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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

secrtetive boyfriend

71 replies

cazzy11 · 28/08/2010 15:56

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 and a half months now and everything was going ok.We are living together now which is fine. The thing is that he is so secretive with his phone and his laptop.His phone goes everywhere with him and he wont leave it in a room with me in if he has to say go to toilet etc. His laptop is passworded and he hides what hes doing most of the time on it. I did manage to crack the password a couple of months ago and found he had been on dating sites and porn,also he had more than one facebook account. He dismissed the dating sites as him looking to see if i was on them.Why would i be on there when im happy with him?
The issue with the phone is that he is constantly texting from morning to say midnight sometimes longer to apparently his sister or his brother but im not too sure. He texts them a hell of alot more than me.
Does anyone find this weird or is it just me? And is it weird how I have never met his family at all when he has met all mine?
Sorry its so long just needed to get it off my chest as he wont talk about it just gets mad and sulks.

OP posts:
thelunar66 · 28/08/2010 16:03

Yes, I'd say that was weird. My first instinct would be that he is still on the dating sites himself.

Not sure what to make of you never meeting his family.... do they live local to you?

Original poster
cazzy11 · 28/08/2010 16:05

they live in southampton and we in portsmouth so only half hour away.

OP posts:
MrsReality · 28/08/2010 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
cazzy11 · 28/08/2010 16:06

i tried to but i forgave him like a fool.im pregnant now which makes it harder

OP posts:
MrsReality · 28/08/2010 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StudiousSal · 28/08/2010 16:08

Cazzy this doesn't look good I'm afraid, this is exactly what my ex did, even took his phone to the bathroom, hid it when it was charging etc, I found out later he was on chat sites too, however he was also texting god knows how many women, and trying to meet them.

If he hasn't got anything to hide, then why is he being so secretive, sorry but I really think he's upto something, my ex started trying to meet other women about three months after he moved in with me, and for a while told me I was being stupid, obviously not stupid enough to not catch him out, which I did, and I packed his bags and slung him out for good.

Original poster
cazzy11 · 28/08/2010 16:14

No i havent been tested Mrs R but I know its a good idea to go get checked out.Thanks.
The trouble with me Sal is that I try to believe him cos he also calls me stupid then goes off in a mood if i even accuse him even when i caught him up to something the other night he just sulked.He has even started hiding his sat nav from me.I leave my phone on the side got no reason to hide it. Hes also got another phone hidden in his pocket which he never takes out. He just laughs at me when i mention it.
He has gone to football today with his bro or so he says but went on the train.SO how come he took his car keys? His house keys are always seperate to them?
Im crazy for believing his lies nut I love him and its hard to end it

OP posts:
Hassled · 28/08/2010 16:16

He's a player, he'll stay a player, he's not committed to you, he's lying to you on a regular basis. Sorry.

MrsReality · 28/08/2010 16:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hassled · 28/08/2010 16:16

What are your options? Are you pregnant with your first? If it comes to it, do you have anywhere else to go? Money of your own?

madonnawhore · 28/08/2010 16:21

It sounds like he's cheating and not even bothering to hide it. In fact you could write a cheating textbook with his behaviour.

Now you need to figure out how you're going to get rid of him, and start planning for how you and your baby can have a good life away from this total loser.

Original poster
cazzy11 · 28/08/2010 16:22

thanks mrs r I know everything you say is right.my friends tell me the same. I need to dfind some inner strength and do whats right and end it. Its like he got a spell over me i dont know. He is just a liar who dont even know the truth and hides everything from me.

My options are hassled,either i stay with him and be a doormat forever and unhappy or i grow a backbone and chuck him. With him gone i can still afford the rent etc as i working full time. This is my third child and im only 10 weeks gone.He told me he thought he was infertile and look what happened i ended up pregnant.

OP posts:
Original poster
cazzy11 · 28/08/2010 16:24

well madonnawhore I know your right. I think cos im so trusting and i believe him he uses this to his advantage knowing he can talk his way out of anything. He be the one to go as the place is in my name so i will just chuck his stuff out if it comes to it

OP posts:
Hassled · 28/08/2010 16:25

Do you have enough binbags Wink? It sounds like you know what you need to do - the best of luck with it.

Original poster
cazzy11 · 28/08/2010 16:27

I know what i need to do now i got to the hard bit and do it.Then i can get on with my life thanks

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 28/08/2010 16:43

Good luck Cazzy!

Original poster
cazzy11 · 28/08/2010 16:45

thankyou x

OP posts:
booyhoo · 28/08/2010 16:49

he is a cheat cheat cheat cheat. and if e isn't cheating he is certainly lying to you. he is not on daing sites to see if you are on them. tehre are countless dating sites, how on earth would he ever know which ones to look on for you? he is lying and you are right to be suspicious. dump him now. i note you rae pregnant, thes is still no reason to put up with a cheat. you deserve better.

Original poster
cazzy11 · 28/08/2010 16:51

Well im not on them so i dont know why he thought that was an excuse. He is doing something he shouldnt be thats for sure and he off sex too now and has been for four weeks so somethings not right. I do deserve better yeah your right.
Thanks its nice to know its not just me being paranoid

OP posts:
Lucy83 · 28/08/2010 17:00

Hiya - if you need to be a 100% sure he is lying to you, have you considered joining the same dating websites under a false name with a fake profile & picture etc?? Then you could approach him via the site, proposition him and find out how he responds.

Might be worth it if it gives you something concrete you can confront him with.

MrsReality · 28/08/2010 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StudiousSal · 28/08/2010 17:02

No it's not you being paranoid Cazzy, he's probably meeting them, why else hide a sat nav, he's having his cake and eating it so to speak, I know just how you feel though, I loved my ex so much but I couldn't trust him at all, so I had to get rid of him, funny now though, he's on his own renting a room with his computer for company, as all the women he's met only meet him once and they don't contact him again, funny that he's not such a catch after all.

Get rid of him sooner rather than later or he'll drag you down, and your worth so much more, good luck

Original poster
cazzy11 · 28/08/2010 17:04

hiya lucy, although im sure hes lying to me cos all the signs and stuff he does etc tells me that, i would prefer to have concrete proof. Yeah maybe trying to catch him out is a good idea. thanks for that.
though mrs r is right too i should just chuck him out cos it all points to him being a lying cheat. You all give good advice,i guess im just scared of the heartache

OP posts:
SheWillBeLoved · 28/08/2010 17:05

You'll never regretting binning this waste of space. You aren't stupid, you know he is a lying shit. Your current DC's, and the little'un growing inside you deserve so much more than this pathetic 'man' as any type of role model for them. Good luck.

MrsReality · 28/08/2010 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.