All New Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 9

[WarriorQueen]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

yes this is it - thanks for doing that sov - it's such a gentle and beautiful song and always makes me feel like I can do it :)

hello everyone and welcome dipso the single life is fab indeed at times and for the not so fab times we are all here.
happy I'm so sorry to hear the sad news about your dad you be kind to yourself and take time to come to terms with this.
getting thats a horrible feeling I hope you feel a bit better now. Sometimes when other people remind you of unacceptable behaviour it can make you feel worse. He is the problem it was never you. You get to dance into the future now and liberate yourself from all the bollocks. Nobody can take your happiness you may be knocked down and flattened but you get up stronger and wiser.
I took a fit of anger today just at x's general incompetence and inability to take control of any situation with the boys. They were playing in the snow on the avenue and although it is a cul de sac my not quite 3 yr old needs to be watched constantly as cars are v swervy in the snow. I had to spell this out for him so i could get away for a while and he could take over. Anyway I kicked the snow all the way down the road and felt much better.

sov thats sound advice you gave getting and I think we can all draw from that. Is that book you mentioned worth a read? I have 3 dc but was hoping to talk x into a 4th in the New Year! They are such good fun most of the time and much easier to watch on my own than I thought at first.
patience do you live in Glasgow? The snow is really magic tonight isn't it?

My negative thought that keeps coming at me is: why was I so trusting? I'm not a pushover how did x get back into my life and cause me so much pain? I am wise how did all this happen and then sometimes I wonder how I got it all so wrong? The thing is though without a 2nd chance I would never have had my 2 more children so I can't regret it but lots of peoples lives seem to run so smoothly. does anyone else have similar thoughts?
Bed beckons, goodnight everyone.
x

Thats a beautiful song :)

Morning all. Not having such a bad panic attack this morning.
Maybee - I think those things ALL the time, especially after relationship number two since divorce has gone belly up. It's easy with hindsight to see signals you didn't see or ignored at the time. Don't beat yourself up about it. Some people are good at persuading and give you just enough to think that your fears are down to insecurity or something else. Also, we would all like to be loved and it's so easy to give in to that, even if it's broken.
And I know - lots of people's lives do seem to run smoothly. I often wonder how so many of my friends have lovely blokes who would do anything for them. However, lots of pepole's lives don't run smoothly at all. This thread and these lovely dumplings are a case in point. It's just what you make of it I guess. Sometimes everything going tits up is the best thing that could happen. You get a second chance at life / love / everything! :)
Getting - I hardly ever think of exh now, 3 years on. It will eventually fade, you are right.
I looked up It's Called a Break up because it's broken on Amazon and the reviews are fantastic. Also the reviews for Paul McKenna's book. I'm going to get em. Anything to help with the panic attacks.
Hope everyone's day goes ok. Have to work from home today, as completely snowed in. Will probably manage to get boys up the hill to childminder's. Will have too much time to think but going to get into dumpling spirit! Love to all x

That's good.

Nose all blocked up here today. Gah! Feeling very sleepy with this cold. I'm lurking and reading but not enough energy to comment intelligently with this cold.

Went to meetup. Top secret happenings

Good night had by all. Very friendly people. Met the ones I wanted to. Glad I went. Very lovely hostess overall. Recommend going! Gang next year would be good

Tea - sorry you're feeling ill :(
Snow is mad here and it just keeps coming. Trying hard not to think about things. Keep on truckin' everyone

Maybee funnily enough I used to think everyone else had smooth perfect lives when I was with xh and that only I was lonely and not well treated in my marriage. Now it has come to light that several of my very close friends are experiencing and have for a long time been experiencing real problems I dont think that anymore . Oh and being on MN has been an eye opener too .

I think that although being a single parent has its drawbacks comparing my life to a lot of peoples I would keep mine. I have become an expert in recognising whats important and positive in life and focusing on that. Its all the cliches I suppose like your health, dc ,friends and family but I dont just pay lipservice to appreciating those things but truly feel them.

Mumfun glad the meet up went well

googoo hope the books help , they made a huge difference to me

tea sorry you feel rubbish keep nice and warm

Well I needed to take a few deep breaths and practice the afore mentioned positive thinking at 4am as I was awake in a panic about buying/selling houses. I am sure I will pull myself together but atm it all feels like too much responsibility for me tbh. Of course then its a vicious circle because you get tired from insufficient sleep and cope less easily !

No snow here but its bitterly cold and both dc are coughing and spluttering so I am keeping them at arms length

Hope this makes you laugh girls.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKRcm5v30tw

Girls, I have cut myself again on my stomach and the tops of my legs. My ex cannot attend my baby's first nativity play as he is 'away'.

I don't know what drove me to do it. I just saw so much rage. I am trying to look after myself but I can't see how to move forward. Looking around me everything is a mess. The bedroom is thigh deep in dirty clothes, haven't even tidied away the breakfast cereals.

I can't get past this pain and I don't know how to get on with my life.

Oh queencat have you posted on your other thread lately?

Can anyone stay with you and help you get on top of things at home for a while?

QC - please don't cut yourself. I have no idea what this is or why you would be driven to hurt yourself. Are you having counselling? Don't worry about the mess - my usually tidy home is a mess too. I just can't find any interest in it.

Citydoll - keep moving forward.

Googoo - give yourself some time to heal. You are not alone, you have your children. Better to be without this man who has treated you horribly.

