xp has the answer to that and it hasn't got so much to do with me as I might suppose.

Googoo, I think the lying was a form of mental abuse. The deceit has been so huge that I don't know how I'll ever get over it. OW lied to me too. She tried to befriend me and my dc's. I have the most awful flashbacks about things she has done and said to me which, in the light of the affair, are truly evil.

My thoughts of revenge are directed towards ow in the main. Tonight, I'm contemplating letting her think I'm going to sell my story to Take a Break complete with photos of her and him and a photo of the text where she agrees to leave her dd for my xp. Any normal person would be horrified at this (me included) but ow would probably enjoy her 5 minutes of fame .

sov i had X whinging about seeing kids this Sunday already and its only wed ,he didnt see them last week and now he is complaining because of the snow ...WTF!then he put the phone down on me and when i called back because of other arrangements i needed to discuss re dcs he put me to voicemail LOL what a prick,so sent a text and guess what ,he didnt reply LOL but you know it doesnt affect me anything like it used to just reminds me he is a total tosser ,very predictable and what a relief it is not to deal with it everyday.

bloody hell LC - she sounds just lovely and your ex must be mad wanting someone like her over you. And you're right about the lying being mental abuse. You need to give yourself time to recover - being subjected to lying, especially in your main relationship, can lead you to question everyone's motives and wonder if anything is true anymore. But take heart - there ARE good people out there. I am a very honest and open person and I've constantly believed the best about the men I've been with in my life and almost every time I have been duped or taken advantage of in some way. But as I see it now, that's because I've been with the wrong men. I don't or can't change being open and honest and tbh I would hate to turn into a bitter cynic. Yes, our radars might have to be honed from now on but we can all still believe in the essential goodness of most people.
I sent my lovely wise friend in Brighton a message about exbf putting new song on fb and messaging it to 5 other people too AND to a record company and she sent me a message "It's official. He's a self-centred dick!" Once again, let down. But actually tonight I'm starting to know I'll be fine on my own. A good feeling.And LC, I love your revenge fantasy! Keep it up if it makes you feel better. :)

Oh Sov, so sorry he's doing this to your dc's. Difficult to get to grips with behaviour like that. Twat, indeed.

Hope you feel better after some sleep. You have enough love for all your dc's but I'm sure you know that. Remember to save some love for yourself too. x

Sov - I' so sorry you're having to see your son upset about his dad. And Urban, thank goodness you don't have to deal with it everyday. When my exh rants at me I just go "Uh huh, yeeees" as I'm slowly replacing the receiver!
Sov - sometimes I've wished my exh didn't see the kids regularly as he is a bad influence on them i.e. he is racist (which I had NO idea about until we were two years into our marriage and obviously I find it repulsive). They adore him and even though I'm happy in a way that they have a relationship with him, I worry about how much of a hold he'll have on them when they get older.

watch my geordie mouse clip dumplings.

Hi everyone

Just checking in too. Mad busy week as have a big birthday party to organise/run

Just knocked over really by the fabulosity and strength on here.

Minmin -you are doing the right thing in so may ways and being strong to an extent that will so benefit you longterm

LC - glad op went well

All of you newbies are doing amazingly -so well. Im in awe of you

Happy -thinking of you

Tea and City - glad to hear some class true rants

Gettibg you are definitely in awards running

Starting -sorry your so busy but glad stuff sorted with friend

Urban -posstive dynamite as usual

Well have had some good things this week - but feel let down by H again. Have told him and got nothing back really. Beginning to wonder if he has it in him to meet my needs long term. He is trying in some ways - but feeling full of doubt this week. But so busy just have to go with the flow.

Onwards and upwards- have loads to do!

