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The Brave Babes Carry On The Charabanc Trip - Leaving The Booze Behind!

1000 replies

Mouseface · 14/09/2010 11:33

Hello and welcome! Smile

This is thread number eight!

The Brave Babes are all at different stages of quitting the booze. Some have stopped, some are thinking about it and some are just cutting down.

They are full of support and wisdom for those of you wishing to climb aboard the Bus or Charabanc!! Grin

The Babes aren't an exclusive club, they never judge and they don't charge for advice either!

So, come meet them. I'm Mouse, by the way, and I've been sober since August 2nd 2010, something I would never have even considered without the support of these threads.

Here are the first seven threads, if you want a bit of history.

JWN's original thread

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Thread six

Thread seven

OP posts:
Lucilastic · 17/09/2010 14:00

Hello from me too. I shocked DP by the rate in which I polished off a bottle of red last night. I'd drank two massive glasses in an hour and tried to make the rest of it last a couple of hours and failed miserably. DP had one beer. Blush
He's excused it on stress/worry over my flat but "normal" drinkers don't try and blot out stress in life by necking back a bottle of wine do they?
I know the answer of course. Truth is, do I really want to drink moderately? I don't enjoy the taste anymore and need enough to feel smashed. The social aspect doesn't matter anymore, it's the drunk feeling I crave, not having to think, not having to care so much.
The kids have been driving me crazy all morning screeching and fighting and I have raging PMT.
On a positive note, I am seeing another lettings agent tomorrow and getting my flat valued to find out exactly how much I could expect to get as a return on it.
Off to do some boring housewifey stuff.
Thanks for reading. Smile

Mouseface · 17/09/2010 14:24

Luci - you are ready to stop. So please, for yourself, just STOP.

OP posts:
Mouseface · 17/09/2010 14:26

MsGee - hello and well done!!! 4 weeks is excellent. And a huge Mouse hug ((((( ))))) for LittleMsGee. Clever girl and so are you for sticking with it.

Keep going and I hope that the house sale goes more smoothly and so does your move. xx

OP posts:
Dizzydollybird · 17/09/2010 14:36

Hello people,

Having a grumpy pants day today, very tired and a bit below par. Trying to keep out of everyone's way at work as I'm spoiling for a fight, must keep off of controversial threads too Blush. Not this one though, I like you brave brave babes.

Have nothing constructive to add, just take care of yourselves and enjoy the rest of Friday, I'm clambering back under the desk with my tin hat on x

Mouseface · 17/09/2010 14:55

Hey Dizzy

Go get it out of your system girl!! Get yourself to AIBU and kick some ass!! Grin

I find it a great outlet!! And BTW, we are all allowed off days. It's chaos here. Utter chaos so I may be joining you under your desk!!

OP posts:
Dizzydollybird · 17/09/2010 16:02

Ta, there's room for a small one x

gettingeasier · 17/09/2010 16:03

Lucil

Something that resonated with me and gave me a lightbulb moment was on the AA website. Its a long personal story from the home page I think from a woman. Her turning point was realising one day when she was somewhere and had had to stick with a couple of drinks that she had no interest in controlled drinking/a couple of drinks but it had to be the whole hog.

She then realised that the whole hog was destroying her life and so stopped.This is very much a synopsis but reading your post I wonder if it would help you?

Well I am ok today felt good when I woke up this morning and am finding I get a lot more done. Its still hard not to have a drink to look forward to in the evening but hey ho I guess decades of a habit isnt going to vanish.

I have bought a bottle of wine for tomorrow evening, my favourite is 25% off at the moment and I flirted with the idea of stocking up and then thought Get Real Grin and just got one for my saturday night.

I would like to think I will drink and enjoy that and then be back on track until next saturday. It remains to be seen of course and lots of you will be shaking your heads but I can but try. If I feel tempted I think what I will do is move the recycling bin into the kitchen Grinbecause its pristine emptiness is so fab !

venusandmars · 17/09/2010 16:15

Long post warning..

Luci your posts sound like you're really knotted up with worring about things to do with your house (stuff in the future) and feeling crap about what / how you were drinking yesterdeay (stuff in the past). It is completely understandable that you feel those things but they are flooding you with a load of negative emotions. All the time, even when you don't need to feel it. So I am going to write some stuff about how our brains works in the hope that some of it is useful.

Here goes...

As humans we have very clever advanced brains, but they developed from much more primitive species. The most primitive part of our brain has 2 basic functions: dealing with things that attack us (e.g. a dangerous sabre-tooth tiger) and dealing with things that we need /think we need to survive (e.g. food, shelter, new loin cloth) - the ATTACK and LACK parts of our brain. This is really good because it helps us to run away from danger or to fight someone who breaks into our house, and also gives us the motivation to go out to work to get food, or to grow vegetables in our gardens.

