Calling all prostitutes and former prostitutes on MN, as there seem to be a few around right now...

[Aitch]

I'm curious to know how it makes you feel to see threads on here from wives and girlfriends etc when they discover that their husbands etc have been visiting prostitutes? even if you are happy in your own jobs (and i hope to god you are somehow, because the alternative is intolerable), how does it feel to be confronted with the downside of your work on these pages?

(i think it goes without saying that the men are culpable in this scenario, but am looking for some insight into how your work squares with sisterhood etc).

@ tadpoles

Because a quick blowjob for a tenner or an even quicker shag on a mattress that hundreds of others have come on is spicing things up? Sounds really sexy!

But sgb what you fail to take account of is that those betrayed are often told that there have been problems for ages, I've been pretending to enjoy sex, I've felt neglected.

Whereas in fact this may have been only happening for the preceeding few months in order to justify the affair.

Most people who enter affairs are intoxified by infatuation, flattery and what they perceive to be brilliant sex. When this wears off, usually as quickly as it began, they do realise the error of their ways and often then it's too late.

A very few will meet their 'soulmate'. And I think this is lovely and good luck to them.

I don't mind my stbex having sex with someone else. It's his life. What I do mind is his having sex with someone else behind my back, without my permission and dehumanising me in the process. If a person isn't happy in the marriage then have the guts to leave.

I read Riven's post with horror A man should accept a sexless marriage, man up and shut up! Wait until the kids are flown the nest!

But, with more thinking, it is true that a marriage is, or should be, more than the sex. It is important to honour those vows and stand together. But, that's an idealistic scenario, and far from what really happens.

So, wishing it doesn't make it reality. The reality is, some men use prostitutes even when the marriage is good and the sex plentiful. A guy who works for my dh takes delight in regalling the men with his exploits with a prostitute, starting from before his marriage and two kids being born. He says it adds a different dimension to his sex life, that his wife won't do oral

My dh asked him why he bothered getting married if he had no intention of keeping his wovs? He said he wanted a family, and his wife earned more than him so he was going to become a full time dad. That way, he could manage the money and hide the expense of his 'habit'!

It disgusts me, it disgusts my dh. Not that he is using a prostitute, but that he has betrayed a good wife since before his marriage and left her without a say. Why couldn't he have decided, ok, this woman I love does not want to give me oral sex, I cannot accept that, move on and marry someone else? Selfish.
And it would be the same if it was another woman, not a prostitute, he was depriving the wife the full facts of his needs/wants/intentions.

putting the kids to bed but happened to see madonnawhore's comment about me writing this into an article. give me a fucking break. (and an apology, if you have any manners about you).

Can I ask what you mean Riven, about the sickness and health vows? Where was that?

Celticfairy, bravo.

once again and with feeling, i am not blaming the woman, as made perfectly clear in my OP.

"(i think it goes without saying that the men are culpable in this scenario, but am looking for some insight into how your work squares with sisterhood etc)"

tbh i've heard from the only two people who have identified themselves as prostitutes or former prostitutes on here, and both have said that the thought did give them pause, so until they come back with further thoughts i'm quite happy with that answer. it strikes me from what i know of women in general that most of us would at least consider the effect our actions have on other women, particularly in regards to marriage and children. that chimes with the women i have spoken to previously, although they were emphatically not happy hookers, which is why i asked the question again.

Well ladies,
I'm happily married, however, before I was, back in the days of university (ok 4 years ago) I was seeing a man...who was 3 years older than me (not the stereotypical married age) and it turned out he was married...prepare for the cliche

"I left her a while back, but we're not divorced as I am relying on her Visa to keep me here" (he was Moroccan).

I fell for it, until I almost became a victim of an honour killing and saw sense. She has no idea about me and I'm in the right mind to tell her, but I genuinely thought that his story made sense...I keep kicking myself as to how he could be doing it to her now with someone else, but now i'm married with kids and I don't want to get involved. But i feel remorseful and devastated, as as far as she was concerned, he was just out late some nights, and working late others...it's horrific, and for those women who do it KNOWINGLY ought to be disgusted with themselves.

they are human beings, i should think that they do think of more than the money, surely to god? and evidence here suggests that they do. although you might be right about addicted prostitutes but then addicts can't tend to think of much else than their next fix.

I think you're right about the vows, Riven, and also that the person who breaks them so flagrantly is the person who has let people down, and let himself down.

The Catholic Church recognises that every exchange of vows is not created equal:
'The Church views marriage as a covenant for life that cannot be severed. However, some marriages are entered into without the necessary maturity or full knowledge and ability to keep such a permanent commitment, or without full free will because of external pressures. Therefore, a person has the right to ask the Church to examine a previous marriage to see if it was less than what the church views as a valid marriage, a freely chosen commitment between two mature, knowledgeable and capable adults to enter a covenant of love, for life, with priority to spouse and children.

A Catholic annulment is a declaration from a diocesan Tribunal that the marriage bond was less than such a covenant for life because it was lacking something necessary from the very beginning. One or both parties may have entered the marriage with good will, but lacked the openness, honesty, maturity, fully free choice, right motivation, emotional stability, or capacity to establish a community of life and love with another person.'

If I had "stuck with the sisterhood" dh and I wouldn't be together now.

When I met him he was in a 7 year relationship with someone else. We were massively attracted to each other, got to know each other and had a rip roaring affair which led to us being married before he was due to marry her. 16 years later, through thick and thin we are very happy, very much in love and have a rollicking good sex life too.

He often comments that if he had gone ahead and married her he would have played away and not been happy.

How bad is it that we're together and happy? Should I have left alone because he was with someone else? If he'd have been having a fantastic time with her he would never have given me more than a glance.

Men rarely leave unless they have someone else to go to. Women will leave to be alone.

well if you have the luxury of being a paediatric surgeon or a lifestyle journo or a vicar, then I expect you would spend much of your time mulling over the ethical ins and outs of what you do for a living

but when you are doing a shit job on minimum wage (or being a prostitute, in most cases) because you need to pay your bills, then you tend to spend your time getting through the day and trying to cordon off a bit of your mind from the tedium of it all, rather than gushing about morality in the workplace

horses for courses innit

Oh I see what you were saying Riven. Yes, I totally agree with you. I was agreeing with you in my first response too, although also saying it is sadly not true, just because I want it to be so.

I have very bad health now, something that happened three years ago. Married to dh for eight years, and am a totally different woman now due to health. It would be fair for dh to say I am not the same woman he married. I still love him, we still have a sex life, but my health puts paid to a lot of fun things, travel and late nights. But, he made his vows and meant them.

Why do other men not do the same? I have no idea, maybe the "because I'm worth it" slogan has got to them too. God knows.

well no, actually, greensleeves. the women who have answered here are not in a shit job, according to them, and absolutely wholeheartedly have other choices. that was what prompted the question, in actual fact. so not these horses, no. in fact now that i think of it, not street walkers (surely the shittest of the shit jobs) either, judging by what some of them told me.

like i say, interesting how the women who have actually worked as prostitutes on this thread acknowledge that their impact on the wives and girlfriends is something they have considered, while those who (presumably) haven't are making a big noise about how it will never have crossed their minds.

i just don't believe, fio, that if your job was sleeping with men that it wouldn't have occurred to you to think about the possible impact on their families.