Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

is hesex addict or am i the problem

139 replies

womblingfree1970 · 04/08/2010 22:18

my h always wants sex.will text me from work asking if he can have sex that night(not in those words tho).When we are sat in bed watching tv he will be constantly fondling me and touching my genitals(over or under my clothes).I ask him to stop and he looks at me as if I'm strange.We have sex several times a week and I wold describe it as adventurous.But he just seems to want more and more.Even when I'm ill.Surely this can't be normal

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 07/08/2010 11:57

OK, clearer now, thank you.

You do realise, don't you, that regardless of what he says is "normal", you are entitled to say no to something you don't like? If you were the only woman in the world who didn't enjoy it (which you really aren't), it would still not be your duty to let him. Your duty to set him free so he could find a relationship more suited to his appetites, perhaps. But he doesn't want that. He wants to go on harassing you.

He really does not sound nice.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 07/08/2010 11:58

So do you still have a sexual relationship (other than harrassment)? Sorry not trying to be nosey but can't get my head around your current situation.

You said that one of the reasons for staying was because if you left he would be allowed unsupervised contact. What would your concern be about that?

womblingfree1970 · 07/08/2010 11:58

His atttitude is there no harm in asking.But there is ifits inappropriate to be asking and is uncaring.

The other issue is the type of sex he wants is pornstyle sex not loving sex.It is very rare that we have lvoing sex although I have tried to talk and instigate it.

Also he still is controlling and emotionally abusive.So thats why I'm now divorcing him.

So aprt from contact with regards to him picking up children and arranging contact I am trying to keep it to a minimum.

OP posts:
ElephantsAndMiasmas · 07/08/2010 12:00

sorry x-post

womblingfree1970 · 07/08/2010 12:11

'So do you still have a sexual relationship (other than harrassment)? Sorry not trying to be nosey but can't get my head around your current situation.

You said that one of the reasons for staying was because if you left he would be allowed unsupervised contact. What would your concern be about that?'

No since about a month ago there is now no relationship at all and no harrassment.

to answer the second part I was concerned at the time as he had just raped me and so I would of course have concerns.So that was with reference to his behaviour back then.Thats one of the reasons I chose to stay back then.

I have no concerns about unsupervised contact now.

OP posts:
ElephantsAndMiasmas · 07/08/2010 12:38

Ok then sorry for the interrogation.

Really hope you stay strong and try to have some fun from now on. He's not your responsibility and his feelings are his own. You don't have to look after him in any way.

womblingfree1970 · 07/08/2010 12:45

Thanks just gotto stay strong

OP posts:
ItsGraceActually · 07/08/2010 13:46

There is something I've tried to say on other threads, too, Wombling, but it must be coming out wrong as I usually get shot down. So please bear with me!

Throughout your thread, you seem to be thinking almost as if a marriage is a criminal trial and you are the judge. There's this whole business of "Is groping bad enough to divorce him?" and "He did the therapy, so he's won reprieve (and may come back)" - do you see what I mean?

Unfortunately, many people think that way - so, when asking for support, you'll find a lot of jury members putting you in the position of judge.

The truth is more simple. A marriage is a partnership of mutual love, respect & support. A marriage exists to enhance the lives of everyone in it. If it doesn't do this successfully, the marriage has failed. "You make me unhappy/nervous/frightened" or "You repulse me" are good enough reasons in themselves to end it.

This is why the 'unreasonable behaviour' fault was introduced. I'm sure a great many abuses have been covered up with behaviours such as snoring, going out too much and sexual incompatibility. 'Unreasonable behaviour' was introduced to save people from having to pick away at a harmful relationship like this. Remember, the reason you give is never published.

I hope someone will come along and help me explain this more clearly. This is not a criminal trial, you are not a judge, you only have to know the answer to: "Are you happy to be married to this person?"

ItsGraceActually · 07/08/2010 13:52

Adding two more bits, then I'll go & do my housework!

1] Even if Kerry was right - he was just physically affectionate & you hated that - it would still be a reason for divorce, because it's a fundamental incompatibility.

2] I have been accused of saying people should divorce if they're just 'not getting on' for a while. That's bollocks. People do NOT leave marriages lightly, whatever the Daily Mail wants you to think! I'm saying you KNOW when you're too unhappy. From there on in, there's no trial, only a marriage that has failed.

dittany · 07/08/2010 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

womblingfree1970 · 07/08/2010 14:11

Its grace actually

Completely understand what you are saying and you are right.the fact of the matter is I'm unhappy I don't want to be in this marriage anymore.

As for grounds.As I said before I never let him move back in so we have lived seperately for more than 2 years now.So I don't need grounds.I can do it on that.

OP posts:
ItsGraceActually · 07/08/2010 14:13

I agree, Dits, and I wish it were more straightforward for women to press charges. As far as this thread's concerned, though, OP is married to her rapist/beater/molester and feels anxious about whether she's right to end the marriage.

I'm trying to point out that being unhappy & scared around your husband is sufficient reason to end it, regardless of other factors.

ItsGraceActually · 07/08/2010 14:15

Oh, yes! Sorry, I did read that, Wombling - you don't need any 'reasons' at all (though you've got plenty!)

Fantastic :) So when are you serving the papers?

womblingfree1970 · 07/08/2010 15:28

Well I'm going to get legal advice as soon as kids are back at school.Then I'll start sering.Wish I coul;d do it now but will have to wait til then.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page