The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Next Stop Sobriety!

[Mouseface]

Hello, welcome to thread number six!!

I'm Mouse and, thanks to these threads, I quit the booze on August 2nd 2010.

This truly is a fantastic source of support for anyone who wants it! Full of real, honest, everyday people who are all at different stages of quitting the booze, cutting down or being long term sober.

There are no judgmental 'know-it-alls' here, whatever your circumstances, you will be supported all the way.

Come and meet the rest of The Brave Babes........

And, as before, here are the previous five threads for those who would like to see how this all began.

JWN's original thread (the reason we are all here)

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

I have my fingers crossed for you mouse re your nap!

My XP used to say that once I had had a drink my face would kind of change and he knew it was all over until I stopped, whenever that was. Ugh. He was such a lovely guy amd I really, really put him through it.

Red, perhaps we had the same look - I am imagining a crazed teenage look.

Prime - same here. Once I decided to press that button there was no stopping me until I physically could not get to more alcohol, because I had drunk the house dry, ran out of money etc. And I would always, always kid myself that I was in control. That by choosing to be out of control I had somehow got one over anyone who wanted to control me in some way.

Actually I do worry sometimes that not drinking is just another form of control freakery for me. But I guess its the least damaging option.

Should I be consider going to an AA meeting?

MsGee - I totally understand what you are saying about getting one over on people who tried to control me. But it's just total madness isn't it?! It's completely insane!!! I really identify with with what you have posted!

desire - I go to AA and it's fantastic. I would really recommend it. Have you looked into meetings in your area?

I have looked into meetings but only one in my town and it's a small town!! I have a difficult time thinking of myself as an alcoholic

Red, at least I am not alone in being mad then .

It does seem insane now but at the time I thought it was a very sensible, very cunning plan. I really thought that it showed somehow that I couldn't be controlled or something ... it seems a little lacking in logic now!

I had some very good therapy a few years back and the therapist got the measure of me quicky and pointed out that I am very self aware and able to analyse myself but that I do that rather than actually changing my behaviour. I did/do this to poor DH all the time ... yes I know that I am a total nightmare, but at least I am aware of it and understand why ... not really focusing on the fact that my behaviour wasn't acceptable.

Not sure if that is all part of the same skewed logic

I live in a small town too, there's only one meeting here so for a long time I only went to meetings in the next town along - about 10 miles away. Recently I thought, 'WTF am I worried about?! If there's anyone at the AA meeting that I actually recognise then they are there for the same reason anyway!' So I started going to that one too. And there was no one I recognised or knew. I sometimes see a couple of them around town but most of the people that attend this meeting live elsewhere anyway!

Are there more meetings in a nearby town that you could attend? Have you spoken to anyone on the AA helpline? They will often be able to arrange for someone to meet you before the meeting so it's not quite as scary!

MsGee that could have been written by me! I am also really self-aware/ able to analyse myself so I would ram that down people's throats - exactly like you said! I would even say 'Well, I told you I was a total nightmare when we met!' (Was v drunk when I met now DH!) Such bollocks! It's really weird to see someone posting exactly the things I have said and done!

McGee talk about your therapist hitting the nail on the head, think it's a common thing that we all have the ability to analyse ourselves, and do it over and over again but the problem is doing anything with the information:)

Red ... I used to say to DH - you knew what I was like when you met me! Poor thing.

My therapist also said that I chose to spend my life with DH because he was more accepting of my,ahem, flaws. And that the things that I moaned about him are exactly the qualities that have kept us together and enabled DH to deal with me. I hadn't figured that one out though (why would I, it wasn't about ME!).

Desire and Red - do you think that this self awareness / self analysis is a form of selfishness - we focus on some things about ourselves but do it in a vacuum so we don't see how we impact on others? I know that one dreadful episode of therapy I had was awful because it was a licence to naval gaze and actually made my behaviour much worse.

Now I am paranoid that I will do this here. I must have some kind of personality disorder, I find my flaws endlessly fascinating... .

I shouldn't joke should I?

"I have looked into meetings but only one in my town and it's a small town!"

So go to another town - you have a railway station, I am assuming? Or buses? Perhaps you have a car?

The majority of the country is in your position and yet alcoholics all over still manage to get to anywhere form one to seven meetings a week, depending on personal preference and need.

"I have a difficult time thinking of myself as an alcoholic" - that may be so - but do you have a difficult time acting like one or, like me, does it all come all too easily to you?

MIFLAW, no railway station, no car, limited bus transport, have spent last 15 minutes on AA website trying find meetings which coincide with when I am not at work and which I can reach by bus but no luck and I am being completely honest here!

You calling me a twat waste?

prime: Your friend obviously has good sense. I think I kind of expected everyone to be so impressed that I knew that I was behaving horribly that they would therefore let me off or something! I'll say it again - MAD!

desire - I hope that you are not not being scary there towards prime!

Yeah, I'll sign up to the 'I am a twat and I know it but have failed to do anything about it Club'. Catchy name don't you think?!

Right from now on I am going to focus less on chat about being a twat.

And just actually be less of a twat.

Ha ha good thinking MsGee - me too! And guess what, stopping drinking is a good way of avoiding the twatishness!

Hello twats!

What on earth have I missed for everyone to start using lanuage like that! Tsk!!

desire - Prime was not calling you a twat. I'm sure of that.

I feel so rested. A nap, shower, lunch and a snuggle with my baby boy. Wonderful. Homemade curry tonight. DH makes a super curry. I can't wait.

It's grey and cold and raining here. Bloody summer.

Pha!!

How are you this afternoon desire? How are you feeling after last night. I hope you are ok and not too fragile. Emotionally and physically. xx