The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Next Stop Sobriety!

[Mouseface]

Hello, welcome to thread number six!!

I'm Mouse and, thanks to these threads, I quit the booze on August 2nd 2010.

This truly is a fantastic source of support for anyone who wants it! Full of real, honest, everyday people who are all at different stages of quitting the booze, cutting down or being long term sober.

There are no judgmental 'know-it-alls' here, whatever your circumstances, you will be supported all the way.

Come and meet the rest of The Brave Babes........

And, as before, here are the previous five threads for those who would like to see how this all began.

JWN's original thread (the reason we are all here)

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

Mouse - so little sleep and so much pain, that's awful. Of course you're not being selfish. Wish I could do more to help, but I am thinking of you. Well done for not drinking when you were feeling so vulnerable.

Mouse, am so sorry that you are so tired and in pain. Its not a selfish rant at all, sounds very justified and you are dealing with a lot, so you need to vent.

I hope that there is a way that you can rest today, although that doesn't sound likely. Is there any chance you can have an early night and at least get your four hours in in the evening?

Can another physio help? Or can you do exercises at home to help.

Hope you and littlemouse are ok today.

Thanks Red and Wasindie

Yes. I don't normally do naps. I used to feel worse sleeping in the day but today, I will be going to bed when DS does at lunchtime.

DD has gone out with her friends so there is a chance of a bit of peace......

Morning everyone, wobbled and fell last night, went to my friends for dinner and had two glasses of wine (large)!

mouse - hope you get that snooze.

desire - ah well, these things happen. Best foot forward and don't over-analyse it. Just onwards with another day.

(It's weird that me and mouse also felt wobbly last night...)

Thanks MsGee and madddogs

My physio is a senior physio and has been with me for ages so knows my trigger spots IYSWIM. If anyone else 'worked' on me, they'd most likely do more harm than good. I have hydrotherapy tomorrow though so that will help.

Too sore to do my exercises.

Painkillers and a nap, shower and some lunch and I'll be good as new! Back to the usual Mouse before you know it!

JWN

Sorry to hear about the punch up. I've always thought that the problem with these meetings is they let bloody alcoholics wander in ...

It IS unpleasant, though, and scary. I think you just have to be grateful it's not you, and also allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised how RARELY these things happen, considering our target market.

desire

As Red said, just start again. It was 2 large glasses. Not a bottle or more which is what you would normally drink. IIRC.

So, did you get to the point where you thought sod it, I can have a drink. I'm a bloody adult. I'll drink if I want to or did you think if your friend was drinking, it would be rude not to join her?

What made you change your mind?

For me it was always the sod it. I want to drink. I'm an adult, if you are drinking then I want to drink. Very much in a 'it's not fair' sulky teenager kind of way.

I think that fact that a) you ONLY had two drinks and b) you told us about them are really positive. You didn't have to tell us. We'd never have known. But you have admitted that you slipped last night.

That in itself is a HUGE achievement.

Plan your day away from booze again. Just like you have been doing. Keep going. You have done it before so you know that you can stop again.

boredom and because i could. that simple - not unhappy, not worried about anything - just because I could get away with it....

Silver

i'm sure loads of other people have already chipped in.

If you're bored, have you considered a jigsaw? Or a book? Because, from what I recall, there is nothing very exciting about drinking alcohol. Not after your 18th birthday, anyway.

Because you could? I hope you don't apply that principle too freely - there are lots of things I COULD do that would not be a good idea AT ALL if I actually did them.

It really comes down to your last point, doesn't it. "just because I could get away with it...." But you haven't got away with it, have you? Or else you wouldn't now be feeling like you've "messed up." Face facts - you don't need to "get away with drinking." It's not cocaine or heroin - it's legal. The government takes a cut out of the price, FFS! If you want to drink, if it makes you happy, then fill your boots, go for it. No one and nothing can stop you - just try not to drive or take on any public speaking engagements.

But if it doesn't make you happy, if you feel that to drink is to "mess up", if it depresses you, then you will never, EVER get away with it - and, just as a heroin addict chases the dragon, you will chase that elusive feeling of happiness and contentment and belonging into some very sordid, scary and unpleasant places indeed.

Hope today is going better.

What mouse said!

Morning MIFLAW. As always you have made me laugh. Bloody alkies!

JWN

Just in the interests of identifying:

I have only ever been to one meeting in plumstead and it was cut short because someone threw a chair ...

