The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Next Stop Sobriety!

[Mouseface]

Hello, welcome to thread number six!!

I'm Mouse and, thanks to these threads, I quit the booze on August 2nd 2010.

This truly is a fantastic source of support for anyone who wants it! Full of real, honest, everyday people who are all at different stages of quitting the booze, cutting down or being long term sober.

There are no judgmental 'know-it-alls' here, whatever your circumstances, you will be supported all the way.

Come and meet the rest of The Brave Babes........

And, as before, here are the previous five threads for those who would like to see how this all began.

JWN's original thread (the reason we are all here)

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

JAB

Thank you

For me, it's good and bad days. Some days I'll get to 9pm and realise I've not thought about a drink once.

Other days I'll clock watch. Like last night. We had friends over for dinner. They went out to the pub whilst I cooked.

I could've easily snuck a glass of wine in. No-one but me would know, I could wash the glass and put it away etc....

They were all drinking so the smell on me would be masked by them.

Oh, I thought about it. A lot. It's easy to wobble for me. To think balls to this. I'm having a drink! I'm an adult etc.....petulant child that I am.

But why do it? Why put myself back to sqaure one. Nights like that are the dangerous ones for me. If I had a drink last night, it wouldn't have been 2 glasses.

It would've been 2 bottles. And it would continue today and tomorrow and the next. I'd start 'sober' again on Monday.

So, in short, yes. I do get urges and I'm still tempted. Not as bad as at first. I can see the bigger picture.

I prefer the view of myself and my life through sober eyes.

KEEP BUSY!!! You'll see that a lot here but it works! Spend the time you would drinking doing something else. Especially with a new baby girl!

stamps high-heeled foot, flicks hair and flounces off!!

JAB, I would say from my own experience that the answers to your questions are Yes, a bit, and yes.

Yes, I have found that over time the urge to drink has lessened. It has reduced in frequency, and it has reduced in duration, but I do not think it has reduced in strength. So, in the first couple of weeks I would be desperate for a drink (usually about an hour before the time I would normally start drinking), and when I had that desperate urge it would last for a long while. And part of what made me feel so bad was that I thought that the desperation would stay with me until I had a drink, whereas in fact if I could manage through the most acute phase, then I could get into a 'just wanting a drink mildly' phase that I was more able to cope with.

I think that now I still get some very strong urges but I have disrupted the pattern that made me crave a drink at the same times every day, and because I have learnt that the craving doesn't last forever I have learnt some better ways of dealing with it / distracting myself until the strongest part of the craving passes (a bit like waiting out a contraction (although a bit longer time span)- where it is agonising at the time, but a couple of minutes later you are in no pain at all). I think that the 'pattern breaking' part for any change of habit (addiction or not) takes about 3 weeks.

Unfortunately, in my experience so far, there is a bit of having to learn to live with it. I can anticipate times and circumstances that I think might be dangerous and I can plan strategies to keep myself sober. Sometimes it happens unexpectedly (like for me yesterday evening when I was cooking) and that is where I have found this site a real life line. If you go to AA, often someone will give you their phone number and you can call them when those random events occur.

Do I think about alcohol less? Yes. I think more about the utter stupidity of my drinking and the madness of my behaviour. I think about times when I know I might struggle (and plan so that I can protect myself and use the support that is available to me). I think about how my experiences might help other people. But that is nothing compared to how I used to plan, scheme and plot about etting my next drink. Or know exactly how much booze was in the house and where it was hidden. Or clock how much of a bottle dp had drunk and whether it was more than I'd had. etc. etc. It did take a while for that overactive part of my thinking to quieten down. So although I spend a fair bit of time thiking about being and keeping sober, it is much less than it was in the early days, and much much less than the time i spent thinking about getting a drink.

thanks for the advice miflaw - i have to say my instincts are screaming at me to never be alone with him!, he is one big fella!, i will go to another meeting, i have found an evening one i can fit in - tbh though, i still feel very focused and strong in my resolve, even after missing a weeks worth of meetings - not going to be blase though!

Great post mouse.

jab - i echo what venus has said - i dont think about drinking as a matter of course now, and i am starting to really dislike the smell of it on other people, a good sign i hope!

Are we still friends? Please. You know your boyfriend doesn't fancy me. We were just messing around. You're my friend really. Please

its too late now you floozie!!!

im dialing jezza right now to ask for the 'all important lie detector test'!

And a paternity test

JWN, in relation to your much earlier post about the guy at your meeting, I did hear once that the quickest way to get someone to stop having a crush on you is to talk about vomit .

Apparently our brains are programmed to react so adversely to vomit that it completely over-rides the neural pathways that make people have a short-term crush. You will find that some very high profile management gurus use this technique towards the end of an intense programme where everyone in the audience is projecting their salvation onto them.

Don't let MIFLAW read this post though, we were getting on so well, and it would be a shame to spoil it.

YOU WENT THAT FAR!! , blimey, ive been chatting him up for weeks and i havent even had a grope!!

, wanders off wondering how to introduce the subject of vomit into the conversation!

Naw Jesus, you misunderstood me, it is to see whether I really am old enough to be his mother!

And are you?

You two are awful!! Leave the poor man be!

ooohhh young man!!!!

I step away from the computer for a morning and we're on paternity tests...

I'm struggling to read with Mickey Mouse on in the background so losing track of things but ...

Mouse - good to hear last night went well but sorry you are feeling so crap. I wondered if you were ok as you've been quiet lately. Just keep taking things an hour at a time. LittleMsGee hugs you and Nemo back and here is a from me.

JAB - I find that once I was past the first few days the tempation comes in fits and starts. I normally put DD to bed and immediately pour wine, so I have changed my routine and keep busy after putting her to bed which helps with that time. I'm very on my guard and it doesn't feel 'normal' yet if that makes sense. Venus put it beautifully (as always). Thinking about the first glass is much easier to bat away than scheming for the rest of the bottle(s) all night. I am so much more relaxed now I don't spend the evening thinking about how to get the next glass. In some ways it a relief.

Big waves to everyone else!

Right must return attention to DD but quick poo-update I tried a new tack with the ongoing saga today and acted very bored when DD started her 'withholding' antics and pointed out that it just means more nappy changes for her but it didn't bother me either way. Five minutes later we were naming, waving and flushing .

msgee - good tactic re poo-watch, i pointed out to one of my nephews at the weekend that i would not be me looking silly with my pjs on in the restuarant, if he didnt want to change that was up to him but we were going regardless - worked like a charm!!

MsGee - great tactics!!! Ignoring her 'bad' behaviour will result in her wanting praise. So, she'll 'be good' = pooing on the loo!!

Win win!!

I've gone from this to this and look, there's the little cherub MIFLAW gazing lovingly up at me

oh you really are pushing it now lady!!

Re cravings (and back in the room ...)

Cravings per se dwindle to practically nothing within not very much time at all, though, without laying myself open to charges of pushing AA, I would say this depends a lot on how much "work" you are prepared to do on yourself apart from drying out - as yet another AA slogan says (God, I'm on fire today), "if you want to find out why you drank, just stop drinking!" In other words, I think it can be pretty grim if you stop drinking but stay exactly the same person.

Thoughts of a drink, on the other hand, or "wouldn't it be nice?" fades but will crop up at the oddest of moments. You just need to remind yourself that it might suit some, but you know from experience that it doesn't suit you - remember the reality, not the dream.