As humans we also have all the higher functions of our brains which enable us to use language, to ineract to feel emotions (all wonderful). These higher functions also include the amazing ability to remember things that have happened already and to imagine things that might happen in the future. Again all this is wonderful if when it enables you to remember the smiles of your baby, remember why you didn't like the taste of sprouts or to imagine the delight of someone opening a present, or to anticipate what would happen if you put your hand on the iron - and therefore avoid it .

BUT, put these 2 functions of our brain together and sometimes we can get stuck in a groove where too much of our time is spent remembering things from the past that have been negative (things that have scared us [attack] or times when we have needed things [lack], and also spending too much time anticipating negative events from the future (worring about scary things that might never happen or striving to get things that we do not really need). I think this might be what you are doing at the moment.

The interesting thing about our brain is that it does not easily distinguish between what is actually happening NOW and what we are remebering or imagining. So if you remember your baby's first smile you can feel a warm glow as your body is flooded with neurotransmitters - even though your baby's first smile might have been 18 years ago. Also if we imagine an awful scary scenario such our bodies are flooded with the neurochemical that make us want to run away and we can feel our heart rate rising and our breathing getting quicker (that is what happens in panic attacks).

So by allowing our brains to dwell on negative things from the past, or to over-worry about negative things in the future our bodies are experiencing those negative emotions as if they were actually happening now. We feel the pain of them over and over again, and we feel the pain of bad things that will never, ever happen.

This is where 'positive thinking' approaches have thier use, because by remembering lots of wonderful things or by imagining positive things in the future our bodies also feel all those positive emotions.

But let's get back to real life. There is another part of your brain that deals with what is happening NOW. NOW is not what went wrong yesterday, NOW is not what go wrong tonight. NOW is what you are doing, feeling and experiencing at the moment. You might be hungry. Don't think about what you might do to satisfy that need, whether you are going to eat a biscuit or an apple, just concentrate on what is going on as you feel hungry. Is the feeling in your mouth? Is it in your stomach? Is your tummy rumbling? That is NOW. And while you are really paying attention to what is going on now, your brain can not simultaneaously think about what might happen tomorrow. So every time you think about NOW, that is all you can really think about.

Some people can focus on the present moment by focusing on their breathing. Personally, I find that rather difficult, I prefer to pay attention to what I can hear. What noises can I actually hear now? The sound of people in the street, the television in the kitchen, the central heating switching on and off, the noise of my own breathing. What can you hear? What are the far away sounds? Which sounds are close to you? You don't need to close your eyes, you can watch the kids at the same time, but you can also hear a dog bark in the distance or the noise your breath makes as it comes out of your nose.

So have you got a sense of what NOW is? While you focus on the sounds and noises that are happening now, notice how you are feeling. Are you in pain? Where is the pain? is it in one place or all over? is is instense or dull? Are you feeling anything else? Are you angry? Are you sad? (Never mind what you are angry / sad about, just notice how being that emotion feels) Is your feeling in a particular location in your body? Does it have a shape or a colour? (Don't try and make the emotion go away, just notice the characteristics - where it is whether it is moving or still, whether it is noisy or quiet).

So why have I written all of this? Well I'm not sure really. I just thought that it might help you deal with lots of worry and self-recrimintion that is weighing you down and giving you an excuse to drink.

Lots of love.

venusandmars · 17/09/2010 16:19

getting no shaking of head here.

I am really interested in how it goes (over the long term).

And well done for not stocking up for the future. For me the 'future' would be arriving the moment that the first bottle was finished. Grin

venusandmars · 17/09/2010 18:31

Oh Shit! one massivew head-fuck post and I've killed something that was 8 threads long.

I will go and hibernate and speak to you all in the springtime.

Mouseface · 17/09/2010 18:48
Grin

Nope, you can't get rid of the Brave Babes that easily.

OP posts:
Lucilastic · 17/09/2010 18:58

Venus, your post was amazing. Am going to re-read it later when the DC's are in bed (any minute now I hope!)
Thank you for posting it. It makes very interesting reading. Smile

Lucilastic · 17/09/2010 19:52

And is very applicable to how I feel a lot of the time.

