How do you feel about prostitution?

[BillieH]

Hello everyone, I have name changed for this(no sinister reason) but i do post on here from time to time.

Anyway, I would love to know what your thoughts are on prostitution. I don't mean political views and I dont really want to get into a discussion on whether girls are trafficked, pimped, druggies. Just what you think as a whole.

I am talking about girls who willing become escorts or work in massage parlours under the guise of 'masseuses' when really they provide extras.

What do you think of men who see them? Are that losers, sad and lonely, 'sex addicts'or what? Would you think your dp/dh was cheating if he saw a prostitute.

I ask just out of curiosity, I do not think my dp has ever visited a prostitute! Also, apparently 1 in 10 men see prostitutes. Do you agree with this. If this is true what hope do we all have eh?

My take is that i belive some girls use their looks to earn money an 'easy' way. By easy, I mean that they do not have to train for yrs to get a decent paid job, or they do not have to work 9 to 5 in an office when they can earn a wks wages in a day.

I have asked my own dp and he beleives that there is something missing from a relationship if a man sees a prostitute.Obviously its different with a single man. He also thinks that some men have issues sexually with their wives/partners and are inhibited. Therefore, that is why they pay for sex acts that they can't ask for at home. These are exactly my thoughts.Anyone agree or disagree?

I'd like your thoughts or experiences!

I'd also go so far as to say that prostitutes who get into the lifestyle as a choice have as serious personality flaws as the men who pay to fuck them.

Do you really think that relationship problems are something that working mothers in the sex industry are immune too? Again I am confused as to why there is a justification to exclude certain members from the discussion.

The debate was brought here. Usually, it would make sense to allow the viewpoints of those discussed. We actually know the reality of what the job entails and who the clients are. Ironically, many women enter this industry after a relationship has broken down. They might actually pursue independence or are caught up in some issue over child maintenance. Quite a lot of sex workers opt for this work as it allows them to work very few hours around nursery and school, earn a decent wage and still have enough time to be around their kids.

As for clients telling all and sundry about their ?hobby?. Given even the ?glimpse? here into the bigoted, vengeful and dogmatic attitude you even need to ask?

Hahaha

Trolls are getting shitter by the moment.

I appreciate that Malificence tries to argue her points civilly as opposed to a lot of the insults flung our way. Assumptions about the character of those working or involved in the sex industry are probably as old as this profession. It might help actually knowing someone who works as a prostitute as a real person before casting such judgements.

I often have longer bookings for 4 hours or more, the actual sex frequently represents a very minor part of my bookings. I don?t mind the sex btw but the motivation for quite a lot of clients is to spend time with someone with a kind, non judgemental, non bitter and warm personality. I was in the bastion of doyennedom of matrons, i.e. John Lewis only yesterday and overheard a very familiar scenario of a woman talking over and belittling their partner in public. I witness that at dinners where couples appear to be engaged in point scoring with digs. This chips away at both partners and is the motivation for many of my clients to have a moment of escapism into intimacy, affection without the unspoken resentment. The advice I give to my cherished ?civilian? female friends is to not allow yourself to be drawn into this spiral of pettiness and arguing over minor issues. It has nothing to do with sexual faithfulness but remaining loyal and not slagging your SO off to your friends, colleagues and on forums but perhaps treating each other with a some respect.

Yeah, respect

You talk about respect? Really?

Do me a favour

If you want to talk about your job and how brilliant it all is and how much you love it, then fine - good for you, someone says something interesting on the thread linked. Something about you having your community.

Well, this is our community and for all the talk about how rude and vitriolic MN is, I find the behaviour of the people who have come here from there just as rude and vitriolic.

Would you like it if a bunch of us signed up to PM and flooded one of your boards with talk about how disgusting and down trodden you all are?

No?

I'm not alone when I've been on the receiving end of the wife belittiling me. Dispite the life she has becuase she's with me and not one of her past partners she still want to score points.

