Absolutely fuming, please help me calm down before I do something.

[TrappedinSuburbia]

Came home today lunchtime, went to speak to ds (16)who was lying in bed (ie get the washing hung out that I asked you to do before I left this morning).
He stayed in his room the rest of the day, I was up in the next room tidying ds (5) room for a while, not a peep from next door, assumed he was on computer or such like.
Roll on past dinner time, shout them both for dinner.
Roll onto ds (16) leaving for football training (im out in front garden) followed by his girlfriend!
I say 'where did you come from' to which she said 'i've been here all day' as they were both leaving.

What would be your conclusion.
Mine is they were up in his room bloody shagging, I did not see her in the room and the way he was lying in bed there could have been someone in it (I obviously wasn't thinking along those lines though).
I'm bloody raging, the total disrespect, younger ds could have walked in, not to mention teenage pregnancy.

happyslapper that happened OH and I many times. cue lots of giggling as soon as the door was closed.

Christ, you need to chill.

He's 16, and he's having sex. Face up to it.

My mum did the "Not In My House" thing - so my boyfriend and I would wait until she was out and have a quickie. You honestly think he will suddenly change what he's doing because you've forbidden him??

Far better to sit down calmly and say you don't feel comfortable with it happening whilst your younger DC is around, and that next time she is coming over you want to be asked.

Make sure he's being safe about it, and don't pry into his life, or he will just block you out more.

Wow - your poor son.

As far as I can see he hasn't done anything (that you know of) and yet here you are making threats about chucking him out of his house (and yes I do mean his - it's his home too, NOT just yours) and phoning his girlfriend's parents!

Wow. Seriously glad I never had a parent like you - and I certainly won't be bringing my kids up like that.

If he was shagging her in your bed or on the sofa in the living room then I think this would be a reasonable reaction. Under the circumstances you are WAY over reaction imo.

He was doing whatever he was doing discreetly in his own room, and he's over the age of consent. Personally I think you should butt out.

You don't even know if they were having sex but have completely flown off the handle assuming they were.

I remember at 16 wasting spending hours just chatting, listening to music, putting the world to rights with my boyfriend.

Many 16 year olds are having sex but not all of them. Give him the benefit of the doubt and treat him with the respect that you expect - lead by example. Also did you make it clear that if he has his girlfriend round you want to know about it?

I wouldn't have dreamt of having sex in my parents' house. Neither of my brothers would have either. It was completely against my mum's principles (Catholic, no sex before marriage) and my dad would have been very uncomfortable with it, too.

I hope dd will respect my views on this when the time comes. I hope dd will be a lot older than 16 (put it off as long as possible, I really don't want to face this hurdle yet!). I don't know what my decision will be. I've got a few years left. (From dh's talk, he'd be happy for her to be the local bike, but I think when the time comes he'll feel rather differently.)

My parents wouldn't let me have sex under their roof and even so I've never been tempted, not while they've been in anyway. Actually I did once - but that was when I was about 20 with a girlfriend who was staying over - of course there was no question of her not being allowed to stay over in my room .

Can someone point out what is wrong with sex?? Put it off as long as possible?? but why?? as long as there is no unwanted sprogs about, spread of disease etc, then what is the big deal?

it is no different to the other natural things that human beings were programmed to do, such as death, birth, love, hate etc..

Jux, I too had a Catholic upbringing and was expected to adhere to strict principles whilst growing up. Having boyfriends sleep over was an absolute no-go. I did have sex outside the home though, I think if there's a will there's a way.

I do feel very enlightened by the permissive responses on here. I don't think any of my friends were allowed to have sex in their parents' houses - to the best of their parent's knowledge anyway .

I really don't know whether YABU or not, because I have been conditioned to believe that you're not. I also feel that some of the replies, such as suggesting that you aren't getting enough sex, are rude and slightly offensive.

OP, is this the DSS you started a thread about in May because him and his new girlfriend were watching a DVD in his room and you made him leave the bedroom door open?

You need to chill out. He's an adult.

