is hesex addict or am i the problem

[womblingfree1970]

my h always wants sex.will text me from work asking if he can have sex that night(not in those words tho).When we are sat in bed watching tv he will be constantly fondling me and touching my genitals(over or under my clothes).I ask him to stop and he looks at me as if I'm strange.We have sex several times a week and I wold describe it as adventurous.But he just seems to want more and more.Even when I'm ill.Surely this can't be normal

Gaslighting.

I wouldn't talk to him anymore tonight. He's trying every single tactic he can to unsettle you and manipulate you into begging him to come back. He must feel very powerful when he's able to control you, and for this reason alone doesn't want to lose you OR let you get "the upper hand", as he sees it.

What an utter lowlife '

Wombling, you are feeling low at the moment but I really believe things will improve.

When I got my divorce, I felt a total failure. My X made me feel that his drug-use, neglect and so on and so on were my fault. I didn't want enough of what he wanted (be that sex, drugs, whatever). I went to get the divorce papers at the Court and felt totally miserable. I asked the secuity guard where I went for papers and he (bless him) said, "I can't believe anyone would want to divorce you". For once, the right thing came out of my mouth and I said, "actually, I'm divorcing him". I felt just that little bit better. And, every day gets easier after that. I am now married to a great man (loving, kind and supportive) and looking forward to having a new baby in November.

Things will get better. If this man really wants counselling, he can go with you to get counselling on how to co-parent after splitting up. If he's willing to be honest.

The DV counselling was ordered through social services.

As for sexual abuse.He sexually assaulted me.Was a form of rape as he used threats to take kids if I didn't comply.

Ignore Kerry Wombling, she hasn't read the thread and is being very unhelpful.

Of course since his treatment he hasn't sexually assaulted me or done any physical abuse so I have nothing on him so to speak.Its all either sexual fondling or emotional abuse.

I reported the seual assault/rape to womens aid from there social services became involved from there he had treatment for his sexual assault and also for DV.

The police said I could prosecute but I chose not to.Didn't want to put myself through that.What he actually did was degrading.

Because he engaged well in treatment(or so I thought) I chose to stand by him.

Social services have said that basically he doesn't pose a threat to the children and that he is more of a risk to me.

And of course since treatment he hasn't done anything that I could report.Its all emotional abuse or sexual groping.

Dittany

Yes you are right I should never have given him a chance after the rape but at that time I thought he was really trying to put things right and the authorities said the same.They actually told me he had engaged well in the process and at that time I thought it was the right thing to do.And the authorities were happy for me to return to the relationship if I so wished.

I now know it wasn't the right thing to do.

As for support now.No family.One friend and I have been going to counselling but had to stop for the moment because of school holidays.

But one thing I've learnt is that abused women do return many times but get strongr with each time they leave.

All the things I feared that kept me from leaving have diminished and I know I'm better off without him.

Just need a little support and to vent on here.

Yes you are right I am warn down.He a very manipulative man who puts evrything on me.

Or should I say I was a warn down person.i'm starting to change that.I was much weaker when he assaulted me

Yes I undestand what you are saying and believe me if I had a leg to stand on with stopping him seeing the children then I would.

Unfortunately if you read into alot of cases with abused women that it is rare that they stop the abuser from seeing the children unless there is clear evidence he has done something to them.

Thats why women find themselves in such difficult situations.Sometimes they even give custody to the abuser.

I have been told that my H can have unsupervised contact with the children and there's nothing I can do about it.That was one of the reasons for me giving the relationship another go.

He was only ever deemed a risk to me not them.

Do you think he is a risk to them? It sounds like you might. Why's that?

Second to ignore Kerry, she lives in some kind of blissed out sex paradise where every touch is like magic, and can't understand that any woman could not want to jump their H's bones any hour of the day or night. Hers is nicer than yours I guess...

No I don't believe he's a risk to the kids.Just to me.He has never done anything to the kids.

I was answering the question below that was put to me.

'please, please, please do not ever let him back in your life except as (because I guess it is true...not that he deserves it) as a father to your children'

So thats why I made those comments you quoted.

What I actually meant is I know some women use there children against their Ex and try to turn kids against them and I'm not that type of person.Just because he's done horrible things to me he's never done them to the children.

One of the reasons I took him back after all the stuff was because he's a good father.

I understand what you have said.

It was me who initially reported him to authorities.And the authorities assessed him and said he is a risk to me not to children.

I have also spoken to solicitors about this and they have said that the courts will go with what the authorities say.So he would be allowed unsupervised contact.

If I try to prevent contact (as some mothers do) then the courts can then and have given custody to father.

So I have made sure that I have done everything I can.

The actual rape was repoted to the authorities .So they tookthis into account.

s for the porno sex in the tent.As I initially said I'm only guessing.He never said what he wanted.He jsut tried to initiate sex and I said no.And he didn't persue it.

But I have a hunch that he may have tried to push it further if I had said yes.But again I'm just guessing.

As for the porn he has stopped using it since authorities were involved.

The issues now are that he still tries to fondle and grope(like when watching TV) and ask for sex alot(like texting from work).

And for me this is not acceptable

It's a good thing he has enough self-awareness to take no for an answer, knowing as he did that you would have had the police on him again - you so did the right thing there.

If you don't live together, though, how does he have the opportunity for the groping? He may come round to see the DCs, but then he should go away again. Sitting watching tv with him is giving him too much slack and, in his own warped view, no doubt, mixed messages about your relationship status. And if he's bothering you by text you can complain to the police, you know; harassment by text/phone is an offence. They won't dismiss it lightly coming from an ex-rapist!

I need to clarify.After authorities were involved I never allowed him to move back into house.The authorities were happy for him to move back but I wanted to take baby steps by allowing him to stay over and go on family outings and family holidays to see if he had made eonugh changes and stopped being abusive before allowing him to move back.So he was fully aware that we were trying to reconcile.

But since then I have discovered that he still gropes and acts abusive in ways that I find unacceptable and something that I have addressed with him.But he contnues to act in this way and so thats why I posted.As he says I have the problem that its normal to grope etc and thats its normal to get sextexts.But I find it too much.I feel like an object.He wants sex alot and will ask when I'm ill.He doesn't persue it when I'm ill but its the fact that he asks.Its uncaring and inappropriate.

Again the tent thing.He never persued but its the fact that he asks.