When she's like that I stay calm and let her "win"

Just makes it easier when I make my next booking. What MissHoneyMoon says is right, it's nice to be with a woman without all the troubles being in a relationship has. Recharges the batteries as it were.

Shirley you seem unable to make a point without shouting and throwing about insults. Again, although stated a few times, this community includes a lot of mothers who also work in the sex industry. These two characteristics are not mutually exclusive. It is only the bigoted who appear to refuse mothers who are sex workers the right of being part of this community. That appears to have sadly not changed since centuries.

The interest of another board was peaked because a person who is part of this community spent the last 10 months constantly moralising and passing judgements on that forum. She announced she would raise the subject of prostitution here.

As for the presence of mothers on this board who happen to be prostitutes and who object to the rants and disrespectful abuse hurled at them on this thread. Well, it is rather interesting to see that despite being attacked and insulted, they remain polite and respectful. Mumsnetters who work in the sex industry have an absolute right of response if ignorant and judgemental second hand information is bandied about them. One thing is glaringly obvious, not much has changed in the mindset of those with puritanical views on sex, sex work and relationships, there is either pity for those exploited or scorn of those working voluntarily and who are content in their choice of work.

ShirleyKnot, to be honest you would have no place on Punternet. You are not a Working Girl, Hooker, Prostitute etc, nor a punter, client etc. However I do have a place on this site and I am a mother, a parent. Therefore I, like many other prostitutes who are mothers have a place on this forum and are part of both communities.

I don't expect any respect from you as after reading your posts I have little regard for you.

I actually would find it interesting if you did sign up and flooded one of boards. Who knows it could be a scenario of a husband and wife on the same forum and them not even know it.... One saying that all men who visit Prostitutes are the scum of the Earth, just below the Prostitutes themselves and the men declaring that they are not being unfaithful.

The saddest thing that stands out for me on this thread is that there is such a deep and totally unnecessary gulf between some members here and non coerced sex workers who happen to be mothers and Mumsnet members. I don?t think that the loudest, rudest and most hostile posters speak for the majority of members; they just seem to shout everyone down.

The blinkered hostility and reluctance to engage in a civil discussion without personal insults makes it difficult to actually give those interested in our choices a chance to find out straight from the ?horse?s mouth?. So much of the opinions about sex work and the clients are based on constantly repeated urban myths. As for those vulnerable and trapped in this industry, this something that to those who entered this profession out of free will is as horrifying as to everyone else. Many of us are actually active in various organisations trying to help and offer advice on sex worker industry forums and private boards. Punternet is a microcosm and forms an odd alliance of people that may happen to be part of the industry but seldom see eye to eye and again it does not reflect the whole of the industry. Those vulnerable won?t exactly feel encouraged to seek help from the sort of people who on the one hand pity them but who are also simultaneously disrespect sex workers. They need non judgemental support.

Sex work does not suit everyone. I am not here to promote it but not going to allow anyone to vilify me or my chosen profession.

MissHoneyMoon, your last post was sensitive, honest and very good to read. I agree with every word.

MissHM, what are your honest thoughts about a forum like PN ?

Do you think it a good thing ? A respectful place ? That is fine for punters to rate the services they receive in such a cold and disrespectful fashion (I am sure you know the type of thing I mean)

Outside of pure communication eg. this is X and she offers services such as Y,Z and serious debates about safety, the politics of working in the sex industry and intellectual debate, I don't see much good that it can possibly generate

I haven't read much of it, but some of the bits I did read made me feel sick to my stomach. The utter self-entitlement of some of the punters, the casual "I am a man and I have needs, no matter what" mindset and the vacuous women who go along with it (on some of those threads, am sure not all)

what do you think ?