WasindieNial · 17/09/2010 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lookingtothefuture · 17/09/2010 20:02

Venus - what an interesting post. Am I right that when we are experiencing negative feelings as you mention, focusing on the now will help disperse these feelings? I have been finding it a bit difficult this week. It appears that problems in certain areas (DH springs to mind!) were not wholly attributable to drinking. Had hoped that not drinking would make these issues disappear and that drinking was the root cause anyway. It appears not but a clear head always helps in dealing with matters. Just coming to 7 weeks off the booze and its not something I have any craving for. Its odd to think that as it's Friday, I would be a bottle and a half to the good by now in my past life! Have a weekend away coming up - trying not to project- but am not sure my resolve will take me through it. Hope everyone ishaving a good night Xx

venusandmars · 17/09/2010 20:05

Thank you wasindie I am now experiencing how it feels to be lovely and wise and woman.

venusandmars · 17/09/2010 20:07

Mmmm - it is a lovley sort of pink feeling. It is in tops of my arms, ooh and in my right ankle.

venusandmars · 17/09/2010 20:26

looking what I find personally, is that I CANNOT focus on now and also simultaneously worry - it is like my brain cannot do two really different things at the same time.

If I try really hard not to worry, then I end up in a worry loop about worrying about trying not to worry. If I can get totally absorbed in what is hapenning NOW, by doing thing like feeling my pulse and trying to match my brathing to my pulse, or listening to every sound that I hear (trying to hear the sound of the lights across the road, noticing the noise of the bubbles in the goldfish tank) then I cannot do that and also also worry.

None of this makes the trouble go away, it does not change things in real life, but it does 3 things for me:

1 - for the moment, the problems do not matter and my emotional state is so much better

2 - I get a better perspective on my problems

3 - I can appreciate the feelings I do have. i.e. if I feel really scared, then I can understand and acceept it (rather than being scared and also worried about being scared).

venusandmars · 17/09/2010 20:32

And none of that makes my spelling any better:

So .....

find the pulse in your wrist, or neck..

Breathe in for 4 pulse beats
Hold your breath for 4 pulse beats
Breathe out for 8 pulse beats

If your pulse is beating really fast then breathe in for 6 pulse beats, hold for 6 and breathe out for 12

Mouseface · 17/09/2010 22:20

Glass of white here.

OP posts:
jesuswhatnext · 17/09/2010 22:38

hi mouse!, just got home and am shattered!, why teh glass of white?, have you had a dreadful day?, i do hope not, might be a good idea to pop into bed now though! Smile

venus, that was a very thought provoking post!, i am going to ponder it while i nod off!, i like to have go to sleep in a positive frame of mind, im sure it helps set me up for the new day!

all you other lovley babes - have a good nights sleep and i will see you all in the morning! Grin

L XXXXXXXXXX

Mouseface · 17/09/2010 22:43

JWN - just the one, very small - compared to my norm!! Just fancied it. Off to bed now though. Totally in control. It was nice. Smile

No reason, just fancied it.

Sleep well Brave Babes. Tomorrow is a whole new day xxxx

OP posts:
Fortheverylasttime · 18/09/2010 01:13

(hello to Gingerwig, if she is prowling. Hope you had a good day.

gettingeasier · 18/09/2010 09:28

Amazing post venus I am a big fan of positive thinking and all that malarky Grin

OK

Last night a friend came for coffee and time went on and it was time to offer her a glass of wine. But of course I only had my 1 bottle of warm white. I was in a mini dilemma I didnt want to say I am trying to control my drinking so I cant offer you a drink. I knew her H was out so didnt want to get rid of her either. So I said would you like a glass of wine ,shot to the shop and picked up some wine and we drank 3 bottles between us.

The thing is I am ok with this because I dont want to turn it into some big deal and go on a downer about it. I didnt go overboard and I feel fine this morning.I had a lovely evening as opposed to sitting on my own and I will still have my bottle tonight although I know its enjoyment will be slightly compromised because of last nights unplanned drinking but hey

The plan will be to then not drink sunday onwards.

I did actually briefly consider taking the 3 empty bottles to the recycling rather than putting them in my lovely empty box GrinGrin

Anyway its funny that I knew I had to get straight on the thread and come clean ! God its amazing how much influence its having on me Confused

Hope everyone has a great day and hats off to you Mouse - one small glass ? Think I am some way off that Smile

jesuswhatnext · 18/09/2010 09:56

morning everyone!!

getting - im glad you had a good night and im really not nagging you BUT! Grin, 3 bottles between 2 women in one sitting is going a bit overboard - i think that would be a definition of binge drinking which (we are told) is just as bad as drinking everyday. i just mention it as i too could easily sink that much during an evening (and more Blush) and since i stopped doing it i really do feel so much better physically - i had dismissed all these 'government guidelines' as a load of old bollocks, (and still do to some extent!) but i cant dismiss the fact that i DO feel so much better - just a thought, not a nag! Grin

anyway, got a nice day planned with dh, the sun is shining and the washing is on the line, so alls well with my world! Grin, hope all you wonderful babes are looking forward to the weekend too!

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