I think posters should feel free to post what ever testimonies they think will help the OP, even if it's perhaps what she doesn't want to hear. I agree that it helps no-one if an OP asks for advice with a situation and everyone replies that the OP is doing just fine and that her methods are clearly working, when it is patently obvious from the majority reaction on this thread that the OP could usefully rethink some of the bargains she has made.
What helps most in situations like these are the testimonies from people who have lived through the same experience, or similar. If thise posters can tell the OP that their decisions helped them move to a happier place, then I think that's pretty much delivering what the OP asked for. It's not for you SassySusan to berate posters who are acting in good faith here - or for that matter the counselling profession, because like every poster, every counsellor and every church minister, there is good and bad advice.
I am pleased Dr.Mac that these posts are making you think and I hope you will keep returning to the thread to read some of them again.
I would also add that my own testimony in terms of recovery after infidelity is validated by the author the wonderfully compassionate poster Teaandcakesplease refers to, Dr. Shirley Glass. I'd recommend Glass's book "Not Just Friends" Dr.Mac because this will really help you and your H, when he is ready. Shirley Glass devoted her entire life as a Christian and a therapist helping couples and individuals to recover from infidelity.
Her goal was to help people to heal, both personally and in their marriages and her suggested route has helped thousands of people to achieve happiness in the wake of disaster. As stated, it's the route we took and we emerged from this experience with an even better marriage and more personal happiness as individuals.
In summary, I will continue to offer posters my own experiences of what tends to work in the wake of an affair and will not be deterred from doing so.