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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Seriously!...... why do men do that?????

33 replies

HelenEmjay · 30/08/2005 11:40

Why is it my dp THINKS he could run our house and raise our kids better than me? why do men think that women just cant do a job anywhere near as good as they can? is it just my fella? he stood in the kitchen last night (the gleaming sparkly clean kitchen) and told me i hadnt managed to finish all the laundry as i dont manage my time well enough !!! im due to have our third baby in about 2 weeks and i am furiously cleaning the house all the time!!, i have to say normally i can be a little untidy but i always make sure its a clean house - i HATE dirt! He smiles at me and knows he's winding me up, but we must have discussed it for a good couple of hours! apparently i can 'make more time'!!!! if i planned my day better i can make more time and get more stuff done! are alot of men like this, or is my fella being a selfish pig??? maybe im being sensitive!??? its just really pi**ed me off, im proud of my house and ALL that i achieve, he just takes that all away with one mean comment! - sorry rant over!

OP posts:

flamesparrow · 30/08/2005 11:41

Thump him with a big spoon.

Then go on strike and tell him that he'd be able to do everything if he managed his time better.

Mum2girls · 30/08/2005 11:54

Tell him to stick it up his jacksy along with a mop so he can clean the floor - just to make sure he's making the most of his time.

bootsmonkey · 30/08/2005 11:59

Has he just been on a time management course at work....?

Original poster

HelenEmjay · 30/08/2005 12:02

HAHAHAHAHA thanks girls! - they were my thoughts exactly! - but it was at the back of my mind if it was me being too sensitive or not! - LOL i just hate the way SOME men (i know not all men are pigs!) think that they have there own little hotel to come home to where there laundry is all done, and there tea is ready and waiting for them, all they have to do is sit on there ar*e and suit themselves, i really dont mind being a SAHM and looking after things, but would it hurt to get some acknowledgement? - even a little bit would be nice!

OP posts:

Original poster

HelenEmjay · 30/08/2005 12:06

bootsmonkey - hahahaha i dont know! - its a possibilty! he does have a job where he has to manage his time, and work to tight deadlines, but seriously! - he has designated breaks and rights that his boss HAS to conform too, as we all know kids dont have any care or concern for mummys needs for a cup of tea in peace for five minutes before she looses the plot and cracks! he just plain and simple has NO idea how houses are run and kids are looked after! pig pig pig! - sorry still ranting.

OP posts:

mumtosomeone · 30/08/2005 12:07

my ex was like that!! if you managed your time better!!!
if i could I would then I could have some time to myself!!
I always say the children are more important than wnything then the house can be seen to if they dont like it tough. Plus ask him to do it for a couple of days!!
I wasnt well a few weeks back and did nothing at all...I am still catching up on ironing etc. hubby managed the washing bit that was it. The house was a mess!!!

Distel · 30/08/2005 12:07

When you are home from hospital put your feet up and do NOTHING for as long as he is off work. He will soon realise just how much you do.

Original poster

HelenEmjay · 30/08/2005 12:16

Well im having an elective c-section so he is going to have to manage taking ds1 to school and entertaining ds2 during the day plus all the usual housey stuff for a good while at least! i had an elective c-section with my last baby and he had to look after ds1 who was ony 2.5 at the time and so no school runs involved or anything, and i had stayed in the hospital for about 4 days altogether, and when i came home, my dp had left ds1 with my mum ALL the time, and my house was a wreck! the glass of water i had used to take some medictaion the night before i went in was still in the kitchen where i had left it! - he had done nothing!! and then said he was a bit p**sed off at picking us up in the morning as he hadnt done anything to the house and cant we wait there until the afternoon? he'd only bloody had half the week! this time it will be different or i will make sure he NEVER hears the end of it! he's got a bad case of lazy-git syndrome!

OP posts:

dyzzidi · 30/08/2005 12:27

You should ask him to write down his time management plan for the time you are in hospital so that he doesn't forget to do anything and has a comprehensive list of things that need doing.

men are so bloody stupid at things like this it really annoys me.

