privacy and human rights,and good manners within marriage

[alwayssearchingforanswers]

I take issue with posters on the relationships forum about looking at partners phones and laptops for evidence of affairs.
This strikes me as fundamentally wrong and against human rights and the dignity f the partner,not to mention poor behaviour on the part of the snooper.
I was always taught never to open other peoples mail,read diaries,even read postcards unless you have asked.
I find it ridiculous that people on here encourage women to sleuth their partners phone and pc when they have no right...affair or not.
Marriage is a relationship,just because the relationship has gone wrong does not mean you can stoop to foul means....you should be ashamed of yourselves.
Pathetic,actually

But if someone IS hiding something from you then what can they expect? People need to know the truth so they can make a decision about how to live their lives, whether to carry on the relationship or not.

You think having your phone sneakily looked at is against your human rights & dignity?

Maybe you should swot up on real violations of human rights and put it in perspective.

No,because you are responsible for your own standard of behaviour...talk to them about it ,try to get to the bottom of it by all means and then make a judgement

I have a problem with all human rights violations,meglet,big and small and all shades imbetween....not sure what your point is...

Anyone deceiving their partner loses any right to privacy.

What about the women who have found child porn on a partner's computer?

I would have no hesitation to check up on my husband if my instincts gave me cause for concern, despite the fact that he has never given me reason do do so in 25 years.

It would bother different people to different degrees.... but if they are happy for you to see their phone and have said you can look at it even when they are not there I guess that would be ok tho wouldn't do it myself

Bored are we? Thought this was a page for assistance with relationships not a pick on posters page. Get off your high horse!

Actually I'm inclined to agree with you. Even though i think your post is a bit.... Trying to think of the right word. Strident? Self-righteous maybe? (are you feeling wronged?)
But I do agree it is just wrong to go through someone else's mail, phone, email - whatever.

how sanctimonious you sound

I say...to all the cheating liars and deceivers

if you wish to try and make a mug of your partner, then your "human rights" are invalid

these fuckers lie and lie, because they can

sometimes to only way to kick against the "you are mad and paranoid, I am not boffing that 25yo from the office" is to take it into your own hands

and I would never judge anyone for doing that

the end (validation that your suspicions are correct, whatever) justifies the means, IMO

OP, you should really educate yourself about emotionally abusive relationships, narcissism and gaslighting

because really, you sound judgemental and pretty naive

Yes isn't it against someone's 'human rights' (vague, elastic concept) to deceive them to the point where they don't trust their own instincts and think they're going mad/are stupid?

Malificence...a cheating partner does not lose their right to privacy and that is what I am saying.

Those people who lose that right is if a crime has been committed such as child porn etc...that is different entirely and if someone is thought to be at serious risk to themselves or others.

All other reasons are just excuses to find out and get revenge or bullying tactics.

I too am a very private person.

But I really wouldn't mind DH knowing exactly what I have googled, what is on my mobile, what is in my diary, who I have met up with etc.

There is not one thing DH doesn't know about me. (He was there at the conception and births on our three DC FGS!)

If he wanted to snoop on me, fine. This does not go for anyone else on the planet...because I am only married to DH.

And I reserve the right to "snoop" on him. And spend money he has earned without his prior permission.

get revenge ?

bullying tactics ?

what about the person who has seen all the signs of emotional withdrawal by their partner, has hunches something is wrong but get told they are paranoid, hear half-hearted rumours that their P is playing away

so they, nicely, ask their P

who lies again, manipulates even more so the poor sap doesn't know their arse from their elbow

then they question themselves, question their sanity and carry on trying make a dead-in-the-water relationship work

this can go on for several years...all the time the deceivee losing more and more of their confidence

many people in this position have only found the proof they required to make a decision about their own future by snooping on a phone bill, for example

you are very wrong to judge them

No...I think you need to grow up a bit AF....marriage is just a relationship ...not an excuse to try to own other people ..and exact revenge when the marriage goes wrong.

Abuse is again a different issue than infidelity

OP, you say, "... and if someone is thought to be at serious risk to themselves or others."

This is just why people disagree with you. Do you not see the harm that some of these partners are doing? Can you really think that someone has the right to keep a private life within a marriage which impacts on someone else's emotional, sexual and financial health?

If you suspect someone of cheating and they deny it, you can literally feel like you are going crazy - intuitively you know the truth but your partner is insisting you are completely wrong.

In almost all of these cases (actually all that I can remember) the person posting, who has looked at a text message or email, has been absolutely right in her intuition that her partner has been cheating. Do you really think she should remain in ignorance? Do you think that, if asked nicely, most partners will admit to cheating?

where are you gtting this "revenge" business ?

unless you are referring to a particular thread that is active at the moment

now that is not a general scenario, and that woman is out for revenge, I think

OP...would you rather that someone remained the dark about the true nature of their betraying partner....often for very long periods of time ?

I see repeated infidelity and gaslighting as abuse, OP

do you not ?

You need to be in full possession of the facts before you can make an accurate decision about what to do.

Rooble...I think irritated is the word...so many women on here are self righteous and bullying,I am fed up with it it's ridiculous

And I do think we should have standards of behaviour for ourselves...that carry on in spite of a partner behaving poorly

I think if someone does not have the good manners to not shag someone behind their partners back then they are unlikely to have the good manners to admit to being a cheater when questioned by their OH. Thus they have lowered the bar for manners in their relationship.

if I suspected my partner cheated on me, risked my emotional and sexual health...you can bet your bottom dollar I would have a shufty at his phone etc