Waves to all I havent managed to mention

Hello everyone LC I'm glad your son's procedure went well tho it sounds v harrowing. I agree with all the stuff you and others are saying about the lies. Me and my x even had a conversation about how people manage to find the time and energy to complicate their lives by cheating a few months ago! That was my opinion and he totally agreed - the 2 faced git! At the minute he is here every day after work for a few hours to see the boys and because of the snow we're stuck indoors and he is getting on my nerves. I told him this in a tactful way so he won't come tomorrow yeah! he looks so wistful I must be strong and not worry for him.
His mum has been supportive of me and the boys and is coming over for a week before Christmas. She won't stay here and she does want to help but I hope it isn't too draining!
On a brighter note my work was cancelled today but the nursery and school was open so I got some me time. I collected a parcel which was my cheery advent calender from ebay bang on time and I've put some decorations up. I did more retail therapy -all bargains (2 cardis for £10 in Matalan) but still I have to stop now!
Sov That must be tough on you seeing your dc feeling that way. Your love and support will see them through this. They will probably have their ups and downs it angers me too that I am powerless to protect my sons from this loss but I try and see it as an alternative route to what we planned and hopefully a better one.
Take care everyone my eyes are closing here.
x

Googoo - when it came to the crunch, ie. I discovered their affair, xp cut all contact with ow so I suppose he "chose" me over her in the end. Too late, sucker and she sloped off back to her husband with her tail (and whatever else there might be) between her legs. Her true gender is a matter for debate in my opinion. At the very least, I would say there is a sex chromosome anomaly. Imagine Pete Burns and Jordan have a love child who then has plastic surgery to look like Jackie Stallone. Great front cover for Take a Break, I would say . Anyway, glad you are feeling a bit more positive today, Googoo.

Hi Mumfun and Maybee. I'm so slow at posting and everyone interrupts me all the time so probably by the time this is posted there will be another 3 dumplings that think I'm ignoring them .

Does everyone else get interrupted all the time too? Big ds wants me to remember a recipe I haven't cooked for about 2 years; dd texts me to ask what the roads are like (she's out there, not me ) and where should she park; little ds can't find his toothbrush and Wallace piddles on the floor. Wallace is a puppy for those that don't know.

Big smiles at those posts LC, big smiles and quite a few giggles

Did i tell anyone how much i love my slimline dishwasher a fucking amazing invention i think it is probably nearly the best thing about this flat ,i will probably never wash another dish in my life again ,i dont feel lazy or guilty just empowered and if it costs the earth to run it i will go without chocolate to keep the no dish washing again a viable option ,thats how serious i am about my new buddy !!!

I've got one of those too Urban. I'm feeling the love! :)

You see Patience urban living isnt all bad !!!

LC thats a testimony to your culinary skill that your ds can remember something you cooked 20 years ago !

googoo hope you are ok this morning and not getting too much stomach churning

Just a quickie really , rang xh to ask what time he was coming to do jobs today and got told "if I am coming not when " so I said well I would prefer it if you gave me a time really to which I got the "well I am at work and very busy so I cant give appointment times and you should remember its me going to work thats paying for everything ". First off that isnt true but never mind that dumplings the fact is I was treated to those sort of speeches almost daily and now I am free of them . Yipee

For all the being sooo much happier away from me hes still coming out with the same old stuff.

Getting I STILL get those kind of responses from my exh 3 years down the line. Never mind that I also have a job, his is so much more important and nothing can bend for it. Heigh-ho - I'm also free of speeches.
Not much stomach churning here - just silent rage at how he has treated me, which ain't so bad actually.
This morning, turned off gas fire and it broke. Can't get anyone to fix it until Monday. Looks like my birthday tomorrow night will be me alone in the house, as kids at their dad's for weekend and I'm snowed in. In house alone with no fire. Woo hoo! You gotta laugh really :)

OMG Getting and Googoo, your exes really are vile bastards aren't they. hope they slip on their arses today.

Ahhh, Googoo, if you don't laugh you cry. You've got such a lovely attitude. Lets have a virtual birthday party for you. How sad are we !!!

Oh Getting what a self important arse.

Googoo if you lived closer I'd say come over, shame to be alone on your birthday, can you not invite a few friends over?

Read everything but seem to have retained little.