All New Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 9

[WarriorQueen]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Hi everyone - anyone about? Told one of my friends about break up with bf and she said that it sounded as if I wanted an all or nothing thing with him and that that was a shame, as I had such fun with him and couldn't I just have continued with it being as it was (i.e. no talk about the future together, just really meeting up every two weeks for sex and socialising)?
Well, do you think I was being pushy? It wasn't me who brought up the future - it was him on our anniversary in October. He said he wanted to be with me and live with me. So I said that eventually that would be nice, some time down the line, when our kids had got to know each other better etc. Then he said he's never loved anyone as much as me since the mother of his kids but that he couldn't guarantee he wouldn't get "terrified" and not be able to do it. Then he dumped me. I just think, after a year what's the point in not talking about the future? Because if there's no future then essentially it's a waste of time. I'm not young free and single anymore nd I don't want a friend with benefits. I was in love with him.
And he's written another song. Put it on facebook. The main line is "You're sweet enough you know you are/ But sometimes that's not enough". Great.

But sometimes that's not enough if .........

Ok this is todays dumpling teaser LOL ,you can add as many lines as you like girls ,i will start

....your man is a selfish wanker than can quite easily put his owns selfish needs in front of his kids /partner of 16yrs LOL!

But sometimes thats not enough ....if your man is an emotionally immature fuckwit !

ps i take it ur friend has really high boundaries in the way men treat her eh!Forget what these types say they dont have a clue ,so many people dont ,they can only go on their own life experience etc ,it wasnt ever goin to make you happy him dithering about ,you dont want a ditherer you want a confident grown up that enhances you ,not makes you doubt yourself ,you are cool !!!Missing all ur clips because of dodgy broadband need to sort it out,just got a text from my folks they are coming over today so whirlwind tidy up happening now !!!!

ROM tell ur friends you understand their frustrations but you need patience and support just now ,can you do big pampering treat soon Rom even if its just at home ,dont underestimate the pamper its all about self love because you are worth it ,big hugs and buy a big galaxy today !!!

urban you are a diamond!
Good luck with tidying - just hide it in cupboards and put some bleach down the loo - then bathroom smells like you've given it a scrub!!!

Ok - that's done it. He's put the new "you're sweet enought" song on his wall, then he's messaged me with it. Unfortunately for him, at the top of the message it shows that he's also messaged it to 4 of his friends, a musician colleague and a local record company.
I'm over feeling heartbroken. He's been very helpful in making me feel better.
Hope all dumplings are ok today. No doubt speak later. Love to all

Hi all, found a few mins spare to come on here.

Googoo, those husbands who dig their wives cars out of the snow in winter etc are the very same husbands who oggle teenage girls in the summer and get RSI of the right hand rist from watching too much porn, ime.

Also, the only person who really needs to love you for you is.......you.

And I'm sure you're not boring.

Romney, 'a dipute procedure in place' WTF.

You're 4 months in ? It's so recent for you, you're doing well. The anger will come and so it should. He sounds like a twat. I bet her parents are mortified.

Getting, you're so right. When h left and I would cry and cry to my mum and say the same things over and over, she said "we're just going round in circles here" and I remember thinking, 'yes we are and you should let me go round in circles as much as I need and for how ever long I need to'.

My friends gave me the time and space for millions of circles .

Just seen the time. Must dash. See you all later. Fecking snow, I fecking hate it.

Tee hee hee Pink

Well dumplings the real test is upon me, xh arrives shortly to do stuff taking around an hour I imagine which will represent 55 minutes longer than I have been near him since he left.

If I am back on smiling later then we really know I've cracked it.

you have not accepted the award too early and we're not having it back! If you felt nothing when you saw him last time, this time isn't going to be any different. In fact, during that hour he will probably irritate the hell out of you and you'll notice lots of little physical flaws that you hadn't really seen before. I suddenly started to notice my ex's beer belly and eventually I hit a point where I thought "I slept with him? Why?"
Go for it, be calm and xen like. You are a chief dumpling. :)
Then you can have a laugh at my post about exbf's latest "song"!

and Pink - I feel like I'm going round in circles too, as does my mother. I'm glad I can draw lots of circles on this thread.