MissHM, I second what TheOleDragon said about your last post (18.29.32). Measured and reasonable. Well said, MissHM.

are female sex workers suffering hostility & vituperative insults simply because they are female? would male sex workers face the same level of hostility? perhaps this is due to years of patriarchal society where women are'nt supposed to have sexual freedom and also explains why men who have paid sex with women face some hostility whereas men who have paid sex with other men don't

dear thingumy
i am not married so your question is void!
its amusing that on the one hand its been said that men who pay for sex are unable to form a relationship,yet i am immediatley assumed to be married!though it is true it seems that many punters are married

AF- I just only got back online. My honest thoughts about PN? As I mentioned in my last post, that board is like drawing a slice through society and ending up with a weird and wonderful cross sample of people on very opposing ends of the industry. Is it a good place you asked, yes and no. There are male posters that appreciate an intelligent and articulate woman and who form my kind of clientele. Then there are those that infuriate me probably as much as it would you. Ironically, some of the least respectful and unpleasant characters that used to populate PN have migrated to a different place because they feel the place is too censored and refer to it as Prossynet or similar and are embittered of what they perceive the huge power female moderators hold. There are stupid and exasperating threads but then there are also genuine and heartfelt debates. I post and participate on a few industry forums, some female only and private and one lovely small board where members know each other and look out for each other. For every annoying unsavoury poster on PN there are incredibly funny, warm hearted members that I cherish and know personally. I have a complex ?relationship? with PN, I enjoy the banter with people I respect and I also like to keep my claws sharpened to deal with those who try to put me or other sex workers down.

However, one thing I noticed that overall debates on PN are held with far more respect and restraint shown to those even with diametrically opposing views than here. What still shocks me on Mumsnet is the level of contempt, bullying and ill manners shown to those that have a different viewpoint.

AnyFucker Thu 11-Nov-10 18:54:16

MissHM, what are your honest thoughts about a forum like PN ?

How do you feel about prostitution?

Not

How do you feel about Punternet?

Dear MissHoneyMoon,
I am a grandmother who has been using this site recently as I look after my pre school grandaughter 4 days a week. I stumbled across this debate by accident.
Thank the lord there are some sensible caring people like you who have the patience to put your point of view in a logical and non confrontational manner. I thank you.
Before I read this topic (which I now have from begining to end) I had never thought much about prostitutes and their lives. What I have seen is several working ladies trying to put their point of view in a generally calm and reasonable manner and being abused in the most vile way by a group of outraged wifes. It makes me angry that my father fought Hitler for the freedom from this sort of oppression of minority groups, and yet today a group of women can, with no shame, pile abuse upon abuse on a few girls that do not share their so called morality.
I say to the prostitutes who have conducted this debate in a positive manner THANK YOU for the little education you have given me and please do not think that all none WG's share the bigoted and extreme views that some have shouted here.
By the way whilst the word prostitute is technically correct it has been so misused that you really need a better title, my favourite is "Lady of negotiable affection".
But then what do I know,
Without Malice
Jean

Lou, what are you talking about ?

I addressed my question to MissHM and she seemed to understand it...

< studiously ignores Jean who still manages to bring Nazis into the discussion in a completely off-topic way, despite sounding like Miss Jean Brodie >

Blimey!

Why do people professing to be sex workers post in this weird 'yea verily and forsooth' way?

You sell sex for a living, yet someone on the internet says 'fuck' or 'bollocks' and it's get the smelling salts out time?

Weird.

Janos, I think they are Russell Brand in disguise

he has quite a lot of sex, I'm told

it's quite clear to me

or perhaps it's the "ladeez" of Little Britain fame, doing a bit of moonlighting

Dear AnyF--ker,
This was my first post on a subject (oppression of minorities) that I feel deeply about. Are you ONLY capable of abuse do you have NO respect for anyone elses opinions?

BillieH has revealed himself to be a man, a male poster with the name of "Sequel" on Punternet:

punternet.com/forum/index.php?/topic/4602-im-getting-worried/page__st__250__p__214102#entry214102

is ignoring you abusing you jean ?

Prostitution is vile, disgusting and evil.

I wish to God that prostitutes such as Miss Honeymoon, Lou4fun and Mandamumu would tick to their own community and forums and not inflict themselves upon us.

The less we see of prostitutes on Mumsnet the better.