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Original poster

How is life after a vasectomy ? Help me convince Dh !!

136 replies

youarebustedmydear · 27/09/2010 16:39

Dh has a consultation coming up soon, at first he was really happy going throught with it but somehow I feel he is getting cold feet. I dont want him to feel bullied into having it done so that is why I'm asking you to tell us about your experience !

OP posts:
runmeragged · 28/09/2010 18:34

.

Alouiseg · 28/09/2010 18:49

You will need to contact a fertility clinic with storage facilities. We used Isis who are now called Bourn Hall. It costs £200 per year for storage but I can't remember what the fee was for the initial (ahem) deposit.

maighdlin · 28/09/2010 20:28

this is interesting reading as it is the topic of conversation at my dh's work. I was there the other day and told them its much more of a thing for the woman to get sterilised so man up and do it. women put up with the shit end of contraception its their turn to suffer for what is it 2 days? DH fully intends on getting one in a few years, he knows i hate hormonal contraceptives, hes not at all worried as he has a circumcision 4 years ago and he figures it can't be worse than that and he was up that night after a ga.

Malificence · 28/09/2010 20:30

Anyone enquiring about freezing sperm and such nonsense should be automatically barred from vasectomy, it's meant to be permanent.

SassySusan · 28/09/2010 20:35

Is freezing sperm that effective? I thought it deteriorated over time?

If he does decide he wants to use it, an IVF shot is about $4K a time - and if the lady in question is approaching 40, the success rate is about 20% - so that would be an average of $20k to get pg. It would probably be cheaper to attempt a reversal..

However, if you think you might ever want a reversal, it is probably better not to do it at all.

AnyFucker · 28/09/2010 20:52

< makes plans to set up sperm-freezing business in my kitchen fridge >

I could fit a few samples in my chest freezer too...

< sees £££ signs before my very eyes Grin >

Alouiseg · 28/09/2010 21:27

Malificence Vasectomy is meant to be permanent but in some circumstances it is desirable to store some.

elsiepiddock · 28/09/2010 21:53

The op itself was a doddle (not so great having to sit in a Marie Stopes clinic waiting room though).

My dh ignored the advice to take it easy afterwards and played cricket - ended up with a haematoma. Buster Gonad had nothing on him!

kimbally · 28/09/2010 22:08

If your family feels complete I would say go for it. My husband didn't need time off work and anxiety about contraception removed making sex life more spontaneous.
All positive as far as we are both concerned.

Malificence · 28/09/2010 22:09

Alouiseg - why?

I genuinely don't understand that mindset, you either definitely don't want more children under any circumstances, or you maybe do, in which case vasectomy should not even be considered.

It's like someone saying to me, why on earth did you only choose to have one child, what if something happens to her?

There is no real need to freeze sperm, as it can be taken directly from the epydidimis in any case. Men don't stop producing sperm after a vasectomy, I'm not sure that everyone actually realises that.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 28/09/2010 22:32

Mal - men keep producing - we realise that - the unabsorbed sperm is the cause of his cronic scrotal pain.

not nice

expatinscotland · 28/09/2010 23:42

Ectopic pregnancy from failed sterilsation not only not nice but also potentially fatal.

Alouiseg · 29/09/2010 07:23

The dilemma we faced was that our family was complete but ds 2 had leukaemia. To us, our children are irreplaceable if they died then I wouldn't just have another baby to fill the gap.

There was the possibility that, maybe ds would need a stem cell transplant. In which case having a "designer" baby to provide stem cells could be a solution.

We were perfectly aware that sperm could be taken from the epydidimis, we certainly didn't approach the procedure lightly. We spent a long time with the director of the clinic discussing our options at the time. For us it was exactly the right thing to do. The intention was always to have the sperm destroyed when I was 40, I'll be 41 in a couple of months and don't see any reason to let it go.

Malificence · 29/09/2010 07:51

Thanks for being so upfront Alouiseg, what a possibility to have to face Sad.