Hes too busy to come ,damn I was itching to prove something to myself

But sometimes that's not enough if .........

your man (or ex-man)is a cheating, lying hypocrite who can throw away 37 years of love, loyalty and emotion for a piece of meat!

Hi, Guys,

Still with backache - better in a horizontal position than vertical (no wise cracks now!) - hence not posting much. Also very busy at work and travelling in the snow is not easy. I have discovered one thing though - physical pain seems to emphasise and intensify the psychological pain - is it because I know that I will never have anyone again to rub my back better or get me a hot water bottle or give me tea and sympathy?

Just realised that my lyric managed to rhyme there - did it without even trying!

googoo I know this wont be a popular opinion but I suppose maybe its better that you find this out now. I think some men would have tried out living together and not cared if that meant the woman was investing even more emotionally only to be told a few more months done the line "Oh actually this isnt what I want"

As SGB will often tell people there is nothing wrong with someone falling out of love/not wanting further commitment. I take your point though that why did he bring up the long term, the fact he loved you so much etc. Perhaps thats it that he is terrified of getting hurt and realising how he feels led him to end things rather than risking being hurt ?

I dont know.Thats the risk with loving anyone isnt it that they may end things when you dont want it to end. The Eurythmics song Better to Have Lost in Love song springs to mind.

Speaking of songs though what is he doing posting these songs on FB ? As a dinosaur without FB I never really get it but it all sounds a bit self indulgent and tortured soul to me tbh.

Googoo gives Citydoll a virtual back rub and makes her a cup of tea. Being ill is always bad when you're on your own.
Well done for the lyric!
Still can't believe he sent it to 5 of our friends and a recording studio too - talk about a kick in the teeth.
I'm not mad in being pissed off and confused about that am I?!!!

Urban - sometimes that's not enough... if a deranged, drag-queen lookalike opens her legs and curiosity gets the better of you . Sorry to lower the tone.

Romney, I've been struggling just recently too and I'm 4 months down the line as you may recall. It stinks. I never asked for this. However, I am being eaten away by anger and obsessing about wild plans of revenge. Some of them are quite extreme and so un-dumplingesque that I don't think I could repeat them . But they keep me entertained. Huge waves of sadness keep sweeping over me, though. I didn't want this situation and I didn't want to be so angry about someone I love(d).

Getting, I feel like you about men. Love 'em still but don't want one right now. Not sure I trust my own judgement either after being duped in such a massive way. It's way too soon for me.

Googoo, no way were you being pushy. You were being honest. I think you'll find this split says more about him than you but hopefully you won't be waiting around to find out the answers.

Minim, hope the snow doesn't scupper your plans and you get away from this mad weather and begin your lovely new life.

Hi, Pink and everyone else. I'll try to catch up later if I can stay awake. Another 24hrs without sleep as little ds had to go to the Children's hospital for a diagnosis on his painful knee. Looks like Osgood-Schlatters so just rest and painkillers. Anyone know how to get a 9 year old to rest?

true words, getting. And it's better to find out what a prat he actually is now, rather than later. The fb thing is just very mortifying and hurtful - this is his private thoughts about the end of our relationship and he's just using me for artistic fodder! AND making our private lives pubilc - I'm quite embarrassed.
Sorry your exh isn't coming round later. Keep the dumpling award - you've earnt it already and I know you will feel the same the next time you see him :)

littlecritter you are an inspiration dealing with poorly ds on top of all else - it certainly puts my stupid situation into perspective. If it's any help, when exh left (and indeed when this relationship ended too) I veered between huge anger (at him and privately at all married women!) and massive sadness. That's perfectly normal and all part of the healing process. It shows that you are getting better. And I LOVE you lyric to my exbf's crap song! Those drag queen lookalikes - who needs em?! Love to you, stay strong, you can do it (you ARE doing it) :)

Oh LC your ds's are going through the mill atm. Hows big ds post op ?

