All New Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 9

[WarriorQueen]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

laptop at the front window sov so im watching the snow right now !
Getting ur right re swimming pool ,dont know how i coped b4 !
Built a snowman and got some milk and bread so all good
Man Uggs Getting WTF? you have to laff eventually dont ya ladies ,even if it takes a few months to get there they really do show their true colours and we dont have to fetch and carry for them anymore ha ha ha LOSERS each and everyone of them .Anyway going to play in a den now ,watch postman pat and listen to the radio ,its all good ladies ,
Glad you got sorted T x

Hi all quick post have skimmed thread really quickly only sorry.

All too hectic here. My dad has died and I am busy with that. All ok, not expected but he was quite elderly and it was peaceful so I am very happy about that. Missed mnet xmas event as a result. Mumfun, tell us all!

WQ, glad you have decided you like your old friend.

Tea, a xmas tree already - am ordering mine today.

Getting, I am starting to look at houses too. There is a dearth around *** as well. In parallel am trying to do a deal with BE who to all intents and purposes appears to be moving to Outer Mongolia.

Ah well onward and upward, waves to allllll.

big hugs happy ,take it easy x

Sov - thank you you are right. I have come a long way since exh 3 years ago - guess it's just really depressing to be going through it yet again. Especially as I think he has a new woman already and was just wanting me off the scene. Had a mini breakdown this morning when I thought I couldn't go on but...well, I have to.
Getting - man uggs! My exh is now dressed by his 22 yo girlfriend and always looks like he is dressing up, a bit like Mr Ben - remember him?! He is a 37 yold with a ber belly who now wears very tight shirts and has a series of extremely long, slightly pointy and very shiny shoes. Oh and lots of pringle jumpers with no sleeves! Urban's right - you gotta laugh eventually. And looking at new houses is great - I loved doing that when exh left - you really feel in control of your own destiny. I love my little house and I've decorated it the way I want to.

IYH - very sorry about your dad x

oh happy so so so sorry to hear about your dad, were you and him close? big hugs xxxxxxxxx

goo goo let ur emotions out it really does help you heal !!!!Still snowing here .You gave me a laff with pointy shoes and pringle jumpers ,you will be cool girl you know you can get thru this and be strong enough just takes abit of time and tlc x

Hello everyone, you seem a lovely lot. I'm new here and nursing a bad case of major disappointment and hurty bits. I spend a lot of the time on the Brave Babes thread as well. I'm not exactly be-chucked but I had a reunion yesterday with my ex (we split 9 months ago) because we he said he still had major feelings for me. The meeting was a disaster - in fact he was quite horrid and I can remember now why we split up in the first place.

Was also looking forward to date no.2 tomorrow with a guy I met online but he hasn't confirmed it and I have that sinking feeling :(

I'm 53 and got divorced 4 years ago and have had two unsuccessful relationships since then. I've been moreorless happily single since January until my ex came on the scene and said he wanted to try again. My hopes were up and now they're dashed. Yet again I must resign myself to old age and cats. I'll have a good old read of this thread and the ones before because I'm sure I'll find comfort and plenty of reminders about why the single life is fab.

hello dipso. sorry to hear about your ex. sounds as bad as mine. glad you can remember why you split in the first place. I have a rule never to go back, only forward. had 2 disasters since my divorce too and it does make you feel crap but I've also learnt a lot about relationships and myself through them and that has to be worth a lot. and as my brother always says - don't accept flakiness. I'm very bad at making excuses for flakiness but my new rule is never to accept it. I'm also trying to remember why life can be good but this thread is helping so glad you can join in. Much love x

Hi Dips we are all about reclaiming our FABULOSITY here so welcome aboard !at least ur meet up underlined why he is ur ex .Take care and remember you dont need a bloke to validate you ,we can do that all by ourselves ,only the good ones get thru the "dumpling" radar x

:)

Thank you, what uplifting posts! Yes, googoo my flakiness radar isn't what is should be but there's hope.

Happy so sorry to hear about your Dad . Cant believe you still dont know where BE is moving to what is he a spy for M15 or something ? Hope the divorce is coming on ok I am expecting sight of our Deed of Separation this week and once thats signed corks will pop

googoo glad you sound chirpier its always first thing in the morning isnt it

Welcome dipso it sounds like there is a heartbeat in your love life as opposed to the flatline of mine !! I smiled when I read you realised why your ex was your ex , was it a very serious relationship ? Well I certainly dont think you need resign yourself to loneliness and cats but atm I am a firm advocate of being single and wouldnt touch a bloke with a bargepole.

In fact I posted on a LP thread about reasons to be cheerful at being a LP !! My dumpling cousin was talking about if she wanted her twunt back or not and I said just picture him physically being in the house again imagine what it would actually be like having him around. Well shes over those thoughts of wanting him back now

No siree as I lounge on the sofa having decided that I cant be bothered to do a roast after all and nobody to answer to about it I am very happy!!

Went for a long walk with a friend earlier and was telling her about xh revolting comments about dd having no communication skills or social grace and she pointed out thats typical of him putting the blame for problems anywhere except on himself and blaming his 11 yo dd ffs ! Anyway I told her all about how I had handled it ie with dumpling poise and serenity and she was most impressed

Sov you are right at times I already really believe he is the loser and he lost a good woman in me. Equally I doubt he will ever think that because that would involve him in having made a mistake. Your recent posts have alerted me to the ages of your dc and what a handful they must be. When they get a bit bigger and not needing so much attention you will have your own lovely little army and I bet you xh will suddenly be wanting a piece of the action then. I think you deal with his dickhead behaviour so so well

Patience I know Man Uggs I will be dining out on it for weeks to come . Glad you are enjoying the snow, presume your xh hasnt made an appearance today then what with the snow ?