I used to be secreatry at the Tuesday meeting in Peckham. After one particular week, no one would sit in front of the long window down the side of the room as a disgruntled member put a rock through it from the outside ...

at Shoreditch Thursday about 6 years ago, the secretary (himself sober about 6 years at that point) had to be restrained by his co-secretary from lamping one of the other members ...

These things happen, I guess. But normally they don't - and they're certainly much rarer in AA meetings than in other get-togethers of alcoholics (like pubs in the early afternoon, some post office depots and even some weddings!)

Mouse my friend and I have been drinking together for almost 12 years and it's almost has become a necessary part of our friendship. I don't drink at home so should I as they say "take a break" from our friendship?

Desire

Yes.

Or you could just ask your friend whether (s)he would mind meeting in a cafe. You may well find that the "necessity" is in your head and that (s)he just goes along with it because (s)he has no problem whatsoever with drink.

desire

What MIFLAW said is spot on. If you want to stop drinking, then YOU have to action to do so. And, if that means not going to dinner with your friend, then that has to happen.

If you meet this friend where there is no alcohol, like a cafe, what are the chances of you moving onto a pub or bar?

If the answer is no chance at all, ever, then there is no need to take a break from seeing your friend.

If the answer is maybe, we might end up in the pub, then you know what you have to do.

Not an easy thing to do but if they are a true friend, they will support you and respect your decision without question.

Glad I am not the only perpetual teenager here.
When I wobbled last night I did think (cue stroppy teenage stance) - "why not, no-one can tell me what to do, I am an adult (strong woman if feeling feisty) and I can f-in well drink if I want to". My sister used to say (many moons ago) that you could see the change in my eyes when I went into self destruct mode. It was always a conscious choice for me and I stupidly thought that made it better.

Then last night I thought, hmmn, yes strong adult, lets try to channel that into a positive choice for once.

Desire, I have no words of advice as I have stayed at home for the last 5 days, so not really been tested. Its good that you recognise that certain relationships are 'drinking' buddies and as MIFLAW said you can plan around that next time.

My worst drinking bud is my mum... however, as MIFLAW suggested, I suspect she will be relieved that I am not drinking. I know she drinks more with me than other people, so we trigger each other. Just a thought.

Thing is we always meet up at her house, we only ever go out about twice a year , if we were to meet in a cafe then it would end up us going to off licence and buying wine to take back to her house.

Reading over my last post it almost sounds like we are in some kind of romantic relationship but we most definitely are not:)

desire

'Thing is we always meet up at her house, we only ever go out about twice a year , if we were to meet in a cafe then it would end up us going to off licence and buying wine to take back to her house.'

You have your answer then.

Unless you are going to ask her to go without a drink, just for that one night, you have to take a break from her. Especially as you don't feel able to control your urge to drink with or around her.

Why don't you talk to her and see what she says? She might suprise you.

Nap time

Back later x

"if we were to meet in a cafe then it would end up us going to off licence and buying wine to take back to her house."

That will only "end up" happening if you walk to an off-licence, put wine on the counter, take your purse out of your bag, take your card out of your purse, give the shopkeeper your card, type in your PIN, put the wine in a bag, leave the shop, walk back to her house, go into the house, and drink the wine.

These things DON'T "just happen" - YOU DO THEM!

I used to feel like there was an electro-magnet in pubs and every time I walked past it latched onto the keys in my pocket and dragged me in.

Because I was a drunk.

These days I am still an alcoholic but I am no drunk and the magnet no longer works. In fact, now I think about it, it must be located in the Stella pump, because even when I do go into pubs these days, I stay and then leave without buying or drinking any alcohol.

FWIW ALL my meetings with friends used to end up in pubs or bars - but I have only had to drop one friend as a result of stopping drinking. Because he is an alcoholic.

In fact, that's not even true. I haven't dropped ANY friends.

But a couple have dropped me. Because I can no longer be relied on to drink pint after pint of ale in dark barrooms while the world carries on outside.

all my other friends are happy to be with me because we now go to a wider variety of places together.

(Those are the non-drunks, obviously.)

Am so frustrated but just had a thought, instead of deciding to "take a break" maybe I should tackle this problem the same way I tackle the alcohol, one day at a time.
Decide that today I will not drink and that today I will not call to my friends house??

Hello desire, I think you need to do whatever works for you - so if that means one day at a time in regards to your friend then do it. As you get a bit more comfortable in your sobriety you might think of other ways to handle it. You are doing really well though - keep going!