"the local bike" and

What a horrible way to describe a sexually active teen.

OMG I remember that thread. Wasnt she worried about the 'noise' as the 5yr olds room was next door?

It is massively disprespectful of your parents to sneak someone into their home and conceal the fact that they are there for an entire day, whether you're shagging them or not.

If someone who had been hiding in my house all day spoke to me the way the gf spoke to the OP on her way out they would never darken my door again. Silly little bitch.

You don't have to think sex is evil to think there is something grim and depressing about two teenagers hiding in one of their bedrooms rutting all day.

This is how they're going to spend their youth? Mooning about over each other and neglecting other friendships and interests? Yuck.

And he's going to move out if his mother doesn't like being treated like a complete mug?

Yeah right.

16 year olds are not adults.

God, when I was 16 I certainly wasn't a full blown adult and didn't expect to be treated as one. (Wasn't having sex either...) When did times change so much?

but skidoodly, you have to ask yourself why her son felt it was better to smuggle his gf into his room and hide out all day?

Possibly because he knew if he fessed up he'd get a lot of half-baked accusations and told to leave the door open and generally treated without any respect...?

Yes his behaviour sounds disrespectful. But you know, it doesn't sound like the OP is respecting her son much either. Respect tends to be reciprocal.

I wonder what the average age of the posters in favour of being sexually active at 16 is on this thread? I imagine under 30. I assume there must have been a cultural shift on what is acceptable and what is not from when I was that age. What do people do when they go to university these days if they are shagging at 16. In my day most people waiting until uni at the earliest (back in the 90s). I can think of a handful of friends at 16 who were sexually active and all had a certain reputation.

Ime respect has to be earned and back in the day we were taught to respect our parents even if we didn't always agree with them.

OK, so not fully in the eyes of the law, but at 16 someone could:

Have a full time job.
live independently
get married
legally have sex
have an abortion
join the armed forces
change their name by deed poll
join a Trade Union.
choose a GP.
claim social security benefit.

I wouldn't want to push him or his GF into any of these things.

but for heaven's sakes no-one on this thread knows whether they were "rutting" (charming word btw) or not.

They might have been up there doing their homework or quoting Wordsworth to each other. Talk about "give a dog a bad name and hang him".

It seems to me that this poor kid's done nothing wrong - yet his mum is acting like he's a horrible person with no morals on the basis of the fact that he failed to introduce his girlfriend to her - well, I wonder why?

Where has OP gone anyway? Maybe reading the riot act to her poor DSS?

Don't you need parental consent to marry at 16? You definitely need it to join the army at that age.

"Ime respect has to be earned"

I couldn't agree more. But that goes both ways.

What do you plan to do if your child doesn't respect you? Shout at them and insult their morals until they change their mind? Cos I'm sure that'll work.

MollieO - I'm 44 and have made my views quite clear - am with the majority. I went to Uni in the 80s and had lost my virginity a long time before I went. The greatest crime the DS has committed here is failing to hang out the washing.

Actually I went to uni in the 80s too ! I guess I'm old fashioned or was brought up in different environment to the majority here. My upbringing was the same as the majority of my school friends and I thought as pretty normal until I read this thread!

I am staggered that the OP is blamed for her ds hiding a girl in his room all day. I am also amazed that very few people have wondered what she told her parents on where she was spending the day. I wonder if she told her parents that she would be hiding in her boyfriend's bedroom unbeknown to bf's mother?

God I wasn't allowed boys in my room AT ALL, day or night. I didn't sneak them in and sag them in my parents house anyway, no chance. I'm 34 if that helps with the cultural shift thing.

I don't think 16 year olds should be having sex particularly. I'm not a prude in the slightest (I didnt think till reading this thread) but I don't want either of my daughters having boys in their bedrooms or having sex at 16. I want them studying for their exams, having fun with their friends, making plans and living life, not bloody shagging. I'm afraid I'm of the belief that the only safe sex (pregnancy and std wise) is no sex. And I dont think 16 year olds are mature enough to deal with an unplanned pregnancy.