GoodDaysBadDays · 29/09/2010 08:57

Dh was always adamant he wouldn't have the snip, taking away his masculinity etc etc but when dc5 was a matter of weeks old we went for the consultation Grin

I was also quite anxious about the finality of it but practically knew it was the right decision.

The op itself was uncomfortable and he was in quite a lot of pain for a couple of days (wuss Grin) then a couple of weeks of being uncomfortable but no problems 9 months on.

Now we're both certain it was the right thing and are very comfortable with our family being complete.

As a couple of other posters also said our sex life is even better now with more spontaneity and no worry - however careful you are there's always that 'what if...' isn't there?

It's a bit like that casual no-strings sex again like early in a relationship (or maybe that was just us Wink)

JuicyLips · 29/09/2010 13:34

I must admit I didnt realise how many ejaculations it takes to get rid of the sperm. Thats quite a big figure really.

jellybeans · 29/09/2010 16:17

Very sorry to read about what happened to littlewish and sassy :( Very sorry for your losses. I lost 2 DDs at 20 and 23 weeks and the emptiness afterwards was awful, I was desperate to be pregnant again and very lucky that in both cases had another child. Obviously I can't speak about the horror of loosing an older child but that is the reason that put me off doing something permanent so i have the mirena coil.

I read the case of the couple who lost both boys in a horror car crash and he had had the snip and they were so sad they would never be grandparents etc etc, their whole lives seemed empty and childless. Same with the Hillsborough family. No you can never ever replace a child and not everyone would want more kids whatever the situation but for some people they can give much love to another child. So you really have to think about would you ever want another child even in difficult circumstances, not pleasant to think about.

Pernickety · 29/09/2010 16:35

This is a timely thread as DH is booked for his vasectomy in a few weeks time. We have two DC and have waited until the youngest is 5 because I always had that irrational fear that something might happen to one of my children. But now that they are 5 and 7 and DH and I are a few years each side of 40, it's not so likely we would want or expect to have another baby if we ever lost one or both of our children.

We're certainly both too old (and tired) to fall out of love, split up, fall in love with someone else and then want to have more babies! Shock

pinkdolly · 29/09/2010 21:21

My DH had keyhole for his snip, no stitches and 1 days rest with paracetomel and ibroprufen. Apart from a bit of swelling and bruising it was all fine. In any operation the odd few will always come out worse off but the chances are low that it will go wrong. I am just waiting for his tubes to go clear so he can go bare back. I miss the skin to skin.

JuicyLips · 29/09/2010 22:34

Skin to skin is definitely much better. Condoms feel so yucky when you've been used to not using them for a long time.

marge2 · 29/09/2010 22:41

I hated sperm down my leg pre- reversal.

Still hate it post kids and second vasectomy!!!
I preferred it when we used condoms to be honest!

mamatomany · 30/09/2010 00:05

We had ISCI after changing our minds about a vasectomy, luckily it worked but the odds were stacked against us and it was expensive.
I regret ever going through with the vasectomy (DH doesn't but that's a whole different thread) anyway we have the baby now, all is well but if there is the tiniest of doubts wait a few years is my advice.

gingerwig · 30/09/2010 01:00

I just could not go with the permanance aspect.

DH has offered to get it done but I do not ant to rule out the possibility for him to have more children with someone else if I die / we split up.

Good luck with your decision OP

gingerwig · 30/09/2010 01:01

And on a serious note, I do not think you should pressurise your husband if he has changed his mind

SassySusan · 30/09/2010 08:20

Alouiseg

You wrote: The dilemma we faced was that our family was complete but ds 2 had leukaemia. To us, our children are irreplaceable if they died then I wouldn't just have another baby to fill the gap.

I'm very sorry to hear your DD is ill, but it is extremely rude and patronising to suggest bereaved parents "just have another baby to fill the gap".

All of our children are irreplaceable, and bereaved parents are not replacing the children they have lost any more than a parent who chooses to have a second child is expressing dissatisfaction with the first.

Unless you have lost a child, you don't really know how it might change your feelings about having more.