Tea how are you feeling now ? Are we predicted proper snow ?

No, maybe light snow Tuesday but just cloudy and cold here. I'm lurking and reading but no time to comment properely today, as the DCs are causing mischief. Be back later.

getting - I've read that great LP thread - there are some great people on there too. Wish I felt the same but I really want a loving relationship. Actually that's part of the problem - I think I want one too much and just ignore the warning signs in any new relationship I have because I don't want to be on my own. Well, I need to be happy on my own, however scary it is. This is a new beginning I guess. Better to have nothing than have second best. And 3 years on, the thought of living with my exh is about as appealing as living with nits! Just wish I felt the same about the latest disaster! WHO PROBABLY ALREADY HAS ANOTHER WOMAN!!! HIPPY, RIGHT ON, "I'M SO SENSITIVE AND NEW AGE" TWONK!!!!!

no he called off last nite getting nothing to do with the snow ...never mind always next week ,i think thats the xmas shopping panic bit tbh ,i am still sort of thinking he will take the kids on a sunday and give me a bit of free time but no guarantee x

Hi, everyone,

Not feeling too brilliant today. On a cocktail of Neurofen and Paracetamol for this terrible backache - shoulder is one giant knot of twisted muscle and the physiotherapist has said that it is the culmination of all the stress from the last 6 months and now that the divorce is done, my body is lowering its defences and letting go!

I think weekends are going to be my lowest points; at least during the week I work and see lots of people. I am ashamed to say that there have been moments this weekend when I have wondered what he was doing with the OW and also WHY, where and when did it all go wrong? I know I have to stop beating myself up but it is not easy.

Sorry, guys, for such a depressing post!

Hi Citydoll please don't be sorry. I have read some of your posts on here and I really feel for you - I think you are being unbelievably strong. I was only married for 6 years and I felt like my world fell apart when he left. Heck, I've come close to it again today over a man I've been seeing for only a year... Sorry about your physical pain too. I was covered in skin rashes when my exh left and I'm sure you're right - your body is reacting. If it helps, I also feel weekends are the worst, as work keeps me busy and I fee like I have to put on some sort of front. I find weekends with the kids quite isolating (much as I love them dearly) and weekends when ex has kids are fine during the day and then terrible at night, going to bed on my own in an empty house. Don't be ashamed at thinking about why or about OW - both of these things are completely normal and part of the healing process. And cry if you can (I find it hard to cry) and as often as you need to - it is always cathartic. And you are one of the people who has made me feel like I can do this and get through this - you girls are an inspiration and very kind. x

Citydoll sorry to hear you are in pain. Dont apologise for the tone of your post its no wonder you are dwelling on what your xh is up to or why. I think the speed at which you have divorced after so long together is incredible.

Its been such a painstaking journey with so much heartache for me to recover let alone someone in your position. Somehow you have to accept that you are going to have a lot of pain but that you can endure that and every day little by little it will get better. Until at some point in the future you will wake up and realise that all this isnt dominating your every thought and emotion and then eventually you will hardly think of it at all. I am not yet at that last bit of the previous sentence but I know logically it will happen

In the first 6 months or so when xh had the children for the weekend I tried to make sure every last minute of the weekend was filled so I wouldnt be by myself. I nobbled all my friends married or not and dragged them to exhibitions,cinema,shopping or just over for a glass of wine . Maybe for the time being you should make lots of weekend plans ?

Keep going Citydoll and post what you like and we'll try and help

Can you get accupuncture for ur muscles CD i am goin to try some for my neck and shoulders I just hold all my tension in there ,i think we all do x

I'm going out next Saturday night to the big city with a very dry, world weary, hilariously funny and glam friend of mine. We're going to a trendy pub to get slightly tiddly then I'm staying at her's. It's a start. Will be better than my birthday, which is next Friday. God help me, that's going to be a bit crap but never mind. Just made myself feel better, ladies, by throwing out the anniversary presents my exb gave me last month (when he told me that he loved me, had never felt like this about anyone and wanted to be with me for the rest of his life). He gave me some trendy 3D letters of my initials. Then we went to a party for his ex girlfriend and he gave her some identical ones and said "I gave the same ones to her" pointing at me "I got a job lot!" None of his friends thought that was strange. Why didn't I tell him it was flaming insensitive? Oh and I've also thrown out the Christmas present he gave me last year. Beautiful Russian dolls. I've hurled them into the bin, tramping through the snow. God it felt good! :)

Googoo thumbs up from me, the dumpling spirit is beginning

Citydoll my lovely, great tips from getting, sending you a mahoosive ((hug))

I'm thinking of a lyric by the guy who used to be called Cat Stevens - can't remember what he's called now: "One day at a time/We can leave the past behind". :) Thank you to all on here for continuing to get me through today

that's him - he wrote a beautiful album a few years ago with a coffee cup on the front - not sure what it's called. The songs all have a religious tone (he converted to Islam) and even though I'm not a believer they really resonated with me If I can find the song I'll put it up here. hope your throat's a bit better by the way tea. today has been SO crap and dreading tomorrow morning - mornings are the worst. Hey, I'm still here though and it can only get better x