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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The next 12 hours

535 replies

Halloqueen · 11/11/2010 12:24

Today my dp ends his 3 month emotional affair with a woman he met at a business meeting. They exchanged numbers, he was bored one day at work, text her, met for lunch, found out they had much in common and they clicked.
His relationship with me never faltered only that he worked a few extra hours every couple of days. Which was nothing out if the ordinary. He admitted all this to me when she started demanding more and more of his time and he realised things had gone way further than he'd intended. He says he loves me as he always has, wasnt unhappy at home...it just happened. He promises he intended no more than friendship but knew he'd started having feelings for her.
So today after work he's meeting her for drinks to tell her he loves me and 3dc's and they can't carry on any further. He says he owes her more than a ten minute see ya have a nice life because she is a nice person and he has to do this 'his way' but promises me he will cut all contact tonight.

It was hard enough to accept he'd do this and to have the strength to stay but he's a good man, me and 3dc's are his world and I know he will work hard to provd this but still the thought of tonight scares me. The thought of him meeting her...
He's set off to work looking smart and I have to sit here knowing he's meeting her after work, not sure if he'll be an hour late or if it'll be a few hours and just twisting myself up worrying she'll manage to change his mind. Will he kiss her 'one last time' will there be a long tearful goodbye? My brain won't let me stop thinking. Need to get thru next 12 hours. How do I do it without going insane???

OP posts:
HappyWoman · 12/11/2010 06:48

This is a very tricky stage i fear.
I too think there was/is more to this than he is letting on.
Je obviously doesnt want to cut all contact does he?

The trouble is if you play it too hard - he will go and moan to her that you are giving him a hard time 'just for being friends' but if you appear too soft he will i am sure take advantage.

She obviously hasnt gone - either she is being persistent or he has not made it clear enough.

At the moment it is easier to focus on her being the bad one and not him, but please do not believe all he is telling you. His actions will speak louder at the moment.

Good luck.

ScaredOfCows · 12/11/2010 07:46

Been watching this thread, but not commented until now.

UA how sad that you felt the need to make that comment. The story here is completely believable. Unlike the history of your ex's life and leaving (not saying I doubt you, just that it is a strange story), yet you have received support by the bucketload from MN. Please be gracious enough to allow others to receive the support that you have had.

OP so sorry last night didn't deliver in the way it could and should have done. He doeasn't sound particularly committed to you and your family yet. I hope things improve quickly for you.

WarriorQueen · 12/11/2010 07:59

Hallo

Please come back on don't be put off by the troll comment.

SonicMiddleAge · 12/11/2010 08:06

UA often calls other people trolls. It's like she can't bear sympathy going to anyone else. Carry on op - it's not the general perception.

emmyloulou · 12/11/2010 08:17

Yes I don't really know her back story but all I gave seen in question is her bad mouth other posters and accuse them of all sorts, in all honesty.

So op don't take it personal, do come back lots can help you understand what's going on, what to do next, to see through what he is saying etc. You may need this help to get the power balance back again or if he starts drip feeding you info.

PBGirl · 12/11/2010 08:20

How are you this morning Halloqueen? I have been following your thread but I haven't posted yet.

I am really sad to hear that your DH wouldn't talk with you last night. When my H confessed his affair (an emotional one, all carried out by text) talking became our priority over absolutely everything. We talked whenever I wanted to, even if it meant telling the children to go and watch tv. He took everything I threw at him answered every question.

Your H hurt you terribly and he should be doing everything in his power to win you back. I know you love him but I fear you are being too soft and lenient. He should be on his knees...

ChippedChinaTeacup · 12/11/2010 09:05

UA there is nothng to suggest OP is a troll.. I can speak from experience havng been in an almost identical situation a few months ago.

It will be very up and down for a while OP, he'll probably be mooning around feeling sorry for himself because he'll be missing the adrenalin rush and the excitement created by the attention and illicitness of this involvement.

It hurts like hell to witness but he will come to his senses after a bit of time and then the rebuilding can start.

I wish you well OP and hope you are okish today x

DandyLioness · 12/11/2010 09:12

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emmyloulou · 12/11/2010 09:17

I hope that's not a dig at me dandy as I was VERY active on this thread yesterday.

I was very angry on ops behalf. There was absolutely no need for UA to come in at all, it was unecessary in the extreme and I was highlighting that. Op may need support over the coming days when the "reveal" happens she needs to know she can vent here.

Anyway as ever we don't want to make this thread about UA, as it's not so I'll leave it.

DandyLioness · 12/11/2010 09:21

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DandyLioness · 12/11/2010 09:25

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EricNorthmansMistress · 12/11/2010 09:33

UnlikelyAmazonian you are a bit weird aren't you?

OP ignore UA she likes to lollop around mumsnet calling people trolls for some unknown reason.

Dandy I have contributed to this thread before you make a remark on my comment.

Constance39 · 12/11/2010 09:35

Dandy, it's you going on and on about it now!

Anyway Shiney has a small but reliable beacon that clips onto her monitor and flashes when the word 'troll' is posted on any thread.

Surely you knew that Wink

I think UA's post was an aberration, ignore it OP.

DandyLioness · 12/11/2010 09:39

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perfumedlife · 12/11/2010 09:41

I knew what you meant Dandy Smile

OP I hope you are ok this morning, please come and talk to us if you get the chance.

Constance39 · 12/11/2010 09:43

Yes, yes, let's move on and leave Shiney alone shall we.

DandyLioness · 12/11/2010 09:47

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GlynistheMenace · 12/11/2010 10:30

i actually went to sleep thinking about the OP last night

hope you're ok honey x

RumourOfAHurricane · 12/11/2010 10:45

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RumourOfAHurricane · 12/11/2010 10:47

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DandyLioness · 12/11/2010 11:09

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phipps · 12/11/2010 11:14

Him saying he wants to be alone is pretty much what I alluded too before and he appears to be grieving almost. You must spend today deciding what it is you want and need from him for your relationship to continue and then tell him straight he comes home, the kids go to bed and you talk. He is dictating everything atm and I wonder if actually she cancelled on him and that is why she texted and he is in a mood.

RumourOfAHurricane · 12/11/2010 11:31

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DandyLioness · 12/11/2010 11:32

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RumourOfAHurricane · 12/11/2010 11:34

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