When do you take your starting point LC ? You have so much to cope with with staggered disclosures and new info just when you thought you were moving on .

How sad is it that I now feel glad that I had all the shit raining down on my head at once really apart from those weird pre Xmas weeks. I wonder if you had known everything from day 1 you would be so much further down the line. To me thats one of the reasons the pathetic lies they tell are so cruel and selfish and yet if you asked they would probably claim to be trying to protect us [anger]

Sorry you are suffering citydoll , in my case were xh to be here then he wouldnt have laid a finger on me. I would've been told What am I an osteopath ?

eek! scary amounts of snow and kids 5 miles away haivng tea at exh's! anyone want to see a clip of snow in at my place?

LC i had a mad revenge phase myself i just thought why the heck should he and his mates get away with completely disrespecting me and the kids ,but luckily enough for me childcare was always a problem lol!!!
So glad i kept my dignity they are SO not worth it ,just a bunch of dafties tbh that have lost so much and caused so much trouble trying to justify their lifestyles .

urban - I love your posts - you are making so much sense and I don't know how you do it. Dignity is the way forward. Give em enough rope and they make themselves look like twonks quite easily!
Fancy some clips anyone? :)

Googoo ,thing is i had such a lot to learn about how to do life in general i trusted everyone in my life so much and got so upset when they let me down,now i see i should have been trusting my own instincts more and enjoying my life everyday,this year has been a bit of an eye opener tbh.Also the SGB quote is tuff but true ,fact is you have to dry your eyes and get on with it .Bit of a tuff one at the start ,feel ur insides have been ripped out and you cant actually breathe anymore [maybe that was just all the fags i smoked ]anyway life keeps on going and you just have to learn to roll with it ,but aim for inner peace ,serenity dignity etc ,all about positivity and leaving the DOOM behind and trust ur doom radar ,if someone isnt good for you ,RUN LIKE FUCK LOL!!!!!

Googoo if he was really passionate about you there would be none of this passive/ aggressive rubbish with putting songs on fb that he knows you'll see and are clearly about you. He'd be banging your door down. You deserve better, not just some f buddy. But a decent deep loving relationship that's going somewhere. Where someone thinks you're special enough to want to go the whole hog with you in due course. Keep going round in circles on here lovely

LC - ((hugs)) my lovely. 9 yr old rest? Errrr X box and videos?

Citydoll - Hope you can see a nice chrioprator soon who can help you.

Getting your H sounds like an arse saying things like what am I an osteopath Keep the dumpling award as Googoo said, well earned.

Minmin - wise post and so composed. ((Hugs)) this is hard but you're so right "Today is the day I stop looking back, I start rebuilding me and getting back to where I was naturally happy and smiling. I accept what I can't change and am moving on." I think that is a dumpling motto in the making there. Hope lunch went ok.

Rom - sending you strength. My H did a lot of crap like that and I found myself awash with all sorts of conflicting emotions at times. Hope you're ok. Wise words from fellow dumplings to you already but ((hugs)) from me.

I'm coming to a place more and more where I'm really sure I like being alone and do not want another man. Reading that thread the other night called "am I being fussy" or similer made me feel so odd. I just do not want to interact or go on a date with any man at all. Unless he was a family friend I could trust. I just want friends not a man. For so many reasons.

But sometimes that's not enough if...

you flirt with a girl 5 years younger than you for years and watch porn behind your wifes back when she's coping with a toddler and newborn with colic and waste money on premium rate phonecalls and lie to your wife and sneak off all over the place to shag said 21 yr old whilst leaving your wife to cope alone with 2 kids and lie to her about where you are whilst doing it and then create elaborate lies about police blackmail to cover it and say you're so tired when home from this you can't give your wife a rest or a lie in and just resent being at home and would rather be with a 21 yr old with no responsibilities... Grrrrrrr

Feel better for that. LOL