am i overreacting?

[muffymk]

ok name changer here but i do not post very often..but hey ho

I have been with partner for 9 years we have 1 child and I have previous 3 from a marriage.

well my partner has a history of cheating once with a hooker, a woman he works with and a girl from the internet. well thought we sorted it out.

received letter today for him but i opened it as i had a 'feeling' anyway it was a letter from a bank confirming that he now has new bank account??

well i questioned him on why and he told me that he didnt want me monitoring on what he spends????

1. we have joint bank account and he pays bills and so do i.

2. he did have his own account but he wanted to change it to joint

3. monitoring??? when he said this my alarm bells rang

I told him to leave and he has ...to quietly as he never left when i found out about his cheating..which is a lot worse

am i paraniod?? i feel so sad that i wasted so much on this bloke

just to say there is nothing instrinsically negative about being a lone parent! I've been much happier posting on that section than when I had to come on here for relationship advice .. the only way is up op

ninah...hope you weren't offended by my "sorrryyy" after telling OP to post in lone parents for practical advice

I meant I was sorry for saying that phrase so soon, I mean, bearing in mind she is still in utter shock and probably still unable to believe what the fuck has happened to her

I think lone parenting is infinitely preferable to living with a fuckwit, and I would choose it any day

i know i just so upset

i just want the pain to go

he says he stayin at his dads

what sort of dad (grandad) enables hum to do this to me and his child

muffy...he did this all by himself, love

im prob looking for others to blame

im just so sick

Muffy, sorry to hear you're suffering. To be honest though, I'm not so sure if "get yourself to the GP" is good advice in this situation. If you feel you can't cope to the extent that you might hurt youself or neglect your children then yes, get some professional help.

If not - it's normal to feel tremendous pain in such a situation and in a 10 minute consultation, the GP will probably ask if you want pills as there's not much else they can do. Taking the odd sleeping pill if you're absolutely drained is OK but they are addictive and starting to take them when you're highly upset is not necessarily the right time. Anti-depressants are about readdressing chemical imbalances and not meant for short term relief from intense upset.
If counselling is available on the NHS in your area (might not be, a lot of areas are only offering CBT at the moment), again, it's best not to start it while you are in the initial emotional turmoil of a break up as you need to be able to be self reflective and not distracted with practical needs.

You did the right thing by calling the Samaritans I think as they are people who can just be there and listen to the pain and allow you to express it - keep using that resource. As for practical help, this is the time to ask your friends/family to rally round, do some babysitting, bring round a meal, help you fill in forms etc.. As I say, if you truly can't cope, contact the GP but if you can, I'd wait for the dust to settle so you're in a better frame of mind to make clear decisions about medication and what you might want to gain from counselling or therapy.

good advice, euro

I was a tad worried about our lovely OP for a little while today, though x

however, she came back and I am glad of it

muffy, keep posting if you need to, there are late-nighters around for ages yet

good night from me x

i got up late-good sign??

took all the kids to school, my brother still here.

its so stupid that i was begging him and he does this to me

im so contitioned that i think i may believe i deserve all this

i dont feel like mad banshee now...more Bella out of Twilight when she sobbin on the bed -film was rubbish

Muffy: Good, you've identified a big chunk of the problem - you have been 'conditioned' to feel that you ought to have placated and hung onto this knobber of a man at any cost.
Well you don't, and you didn;t have to. The conditioning is bullshit and can be dumped. WHile a happy couple-relationship is a nice enough thing to be involved in, it's not compulsory, and it's much, much better to be single than to be perpetually trying to fix a crap relationship.
Day by day, you're getting better and stronger. Every minute of every day is a tiny little bit better.
ALl the best.

Hi

Im just checking in. goin to friends for afternoon

i gave her link to this thread as i couldnt speak myself and she called me. talking to her has made me feel a bit better at least.

i need to have a bath as i havent had one for two days

hi muffy

quick hello from me as posting at work (very, very baaad)

good idea to send a link to your friend so have a good chinwag and a good cry this afternoon

I hope she reinforces all the stuff we have been telling you

you are worth more than him

you know what he said

that we should just date

we have a 6 year old boy

you know

i feel real strong

gonna go over to his dads and dump the rest of his stuff there

you go girl...

Tell him to f**K off with the dating idea.

date ?

he just wants an easy shag every so often

don't be an easy shag

teach your little boy that women are worth more than this

he is an utter twat

dump his stuff and make all future communication only about your child

your relationship with him as your partner is over

i've just started reading the thread but you are doing so well.

Don't let him get to you, stay strong and remember, even if you want him back you don't want your kids growing up thinking his behaviour is normal or acceptable.

muffy, you are getting very good advice, but i'll give my piece.
gp- depends on yours really, i had a big problem at work last year and mine helped lots to keep me sane, without a single pill, has to be said, but some are prescription happy, worth a try?, and perhaps you need a few days of something to help you sleep.
bastard h, do not read the text, they are only meant to manipulate you, and if that fails to hurt you.
practical help- find someone to deal with the paperwork, i did this for my friend when she finally decided to leave her bastard, it is nice not to worry about sorting up apps and file claims for chb, etc... and rely on your family and friends, your brother sounds fab, btw, geting out of the house will help too.
being weak, really? you have 4 kids, and a sorry excuse for an h, you sound pretty strong to me.

keep posting, we'll be here to support you.

I just wanted to add my support for you muffy. Loads of good advice already, you are doing the right thing.

Good luck and stay strong.

All the best x

Listen to AF.

i am listening

when he suggested datin i knew he just wanted me to hang on to try his luck

My kids and i are worth so much more ..so much more

so i got all the rest of his stuff -huge guitar amps too -amazing strength when your angry

dumped it all in the car and onto his dads drive

he wants peace and space? he can have it i hope it chokes him

He wants you in the background in case he can't get a shag some night - or, indeed, so you are 'kept sweet' for that point in the future when his looks go and he can't pull any more but wants his dinner cooked and his pants washed.
DOn't fall for it. He's not your partner anymore if he ever really was.

oh your last post gives me good heart x

muffy it sounds like you are getting angry now which is good, it will keep you going forward for a while. It may seem insurmountable right now but it does get easier, I promise.

Date indeed. Who the hell does he think he is. You sound like a really lovely woman, I dont think you will be missing him for long.

Good that your brother and friend are here for you.

We are too

he now says it was only a suggestion????

this was his email

i asked him if he was coming back

i got this

'all very raw at moment. i'm not sure. we have a bond. in time maybe. or just try dating. i don't know. my head is also very screwed up and my heart'.

thats when the jezza kyle red mist came . i asked him 3 times

now i have dumped the rest of his stuff he says it was only a suggestion

true colours eh ?

what else is he going to suggest ?

friends with benefits ?

an open relationship ?

you carry on being his domestic servant while he fucks around ?

he tested the water and backed off big-style when you called him on it

what a weasel

and well done you