I have a drink with my DH last night and we managed to have a reasonably level-headed conversation and talk through lots of issues and feelings. He is confused and very upset that we are leaving, however, I said that it will give him the time and space he demands for himself without me or our son in the picture. I said that least he could work out what he wanted. He told me that he loves me very much but has so many issues that need to be resolve - like his feelings for his old girlfriend that he refuses to stop contact with. I told him that I could not have him under the present circumstances because he needed to sort himself out - that I needed a man that was strong, stable and could be my equal partner. Unlike before when he said he would never come to Australia to get us he said he didn't know what the future held. I agree with this as I don't know what the future holds for me - all I know is that I believe that the steps I have taken and my son and I returning home is the best for us both. I want a simpler, family orientated life.

Anyway, we parted nicely with him telling me right to my face that he loved me. This is nice but I still feel very unsettled and upset as I am not sure if it is the truth. I will never know if is with me or still thinking about OW. I cannot play second fiddle to any woman - and I told him that. I am better off alone.

Unfortunately I sobbed my heart out in front of him - I felt upset on Sunday after having to go over to one of my good friend's house to say goodbye. She cried and so did I. I hate saying goodbyes. Anyway, during my evening with DH I just cried and cried - I feel so much grief and feel I will never get over this. Seeing him does no good at all, especially now that he says he loves me. Well if he does, he will come and find my son and I - that is the least I will accept.

Take care all and stay strong.

QC - I agree with Minmin - don't worry about the mess! My bedroom is in a similar state. Sometimes I find that just doing one little thing (like putting washing in the machine) can kickstart you and you gain a bit of strength. I'm so sorry that you feel the need to cut yourself. I'm sure you know this but can you try something else, like pressing ice cubes on your wrists or pinging an elastic band on your skin? I've heard from ex-cutters that these things have helped instead of cutting yourself. Much love to you - please keep posting.
Minmin - my ex also tells me he loves me and I'm sure that he believes this but I have a new mantra - love is about actions, not words. And my ex's actions just showed that he loved himself, not me. He said lovely things but he didn't put himself out for me ever. I think you are right - if he loves you he will come and find you and your son. I think you are very brave and inspirational to go and find a new life and why not? You are doing something for yourself and your son. You sound like a wonderful person and it's ok to cry in front of your ex - you did it because of overwhelming feelings and that shows that you are an honest person.

QC please go back to the doctor and demand advice on treatment/support groups any sort of help. I am sorry but I dont feel qualified to say anything else to you and I am not sure just posting on this thread is enough to get you through this - it needs to be along with something else . Sending you strength and hugs x

OK ladies my serenity is UTTERLY restored.

As you may have noticed the last couple of weeks I have been feeling properly detached from xh for the first time since he left.

BUT I havent seen him for almost 5 months and was anxious that somehow seeing him would send me back a bit.

Well I saw him coming up the path earlier and swept open the front door with a cheery greeting ( I think he was a bit taken aback )and spoke to him for a few minutes.

When he left I felt NOTHING. Actually thats a lie I felt elated and words cant say how good I feel about that

Getting - woohoo! WELL DONE. And the best thing is - that feeling was all down to you - your strength and how much you have travelled in the past 5 months. :)
I have managed to delete my exb from fb newsfeed but of course am still looking at his page. Which is COVERED in comments by a new woman who I've never heard of. I'm ok actually but am thinking "Am I really as naive and easily duped as this?" I worry that I will always be a magnet for users because I can't really change being such an honest and "soft" person. Singledom is calling - much easier (although I'm really going to miss the love life bit!)

Hello ladies. H came over this afternoon to see the kids and has now left to go up to Mancs until late Thursday to stay with the OW. I cannot escape the feeling that they're destined to come to an end soon, due to OW paranoia and pressure about seeing the DCs less at my home etc. The thing is I won't gain any pleasure in their demise (I would have once) as it's too late for us and he'll have thrown it all away for nothing. Such a pity but in my gut feeling is it's all going to end soon. Just from comments he's said. Either that or they'll drift along together stuck in a rut and then when pressures come along it'll go wrong then.

Mumfun - there's a meet up post mortem thread here

Googoo - Victoria Wood link was funny. She's about to do a few dates. Been a long time since she last did a tour of any form. Well done on hiding your ex on fb newsfeed but you know you should delete him Detach detach...

Minminlight - ((hugs)) wise words from Googoo, what I would have said x

Getting - Yay on being cool as a cucumber with your H Hope you sleep better tonight, try not to worry about moving. Karma karma my friend, something good is round the corner for you, after everything you've been through x

quickly stopping by to say hi - got a pile fo housework to do tonight

big whoop whoop to getting

queencat - thinking of you sweetheart. xxxxx

will catch up later

hope everyone is well.

Ill be on here later if anyone fancies a chat or catch up :)

Well dumplings - it's like the arctic here and this clip is actually so true of us north easterners! Reminds me of the exh actually (except he's got a much grumpier face, swears a lot and has a huge beer belly. But me and the kids once met him on the beach last February and he was wearing an Engliand top and a pair of shorts).
www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFoRHWw2Dp0

A quick hello everyone
googoo I sometimes fell that i'm a magnet for flaky men too although I'm assertive in many areas of my life. For the time being I want to arrive at a peaceful happy land by myself but in time although I won't be bitter and twisted I think I will detect flakiness v quickly and run a mile.

qc as others have said you should push for professional help on this one. I am thinking about you.
getting You are so living up to your name that must be v liberating. My x just irritates me now but soon i hope i will be indifferent.
minmin keep a level head here actions speak louder than words as you know.

Who the hell do these men think they are professing fecking luv and behaving the way they do? they need to get a grip.
Anyway sleep well everybody.
x

quick one got a banging headache

Googoo, good clip, where are you from? i'm living in essex but am origionally from Middlesbrough and yes your right that is how we do it :o

too right. they need to get a grip but they never will. move on down the bus, as we say up here!