Absolutely fuming, please help me calm down before I do something.

[TrappedinSuburbia]

Came home today lunchtime, went to speak to ds (16)who was lying in bed (ie get the washing hung out that I asked you to do before I left this morning).
He stayed in his room the rest of the day, I was up in the next room tidying ds (5) room for a while, not a peep from next door, assumed he was on computer or such like.
Roll on past dinner time, shout them both for dinner.
Roll onto ds (16) leaving for football training (im out in front garden) followed by his girlfriend!
I say 'where did you come from' to which she said 'i've been here all day' as they were both leaving.

What would be your conclusion.
Mine is they were up in his room bloody shagging, I did not see her in the room and the way he was lying in bed there could have been someone in it (I obviously wasn't thinking along those lines though).
I'm bloody raging, the total disrespect, younger ds could have walked in, not to mention teenage pregnancy.

I love that the people who have rules for their teenagers are told they are naive by the people who believe that their teenagers never lie to them because they aren't "forced" to.

well thats your own opinion. you are perfectly entitled to call us all irresponsible mothers letting our teenagers have sex.

tbh, i wouldnt have loud enough sex for anyone to hear at any point in my life, i just prefer not to do it with other people in the house, im not sure what the point is about your sons GF's 4 year old sister? she could just as easy walk in on her parents having sex....much more disturbing?

What is the rush to have sex at 16? Really don't understand that. What is the percentage of 16 yr olds who are sexually active? I know that 25% of 16 yr old school leavers can't read but I have no idea how many are shagging.

colditz I might be wrong but I would be very surprised if everything kicked off when you were 16. I assume that there must have been issues before then. I have no reason to assume that ds will want to move out at 16 but who knows? I hope he will want to live independently at some stage .

Yes I do mind, I said I know im not daft enough to be able to stop him.

Idiots!

More likely to lie though surely ..if mums gonna blow a fuse ..

skidoodly, id be worried if my DD's didnt lie to me, quite boring lives they lead if they're telling the truth all the time...

I wonder what the average age of the posters in favour of being sexually active at 16 is on this thread? I imagine under 30

36 here. I would expect dds to be safe & careful, if they insist on having sex at 16. Yes, at this time (eldest only 6) I would be happy for her do it in her room. I suppose in a way, at least if I am around, she is les likely to be forced into doing it before she is ready/less likly to be forced to do something she doesn't feel comfortable with.

My friends used to bunk school & have sex at home.

You can have sex at 16 & be safe. I never had so much as a pregnancy scare, no need to take a test until we were TTC (I was 28 by then) not all teenage sex leads to pregnancy.

I would expect her to have respect for my house rules. There would be certain things I would expect from her in return for understanding.

I'm under no illusions that ds tells me the whole truth all the time ..some things I don't want to know thanks

So you are deliberately stopping him having sex at his home, with the conviction that he won't be allowed to have sex at his girlfriend's home, with the knowledge that he will still have sex.

So the only option you leave this young couple is to have sex in secluded public places, and this is preferable?

And we're the idiots?

She didn't say she didn't mind, she said she couldn't stop him.

You can't stop your kid taking acid down the park. Does it follow that you should have a talk with them and explain that it is safer to take hallucinogens at home (which it is) and that they should let you know when they're taking them so you can be around if the trip goes bad?

"skidoodly, id be worried if my DD's didnt lie to me, quite boring lives they lead if they're telling the truth all the time..."

exactly

so a teenager lying to their parents isn't proof of a suffocating parent, it's just part of them asserting their independence and trying to get away with shit they know they probably shouldn't be doing, or they should be doing but want to keep private, or whatever else.

Ah yes the lying as well.
Always been open with him about alcohol, given a few beers here and there but he said he didn't like the taste of it..... yeah till he came home with his shirt that he'd puked all over.
Obviously likes the taste of something other than lager!
I do try to do the right thing, thats all I can do!
Anyway, continue the fight, im off to bed, important meeting tommorow.

MollieO, I was sexually active at 16, but no one really knew, because it was something that was between us. I grew up with a healthy attitude to sex & therefore didn't need to hide in parks to do it, like my friends. I didn't have a reputation at all, because I didn't share my 'exploits'

I am now married to him, him being my 1 & only. So having sex at 16 does not automatically = reputation!

Do you think they won't have sex in secluded public places just because they can also do it at home?

