My brother is having a civil partnership ceremony next week with his partner.
My husband is not invited but I and my 3 children are.
The reason for this is that 8 years age one Christmas my husband was very drunk. It was very late at night and he wanted a cigarrete. He knew my brother had some but brother would not let him have one. This threw him into a drunken rage and he spouted venom about 'dirty gays' etc. Very insulting language, I was very embarrassed and my H slept in the car. My H did give big apology by phone and we did all meet up a couple of days later for Sunday lunch in the pub. However things have been a little frosty since. We have seen my brother a few times since (once or twice a year- we live some distance apart) although his partner never comes.
Initially I was not surprised that H was not invited and I told my brother I would attend (I do want to show him my support). However as time has gone on and it is now very close it all feels wrong and I don't want to go. I feel that it will cause damage to my relationship with my H. He says I can go but I know he is upset that he is not invited. He feels he has put effort in over recent years to his relationship with my brother and of course he knows he is not homophobic. I think my brother is labelling him as a homophobe. Because of the rude thid he said I can see why but I also know that H is not a homophobe it is just that he can be very unpleasant when he is exstrenmely drunk and will say the most outrageous things that he does not mean.
Also I feel very uncomfortable because people at the reception will be asking me where H is, why he is not there, and I will not be able to lie, I will have to say he has not been invited, I'm sure this will make both myself and my brother feel uncomfortable. And what are my children meant to say when they are asked where their father is?
I feel I can not go now. I feel I will be doing some (how much I don't know) damage to my relationship with H if I go when he has been NOT INVITED, we are a family amd my relationship with him is more important to me than that with my brother and I don't want to damage it in any way. My relationship with my brother is not as strong but I don't want to upsethim. Do I just tell him (He has booked us a hotel room and will be able to get refund) but he may be upset when I tell him I can't go because H is not invited - this worries me because my dad and his brother fell out and have not spoken for 40 years) or do I phone at the very last minute with a reason I can't go e.g. illness.
HELP