Good luck with the new baby and put your feet up girl!

newmumhelp · 30/08/2005 12:35

I was in hospital for 2 days when i had ds, and dp hadn't done the washing up for a day, and i went mad at him. He did it, and then was running around after me, making me drinks, food etc whenever i wanted. He has to remember, its not exactly a walk in the park having a baby. He should be looking after you, not telling you off for coming home too early as its 'inconvenient'. Git!!! Give him a slap.

Sexonlegs · 30/08/2005 13:06

I have to say my dh is generally pretty good, but the other day he had had lunch (about half an hour- he works from home) whilst I was running aroud the house. After taking a work call, he was sat on the sofa watching the b* cricket. I asked him what he was doing and he said that as he had only had half an hour before the call, he was now going to have another half an hour! The washing machine was needing emptying, as was the dishwasher, and I had to fly out to pick up dd from nursery! It makes me laugh - not. I cannot remember the last time I had an hours lunch break! I think the problem stems from his mum (eastern European)who is like a slave in their house. Her dh just sits on his a** whilst being waited on hand and foot!

Original poster

HelenEmjay · 30/08/2005 13:46

This is it!! - they do think they have every right in the world to sit on there ares on do what they want! i spent most of sunday afternoon bleaching and scrubbing the bathroom and all the doors and door frames upstairs and hoovering it all up there, i then came downstairs and drove to tesco's got soem food and came home and then prepared a nice chicken salad and desert, i didnt think it was much to expect that he washed the pots for me, but the next day he still hadnt and when i asked why, this sparked a row as he said while i was doing all that, he had done the front garden and put some architrives (sorry sp??)up around a new door we just got put in, and so he says it isnt much to ask that i say 'oh its ok hun you've been working, so i will wash up too!' cos i was just sat on my are all day wasnt i? WAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!! i really hate to be a moaning old cow, but i really really feel like im banging my head against a wall! - maybe i should do that literally - it might drown him out!

OP posts:

Sexonlegs · 30/08/2005 14:22

Oh fantastic HE, you made me laugh out loud! It is so re-assuring to know that this is going on in house-holds around the Country!
It is no wonder we are nagging old bags - the number of times I have to ask for something to be done, it would be quicker to do it myself (I usually do anyway!!)

Original poster

HelenEmjay · 30/08/2005 16:45

LOL! i think you have to laugh dont you? before you hack your own head off in despair anyway

OP posts:

Lio · 30/08/2005 17:13

Hilarious. Flamesparrow has the right idea - a really really big spoon though

Original poster

HelenEmjay · 30/08/2005 17:24

LOL will do!

OP posts:

mymama · 31/08/2005 13:30

Next time he wants a romp just tell him you haven't made time for that today .

anorak · 31/08/2005 13:37

When he comes home Friday kiss him on the cheek as you pass him at the front door, saying, I need a break. Back Sunday afternoon, hope your time management skills are up to it.

anorak · 31/08/2005 13:38

Oh and don't forget to leave the fridge empty.

morningpaper · 31/08/2005 13:55

OMG you just HAVE to get away for a weekend.

Explain that you would REALLY like to know how to manage your time better, so if he could run the house as he thinks correct and then keep a timetable for you to follow, that would be really helpful.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sexonlegs · 31/08/2005 20:33

Just PMSLing- what a wonderous idea! Can you imagine it! Please please trial it and let us know how you get on!

bambi06 · 31/08/2005 20:39

i went away WITH THE KIDS for a week to my parents and id left a couple of kids paint pots in the sink to be washed and guess what ...they were still there when i came back in exactly the same position..plus he hadnt touched the bathroom but told me about all the other stuff hed done that i`d asked him to do..see if you dont put it on a list they dont think to do it..selective blindness as well as deafness!!!!

Sexonlegs · 31/08/2005 21:30

OMG it makes me want to scream - I'm all fired up an' all as I have have had some wine! Bring it on!

HappyDaddy · 01/09/2005 09:10

HelenEmjay - your dp is right, though.

Passionflower · 05/09/2005 08:43

HD, right how???

Bet HEmjay's DP wouldn't like it very much if she marched into his place of work and criticised how he did it!

He's not her bloody boss, he's her partner.

When I had this row with my DH, I pointed out the above, and to give him credit he accepted that he was out of line.

IMHO I don't think you can have an imaculate house, and happy kids. They mess the place up in no time flat. Best thing to do is let the house go hang and get out down the park or beach.

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