Doesn't sound like any teenager I've ever been.

also, does it really matter whether you think your teenager is mature enough for sex? no.

the ONLY opinion that matters is their own. and thats what id like to get across to my DDs.
if they want to spend uni shagging away, as long as they use a condom, thats their decision.
if they wnat to stay celibate until marriage, again, their decision.

we have a legal age because there needs to be a cut off point/deterrant for something that produces a child.

after that, its up to them entirely. if my child wants to masturbate in their own home, thats fine by me, why not sex?

there's not a change I'd have been under a railway bridge in effing November at the age of 17 if there was even the slightest chance of a warm bed!

i agree that i'd be angrier about him staying in bed all day and not following basic instructions.

why not just explain some ground rules- always ask before girlfriend comes over, respect others who are in the house, use a condom and no lounging around in bed all day.

look, lets just agree to disagree.

sex is fun.

teenagers want to do it.

if they have a condom and arent being presssured to do it then they should do it.

because its fun.

and an orgasm is cheaper than drugs for fun.

i have a method if someone spends all day in bed. its called the List Of Chores As Long As Your Arm method.

wow Im quite surprised byt his thread. I would have thought more paretns would have been upset about 2 16 year olds having sex while younger brothers/sisters are around and mum!
Im sorry but Im with OP on this. If my girls choose to have sex, there isnt a lot I can do about it but I woulod not show them its ok by allowing them to do it in my house.
My DDs are very young right now and yes may seem very out of date but i woould like my girls to be married before they choose to give away something so precious and something that is so mentally and emotionally involved.
Can many of us say that if we had sex at 14,15,16 years old that now as adults we thinks its the right choice? Sure as hell wished i had waited

I sure as hell don't wish I had waited - what the hell for? It's a hymen. It's a flap of skin. it stands between you and fantastic orgasms. There's nothing special about it.

Why the hell would I want it to remain? It wasn't precious, it was a bloody nuisance unitl I got rid of it. My only concern about first time sex was that it would hurt when my hymen broke, and it did a bit, but we handled it well. My first time was loving and my boyfriend was awesome - so why not? just because my mother couldn't face that I wasn't a little girl any more? I should have bowed down to her wish to keep me a child, malleable and under control? not on your nellie.

I had sex before I was 16, it was always fun and I don't regret a second of it. I had ds1 when I was 22, and ds2 three years later.

Early sex does not lead to teen pregnancy, lack of prospects leads to teen pregnancy.

Have joined MN just to post on this thread. I am completely gobsmacked at how many people would allow this to happen to their child. I have a 16 year old dd and if found out that she had spent the day in a boys bedroom, I would be fuming.

I fully understand OP, how you feel.

I lost my virginity at 15, I have regretted it ever since. I was far too young and gave up a uni place for him because I thought I was in love (surely he must have loved me he took away my virginity) or so I thought. I will not allow my dc to make those same mistakes.

16 is far too young, and if it was my daughter in his bedroom, I would be straight round to that house.

At 16, kids should be enjoying their education, being out with groups of friends, just larking around. Why do kids have to be adults asap, they never get thise teen years back.

Ridiculous.

Some people behave like their vagina is the unsullied gate of heaven instead of a squishy part of the body that gives pleasure when it's fiddled with.

there is too much taboo surrounding a woman's virginity. I didn't give my virginity to anyone - it wasn't property and even if it was I certainly didn't hand it over to a man!

What is special about being a virgin? If your first time is shit, just do it better next time, you haven't Ruined Sex Forever, for GOD'S SAKE!

and, completelygobsmacked, rest assured that your daughter will be working hard to assure you that she would never spend the day in a boy's bedroom, and also to make sure you never find out about the occasions she does.

Lgoingcrazy, I'm glad it's not just me. Only one of my daughters friends has had sex and all that poor girls friends, I'm sad to say, have lost all respect for her. I am lucky that i have a very open relationship with my daughter and she openly talks about anything. When her friend kissed her boyfriend for the first time and what it was like. She asks me about boyfriends that I had etc etc. At the moment I am happy that she is determined to get a good education, party with her friends (girls and boys, they always hang out in a big group) and generally enjoy life. She does not need to be having sex to have a great teenage life.

colditz I know my daughter is not having to assure me that she is not in a boys bedroom. I never allow her to be in a position that she would have to hide something from me. She tells me things that alot of girls could not possibly tell their mothers. I think the difference is I know what my daughter is doing and i trust her 100%, perhaps, if you have a teenager, you don't have that opportunity.